I'll Have Another Claw

 

Sunday was a doozy. On the eve of Yom Kippur, the Commish tried to get in one final sin before atoning for the prior year. That did not work out... at all. So what else is a league member to do?!? Mango and Black Cherry claw to the face. Over and over. I found an opened and undrunk Mango in a room upstairs a day later. The football was bad, but the drinks were flowing.

What in the world was up with the 1 PM slate on Sunday. The 1 PM games have been bad. Very bad. Browns/Football Team, Giants/49ers, Texans/Steelers, Eagles/Bengals. The lowest of the low all at the same time. The league is already trying to shove horrible games down your throat on Thursday. I really think they should move the horrible games back to Monday night. Nobody wants to stay up til midnight anymore watching these games. Half the league doesn't even stay up until kickoff.

But now, on Tuesday, it's finally happened. The first COVID case has struck the Tennessee Titans. And of course, nobody cares at all about the actual players and coaches. Only how will this affect my fantasy team. I think that's the right approach. We could end up with Tuesday games. Morning games. Who knows!

I did see some funny stuff this week, and I do feel bad that my Twitter game hasn't been on point. That's what happens with no fans. No drunks. No fights. No hand jobs from a stripper at a Dolphins tailgate. Sad times. At least we have Big Dick Nick back. He deserves to start. In Philly.

We had a classic DK bonehead play

DK Metcalf just got stripped at the 1 yard line on a 63 YD reception.

He now averages 1 fumble every 4.75 games for his career. pic.twitter.com/lCJ96lyW7A

— Barstool Sabermetrics (@sabermetrics) September 27, 2020

We had Kyler impressing:

Kyler Murray jukes out the defender for the TD 🔥

pic.twitter.com/pMqi6Fpk8l

— NFL Stats (@NFL_Stats) September 27, 2020

It turned out to be a not so bad Sunday, all things considered.

Also, LOL Kalen Ballage

This play is the #Jets season in a nutshell.

Kalen Ballage gets murdered on an attempted hurdle after a 3rd-and-23 swing pass he caught 7 yards behind the line of scrimmage.pic.twitter.com/S1i9bQgFat

— The Jet Press (@TheJetPress) September 27, 2020

Beef of the Week: Doug Pederson

Playing for a tie against the Bengals. Nothing else needs to be said.

Power Rankings

I think I have a good pulse on the state of the league. The rankings are fair. Don't expect much movement this week!

14. Stanky Monkeys (0-3) - Last week: 13

Last in points. Taking on water via injuries. I wish I had a more optimistic outlook, but until Julio and Le'Veon get back, this team is in some trouble.

13. Geno 911 (1-2) - Last week: 14

Immediately regretting a trade with the Pylons. A tale as old as time. At least you didn't give up anything good either. Huge comeback with Tyreek Hill to pick up a much needed victory.

12. Dueling Pylons (1-2) - Last week: 12

Another disappointing performance. The Pylons have yet to do anything noteworthy in 2020 and are still left searching for answers. Perhaps a matchup with Dosh will cure what ails.

11. Bo$$town Cutter (1-2) - Last week: 11

Same comments as last week. Very strong at the RB position, but still something to be desired at receiver. I think if you made a trade or two you'd start to climb. For now, this is fair.

10. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-3) - Last week: 10

0-3 can't be what TPG imagined this season. Just going to need to ride out the storm until CMC gets back. A matchup with Gambino might just be the ticket. In an embattled relationship with Hammy Watkins. Needs to regain the upper hand.

9. The Old Ball Sack (1-2) - Last week: 10

After getting flogged by EEB, got waxed yet again by Woody. This team's in some trouble. There are a number of teams clearly better at this point, so really need to make some moves. Perhaps a waiver claim may turn the tide.

8. Street Pigeons (1-2) - Last week: 8

Let Dosh off the hook. I really thought you had him, but Hollywood was MIA. I gave you Rex Burkhead Sunday morning. I should've listened to my own advice, but the victory was there for the taking. 

7. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (2-1) - Last week: 6

Put up a huge week and I drop you. Not right. Allen Kamara has been huge thus far. Competent play from the rest of the talent looks like this team is legit. Losing to Lobitz. Sad!

6. Team BG (2-1) - Last week: 5

Just needed a matchup with the Pylons to feel good. Not an overly impressive performance, but a win is a win. This team will look a whole lot different with Michael Thomas back. Arrow pointing up.

5. Cash Me Out Wide (2-1) - Last week: 3

I already know what's coming. Crappy point total. Pylons on deck. You were just saving up a huge week for Week 4. Winning the tough games matters in the end. I don't want to hear jack about your bench any more. If your bench is so good, start the fucking guys.

4. The King's Crusaders (2-1) - Last week: 7

Perhaps I was a bit harsh last week. I even said it at the time. I'm still a bit up and down on this team. Think a couple teams behind you could be better, but you always seem to get a ton from the special teams positions. That's not nothing.

3. Philly Peppers (3-0) - Last week: 4

This team looks good. Very solid depth. Drafted well (or at least somebody did). I don't see any reason why this team isn't a contender to win it all. It's eluded you a couple times. Perhaps this is the year.

2. Pork Chop Express (3-0) - Last week: 2
It has been a good start. I don't think this team is as good on paper as it has been, but still a very solid squad. May as well keep rolling the same squad out there until the wheels fall off.

1. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-1) - Last week: 1

As expected. Put the #1 jinx on TITTY and he responded. Up to #1 and dropped 160. That's what you love to see. Not much else to say.

**** Game of the Week ****

Pork Chop Express v Tweeting in the Trenches

Top 2 teams in the power rankings square off. Safe to say the winner is #1 in the rankings after this week. Think this is going to be a very high scoring game. Word is the trash talk has already started.

Good luck to everyone this week, and I hope your players play!

COVID Conditions

I also just wanted to reiterate how we will handle this weekend's matchup. As of 9/30, Titans/Steelers is proposed to be played on an unknown date. If you have a Steelers or Titans player that you intend to use, keep them in your lineup.

If by Sunday, 1 PM, it is not yet determined if the game will be played, you will be allowed to select an alternate replacement from your roster. If the game is ultimately not played, I will replace that player in your lineup. I will also share a list of potential replacement players after 1 PM. You must let the commish know your replacement player by 1 PM Sunday.

*** GAME OF THE WEEK ***

Week 3 is big for a lot of teams. The Old Ball Sack v The King's Crusaders sticks out to me. Two teams you expect to see at the top are both 1-1 and could really use a win.

League in Shambles After Saquon's Knee Explodes

Can you believe this guy's drip? First the sombrero. Now this. Swagga on a hundred thousand trillion. I love Aaron Jones... but I hate Aaron Jones. The guy has ruined so many weeks for so many people. Dropped 44 on Pige. Dropped 40+ multiple times last year. Dating back to Week 2 of last year, Aaron Jones has 27 Touchdowns in 19 games. Maybe he'll get the due he deserves. He's #good

You don't need to hear me complain about the injuries from week 2. They were devastating. What you do need to hear about is a business opportunity. The EFFL is considering a new endeavor based on emerging results in the NFL. This has already been copyrighted by league members, so don't even bother:

Fantasy Player Insurance.

Let's say you draft Will Fuller. You think he may get hurt (he will). There's an extra fee of $40 to insure him for season-ending injury and an extra fee of $60 to insure him for missing 3+ games. If he gets injured, you get to file an insurance claim with the league. This claim will pay out 2x the premium. If he does not get injured, you collect nothing. Any overage on insurance premiums versus payouts gets donated to the league pot.

The league would publish insurance rates at the start of the season and perhaps at different points in the season. This would add a fascinating dynamic to the league. Do you draft injury-prone players higher with the intent to insure them? It also would make injuries hurt a little bit less.

What else happened in Week 2? We've witnessed the demise of a number of former heroes. Julio Jones - we bid ye farewell. Emmanuel Sanders - enjoy retirement. Rob Gronkowski - please come to our draft next year. Drew Brees - open a restaurant on Bourbon and lace em up. Kirk Cousins - seen his last EFFL title.

And yes, the Pylons miraculously pulled off a 1 point victory* (pending stat changes). I had to not watch. I had to do it. I woke up and fist pumped like crazy.

Beef of the Week: Atlanta Falcons

Bet nobody saw this coming. It was a collapse of epic proportions. Matty Ice was absolutely slinging it. Cowboys couldn't stop turning the ball over. 3 lost fumbles. It was all going wrong.

I don't know what the turning point was but poor TPG was ravaged by Philly Peppers. Dak insisted on 3 rushing TDs. Had to happen. Prior to Sunday, only 10 times in NFL history has a QB thrown for 350 and scored 2 rushing TDs. Dak went for 450 and 3. Nobody has ever had 450 and 2 before.

And of course the onside kick. How can you not know the rules. The ball is sitting there and all you have to do is cover it. It's the hands team for cryin out loud. Game should've been long over. And of course it's Jerry Jones in Jerry World going nuts. There's no combination of team / owner / situation that could've been worse than what transpired on Sunday. If you hate the Cowboys and you hate the Patriots, it's mandatory you now hate the Falcons. They're responsible for everything bad that has happened.

Power Rankings

We now have a bit more information. Not a ton of change, however. I think I did a decent job in Week 1. Let's take another look.

14. Geno 911 (0-2) - Last week: 12
I don't think this is surprising. There was real fear the team wouldn't crack 40. Hitching the wagon to Brady/Gronk may have been a mistake. I questioned the age of this team, Perhaps a deal with the Pylons will generate a spark. Todd Gurley does not look good.

13. Stanky Monkeys (0-2) - Last week: 10
Just too many Eagles this year. Butker may be the best player on the roster. This team has some decent alternatives. John Brown and Jerry Jeudy should be in the lineup almost immediately. I do think better days are ahead for this team.

12. Dueling Pylons (1-1) - Last week: 14
Escaped with a lucky victory over Stanky Monkeys. This team still has a ways to go. Maybe this win will be a turning point. Kelce has been as advertised, but Lamar Jackson sits 10th among QBs. That's going to have to improve tremendously for this team to contend.

11. Bo$$town Cutter (1-1) - Last week: 13
Must've felt good to defeat Dosh yet again. I'm sure he was praying all Monday night that he'd hold on. And you left it late. Your RBs finally came through. Jacobs/Chubb/Conner is going to have to stay consistent for you. But if week 2 is any indication, you'll be OK. KJ Hamler could be clutch.

10. The Old Ball Sack (1-1) - Last week: 11
Got pounded by EEB. That was funny. Unfortunately lost Sutton for the season, which is a huge blow. Drew Brees looks horrible. I think this ranking could be a bit generous, to be honest. I'm concerned about this team's bench and ability to deal with the loss.

9. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-2) - Last week: 8
After coming just short v Pige, got absolutely obliterated by Philly Peppers. Was devastated that things turned south that quickly. The McCaffrey blow hurts. And Mostert went down too, which is rough. If only there was a running back on the bench out of Naples, Italy to fill the void...

8. Street Pigeons (1-1) - Last week: 5
This is mostly a result of the Saquon injury. That hurts. But Russell Wilson has been the MVP thus far. And you've got some decent players. Going to need to play the waiver wire closely. Grab some rookies and hope for playing time.

7. The King's Crusaders (1-1) - Last week: 6
Seems a bit unfair to dock you after a big win, but you started Scotty Miller. I refuse to believe Tyler Higbee is a thing. I like your bench, though. I think you may run into a bit of an issue with lineup decisions, but I don't see any reason this team shouldn't be competitive.

6. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (2-0) - Last week: 7
If Josh Allen and Kamara put up 70 a week, I think you're probably the best team. I still think you have too many Giants. And you should be docked for using Christian Kirk. This is one of those interesting situations where you're likely to be very inconsistent. But 2-0 is a great start. Can't complain about that.

5. Team BG (1-1) - Last week: 2
I honestly think any of the top 5 could be in any order. At full strength, this might be the best team in the league. Still think you need a running back, but there's some serious talent on this team. Calvin Ridley is the #1 WR, and he doesn't look to be slowing any time soon.

4. Philly Peppers (2-0) - Last week: 9
Was certainly too low last week. What did Matt actually do to you? 188 points in Week 2 is awful impressive. Even your kicker dropped 13 on him. And that's without Kenny Golladay. You have to be feeling good about where you sit right now. And who can blame you. David Montgomery still stinks.

3. Cash Me Out Wide (1-1) - Last week: 1
Despite a down week, I'm still optimistic. I think you have the best WR corps in the league with Nuk, ARob, Odell, and now CeeDee. Hubris at the QB and WR positions could be problematic. You're going to be debating those positions every week.

2. Pork Chop Express (2-0) - Last week: 4
Getting more out of the WR position than I think you expected to. If that keeps up, this is a contending team. I don't know about James Robinson, but JT is going to be big. Only real concern here is the bug. I'm not a fan of the bench depth at all.

1. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-1) - Last week: 3
This is more about what this team could do. Started a QB that didn't even play and still won. Adams got banged up. Kittle is still banged up. I just think right now, at full strength, this is the team to beat. Aaron Jones, Adams, Kittle, Ekeler is the best big 4 in the league. Let's see what happens.

*** GAME OF THE WEEK ***

Week 3 is big for a lot of teams. The Old Ball Sack v The King's Crusaders sticks out to me. Two teams you expect to see at the top are both 1-1 and could really use a win.

Sniper Takes Down Half of the League

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.