I don't know how you cut this man. He drove a stake through the heart of Aaron Rodgers. Good enough for me. And he was already my hero.
Blanko x Amazing Ming - ATD
— Rodrigo Blankenship (@RodTheKicker3) April 16, 2018
Prod. By Darkside
I'm no @Wixpatton, but I hope you guys still like it!🙏🏼 Huge shoutout to @TheAmazingMing and @imdarksidemusic for working with me to create this! #ATD #AttackTheDay #GoDawgs https://t.co/HOQDu4z8Tw
Apparently he goes by 'BLANKO' in the hood. I'm not gonna lie... I did the Jay-Z head bob. This kinda bangs.
Also, I REALLY wish I had known Mike McCarthy decided to bring a sledgehammer on his private plane and smash a Watermelon like Gallagher before playing the Vikings. I never would've picked them in Survivor. You don't smash a watermelon with a mallet and then go out and lose. Don't think it's ever happened in the history of the world. I need the footage.
Beef of the Week: New Or-lee-ins Saints
First Taysom Hill. Everyone was mad enough that ESPN decided to leave this guy eligible at TE despite playing QB. DraftKings did it also. My account balance was not mad. But what is this guy doing? Just peppered Michael 'Slant' Thomas with 5 yard targets and ran for a couple scores? Does anyone think this guy is actually good? He's not good.
Also, I don't know how Drew Brees dealt with 11 rib fractures and a collapsed lung. I slept in pain for 2 weeks with 3. Dude's not coming back any time soon.
Lastly, I do not understand how the NFL has not yet taken a draft pick from the Saints for repeated violations of mask protocol. Every single week the coaching staff is screaming things with uncovered faces. Is this team immune from everything? What does Payton have on Goodell?
EFFL News
We have a few housekeeping items to get to.
First, the trade deadline is apparently November 27th at 3 AM. That's Thanksgiving night. Weird. I don't know how or why that's the case, but I will not change rules mid-season.
Second, as we've cleared the COVID rules for 2020, each team will be in for the full $150 league fee. Please do not pay yet. After the conclusion of the season, I'll sort things out and let you know where to direct your BitCoin.
Week 11 produced a lot of drama. Most notably, TPG fighting for his playoffs life against EEB in a Monday night showdown. Cooper Kupp ripped off 12 points on the first drive. A response from Bobby Trees pulled TPG back in front. The two continued to trade blows. Italian Chef Leonardo Fournette punched in a short Touchdown all but sealing Ouch! My Hamstringy!'s fate. Done in by my owna meatball!
No other games were that close, so let's get to the playoff picture.
Playoffs
4 teams have locked up a spot in the playoffs. Philly Peppers, The King's Crusaders, Pork Chop Express, and Tweeting in the Trenches are in. Peppers currently has a half game lead at 9-1-1 (somebody call 911! shorty fire burnin on the dance floor). King at 9-2 might be one of the most embarrassing things I've seen to date, and he's still in play for the bye. It does look like it'll be Peppers or King getting the top seed.
At the other end of the spectrum, only Street Pigeons have been eliminated. Stanky Monkeys hold on by a thread, and although not mathematically eliminated, unless they score 600 points to win a 6-way tie, it's not going to happen this year.
Locks
1. Philly Peppers (9-1-1)
2. The King's Crusaders (9-2)
3. Pork Chop Express (8-3)
4. Tweeting in the Trenches (7-3-1)
In Good Shape
5. Team BG (6-5) - The only team at 6-5. One win should be enough, but a lot of other teams are in play.
The Bubble
6. Ouch! My Hamstringy (5-6) - EEB has a couple things going for him. Beat the Pylons, beat Mike Y, beat BG, superior point total. That means he still controls his own destiny. Two wins and you're in.
7. Dueling Pylons (5-6) - While the Pylons would be in the playoffs if it ended today, the Pylons have lost to BG, EEB, Mike Y, Gambino, and Cutter. Beating Peppers and TITTY is great until you get into a tiebreak situation. The Pylons do have a good point total, so will either need to be clear at 7-6, or wind up in a multi-team tie involving Dosh somehow. If Mike Y beats Dosh this week, the Pylons could be in trouble.
8. The Old Ball Sack (5-6) - Conversely, Mike Y is not in bad shape. The win over the Pylons and BG help in tiebreak scenarios. As a result, this team also controls its own destiny. Two wins, and there is no scenario in which this team can be out, due to the Pylons not having a tiebreak over anybody. A loss this week to Dosh will be absolutely devastating.
9. Cash Me Out Wide (5-6) - While currently on the outside looking in, there's still hope. Must dust off Mike Y this week. Taking out EEB in an 85-83 slugfest probably won't come into play since he's got superior points and likely to be a multiple team tie. At 6-7, it's going to be real tough for this team to get in via points, unless the final two weeks are monster weeks.
10. Geno 911 (4-7) - It's possible a 6-7 team could get in. It's possible the 5 seed could be 6-7. Decent point total, but it'll probably have to be head-to-head that gets you in. At 6-7 you'd pick up a win over BG, and have a win over TPG. That could be enough. Things would have to break your way, but still very much alive.
11. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-7) - This team was 0-6 and left for dead. After a DP of EEB and Mike Y, TPG is hot. Winners in 4 of 5. Wins over Dosh, Mike Y, Cutter, EEB, Pylons would give you a lot of head-to-head tiebreakers. If you get to 6-7, I think there's a real chance you get in.
12. Bo$$town Cutter (4-7) - Not looking good for a repeat. Only team playing 2 of the top 4 in both of the final 2 weeks. Beat Dosh, Pylons, Mike Y, BG, so there are definitely some tiebreak scenarios like TPG, but the points are so low, you're going to need a LOT of things to break your way. Again, totally possible it happens, but you need some help.
No Mas
13. Stanky Monkeys (3-8) - Can get to 5-8 at best. A 5-8 team could get in in one scenario, but it won't be you. Seriously need like 600 points in the last 2 weeks and all 14 games to break your way. It's not happening.
The general consensus for most of the bubble teams is get EEB out of here. If he loses, it opens up possibilities for so many teams. He's the catalyst.
Week 12 Preview
Dueling Pylons (5-6) v. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-7) - This is a big one. Could be an elimination game for both teams. Pylons are spiraling. TPG is crowning. This should be another slugfest all weekend. Both teams are highly motivated to get another notch on their belt.
Bo$$town Cutter (4-7) v. Tweeting in the Trenches (7-3-1) - Think this could be it for Cutter. Needs it to stay realistically alive. TITTY must have this to stay alive for the bye.
Cash Me Out Wide (5-6) v. The Old Ball Sack (5-6) - This is probably the biggest game this week. One of these teams is going to get a huge leg up to make the playoffs, and the loser will need a lot of help. I know both of these teams have had this matchup circled on the calendar for awhile. Game of the week right here.
Ouch! My Hamstringy! (5-6) v. The King's Crusaders (9-2) - Another game both teams really want. EEB can see the playoffs with a win while Woody likely needs this to stay alive for the bye. Classic matchup here. Can't wait for it.
Team BG (6-5) v. Philly Peppers (9-1-1) - Peppers holds the cards for the first round bye. Win 2 and it's yours. Meanwhile, BG can keep his lead on the pack with a win. A loss throws Team BG into the mix with a ton of other terrible teams.
Stanky Monkeys (3-8) v. Geno 911 (4-7) - Geno needs this to stay alive, although hopes are slim. A Stanky Monkeys win will also just about eliminate Geno.
Pork Chop Express (8-2-1) v. Street Pigeons (2-9) - Probably the game with the least at stake this week. But PCE should win points, so if he ends up tied with Peppers, he still could get the bye. This would be a monumental upset.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to turkey and lots and lots of booze. There may be an EFFL Zoom at some point during the day.
