Championship Week

We have reached week 16... Championship Week.  After a long, hard season of lineup decisions and trades and 25,000 blog words, we are down to the final week.  Congratulations to Matt, Chris, Mike and Yashar for making their respective championship games.  Mike and Yashar reaching the championship ensures they will both move up to League 1 next year.  Before I get into the recaps and the finals previews, we have some beef to get to.

The Beef of the Week this week is sponsored exclusively by one Norv Turner.  This guy is the most inept coach to ever walk the sidelines.  He's already been informed that he will be gone at the end of the season.  That has not stopped him from sabotaging the fantasy football community at large.  Norv and I go way back.  He's been stabbing me in the back as long as I can remember.  He famously was up 30 points, left his stud LT in the game with 3 minutes left, and demanded he rip off a 40 yard reception to send TPG over the Pylons.

You can read about it here: http://efflblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/gnomes-get-it-done.html

You can read about Norv refusing to throw to the Tight End in 2010 here resulting in yet another goose egg and a Pylons narrow loss:
http://efflblog.blogspot.com/2010/11/whose-turkey-will-be-cooked.html

You can read about Norv's decision to play for OT to screw the Pylons in 2011 here: http://efflblog.blogspot.com/2011/11/pylons-caught-with-pants-down.html

In fact, you can Google "EFFL Blog Norv" and come up with more than 1.8 million results.  But it wasn't until the 2012 playoffs that Norv truly shined.  This past Wednesday, I sent the following email to Matt Atallian: "Somehow I'm using a Chargers player in a playoff game.  Thankfully, Norv speaks to the public during the week... "Coach Norv Turner said defenses are yet to adjust to Danario Alexander".  Might as well just bench him right now.  Nothing like telling your opponent how to gameplan against you"

I knew it was coming, yet I just could not take my own advice.  I started Danario Alexander in all 3 leagues I was still alive in.  He did not catch a ball.   I lost to Fusco by 6, lost in another league by 4, and am on the ropes in the 3rd.  The Chargers completed one pass over 10 yards.  Take a step back and think about just how truly awful that is.  Norv could not go out without giving it to me one last time.  I hate that man with a passion and can only imagine how much money he's cost me over the years.  Good riddance you piece of shit coach.

One can never underestimate the stupidity of a coach when choosing starters.  Whether it be Brad Childress back when Peterson had to tell him to give him the ball, or it be Chan Gailey, who throws a challenge flag like this:

Don't ever underestimate how stupid coaches can be.

RECAPS

Tequila Party Gnomes 147 - The King's Crusaders 98

I have to admit that I'm a little stunned.  Not just that TPG won, but by such a wide margin.  For the first time in a long time, nothing worked out for Woody.  His kicker and defense combined to score fewer points than I did on Sunday.  David Wilson did nothing.  Greg Jennings did nothing.  There was just nothing Chris could have done.  I know TPG is fired up about getting revenge on the King.  It will be TPG's 2nd championship appearance and potential for a 1st EFFL championship.

Tweeting in the Trenches 130 - Dueling Pylons 124

Pretty much everything the Pylons could have done wrong they did.  Whether it be failing to hit submit on the pickup of Dennis Pitta, the use of Danario, or the cutting of the Seahawks defense.  It just all went wrong.  Welker took until after 11 PM to seal the fate of TITTY.  It was 4th and 2... Brady sees something he likes, yells "GOLD WILLIE", and it was inevitable doom.  TITTY had reached the finals and the Pylons were left with yet another year of regret.  One of these years...

Team Toliver 140 - RGIII for President 99

Both #1 seeds took out a weak performance by a #6 seed.  Despite Darryl losing RGIII to injury, it would not have mattered.  Yashar smartly used his boy Yeevie and this one was over early.  Amazing to me that Darryl can drop 160 in 5 separate weeks and then fail to put up 100 in the semis.  Truly a boom or bust team throughout the entire year, and in the end that inconsistency was his demise.  I know your League 2 mates will be sad to see you go.

Threeing the Hogs 164 - Jersey Leshoure 91

Mike Young with a total beatdown of Ben here.  Ben remarkably had 3 players with goose eggs.  Any time 6 players on your team combine to score 15 points, you're fucked.  I'm sure at some point Mike was hoping that his players didn't use their good games too soon.  This team was a force to be reckoned with in Week 15 and has proved throughout the season that it is certainly worthy of League 1.

RELEGATION

Stanky Monkeys 255 - Coach Janky Spanky 220

This had been in the works for a long time this season.  EEB has been on a roller coaster all year.  He refused to believe he had a terrible team.  Then, he was terrible.  Then, he won a couple games.  Then, he thought he was going to win a championship.  Then, he was eliminated from the playoffs by his boy Pierre Garcon.  Then, he was relegated.  Lou came through and will remain in League 1 in 2013 while EEB moves down to League 2.

Here are some quotables in reaction to this news:

"Although we lost today, we will all be winners in August watching EEB draft in League 2" - Chris Woody
"At least a Woody can't win" - Eric Brooking
"He's out!!!!!!!!!" - Matt Atallian
"I don't want EEB" - Adam Tatz

There is a direct correlation between 2013 League 2 members and alcohol consumption at the draft.  It was a good run, but I am glad I get to enjoy Lou's drafting for yet another year.

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK

Tequila Party Gnomes vs. Tweeting in the Trenches

This is TPG"s second championship appearance and the first for TITTY.  We do know that one of these teams will win their first championship.  Until Week 6 of this year, Fusco had never beaten Matt.  You have to expect that this will be another high scoring game.  These teams have both been near the top of the league in scoring all season, and it has continued into the playoffs.  I've thought for the entire season that Fusco's stable of receivers would be tough, and it has proved true thus far.  I think TPG is going to fall short, and TITTY will be crowned League 1 champion.

Commish's Pick: Tweeting in the Trenches

Team Toliver vs. Threeing the Hogs

These two teams have been at the top of the standings all season.  While neither faced much resistance in week 15, each put up a very strong, championship worthy performance.  Yashar and Mike Young have had great battles dating back to the ABC league, and Yashar recently referred to Mike as his kryptonite.  At some point that streak has to be snapped.  I like what I've seen from both of these teams.  Yashar has come through with huge wins all season.  I think it's his year.

Commish's Pick: Team Toliver

PROMOTION BATTLE

Jersey Leshoure vs. RGIII for President

Just a quick blurb about this 3rd place game.  Although there is some additional money at stake here, the winner will be promoted to League 1 next season.  The loser will remain in League 2.  Ben knocked off Darryl twice this season and will look to complete the trifecta.  I think Bob Griffin comes back this week, and I think he leads Darryl to victory.

Commish's Pick: RGIII for President


It has been a fun ride.  After all the dust has settled I will send out a final sheet with possible keepers and rosters for 2013.  Good luck to everyone in Championship Week.

I see you rolled your way into the Semis

Dios mio, man.  Despite this being the 2nd to last weekend of the season, we still have 10 teams playing with much at stake.  Over the next two weeks, more than $1200 in straight cash homey will be dished out to league participants.  No need to beat around the bush here.  Let's get into the details.

Quarterfinals

League 1

#5 Tweeting in the Trenches 137 - #4 Eat My Asomugha 104

I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this one coming.  Nick complained all year that I ragged on his team, but we all know it was well deserved.  Nick's only chance of advancing past the quarters would have been a bye or a gift matchup with Sam.  Neither of these happened,, so sadly your season is done.  You hitched your wagon to the Vick/DeSean combo, and unfortunately the wheels came undone and you were sent spiraling into disaster.  In his first playoff game, Fusco looked very strong.  This team will be a tough out.

#6 The King's Crusaders  127 - #3 Lady Luck 108

Another unsurprising result.  EEB must be looking at this score and questioning his purpose in life.  He was so, so close to Sam being eliminated, but instead must watch as Chris chalks up yet another playoff win.  Just another notch on the old belt.  We've all seen this before.  Chris squeaks out a week 14 win despite a low score.  He explodes for 160 in week 15.  His opponent puts up 78 points in week 16.  We can't let this happen.  When you're the lowest scoring of all 16 teams, advancing in the playoffs is just that much more difficult.

League 2

#5 Jersey Leshoure 169 - #4 Bo$$town Beasts 122

Cutter with a very respectable effort in defeat.  Ben used Chris Givens in a playoff game, yet still put up one of the most impressive playoff performances to date.  I can't imagine you'll get 40 from Cam Newton every week, but you have to be inspired by this performance.  The one silver lining in remaining in League 2 is that you know you will not get any keepers stolen from you.  I thought you truly had a shot of advancing Cutter.  In the end, your persistent use of Chiefs was just not strong enough.

#6 RGIII for President 164 - #3 Claiborne Supremacy 116

This is the only game the commish picked incorrectly.  Darryl has gone off yet again, after claiming the high score prize 4 times in the regular season.  If your defense puts up 41 points and you still lose by almost 50, it wasn't meant to be.  You've also learned one of the most valuable fantasy lessons which I had to deal with back during the Braylon Edwards / Derek Anderson Browns days... It snows in December.  You can never discount the effect of the elements.

Semifinals

League 1

#1 Tequila Party Gnomes v. #6 The King's Crusaders

Matt knew this was coming.  As much as I was rooting with you, we were never going to avoid this.  You do have some motivation, however.  The King beat you in the championship in 07, and then took you down in 08 as well.  You must be looking for revenge.  The last time Chris did not make the championship game was 2006.  Think about that for a second.  I just can't imagine what sort of deal he's made with the fantasy gods, but he's done it.  My heart is with the Gnomes.

Commish's pick: The King's Crusaders

#2 Dueling Pylons v. #5 Tweeting in the Trenches

These were the two highest scoring teams in the regular season.  They were consistently at or near the top of the power rankings.  You can be sure that this one is gonna be a shootout.  Perhaps that changes the mindset going into this one.  In 10 combined seasons, these franchises have a total of 2 playoff wins.  Neither has ever been to the championship game.  Hopefully these teams don't give too much and then put up 78 against the King, but it also seems inevitable.  This should be a fun one, but I think TITTY is just playing too well right now.

Commish's pick: Tweeting in the Trenches

League 2

#1 Team Toliver v. #6 RGIII for President

I can't believe you've stuck with your team name throughout the entire season.  There is a lot more than money at stake here.  The winner of this matchup will qualify for League 1 in 2013.  These teams combined to win 6 out of the 13 high score prizes this season.  I expect another high scoring affair.  Yashar swept the season series, and it might be tough to get a 3rd win.  But how healthy is RG3?  It always makes me nervous when a team puts up a monster week in the playoffs.  The only real question is how many Bills will Yashar use.

Commish's pick: Team Toliver

#2 Threeing the Hogs v. #5 Jersey Leshoure

I think it's safe to say that coming out of the draft, perception had these two teams right at the top.  Despite early season struggles, each turned it around to get one game away from the championship.  I can't imagine if you want to make the championship game, you'd want to start Chris Givens, but we will see.  I know that both of these guys are absolutely League 1 worthy, and we will welcome you with open arms in 2013.  I think this is a really close game.  But Mike's team is finally healthy when it matters most.

Commish's pick: Threeing the Hogs

RELEGATION BATTLE

Stanky Monkeys 109 - Coach Janky Spanky 92

While I would love to declare this case closed, the rules unfortunately say otherwise.  In a 2 week playoff matchup, you do not want to dig yourself a hole.  You also don't want to start 2 Chiefs, Chris Givens, or have 73 points going into Monday night, but I guess we have a cause and effect thing here.  Believe it or not, Aaron Rodgers has scored 17 points or less in 5 of his last 6 games.  He just doesn't look like the MVP quarterback we've seen in the past.

EEB has a lot of work to do.  His team is decimated with injuries.  Thankfully he has Brian Hartline waiting in  the wings.  I can't imagine what must be going through your mind setting your lineup in week 15.  It must be far more intense than setting a lineup in a championship.  Even had Lou not been starting week 15 with a lead, I still would have picked him.  This is truly the definition of "on the ropes".  It will be all over soon.

Commish's pick: Stanky Monkeys


It is unfortunate that there will only be 1 or 2 more blogs after this.  Far too many people end the season in tears.  Hopefully we will have a nice turnout this Sunday.  A number of us are still getting together to drink and yell at TV's.  That and the occasional Jets fan calling for playoffs after a 1 point win over the Cardinals and a 7 point win over the Jaguars.  Keep in mind that the winners of the 3rd place games in week 16 also will win money.  Additionally, the 3rd place game in League 2 will determine the 3rd member who will join League 1 next season.  Good luck to everyone in Week 15.

The Playoffs Have Arrived

After 13 grueling weeks of regular season, we finally have our 12 teams that will compete for EFFL immortality.  As a reminder, you can view the league payouts by clicking the EFFL Rulebook at the top of this page.  I'm sitting on a lot of cash, and I'm hoping I have to give out as little as possible.  What is even more remarkable is that at halftime of the final Monday night game of the regular season, teams 1-7 in League 1 still had not locked in their positioning.  That's how close things are.

Week 15 football Sunday in New York is still on.  For those who I haven't heard from, let me know if you can make it.  It should be a fun day.  Also, for Meech and Dosh, since you are eliminated you are no longer allowed to make any moves.  Since any player picked up now cannot be kept next year anyway, it doesn't put you at any disadvantage.  Once others are eliminated (except for relegation battle), you also cannot make any more moves.  Please don't put in any waiver claims.

I have no beef this week for the first time in a long time.  I've defeated three time league champ Chris Woody to clinch a first round bye.  My players can finally get some rest and come back strong in week 15.  Let's take a look at the first round playoff matchups.  The #1 seed will play the lowest remaining seed after week 14 and the #2 seed will play the highest remaining seed after week 14.

EFFL League 1

1. Tequila Party Gnomes (8-5) - The league doesn't have salsa music cued up like NBC, but surely the party is on for TPG.  The playoff clinching celebration went way overboard.  TPG is the #1 seed for the 2nd straight year and is hoping for something to erase the brutal, brutal defeat last year.  The bye is certainly a good way to start.  Keep an eye on those Falcons...

2. Dueling Pylons (8-5) - It's been a season of runs for the Pylons.  3 wins, 2 losses, 2 wins, 3 losses, 3 wins.  In the end, the Pylons narrowly took the highest scoring team across both leagues which is worth exactly $0.  This franchise is the Philadelphia Eagles of the EFFL.  Been to the semis 4 times and still have yet to make the big game.  Perhaps this is the year they finally get over the hump, only to puke with the big game on the line.

3. Lady Luck (7-6) v. 6. The King's Crusaders (6-7)

Heading into Monday night, Sam wasn't even assured of a playoff spot.  Now, she is the #3 seed and gets reward by having to face the defending champion.  I guess this is better than an all Woody championship.  Chris used to dominate this series, but Sam has won 5 of the last 6, including the 2010 EFFL championship.  In a matchup of the past 3 champions, I think the King has to be the favorite.

Commish's pick: The King's Crusaders

4. Eat My Asomugha (7-6) v. 5. Tweeting in the Trenches (6-7)

It took 4 years, and a 4th straight 6-7 season, but Fusco has finally gotten in to the EFFL playoffs.  Interestingly, losing to Sam enabled you to avoid the King.  Couldn't have asked for a more favorable matchup either.  Nick has failed to break 100 points in 3 of the final 4 weeks.  Fusco hasn't scored less than 100 all season.  While an upset seems like a longshot, I've seen far worse from Gambino.  I'm picking the team that has scored the most.

Commish's pick: Tweeting in the Trenches

RELEGATION BATTLE

7. Coach Janky Spanky (6-7) v. 8. Stanky Monkeys (4-9)

After a furious rally and a strong Sunday afternoon, it appeared that EEB was going to pull off the impossible.  Then Lady Luck stabbed him in the gut.  The fearsome foursome of Bryce Brown, Ahmad Bradshaw, Pierre Garcon and Lawrence Tynes ruined his life.  I told EEB that Garcon would score a TD to give Sam, and the Redskins, the win.  Let's hope he's still alive.

But there is a task at hand.  These two teams have faced off 2 of the past 3 weeks, and now will face each other for 2 straight weeks.  Weeks 14 and 15 will be combined, and the highest score will remain in League 1 in 2013.  Lou has not won a game since week 6, but this is now a clean slate.  I think this may be even more exciting than the actual playoff matches.  I think Lou can finally get it together after going missing for 2 months and stay in.

Commish's pick: Stanky Monkeys

EFFL League 2

1. Team Toliver (9-4) - After a shaky couple of weeks, Yashar finished strong and locked up the #1 seed. It's nice when the highest scoring team ends up at the top.  You were perfect in the power rankings (best record, most points, best in breakdown).  Enjoy the week off.

2. Threeing the Hogs (8-5) - Mike Y you sneaky bastard.  That push by Dez at the end of the Eagles-Cowboys had big effects in this league.  Because he didn't have enough, you were able to grab the 2nd bye. While you haven't had a huge week down the stretch, you finished strong and have to be feeling confident.  One playoff win will send you to League 1.

3. Claiborne Supremacy (7-6) v. 6. RGIII for President (6-7)

Both of these teams appeared to be headed for far better seasons than they had.  Darryl won 4 high score prizes.  But both sputtered down the stretch and were lucky that Dosh and Big Mike couldn't win a game.  The last time these teams met, Darryl dropped 174 on Tatz.  You never want to give your opponent a cause for revenge.  I think that the Supremacy shakes out of his funk and downs RGIII.  I anticipate a high scoring game.

Commish's pick: Claiborne Supremacy

4. Bo$$town Beasts (7-6) v. 5. Jersey Leshoure (6-7)

In one of the great comebacks in league history, Ben made up 3 games in the final 3 weeks to overtake the Heads of State and sneak into the playoffs.  Cutty was one of the few teams that Ben had success against all season, but you know that they say it's always hard to beat a team 3 times in one season.  The Jordy Nelson injury is going to hurt.  This is going to be a close one, but I'm going to give Leshoure the slight edge.  The loser will remain in League 2 next season.

Commish's pick: Jersey Leshoure

The Heads of State and BABY TEES will remain in League 2 next year.  Three other League 2 members will remain in addition to some new blood.

I'll be enjoying my week off, as I haven't had one in 5 years.  Good luck to all of the teams remaining.  Only 4 can say they've ever been an EFFL Champion.