I’m staring at this blank canvas like Eli Manning, with a dumbfounded and goofy ass look on my face. I’ve had the first line written for over an hour and could not come up with another thing to follow that up. It’s been that kind of season in the EFFL. Despite everything that has unfolded in the first 7 weeks, the highs and lows, the trash talk and the non-talk (JIMISH WHERE ARE YOU?), only 3 games separate first place and last place. With only 6 weeks to go, this thing is totally wide open. I think I’ve seen more luck this season than I ever have in the EFFL. Every team is so balanced that we could see multiple tiebreakers put into effect by the end of the season. Or at least I just keep telling myself this since my team is so brutally awful. Here’s what went down in Week 7:
The Jackson Five 128 – Dueling Pylons 109:
Finally the streak has been broken!! It took over 4 years, but the Five have finally defeated the Pylons and ended their 8 game losing streak in the series. The win could not have come at a bigger time as word broke throughout the week that management of the Five was considering a boycott. After back to back heartbreaking losses, they got the win they needed. Week 7 marked the 4th time that the Five have scored over 125 points this season, a feat which only TPG and the King can also lay claim to. This team has been scoring points and deserves a better fate than 2-5. I really see this as a 2nd half breakout team. As for the Pylons, poor coaching led to their demise in this one. You can’t leave that many points on the bench and expect to still win. Although a 55 point deficit on Monday night could not be overcome, the Pylons do appear to be showing signs of life and also could be a big 2nd half team. This team must stay healthy and make the correct lineup decisions if the playoffs want to remain a possibility.
Tweeting In the Trenches 96 – Animals With Eyepatches 88:
Sometimes this happens. Usually it’s Sam, but it appears Fusco is taking on this role in 2009. Score the 2nd lowest point total for the week and still pull out a victory. At 4-3, I still say this TITTY team is a fraud. This team has allowed 92 points or fewer in 4 of 7 games, all victories. To put this in perspective, listen to the following stat: In games scoring fewer than 100 points (3), Fusco is 2-1. TPG meanwhile has scored fewer than 100 27 times over the 5 EFFL seasons and has only won twice. This just simply does not happen. If there is any team in danger of blowing their 2 game lead to one of the 2-5 teams it’s this one. Jimish meanwhile tried to make a run Monday night with Santana Moss, but the injury to Brian Westbrook coupled with having multiple bye week players sealed the Eyepatches’ defeat this week. Although this team has been somewhat unfortunate, I believe this team does lack the true firepower to make a run at the championship. Also, Chris please charge your phone for Sundays so we can hear from you when your team continues to do terribly.
Coach Janky Spanky 127 – Johnson’s Farm 109:
This is an interesting matchup that I think could have some legs as a serious rivalry in the future. Although these owners have never met, both took it upon themselves to text me during the games Sunday. It wasn’t to bash the other owner, but instead it was to take jabs at me. These are the two worst trash talkers in league history and both of these teams rely on bad players and overvaluing them to succeed. Enough about that; let’s look at the big picture here. Both of these teams stand tall at 4-3. Both are 2 games ahead of the 7th place team for a playoff spot. Johnson’s Farm is a middle of the pack squad at best. Putting up 110 points every week isn’t going to win you anything honestly. Winning 3 of your last 5 while being no better than 4th high score for a week is incredibly fortunate. Coach Janky Spanky is an enigma to me. This is the definition of a boom or bust team. Scores have been all over the board, and it may be difficult to make a championship run and putting together 3 solid weeks in a row. This is definitely a playoff team in my mind, but I would like to see some more consistency.
The King’s Crusaders 146 – Tequila Party Gnomes 130:
This may have been the most ridiculous fantasy football game in the technological era. I really don’t think either team wanted to win this game. The final score in this game was really King 4 – TPG 2, with each team conceding that number of times. It must be frustrating to see a 130 point effort go to waste, but TPG has to love the Manning/Peterson combo. Over these teams’ last 3 regular season meetings, neither team has scored fewer than 129 points. Clearly this is one of the most intense rivalries in the league. Both of these teams should be playoff squads, but it is a little curious to me that after putting up 146 points the King would make 2 trades. This game was up in the air and the Eagles defense came through for the King on Monday night. It could very well be these two teams battling it out for the division come season’s end, and after splitting the season series total points scored would decide it.
Kiss Da Baby 140 – Stanky Monkeys 106:
Like Janky Spanky, Kiss Da Baby has become a hit or miss team. Even without MJD, week 7 was a huge success and a big stepping stone for Baby. Finally defeating Lou for the first time in 3 years has to be a great feeling and a turning of the tide in the EFFL and certainly leaves the Monkeys scratching their heads. Stanky has now lost 5 of 6 and is completely reeling. If not for the week 6 explosion, this team would be in enormous trouble. Having Larry Fitzgerald and DeAngelo Williams is nice, but the supporting cast has to be one of the weakest, if not the weakest, in the league. I really think this team is coming close to breaking. I have never received more commentary from Lou during a week than in Week 7 in my life. This indicates to me a concerned owner. He likened his squad to the Eagles, except the Eagles are actually winning. Baby meanwhile sits at 5-2, and although is 8th in points scored, still looks to be in great shape to be there in the playoffs when all bets are off. Allowing 80 fewer points against than all teams except Janky Spanky is quite fortunate, but Sam has taken advantage of the opportunities her team has had, which is what this game is all about
***** Week 8 Preview *****
Tequila Party Gnomes (5-2) vs. Coach Janky Spanky (4-3):
This is an intriguing matchup. Janky Spanky has really gotten back into the mix relying upon the Brady/Welker combo. With them on a bye this week, this will be a true test of where EEB stands in the EFFL. Can Ray Rice stay productive against the undefeated Broncos? Can Vincent Jackson shine against Nnamdi Asomugha? It’s easy for Janky Spanky to say that this is a tough week matchup wise and with the byes, but in the heat of a playoff race you need to pull out all the stops to win. These are the games that separate the men from the boys. And personally, I think that EEB is just a little boy. TPG’s Colts are going to spleege all over the 49ers on the way to a blowout victory. TPG wants revenge for being the first team to lose to SpankMe. I’m fully on board the TPG train. Let’s do this.
Kiss Da Baby (5-2) vs. Tweeting In the Trenches (4-3):
Combined these teams are 4 games over .500. In the breakdown, these teams combined are 16 games under .500. The luckiest of the lucky square off, and yet again one team will walk away with a victory. I also think this is the best matchup in the EFFL as far as matchups. It’s like a Jay Leno newspaper segment. This is the BABY-TITTY wedding. In their last meeting, TITTY pulled out a thrilling 101-92 victory asserting themselves as a league powerhouse. This is actually a huge game in the evens division. If Sam can win this game, she will be 2 games up on Chris and at least 3 games up on every other team in the division with 5 to play. If Fusco wins, he takes over first place in the division due to a sweep of the season series. Each team faces some significant bye week losses this week, so this is sure to be another low scoring week for both teams. Fusco has taken advantage of low scoring opponents in the past and I think this is no exception. Look for the Trenches to take this one.
Animals With Eyepatches (2-5) vs. Johnson’s Farm (4-3):
One of the Eyepatches two victories came back in week 4 against Johnson’s Farm. These two teams are separated by 8 points scored for the season. In their last 4 meetings only 4 points separates these teams. Both teams are pretty even, and both have been pretty poor the last 2 weeks. This is a must win game for the Eyepatches. They will either move within 1 game with 5 to play or fall 3 behind the Farm with 5 to play. I know that Nick does not wanna lose this game. Having his full complement of players has to be exciting, but how long will this team of scrubs hold up? Having Kevin Smith and Tron back against the Rams has to be exciting and have the Farm shivering. This could come down to Drew Brees Monday night, but I think Jimish will have this one locked up by then. After Jimish, the Johnson’s Farm schedule is TPG, King, Pylons, TPG, TITTY. That is an absolute gauntlet, and this is a game that will really let the EFFL know if Nick is for real. I don’t think he is and I like the Eyepatches in this one.
Dueling Pylons (2-5) vs. The King’s Crusaders (5-2):
The Pylons have their first 3 game losing streak since 2006. This is a team in desperate need of a win. What better way to get the train going than seeing Steven Jackson facing the Lions. The Pylons are also extremely excited about the Eagles-Giants matchup. Donovan McNabb in his career has 20 TDs against 5 INTs against the Giants. Historically the Pylons have also dominated the King culminating in the last two victories where the Pylons put up 150 points in each matchup. The King, however, has scored over 200 more points than the Pylons this season and is looking like the much stronger team. They have scored more points than the Pylons in 6 out of 7 weeks thus far. Chris conceded this game to me last Thursday I believe prior to week 7. I think this game is for real though, and I believe this will be the highest scoring affair of week 8. Newly acquired Jeremy Shockey could come into play Monday night, but I think the Pylons will have built too big a lead by then to overcome.
***** Game of the Week *****
Stanky Monkeys (2-5) vs. The Jackson Five (2-5):
This is a must win for both teams. Losing this game will just make it that much more difficult to sneak back into the playoffs. For some reason Lou continues to start TO. He’s a Buffalo Bill. I guess it doesn’t really matter when your opponent is also starting a Buffalo Bill in Marshawn Lynch. This is a fantasy wasteland. Monday night will be tense for both teams as Matt Ryan and Tony Gonzalez look to outdo Michael Turner. The Five have won 3 of 4 against Stanky, and for the most part the Monkeys have failed to show up against BG. After winning in week 1, each team has lost 5 of 6. These teams will also meet in week 13, but this game is a huge step in reaching the playoffs. The game with the most at stake is the game of the week for a reason. I’m on the J5 bandwagon and I think they come out firing this week. Having Romo and Roy Williams against the Seahawks will be huge. Look for the Five to stay alive.
That’s it for this week. We’re getting close to the playoffs so look for some playoff previews and analysis in the coming weeks. Good luck in week 8.
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