Only 4 Teams Remain

I know this is the blog you all have been waiting for.  We can officially say the Pylons have been eliminated.  I am blogging with tears in my eyes wondering what could have been.  With just one more win, it would have been the Pylons, not the Gnomes, who had the first round bye.  But it was not meant to be.  Instead I am left eating an early dinner of barley and hops, hoping to wash away the sorrows of a 7th season with an empty trophy case.  I usually do not do a finals preview due to the lack of interest around the league, but we will see what kind of mood I am in next Monday.  While this is a tough loss to swallow, losing to a Woody or Gambino would have been far worse.  Here is what transpired in week 1 of the playoffs.


The Stone Masons 129+ - Dueling Pylons 126


I'm sure both of these teams expected a high scoring affair.  The Masons came out on fire, as at 1:05 PM the Lions defense had already scored a Touchdown.  By 2, they had gone in again, as had Shady McCoy.  It looked like the Masons were well on their way to an easy victory.  But the Pylons fought back.  Rob Gronkowski did his best to keep his squad in it.  Ultimately, it was Pylons #1 nemesis Eli Manning who caused the most damage.  Eli was responsible for eliminating the Pylons back in 05, and 6 years later, nothing has changed.  I still do not know how an Eagles fan can root for Eli in any situation, so more power to you.  Only twice in league history has a team scored more in the playoffs and lost.  I know you didn't mean it when you said my team was terrible.  The Pylons are loaded in the keeper category, so expect this team to be a serious factor in 2012.  It's going to be a long off-season.


The King's Crusaders 158+ - Coach Janky Spanky 115


Last Monday night, seeding had still not been determined.  Chris was rooting for Philip Rivers.  I was rooting for Philip Rivers to score exactly 19 points.  There was a general consensus around the league... "I want to play EEB".  This was the exact reason.  Janky Spanky has been on a downward spiral since midseason, and not even Antonio Brown could stop it.  I warned you.  I told you.  Even after Brown scored 26 Thursday night, I told you not to get ahead of yourself and just wait til MJD drops 40 on you.  What did you do??  You got drunk again and called me shitfaced to say "Fuck Woody".  Just because you're intoxicated doesn't mean the fantasy gods are.  They hear everything.  I'm sure after coming up empty in all your serious leagues, you'll take some time to reflect this offseason and think about what you've done.




So only 4 teams remain, and this means again this year I am forced to write a check to a Woody.  This has to stop.  Please.  It's so bad, I seriously contemplated (and at the last minute scratched) a line from my best man speech at Chris' wedding.  It read, "Andrea, I'm happy I can finally write a check to a Woody I like".


Here's where we stand:


#1 Tequila Party Gnomes v #5 The Stone Masons


It's safe to say I am pulling for the winner of this one to win it all.  Early indications are that Adrian Peterson will play, but it will be a big factor if the Gnomes are not at full strength.  Brady against Tebow would have been a great game to watch.  I'm a little skeptical if the Masons can keep up the big week 14 performance as Tron has gone completely missing over the last couple weeks.  The Masons are going to need a big game from him if they want to take down the #1 seed.  With Money Mike Wallace going Monday night, this could well come down  to what some say is the fastest receiver in football.  The Gnomes have been preparing and waiting for this game which seemed like it would never arrive.  I look at the roster top to bottom and I like what I see.  I think TPG comes through and moves on to the championship game.


#2 Lady Luck v #3 The King's Crusaders


Things have fallen pretty nicely for Chris of course.  Got to face EEB in round 1 and now the worst of the 6 playoff teams in round 2.  The good news is one of these teams will be eliminated.  The bad news is quite obvious.  Chris is looking to make his 5th consecutive EFFL final.  I don't know how this happens (right EEB?), but things always seem to fall into place at the right time of year.  Sam's team has actually rebounded a little bit, but I have no idea how you go through a season with Jared Cook at TE and think that's a good idea.  This team is going to put up 130+ or score about 80, and it's totally up in the air which it will be.  This should actually be a fun game to watch as Ray Rice, Ravens D and Cundiff will go against Mathews and Vincent Jackson on Sunday night.  I really don't see Sam winning this game... I would be shocked.  And it will be up to either Matt or BG to prevent another shaming of the league trophy.



I wish I was still playing, but it was just not meant to be.  Praying with Tebow was not enough.  Good luck to you 4 in Week 15.

Bitter Rivals Meet in Round 1

As is usually the case in the EFFL, the 6 seeds were not settled until Monday night.  Due to an explosion from Philip Rivers, I am able to write the blog earlier than planned.  We can talk about the NFL all we want, but at this point everyone is focused on the real league... the EFFL.  Fusco, Lou, Jimish and Nick... unfortunately it wasn't meant to be this year.  It seems injuries and awful drafting doomed you 4.  Fusco is now 0 for 3, and has never made the playoffs since joining the EFFL.  Lou has missed the playoffs for the first time since 2006, which I'm sure is very satisfying for many owners.  It's a shame for the other two that players just did not take off as expected.  Beast Mode did not begin until week 10, which is a severe problem when the regular season is only 13 weeks long.  Although he does love his Skittles.


Here is what the playoffs look like:


1. Tequila Party Gnomes (9-4)


Despite losing their final 2 games, TPG can't be all that concerned.  I was notified that there was a players only vacation in week 13 which would explain the lack of defense.  And with a bye in week 14, the players should be well rested for the semifinals.  Having Peterson back will be a huge boost as well.  One thing which I'm sure TPG will be ecstatic to read is that this team cannot face King until the finals.  Will face EEB if he manages to pull the upset, or the winner of Pylons-Masons with a King victory.  Also personally thanking BG for knocking off Sam and locking up the $30 prize for best record.  Congratulations on your #1 seed and first round bye.  We'll see you in week 15.


2. Lady Luck (8-5)


True to form, Lady Luck has limped into a bye.  This team lost 5 of their last 7 and is just playing awful right now.  But starting 6-0 certainly goes a long way, and this team should have a week to rest up players battling injury.  Returning Ahmad Bradshaw and Miles Austin is going to be big.  Believe it or not this team averaged 140 points per game over the first 6 weeks, and this team could find magic at the right time to make a run.  It certainly wouldn't surprise me.  I also don't know how I feel about an all Woody semifinal.  It would guarantee one is eliminated, but it would also guarantee one in the finals.  Somebody else needs to take this trophy.


...and for the first round matchups:


#3 The King's Crusaders (8-5) v #6 Coach Janky Spanky (7-6)


My how the mighty have fallen.  After 7 weeks Janky Spanky was 6-1.  He was spewing his usual talk of how this league is so easy, his team is so good, and it was only a formality before he hoisted the trophy.  After looking completely mediocre over the final 6 weeks perhaps EEB has reconsidered his stance.  You were named Norv of the week for excellence in coaching ineptitude.  Yet all of this occurred before you committed the most cardinal sin in fantasy football.  You got shitfaced and executed a final hour trade with King.  After claiming all season long how you liked your 3 back approach, you caved and traded the leading rusher in football for Antonio Brown and Cedric Benson.


The fantasy gods did not react well to this deal.  They had blessed you with a chance this year, and you spat in their face.  And wouldn't you know it, week 13 right before the playoffs start, your beloved Matt Forte goes down with a knee injury, you lose to Gambino, and you're stuck facing the man you just traded with in an elimination game.  This was inevitable.  I hope before you prepare for this matchup you take a long hard look in the mirror.  Drinking and trading with Woody is against EFFL law.  I'm predicting a quiet end to the Janky Spanky season and look for King to move on.


#4 Dueling Pylons (8-5) v #5 The Stone Masons (7-6)


This is exactly what I didn't want.  A playoff game against Tron.  The Masons needed to secure a victory to get in the playoffs and came through in a big way.  I believe at one point I received a text that was along the lines of "Take that Manly Luck".  Wrong.  Believe it or not the Pylons have dominated the Masons over the years, with an 11-2 record.  The Masons defeated the Pylons once in 2005 and once in 2009, that's it.  Although history is on the side of the Pylons, it really doesn't mean much when it comes to elimination.  Of those 13 games, none has been in the playoffs and none will be bigger than the matchup this week.  This is the first time the Masons have made the playoffs since 2007.


Honestly I'm shook.  I had this team at either #1 or #2 in my power rankings all season, but that was before Fred Jackson went down with injury.  You can only be a violater of the #1 rule in fantasy football for so long... No past or present Bills.  Roy Helu could prove to be a huge pickup down the stretch.  The Pylons have been riding the Tebow wave, and perhaps it can't continue.  But winning 8 of 9 to enter the playoffs is a pretty incredible streak, and the Pylons have been doing it with big weeks.  I think the Pylons will prove to be too much and advance to face the Gnomes again in week 15.



Good luck to the 4 teams playing this weekend.  Big rivalries should prove to be outstanding games.  This may be the final blog of the season with a happy tone, so I hope you enjoy.