The title has absolutely nothing to do with the blog but it is a breath of fresh air and brings back glorious memories of Chappelle’s Show. Week 11 was definitely the best week of the season so far. All 5 games were good and no game was decided by more than 14 points. I could go over all of the happenings but I will leave them to the individual game reviews.
***** REMINDER *****
The trade deadline is the start of games on THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26th. I realize ESPN is trying to get your attention with their flashy red headline banner on the homepage, but in their league settings you can only choose Wednesdays as the deadline (Communists). If you do complete a deal before the start of Packers-Lions, let me know and I will make sure it goes through on the league page. Hopefully I do it right considering I will be drinking heavily for the Lions. I know TPG will be wearing his Lions ballcap.
Also, any player added after 1 PM Sunday (the week 12 deadline) CANNOT BE KEPT next year. This applies to any player whether it is a kicker, defense, whatever. Keep this in mind if you’re trying to plan ahead like myself. Fucking Pylons. On to the games.
Kiss Da Baby 106 – Tequila Party Gnomes 97:
This may be the most infuriating team ever. Sam is dead last in the breakdown, 4 points up on the lowest scoring team, and owns the #1 seed. Again an opponent failed to impress. Imagine leaguemates playing 11 games and having an opponent score over 102 in only 3 of them. Imagine those 3 being 106, 111, and 126 points. Fucking bullshit. And the worst part about it is this is entirely my fault. I made the schedule and I have done this to the league. I received explosions on 3 consecutive days (lunch pending today) from the Gnomes about Steve Breaston not even being targeted once against the Rams and Carson Palmer scoring not one but two rushing touchdowns. Only against Sam. In 9 career meetings, TPG has scored over 106 against Sam exactly twice. Just remember that as in the NFL, when you have the best record, you get the toughest schedule the following season. Makes me wanna vomit.
Stanky Monkeys 153 – Animals With Eyepatches 139:
Poor Jimish. His record when scoring 120+ points is now 1-5. What a brutal brutal season. Even the Lions couldn’t help you. For awhile Sunday afternoon it looked like Jimish was going to cruise to a victory, but it was not meant to be. Riding the nuts of Eli Manning (HOW DO YOU START HIM?!?!?!?), Stanky kept pouring on the points and didn’t stop until he had found himself as the 6 seed in the playoffs. The NASTY text message was received at approximately 7 pm and I did not respond. It’s feast or famine for this team every week. That is the sign of a dangerous team but ultimately a pretender when it comes to winning a title. Replacing Peyton with another Manning is not the same, and I know that’s what you were hoping for. Everyone hates your garbage team.
The King’s Crusaders 130 – Tweeting In The Trenches 118:
We are 11 weeks into the season and still nothing has changed for Fusco. His performance has yet to matter in a single week. 5-0 when allowing less than 100. 0-6 when allowing over 100. All but one week (against me obviously) have been between 90 points scored and 128 points scored. The King meanwhile got a huge performance from Matt Schaub Monday night to take this game and get a much needed win. After back to back down weeks it looked like the King may have been on shaky ground. Even more shocking than the score was King’s bench, which scored 125 points. Monday evening the King was spotted pacing in circles and talking to his crown cursing himself for making poor decisions. The rare set it and forget lineup decision almost cost King the win. Meanwhile, Fusco’s team is in shambles after losing 3 straight. This team should feel lucky to still be in the playoff hunt seeing how awful it actually is.
Dueling Pylons 128 – Johnson’s Farm 124:
For the first time since the 3rd week of September I get to actually write a blog that starts with the Pylons before the other team. Huge sigh of relief. Unhappy with the Pylons special teams, the 49ers defense was added and obviously put up negative points. But in addition, Nick Fizzolk was released in favor of Rob Birnoas. This move was made strictly due to the fact that Bironas played Monday night. These teams traded blows throughout Sunday and heading into Monday night the Pylons held a 24 point advantage with Chris and Andre Johnson against a kicker. The Pylons were confident, however, as last year another Pylons kicker Nate Kaeding was able to hold off the furious rally of Jerricho Cotchery and give the Pylons a win against the Farm on Monday night.
After an Andre Johnson touchdown, this game looked like a formality but Bironas kept fighting. Rob nailed a 50 yard field goal and the Pylons kept holding on to the narrowest of leads. My Blackberry spontaneously combusted due to text message support. I think this was the first time in the history of the EFFL that anyone has ever wanted the Pylons to win. Bironas then missed another almost 50 yarder and it looked like it was not meant to be. The game was tied and Chris Johnson eventually put the farm in front by 1. Again it came down to a Bironas field goal from 53 and he nailed it. The Texans had a shot to tie it but Kris Brown missed a field goal at the death and the Pylons had snapped a 6 game losing streak. After the miss the Pylons celebrated with a beer shower and the Farm went to gamble his potential winnings away. Another glorious victory and lots of congratulations from the league made this one of the most exciting finishes not only of the year, but also in EFFL history.
The Jackson Five 116 – Coach Janky Spanky 116:
Our first tie of the 2009 season was a huge one. Seeing as this was the game of the week due to the huge playoff implications, having each of these teams now with a tie definitely will make things a little easier in the standings. The Jackson Five must be absolutely heartbroken after this tie. The back and forth affair seemed to be in the hands of Janky Spanky until LeSean McCoy ripped off a 10 yard touchdown run to put the Five in front by 1. After the Bears could not do anything with the ball the Eagles attempted to run out the clock. Prior to a 3rd and 4 play, McCoy had exactly 100 yards rushing. On the next play he lost a yard, and lost a fantasy point. The Eagles then punted and the ensuing Bears possession started with a meaningless Greg Olsen catch. But the catch itself tied this game up, and may have pushed EEB into the playoffs. All hope is not lost for the Five, however. With each of these two teams playing the Stanky Monkeys the next two weeks, they are still alive. At least the Eagles got the win but still, this has to be one of the most unfortunate matchups I’ve ever seen. Roy Williams and Ben Watson put up 0 points each. Just about everything that could have gone wrong did. But this game did not disappoint in the game of the week slot. Truly was one to be remembered, or forgotten.
**** Week 12 Preview ****
Kiss Da Baby (7-4) vs. The Jackson Five (4-6-1):
Interesting clash here. The Jackson Five are the only team this season to score more than 111 points against Kiss Da Baby. Must be nice. Word on the street is that I’ve upset Sam due to my blog posts. With a win, she’s lucky and with a loss her team is terrible. Well, the fact is that you’ve scored 4 more points than the lowest scoring Pylons who are a terrible team and your opponents have scored 115 fewer points than the next closest team. I’m just looking at the numbers. It’s not personal. The Five meanwhile are in a must win scenario here. They are very much still alive in the race, but have to take down the Evens division leading Baby. Over the past 3 weeks Brandon has scored 100 more points than Sam, and I fully expect that trend to continue. Look for the Five to stay alive with a win.
Coach Janky Spanky (6-4-1) vs. Stanky Monkeys (6-5):
This marks the first ever Stanky-Janky Spanky meeting and it certainly won’t be the last. The winner of this game will almost certainly be in the playoffs, and with each still in contention for a bye in their respective divisions, this turns into a huge matchup. Equally as large is the fact that TITTY and the Five are right on both these teams heels, so neither can really afford to slip up here. Believe it or not, over the past 7 weeks, these are the 2 highest scoring teams in the league, so this is sure to be a high scoring affair. These are also the teams with the 2 best records in the league over the past 6 weeks. With Brady and Welker going Monday night, this one will be far from over before the late hours. I think I like Lou’s matchups a little more, so I’m taking Stanky in this one.
The King’s Crusaders (7-4) vs. Animals With Eyepatches (2-9):
After Sam traded Maurice Jones-Drew to Chris, I’m sure Jimish is kicking himself again at the thought of possibly facing another team scoring 150+. The Eyepatches are now 1-5 when scoring 120+, which is completely unheard of. Just an overall tough season. In their past 2 meetings, the King has scored 166 and 151 against the Eyepatches. Drew Brees on the national stage Monday night has to be a scary thought. He’s going to be chucking the ball like a mad man. Also, the King released via private teleconference that he was regretting the decision of cutting Kellen Winslow. Look for him to have a monster game. I really think the Eyepatches put their foot down on this 7 game losing streak. I like the Eyepatches in an upset.
Dueling Pylons (3-8) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (5-6):
If there was ever a team that could use a win, it’s most certainly TITTY this week. Losers of 3 straight and in desperate need of something positive, Fusco will look to down the upstart Pylons in this matchup. 2 weeks ago these teams struck a deal which shipped Steven Jackson for Antonio Gates. It will be interesting to see how these teams fare against each other with their new players. The Pylons seem destined to score over 100 points. This is a mark in which TITTY is 0-6 against opponents. I think this trend continues and the Pylons keep building on a shitty 09 season.
***** GAME OF THE WEEK *****
Tequila Party Gnomes (7-4) vs. Johnson’s Farm (7-4):
This was pretty much a given for game of the week. Not only is this the matchup with the best combined records, these teams have a dirty history between them. This series started out with the Farm winning the first 5 meetings. TPG then won their only ever playoff meeting to end the skid. These teams find themselves currently tied atop the Odds division with each vying for the elusive first round bye. Interesting stat: excluding the week they played each other (Week 9), every week since week 1 these teams have had the exact same win/loss result for the week. For 8 weeks in a row the Farm was exactly 1 game behind TPG and they have been even the last 3. These teams’ seasons have been a mirror of the other. Each of these teams has players ranging from Thursday to Monday night, so this one is sure to be an epic battle. I think the Farm responds after the emotional loss to the Pylons and comes away with the win here.
Good luck to everyone week 12. It’s just about elimination time.
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