Monday, September 26, 2016

Savage Behavior




No need to waste any time. #BillsMafia with a Macho Man Randy Savage elbow drop is just straight fire. I'm pretty impressed. That's a thick table with a thick dude on it. Couldn't have been easy to break.

Lots of exciting things happened in Week 3. Cam Newton out here looking like the Monopoly man:


And it's just crazy. You think you know who's good and who's bad? Then the Bills come out and smack down the Cardinals. The league is wide open this year. And you know Cutter is sitting there thinking the Pats are going 16-0 again.

But how bout the Eagles? They're actually really, really good. Through 3 games they have a +65 point differential. The next best in the league is New England at +36. It's amazing how different a team looks when you get good QB play.



It's just a fun time. I just hope Wentz doesn't have the kiss of death by being on DP. Even more shocking is how the Ravens, who are absolutely awful, are 3-0. I can't believe it. They are +13 in point differential against the Bills, Browns, and Jaguars. Bet the ranch against them. They're a complete mule.


Beef of the Week: Odell Beckham Jr.

This was a long time coming. It's almost embarrassing to watch this guy, and you almost kinda feel a bit sorry for him. He tries WAAAAAAAY too hard to prove to everyone that he's not gay. You know the moment when you clinch your beef of the week:







Opponents are going to pick up very, very quickly that the guy is a complete mental midget and he's easily rattled. You can get him to commit dumb penalties so easy. He's on the sideline fighting a kicking net because he's furious. Blew his top on Elisha and just yelling randomly on the sideline. He's the guy that other teammates look at and instead of "Come on Odell, let's go get them. We got this", it's "psssh, look at this clown acting a fool". He's losing respect around the league quickly.

And I'm not even gonna bring up his tickle fight with Dez, or his tryout for DWTS at Drake's pad over the summer. Just a total loser. And a perfect Giant.



Power Rankings

 We've had a bit of separation this week. Teams




Sorry. We might have some good teams. Let's get it. Also, shoutout Mike Y. HOW COULD YOU CUT R.KELLY?!?!?! That's my Robert, always peein' on people.

14. The Old Ball Sack (0-3) - Last week: 10. Defending chump is back in the doghouse. This is basically what I expected for your team. Maybe not this bad, but at 0-3, this team is a ways from contention.

13. Geno 911 (1-2) - Last week: 14. If Mike Y's team didn't do so poorly, you might've held onto your spot. The Middle East looks wild. I look forward to your snapchat of you in a headdress, which I will save for the lottery next year.

12. Bo$$town Cutter (1-2) - Last week: 13. Le'Veon is back. Brady is almost back. This team is going to look a lot better with those two in the Mixx. I know you have the Jacksons, but be like me and try to enjoy some Johnsons.

11. Harambe Was Set-Up (2-1) - Last week: 9. I don't know, man. I'm a bit concerned with this roster. The Raiders don't have the flash they had last year, and Gronk is screwing you. Things should improve, but tough for now.

10. Team Bartholomew (0-3) - Last week: 12. Winless and without 2 high picks, things are tough. But you have good players still and you're putting up points. Usually that translates to wins.

9. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-3) - Last week: 8. Rodgers is on fire, but needs some help. Would be great if 1st round pick Jamaal Charles got into the action. Like Tatz, putting up points and better days ahead.

8. Pork Chop Express (1-2) - Last week: 11. You love the Cowboys. They don't get to play the Bears every week, but they look decent. ARob also finally showed up, which is good. I do question your depth. Bye weeks are going to be rough, and any injury will be devastating.

7. The King's Crusaders (2-1) - Last week: 6. As I said last week, I was unsure. Leaning a little more towards work needs to be done. Maclin and JT will have better weeks, but consistency may be a problem. Jordy was a great pick. Great pick for me last year too.

6. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-0-1) - Last week: 7. EEB is furious at your luck. No losses through 3 weeks is pretty exciting.

5. Stanky Monkeys (2-1) - Last week: 2.  I think the top 5 could really be in any order at this point. Tough break on Snead. My concern for your team is even more strong. What do you do at RB?

 4. ROLL THE DICE (3-0) - Last week: 3. Barely moving down, but you're certainly in the mix of top teams. Despite a goose from Kelvin, Mike Evans and Marvin Jones stepped up. It's crazy how good Jones has been. Wish I had him.

 3. Dueling Pylons (3-0) - Last week: 5. Pylons are 3-0 for the first time since 2012. A little thin at WR, but with the way RBs are going down, the depth is key. The DJ/AB combo is for real.

 2. Team BG (2-1) - Last week: 4. Never thought a team with Fozzy Whittaker would be #2, but here it is. The run and shoot is working very well, even though Derek Carr has been underwhelming. In a good spot.

 1. A Lot O'Tatz (2-0-1) - Last week: 1. Still up top. Again no reason to move this team, even with losing your 1st round pick. That's how strong this team is. We'll see how you hold up.


Week 4 Matchups
DP v. Stanky Monkeys
Bartholomew v. TITTY
King v. Cutty
Ball Sack v. Harambe
BG v. Lobitz
EEB v. Gambino
TPG v. D-WEEZE

Some big matchups this week. TPG, Gambino, Tatz all need wins or could fall behind. But it's early. 7 teams get in. Looking forward to another fun week.
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Tuesday, September 20, 2016

2 Weeks and It's Gone to Shit


Sorry for the delay in posting the blog. Eagles Monday night gets way too rowdy. Also a lot of great fantasy games this week.

***** ALERT ***** PLEASE VOTE FOR WGF *****

 I highly encourage all of you to vote for We Global Football in the Football Blogging Awards.  Just type "We Global Football" in the Best International Blog section and vote. If we get nominated, Matt and I are likely headed to Manchester, England for the awards at Old Trafford. It's actually mandatory before you read on.

Wow that was an unreal week 2. Nobody took it harder than A.B. Tatz. Lost Woodhead for the season, lost Arian Foster to a groin injury, and lost by 1 point after getting nothing from either back. Just brutal. But that's the name of the game now. Guys get injured absolutely all the time. Peterson tore his meniscus. Ameer Abdullah went down with a foot injury. Doug Martin hurt his vag. It's not right.

But this shit happens every year. Guys drop like flies and you're left starting Kapri Bibbs and watching an inferior product. Hopefully this rate doesn't continue because it sucks. Two more QBs also went down.

I almost had my beef of the week w Scott Hansen this week, but he narrowly escaped. I really think he doesn't understand how scoring works. Dolphins down 8 w a Hail Mary, and it's "Tannehill with one shot to see if the Dolphins can beat the Patriots for the first time in..." Are TDs now worth 9 points? Guy tries to add unnecessary drama and facts that are just made up. I don't get it at all. Year after year, this guy with arguably the most important job in football television just does not understand how these things work.

His highlight this week, however, emerged w a garbage time TD from . His comment after the TD? "If you had cxxxxxxx on your fantasy team, I feel sorry for your drafting skills". Are you kidding? So if you're cuffing in the club, and you actually picked the guy who scores TDs, you're terrible at drafting and ripe for insults? That doesn't add up at all. But he just doesn't understand.

I know that it was already 120 hours ago, but Bills Mafia is BACK! 24 hours before game time, the RV lot was already sold out as people excreted all kinds of bodily fluids in preparation. Here are some highlights ahead of another great season.










Also congratulations are in order for new papa Matthew James Atallian on future gnome Jackson Henry. And a special thank you to Katie for holding out. Poor Tatz had me pick his players and now they're all hurt.


 Beef of the Week: TJ Ward

This blog has been mostly about brutality. And nobody is a bigger asshole than TJ Ward. It is absolutely remarkable that this guy is still allowed to play in the league after all of the guy's he's intentionally injured. This week, it was Geno 911's Donte Moncrief taking a brutal hit and knocking him out for a couple weeks. Here's a brief history of TJ Ward's cheap shots:









http://denver.cbslocal.com/2014/05/22/prized-free-agent-with-broncos-now-a-wanted-man/

And finally, his shot on Moncrief:


This guy is such a piece of shit. He's targeted guys, been fined, suspended, beat a stripper. It's an absolute joke that he's allowed to keep playing in the league when they're supposedly focused on player safety.


Power Rankings

14. Geno 911 (0-2) - Last week: 5. This feels right. I can't believe some of the players that are in your lineup. Wow.

13. Bo$$town Cutter (1-1) - Last week: 12. Squeaked out a 1 point win v Tatz which was huge. You do have Brady and Bell sitting on the bench which could pay dividends. But not much to write home about thus far.

12. Team Bartholomew (0-2) - Last week: 4. This is mostly due to injury. Losing Woodhead, Foster, Ertz, Ivory thus far is really rough. Hopefully Foster and Ertz are back soon.

11. Pork Chop Express (0-2) - Last week: 13. #1 WR and #1 TE through two weeks and you're 11th in the standings. Tells you a lot about the rest of your team.

10. The Old Ball Sack (0-2) - Last week: 14. Encouraging performance, but rough loss to Dosh. Have about 2 weeks til Travis Benjamin goes out for the year.

9. Harambe Was Set Up (1-1) - Last week: 10. Rookies aren't looking too bad. But virtually nothing yet from your top picks. Could potentially round into form soon.




8. Tequila Party Gnones (0-2) - Last week: 9. Couldn't hold off Stanky Monkeys in one you deserved. Jamaal C has to be ready soon. Fucking Andy.

7. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-0-1) - Last week: 11. The #1, 3 and 4 RBs? That's wild. I think your team looks pretty decent, but with DeAngelo almost done his run, let's see if you keep it up. Trending up for sure.

6. The King's Crusaders (2-0) - Last week: 3. Still not sure about this team. Will most likely settle somewhere in the middle of the pack, but a couple gems still on the bench.

5. Dueling Pylons (2-0) - Last week: 6. Corey Coleman is a stud, but needs someone to throw him the ball. Big 2 can pop off any week. Bills and Browns, baby!

4. Team BG (1-1) - Last week: 7. Very thin at RB with J-Stew going down. But Josh Gordon is due back soon and the rest of the squad is shaping up nicely. Eagles D is a steal.

3. ROLL THE DICE (2-0) - Last week: 8. I'm a believer. Kelvin Benjamin is tearing shit up. And if Russell Wilson gets it together, this team will be much better. Matt Forte will soon be hurt.

2. Stanky Monkeys (2-0) - Last week: 2. Only criticism would be 2 RBs on the roster total that are playing football right now. That could turn south quick, but very solid top to bottom.

1. A Lot O'Tatz (1-0-1) - Last week: 1. "FUSCO IS SO LUCKY". Yeaaa that's what he does. Had a pretty rough week, but still looking good to me. I'd expect things to improve sooner than later. Still my choice.


Week 3 Matchups
Pylons v. TPG
Harambe v. GamGeno
EEB v. D-Sheetz
Foosco v. Sarcone
Tatz v. BG
Lobitz v. Cutty
Dosh v. Woody


Let's get it. This season is off to a hot start.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Wentz for MVP



The NFL is back! And Carson "The Real Deal" Wentz is here to carve up the Browns. Super Bowl baby!!! At least 4 separate times throughout week 1, I thought to myself “well that’s the clear beef of the week right there”. I had truly forgotten how many frustrating things happen on a single Sunday. Eventually, I settled on one, but man was it tough. I haven’t even lost my shit on Scott Hansen yet!

Before we get there, I highly encourage all of you to vote for We Global Football in the Football Blogging Awards.  Just type "We Global Football" in the Best International Blog section and vote. If we get nominated, Matt and I are likely headed to Manchester, England for the awards at Old Trafford. It's actually mandatory before you read on.


Beef #1: How bout that ESPN app, huh! Been preparing for football since February, and as soon as people need to use it, the whole thing goes dark. It was infuriating. I got complaints from no less than 8 league members, like I’m the one who manages the app. “Are we switching sites”, “How do I know how bad Mike Y’s scrubs are beating me”, “When will the app be back up”? All questions I received. ESPN did a terrible job, as usual. We’re not switching sites yet, but I’ll keep this in the back of my mind for the future.

Beef #2: Offseason injury reports are absolute garbage. Teams keep things concealed until the NFL forces them to release information. That is absolute bullshit. Guys like Jamaal Charles, Gronk, DeVante Parker “weren’t ready” for Week 1. Now Sammy Watkins is “dealing with significant pain”. Why couldn’t you let us know that before the EFFL draft? Would it have given your Week 1 opponent that much of an advantage? This is arguably worse than the guy who gets injured after the draft. These were not new injuries. They were just blatant lies. That’s not fair to the public.

Beef #3: Ben Lobitz. I’ve never seen someone so excited to bet on the Jaguars to win a game. Even after informing you that I had already teased the Packers to even money, you decided to make a wager for us on the Jaguars, ensuring that I’m a loser. I know this was the most likely outcome to begin with, but at least give me a shot, man. That’s cold.

Shoutout ESPN for the honor:






 Broadway Cro’s Bad Beat of the Week™: In previous said teaser, we had the Titans +8.5 at home against Shaun Hill and the Vikings. Up 10-0 at the half, the Titans proceeded to allow 0 offensive TDs and still lose the parlay. The icing on the cake was the Titans scoring a TD to pull within 9, and then Mike “Cut the” Mularkey deciding to go for 2 for some ungodly reason. Thank you, Mike. I look forward to fading you in the future.

But believe it or not, that was not the Bad Beat of the Week. That comes courtesy of the Indianapolis Colts, who I can’t even describe how happy I am that I did not have. This was one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The Colts were a field goal favorite at home against the Lions. So teased, they were getting 2.5 points. The Lions were up by 6 points. The Colts drove down and scored a TD with just 37 seconds left in the game, and the extra point gave them a 1 point lead.

The Lions were trying frantically to stage a comeback. A quick pass here, a quick pass there. Staffy-Poo absolutely losing his shit:



The Lions got into range for about a 50 yarder to win the game with 8 seconds left. Matt “Fat” Prater drills the kick with 4 seconds left on the clock to put the Lions up 2. On the ensuing kickoff, the Colts try the play where you throw it backwards a million times with the clock at 0. About 20 seconds into this disaster, somehow, a Colts player ended up running around with the ball in the end zone. He threw a forward pass. When you throw an illegal forward pass from the end zone, it counts as a safety. The play ended, and the Lions were awarded ANOTHER 2 points, winning the game by 4. The Colts were winning the game with 8 seconds left, did not allow a touchdown, and somehow lost by more than 2 points in regulation. Absolutely incredible.

As a bonus, I bet on Alistair Saturday night:





Beef of the Week: Finally! He’s gotten to it after chewing my ear off with some gambling nonsense. My beef of the week occurred Sunday night, watching the Cardinals and Patriots. After forcing and recovering a Jimmy Garricks fumble, the Cardinals celebrated, just like any other play. And out comes the flag. What was the flag for, you ask?

15 yards for a “choreographed demonstration”. Those were the exact words used by the referee. And Cris Collinsworth immediately is spewing “That’s the correct call!!!!” What fucking sport are we playing here? Bunch of white guys sitting around a table determined that hey, we can’t have any choreographed demonstration. That’s detrimental to our product. Are you kidding me? My beef is mostly due to the fact that a referee is called in to action and forced to determine if a celebration was choreographed or not. Is it OK to dance if you don’t plan it or if you’re not doing the same dance? How is this real life?

My biggest question in all of this is “WHO CARES?!?!?” Why does anyone care if players have a celebration dance? What’s next? No choreographed handshakes? No choreographed chest bumps? The NFL needs to get it together on these celebrations. It’s an absolute farce. Somehow, also, Antonio Brown was penalized for twerking. Didn't use the ball as a prop. It wasn't a choreographed demonstration. It wasn't a group celebration. They need to stop this shit for real.

I’m going to keep the team blurbs short this year. You know if your team sucks or not.


 JOCKS WHO ARE COCKS
A running list of potential fantasy adds who think that disrespecting a country will get racist cops to no longer be racist, because somebody has to take a stand against America on 9/11.

- Colin Kaepernick
- Arian Foster
- Kenny Stills


Power Rankings

 14. The Old Ball Sack (0-1) – Last week: 13. I’d wager some money that you don’t pick draft location next year. Could it be your classic case of first to worst? A lot of work to do here.

13. Pork Chop Express (0-1) – Last week: 11. Thought to himself, “I really want to start 2 Cowboys rookies Week 1”. Slept with a Tony Romo poster last night.

12. Bo$$town Cutter (0-1) – Last week: 10. Those injuries hurt. I think better days lie ahead but don’t get in too big of a hole.

11. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-0) – Last week: 9. Unlike Cutter, you’re about to get a lot worse. DeAngelo and Ware are on borrowed time. Keenan Allen is done for the year. In desperate need of WR help already.

10. Harambe Was Set-Up (1-0) – Last week: 12.  Pretty solid first week and still only ended up w 110. Getting Gronk back will be huge. I’m still uncertain on your team and could easily move up.

9. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-1) – Last week: 2. Might be a bit low here. A lot of teams are close in quality. Very interested in Breshad P. He made a nice grab. Defense and kicker let you down. Not bad otherwise.

8. ROLL THE DICE (1-0) – Last week: 14. I guess I was too harsh. If Kelvin Benjamin is back in form, I think your team looks a lot better. Marvin Jones is gonna have a nice season since Golden Tate is absolutely awful.

7. Team BG (0-1) – Last week: 3. Solid roster. I’m moving you down a bit, but only 36 from Julio, Demaryius and Landry is awful low. Most weeks will be better. Keep your head up.

6. Dueling Pylons (1-0) – Last week: 6. Insisted on Bills and Browns. They all did terrible, but the rest of the roster looks like it could be pretty solid. Better weeks ahead for sure.

5. Geno 911 (0-1) – Last week: 4. Another year with the same story. Got hammered and forgot to draft a bench. You have so many guys I would never want to root for.

4. Team Bartholomew (0-1) – Last week: 7. Wish I drafted Danny Woodhead for myself. Too much WR talent for that low of a score. Your team will be a force in no time.

3. The King’s Crusaders (1-0) – Last week: 8. I’m sure this will be the year Matt Ryan has a career year. Just another classic squad. High draft pick is injured, yet you still win. Then he comes back and nobody wants to play you.

2. Stanky Monkeys (1-0) – Last week: 5. 32 from Willie Snead?!?!? Get out of here. Unbelievable performance. That Langford/Mathews RB combo is solid. Drafted well, and I think you’ve got a lot of wins ahead.

1. A Lot O’Tatz (1-0) – Last week: 1. No reason to move you from the top spot. All Day put up 3 points and you still went hammer time on Lobitz. Edelman, Baldwin, and Sanu seems unfathomable as one of the best WR trios in the league, but it’s true. Stud Theo Riddick on the bench could also be a huge boost. Well done.


 Week 2 Matchups
Lobitz v. Pylons
King v. Gambino
BG v. Phil
TITTY v. EEB
Adam v. Adam
Stanky v. TPG
DOSH v. D-Sheetz


See you all for the blog next weekend.
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