Wow. That's really all I can say. The EFFL Draft of 2017 will go down as one of those legendary evenings. Thank you to everyone for coming, and I hope you all had as much fun as I did.
We also should look at a couple thing's for next year's draft.
- Keep the weekend before Labor Day free
- Drafting outdoors is far better than drafting indoors
- Bring back the index cards for keepers
- Do something about a time limit or just get more than 3 hours. Time goes so quick.
I'm going to get right into my feelings on each team and the performance of each owner. You should read them all.
Harambe was Set Up - Phil snagged the first overall pick. You could see the excitement building as each pick was unveiled. The first pick was set to rip a shot, so once it got down to the final two, in classic Phil fashion:
Phil: Woody, do you want to hedge on the shot?
Woody: What do you mean?
Phil: I have no idea
Overall, a decent draft. Did well with your two keepers in Crabtree and Adams, but my biggest concern for your team is can you survive while Zeke is out. If you do get into the playoffs, having him and David Johnson is going to be big. Also concerned about lack of upside. Overall, decent.
Draft Grade: B-
The King's Crusaders - Received a text at 8:30 AM "back in Myrtle Beach". Turns out, Woody pulled an all-nighter and didn't leave the blackjack tables after the fight until it was time to leave! I also admire your commitment to watching the fight in a basement.
I thought your Tyreek Hill/Fournette combo at the 2/3 turn was a reach, but I think you made up for it elsewhere. Eifert and Parker could be big players. Kareem Hunt now looks like he's got a clear shot. 5 rookies is a lot, but I think it was a good move. Only major question is at QB. You never know which Stafford you're going to get. But it's always fun to be in for a heavy dose of Cooter.
I like your team. I think you're clearly one of the favorites.
Draft Grade: A
EEB SON - Hahahahahahahah. What a roller coaster for this guy. Tatz, EEB and I had lunch together at Tony's Baltimore Grill. As we chatted football, I got the sense that he was unaware. Something about his tone. The draft proceeded. EEB was ruffling feathers throughout the league. Constantly whispering in each person's ear "you have to take his keeper". Karma was coming for you.
Walks up to the board, puts the sticker on... Julian Edelman. Chatter started to grow... Who's going to tell him? How long do we wait to tell him? Once finally notified, the look of absolute horror spread across his face. Your classic "What have I done?!?!?" That sucks.
I think you've put together a decent squad, but I do think you need some work if you're gonna repeat. Alshon has been so injury prone, and I hope he stays healthy. I still have no clue why you didn't keep Doug Baldwin.
Draft Grade: C
Pork Chop Express - Denied service at a bar for being too old.
Was screaming "DON'T LEAVE" at me on the phone before he even arrived. I think this may have been the least drunk you've been during a draft to date. I don't think it paid off.
Your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th round picks played 1 NFL game last season combined. Your 5th round pick is suspended for the first 3 games of the season. It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Can't beef w Antonio Brown, though. I think you'll be OK, but this is by far the riskiest team out there.
Draft Grade: B-
Gambino - As is frequently the case, the most intoxicated at the draft. I have literally no clue what happened to this dude after 11 PM. None.
This was your standard Gambino draft. About the 6th round I try to assess who has done the worst. It's always obvious. You're right. You didn't mess up the Odell pick. It's going to be the same story as every year. Signs of life early in the year, followed by injuries to every one of your players.
You're gonna hit the bye weeks and Moncrief, Cobb, and Mike Wallace are going to be injured. Someone will play you as you start Gio Bernard, Laquon Treadwell and Seth Roberts. Ty Montgomery in the 2nd round is pretty bold. Odell and Cam should keep you afloat for awhile. My hopes are low.
Draft Grade: D+
Tatzbite - Now you know how it feels! 6th round pick shredded his ACL 12 hours after the draft. I'm really torn on your team. On the surface it seems like you should have a strong team, but Gurley and Beast Mode could wind up being a handicap.
Your depth concerns me most. I think you'll start off OK, but must be active on the waiver wire. To me it just looks like the booze kicked in around the Roethlisberger pick. After that, I'm not liking too much. I'm in wait and see. If your RBs perform, you'll be fine.
Draft Grade: C+
Stanky Monkeys - I also appreciate your passion to see the fight. That was quite a struggle!
It was the 3rd round this year. Earlier than usual. The infamous Sarcone Straw Poll made its way through Harry's. Brandon Marshall taken way too early. A snicker here. A jeer there.
"Do you think that was a bad pick?" As league members were being polled, the doubt started to creep in. Immediate damage control. Receivers w the next two picks. Ended up with a total of 2 running backs on the roster and they're both over 250 w dreads.
I'm concerned. I think this could go south quickly. Desperately need Mike Evans to stay healthy. Definitely work to do.
Draft Grade: D
TPG - Immediate panic mode. Couldn't get off the phone for his first pick, and once he regrouped, realized he violated Rule #1 with pick #1. Looked absolutely crushed after that pick lol.
I do think you rebounded nicely, however. Good depth at RB is always a good thing. Love that your QB is Cousins. Putting all your eggs in Redskins and Bills is incredible. Also love that you drafted an equal number of defenses and wide receivers.
Given some of the other rosters, I actually think you did pretty decent. Just need to get some help on the wire. Stay active and you'll be in good shape.
Draft Grade: B
D-Sheetz - Such a Mike Y team. 3 white wide receivers. I don't have beef with taking two WRs to start, but taking two older WRs is risky. I'm sure you'll roll out your Browns and Jets RBs and somehow sneak into the playoffs.
Also, what the fuck did you do to the trophy? Thing was practically coming apart as it got passed to EEB. For the love of God stop letting your children play with the trophy!!!
I think you'll make up for it, but right now I think your team sucks.
Draft Grade: C-
Dueling Pylons - Made up for the past two years of having to draft for multiple people at the same time in a big way. Went into this draft fully intending to not remember the second half of it, and boy did I succeed.
To further this plan, I traded away all my picks to Cutter and gave up after round 8. I still can't complain. No depth whatsoever, but starting lineup has to be considered one of the best in the league. Not much else to say other than a rough gambling night across the board. I was still drunk at 7 PM Sunday.
Draft Grade: B
Billz Mo$$ - Set the tone by checking out some drunk big booty at the beach bar while hitting the pen. Word on the street is you also tore up the pool bar. That was the right, and cheaper, call.
I have never seen so many running backs drafted by one team. I liked TY and Martavis as a top two. I don't like Markus Wheaton and Sanu to fill the team. I actually think you did a pretty nice job. It'll be good for you to actually have guys who aren't suspended to start the season for a change. I feel like that's been your undoing, just waiting for guys to return.
I also appreciate you refusing to quit drafting despite having a full roster. Picking up an extra two picks, you should have abandoned your 15th and 16th round picks. Not only did that not happen, you continued to draft in the 17th and 18th rounds, amassing 20 players, and having to cut 4 guys just for me to enter your roster on the site. Awfully impressive. I think you're among the best.
Draft Grade: B+
Dosh - Where to start. You're your own worst enemy. "We're getting 2 for 1 lap dances!" at 6 PM. All you had on the brain was late night. You actually used Pic Stitch to put together a picture of a strip club ticket stub. There are 11 Yelp reviews of that place. One person was drugged, one was robbed.
At some point along the way, things went south. Eli Manning in the 5th round. Then Andrew Luck in the 6th round brought lots of laughter. Then you took ANOTHER QB in the 7th round! I've truly never seen anything like it. And that's the honest truth. In all my years of fantasy football, even with computer auto-draft, I've never seen 3 QBs in the first 7 rounds when you can only start one.
I'm also torn because I think all of your first 4 picks were really good. While everyone was focused on screwing the commish, you got to keep Melvin Gordon in the 3rd and Kelce in the 4th. No idea why you messed that up.
I'm so torn. Great start and awful finish. I think your team will be good, but I just can't give you an A for that QB debacle.
Draft Grade: B+
BG - We will be doing the draft the weekend before Labor Day next year. Keep it free!
Interesting squad. Lot of underachievers in 2016, but I think you have some real good depth. The rookie RBs both could end up starting sooner than later. I think you probably need some luck to get elite players, but you have the best two pass catchers on probably the best offense, which is always a good thing.
I think your squad is middle of the pack right now. I think you have a very high floor.
Draft Grade: B-
TITTY - You were always destined for the Pool Bar. After you got all hot and bothered watching the drunk couple grind on a plastic beach chair, you were going to the Pool Bar.
I think you were a bit distracted during the draft. You also convinced yourself that your WR core of Snead and Hogan was good enough. It's not. It's by far the worst WR group in the league. But you've been known to rebound from situations like this before. You have 3 RBs that finished in the top 10 last year, which is very key.
I just can't see your team overcoming the WR deficiencies yet. You've got some work to do.
Draft Grade: C
Power Rankings
The first official power rankings of 2017:
1. The King's Crusaders
2. D-WEEZE
3. Billz Mo$$
4. Dueling Pylons
5. TPG
6. PCE
7. BG
8. Harambe
9. Team Bartholomew
10. TITTY
11. EEB SON
12. Old Ball Sack
13. Geno 911
14. Stanky Monkeys
I just want to thank everyone again for a great time. The draft is always one of my favorite days of the year. I hope you guys had as much fun as I did. As always, we'll try to top it again next year.
Waivers process Tuesday morning. I'll also be updating the league schedule over the weekend. Looking forward to a great season.
