Welcome Back

No this is not a Mase song. It is the return of the commish to the EFFL blog after taking 2 weeks off. I had planned to write while away, and actually penned the first half of the blog 2 weeks ago on the plane while watching Mario Lopez’ E! True Hollywood Story, but that plan went awry. Of note, and probably a continuing trend, is that when blogging before a week, the Pylons are 2-1. I hope to stay on task for the rest of the season. Although my trip overseas was fantastic, I don’t know if it was worth it to risk the Pylons season. There has been a little separation in the standings, but for the most part the pack is together. Only 2 games separate the #2 seed and the #9 seed. What I find most shocking thus far is that the Odds division owns a 9-3 record against the Evens division, clearly asserting themselves as the stronger of the pack. The 5 teams in that division remain the 5 highest scoring teams and the top 5 teams in the power rankings as well.

Week 7 is also the first of two weeks where 6 teams are on a bye so be careful. On to the games.

Tequila Party Gnomes 132 – The Jackson Five 128:

Another week and another crushing defeat for the Five. After coming into the season boasting Michael Turner, Matt Forte, and DeAngelo Williams, 3 top 10 running backs as keepers, it was the same Turner who failed to come through for the Five. Even a Randy Moss 3 TD effort wasn’t enough to pull out the win in the end. The last 5 games between these two teams have been decided by an unheard of 28 points. Incredibly close matchups which TPG has pulled out 4 of.

The Five are on the verge of veering into unprecedented territory. After winning week 1, this now marks 5 straight defeats. Of note: Only 3 times in EFFL history has a team gone more than 5 weeks in a row without a victory. In 2008, Sam went 1-12, with her only victory coming against the Five. In 2007, Jimish went the first 8 weeks without a victory, finally winning in Week 9 against the Five. And in 2006, TPG beat the Five week 1, lost 8 straight, and then defeated the Five in Week 10. There is a reason Brandon is our favorite fantasy owner ever. Only two games out of a playoff spot, this team is far from done.

Kiss Da Baby 131 – Dueling Pylons 102:

After two subpar weeks, Baby finally broke out and took care of the hapless Pylons. This was only the 2nd time in 6 weeks the Pylons were even able to break the 100 point barrier. Baby meanwhile rode B.Berger, Jones-Drew and Eddie Royal’s 2 return touchdowns to victory. Sitting at 4-2 and in first place in the Evens division, Sam has already matched her win total from the previous 2 seasons combined despite being the 2nd lowest scoring team. I still question whether this team has the ability to make a run deep into the playoffs or has just been lucky so far with opponents. Baby is also 2nd to last in the breakdown. The Pylons meanwhile are in total shambles. I’m sure this makes many of you around the league very happy. Trade offers are currently being taken.

Johnson’s Farm 112 – The King’s Crusaders 111:

Wow Nick. That’s all I have to say. Last week you came through with a game winning Ronnie Brown TD run on Monday night with less than a minute to go. This week a missed FG from Nate Kaeding on Monday night with less than a minute to go did it. I don’t know why you thought I would be hanging out with Chris at 11:30 on a Monday night but I’ll resend the list of cell phone numbers so you can rip him directly. No I don’t want to trade for Willis McGahee. Claiming to have no idea the events that occurred, the King was surprisingly silent on the trash talk front. Making poor lineup decisions and blaming Vegas is unacceptable. If anything, since you were betting on the games, you should have been all over the news. Reading newspapers, checking websites, even getting inside info from some of those guys who flick the cards with strippers on them on the street should have been at the forefront of your research. This game was most certainly payback from the Farm’s 2006 inaugural season when 3 Bears defensive TDs on Monday night won the game for the King. You may have blocked that one out of your mind Nick but we all remember it. Both of these teams now sit at 4-2 and are looking very solid as we hit the midway point.

Stanky Monkeys 164 – Tweeting In The Trenches 100:

Something is severely wrong with Stanky this year. I hear from him after losses and not after big wins like this. Finally putting up a nasty week was what this team needed. A nice confidence booster after a disastrous haircut which I’ve seen on Facebook. I still have no idea how you put up 164 points, but looking at your roster it seems highly unlikely to happen again. This also was a little payback as well for the Week 3 TITTY impressive 90-72 win. Lou has been very hit or miss this year which does make this a dangerous team at any time. At 2-4, right in the thick of the wild card race, and residing in the Evens division also helps. Fusco meanwhile has looked like he is starting to put it together a little more despite having the low score in Week 6. If this team comes together, big things are definitely possible. Although please do not wear green and navy striped briefs around league members. Its nauseating.

Coach Janky Spanky 196 – Animals With Eyepatches 114:

I first would like to congratulate EEB on setting a league record with 196 points. Pulling off this feat in your first EFFL season is a great accomplishment, and your team has definitely picked it up after the 0-3 start. Having said that, Bill Belichick is a fucking asshole. You’re up 45-0 in the 3rd quarter and its still necessary to throw the ball with all of your starters in? EEB if I can offer you some advice, trade Brady now. Moves like this are going to get your boy toy injured and I don’t want to see such a strong performance go to waste come playoff time. Sam will trade for him. Jimish has fallen on some tough luck lately. Despite being 4th in points scored, the Eyepatches are only 2-4 due to some shaky defense. This now marks the 3rd time in 6 weeks that the Eyepatches have faced the high scoring team for the week. Don’t get down on yourself Jimbo, I think your team has potential.


***** Week 7 Preview *****

Tequila Party Gnomes (5-1) vs. The King’s Crusaders (4-2):

The last time these two teams met, each was 2-0 and looking very strong. Although each has suffered setbacks, both are still at the top of the league in points scored. The matchups between these two are always always tough. To my knowledge, the King has not yet conceded this matchup in an unprecedented move. This must be sending the Gnomes confidence sky high. The Gnomes victory in week 3 was the first victory over the King since early in 2007. There will definitely be some intense battles to focus on as Manning/Clark go against Wayne and Driver goes against Jennings. This game could easily go either way but I think the King has looked stronger as of late. I’m taking the Crusaders.

Johnson’s Farm (4-2) vs. Coach Janky Spanky (3-3):

A couple of weeks ago these were looking like two of the weaker teams in the league. After some close wins and a league record, these teams are now right in the Odds division battle. Also their 2nd meeting of the season, Janky Spanky will be looking to build upon their 196 point effort and keep their league high 3 game winning streak rolling. What has been beneficial, however, for Nick and EEB is allowing the 3rd and 2nd fewest points in the league respectively, despite playing in the stronger division. This game to me just has the feeling of a low scoring affair. No Chris Johnson, McGahee, Sims-Walker, Ray Rice, or Houshmanzilly is likely to affect these teams. This game could come down to Kurt Warner Sunday night, and I’m gonna take the Farm in another close game at the end. Also an added bonus will be the Eagles thrashing the Redskins on Monday night.

Animals With Eyepatches (2-4) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (3-3):

Although Fusco is ahead in the standings, it is easily the Eyepatches who have been the more consistent team thus far. The bye week has hit Jimish very hard this week. Tron, KSmith, BMarsh, Mark Clayton and Kyle Orton will all be out of action. This game is also very important for both teams since this is an out of division matchup that could come up big during wild card time. Jimish cannot afford to fall behind a streaking Fusco by 2 games at this juncture. This is a game that most certainly will not be decided until later on in Week 7 as Fusco has 3 players Sunday night. Monday night features Santana Moss and Brian Westbrook against Clinton Portis, which may or may not be meaningful at that point. I think the bye week hurts Jimish too much here and TITTY pulls out another victory.

The Jackson Five (1-5) vs. Dueling Pylons (2-4):

While strongly considered as game of the week for a 2nd time, the sheer fact that both of these teams have been so bad is keeping it out. The Pylons have been struggling week in and week out, and the Five simply cannot get anything going to get out of their funk. The Pylons winning streak over the Five was extended in Week 3 to a league record 8 games, and seeing BG on the schedule at this juncture has the Pylons buzzing, particularly because Akers, McNabb, Maclin and DeSean will all be in play Monday night. As described above and shown in the past, the cure for any extended funk is a date with the Five. What do Sam and BG have in common? I’ll leave that one open to you. Randy Moss blew his load last week, and when the Falcons/Cowboys game is your moneymaker, it spells trouble. I think the Pylons come out and make a statement in Week 7.


*** Game of the Week ***

Kiss Da Baby (4-2) vs. Stanky Monkeys (2-4):

This game intrigues me. The all time worst franchise and the league’s most accomplished franchise find themselves on opposite ends of the spectrum in 2009. Over the past 4 weeks Sam has scored exactly 1 more point than Lou. That is not saying much considering these are the 2nd and 3rd lowest point totals over that span, ahead of only the Pylons. Having Jones-Drew out definitely hurts Sam. This is another game that will most likely come down to the wire with Jacobs, Fitz and Celek all set to make significant contributions. In 4 seasons, these teams have never split a season series which also intrigues me. I think Kiss Da Baby is finally coming crashing back to Earth, and the Stanky Monkeys reassert themselves as a league powerhouse that we’ve all known them to be. P.S. Your team is NOT nasty.



I know this is a little bit shorter than it has been in the past, but getting back into the groove at work this week has been difficult. I hope this appeased the masses. I look forward to now being able to respond to all of your text messages / BBMs. I would like to extend a personal welcome to Matthew Atallian for joining the BlackBerry community and crossing over to elite text messaging territory. Good luck to all in Week 7.