Drama in the Final Week

**** BEFORE YOU GET INTO THE BLOG ****

All scores are not final until Thursday following league scoring changes. If there is a scoring change, final scores, and thus the playoff matchups, could change.

ALSO, if you are out of the playoffs, you are not permitted to add/drop players. Don't fuck with waivers!

I can't remember ever seeing anything like the drama for the final EFFL playoff spots. Heading into week 13, only 3 teams had been eliminated. So many back and forths on Sunday. Every team looked like they had a chance to get in except for Woody, who had his season dashed by Dennis Pitta. Pitta hadn't scored a TD in over 1,000 calendar days.

With 8 teams fighting to get in, naturally there were 2 ties in Week 13.

Week 13 was interesting. Cam Newton was benched for not wearing a tie. This happened:

This is all punters have. Dancing with a penalty flag.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. Let's get into it.

Beef of the Week: Cleats for a Cause

Obvious low-hanging fruit here. What a Gay idea. No seriously, the idea came from Randall Gay. Guys for one week were finally allowed to wear something that supports their cause. The problem is: how many causes can you, the fan, name that were worn on cleats and actually do something about. Everybody has their own cause and there are just too many causes to make an impact on any individual one.

But my biggest beef was with Carson Wentz. His cause? Jesus. Look, I get it. Your faith is above everything in your life. But that's not a cause. I'm sorry. The purpose was to raise awareness for illnesses or foundations. Like DGB. His cleats were in honor of the Yeezy Foundation. Wentz could've used some divine intervention on Sunday. He fucking sucked.


EFFL Playoffs

Before we get into the matchups, we bid adieu to some disappointed league members.

Pork Chop Express - Absolutely classic. For a brief period of time, it looked like you were going to pull out the victory. And then, in an ironic twist of fate, Thomas Rawls got injured. Again. With nobody left to pile up points, Jimmy Graham finished you off. At least you have the Cowboys to root for in the real playoffs.

The King's Crusaders - First time ever missing the playoffs in 13 seasons. That's insane. Just could never overcome the rough start, and EEB absolutely unloaded on you in Week 13. I think that was a long time coming, and I'm sure he couldn't be happier to be the one to knock you out.

The Old Ball Sack - I really can't believe you stayed in it this long, and I'm even more shocked your team just didn't show up in Week 13. A single point short of TPG. To have the defending champ not even make the playoffs is quite surprising, but after last year's championship, came up just short this year.

Bo$$town Cutter - The most brutal elimination I've ever seen in my life. Down 4, got 4 points from Vernon Davis to tie up your game. Needing just one more point, Kirk Cousins got picked. Then, TPG finished off Mike Y, and all you needed to get in was Matt Forte to score any other point total than 10 so Phil and Dosh didn't tie. Somehow, he got exactly that, they tied, and you wound up with the short straw of the three teams at 6-6-1. That's brutal. I'm sorry. I'd be sick if I were you. Nothing but blazing all day Tuesday.


#1 Dueling Pylons (10-3) - A well deserved rest for the Pylons in week 14. The highest scoring team pretty much all season, Will get one of BG, Fusco, Dosh, and Phil. Hopefully nobody gets hurt.


#2 Stanky Monkeys (8-4-1) v. #7 Harambe Was Set Up (6-6-1)

Very interesting matchup here. Of the 7 playoff teams, these were the two lowest scoring. Stanky has really been struggling since losing AJ Green and Alshon. The final 3 weeks scored 105, 89, and 105. Not the best way to head into the playoffs. Phil must be thanking his lucky stars that Matt Forte couldn't finish him off. In the final 5 weeks of the season, he was 0-4-1, with point totals of 79, 104, 81, 113, and 105. I wouldn't expect a high scoring affair, but it should be close. I'll lean towards the team with the slightly higher point

Commish's Pick: Stanky Monkeys


#3 A Lot O'Tatz (7-5-1) v. #6 ROLL THE DICE (6-6-1)

Everyone had a tie this season apparently. Like Phil, Dosh must feel fortunate that he was able to get just enough from Forte to get him into the playoffs. Unfortunately, he's got a matchup with the 2nd highest scoring team in the league. EEB hit a bit of a lull, but he's arguably the hottest team in the league right now averaging 130 over the past 4 weeks. I think these are two of the best teams remaining, and I think it'll be a good one. But EEB's team is just too hot right now. Like Hansel, so hot right now. He was my #1 team in the preseason rankings for a reason.

Commish's Pick: A Lot O'Tatz


#4 Team BG (7-6) v. #5 Tweeting in the Trenches (6-5-2)

Did you enjoy your matchup in Week 13? How bout a rematch in Week 14? Very intrigued by this matchup here. Each of these teams has at times looked like the best team in the EFFL. Fusco started extremely hot, and BG held the #1 spot in the power rankings for many weeks. But with Carson Palmer and DeMarcus Murray back, your team will look a lot better. "Charles Clay better get his ass to Oakland" is one of the funniest texts I've ever received. This is going to be a good, tough battle that could go either way. We'll see who shows up.

Commish's Pick: Tweeting in the Trenches


We truly have 3 great matchups in the wild card round that could go either way. I will be waiting patiently for my opponent. Good luck to everyone in Week 14. Hope you enjoyed the spreadsheets.