Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Down to 7

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Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Playoffs on the Horizon


Coming down the home stretch and it's time to start thinking about the playoffs. 4 teams have been knocked out:

  • Stanky Monkeys
  • Bo$$town Cutter
  • Dueling Pylons
  • Cash Me Out Wide (how bou daaaa)
See you in 2018. The fantasy gods were not kind to any of your teams. Let's take a look at what I said about each of your teams after the draft.

Stanky Monkeys: "I'm concerned. I think this could go south quickly." It went south quickly and never recovered. Still could send the Pylons to dead last!

Bo$$town Cutter: "Picking up an extra two picks, you should have abandoned your 15th and 16th round picks. Not only did that not happen, you continued to draft in the 17th and 18th rounds, amassing 20 players, and having to cut 4 guys just for me to enter your roster on the site. Awfully impressive." Nobody panned out. I don't know how much else to say other than that.

Dueling Pylons: "I traded away all my picks to Cutter and gave up after round 8." Also, "I was still drunk at 7 PM Sunday." I don't think anybody is surprised to see this team already eliminated.

Cash Me Out Wide:  THIS IS UNEDITED. "Where to start. You're your own worst enemy. "We're getting 2 for 1 lap dances!" at 6 PM. All you had on the brain was late night. You actually used Pic Stitch to put together a picture of a strip club ticket stub. There are 11 Yelp reviews of that place. One person was drugged, one was robbed.


At some point along the way, things went south. Eli Manning in the 5th round. Then Andrew Luck in the 6th round brought lots of laughter. Then you took ANOTHER QB in the 7th round! I've truly never seen anything like it. And that's the honest truth. In all my years of fantasy football, even with computer auto-draft, I've never seen 3 QBs in the first 7 rounds when you can only start one."

To make matters worse, you actually cut all of those guys!


This is the bottom of the EFFL, and after reading these comments before any games were even played, it's not hard to see why these teams are here. I will have nothing more to say about these sad franchises after this.

CUTTER, PLEASE DO NOT ADD ANYONE VIA FREE AGENCY AFTER THE REGULAR SEASON ENDS. HABITUAL VIOLATOR.

I will say yet again, though. Injuries suck. So many "what could have been" teams.

How bout that Crabtree / Aqib Talib brawl?!?!? Does anybody like Crabtree at all? Anybody? Look at this goon!


How many things can you count that he does wrong?
  1. Went way too hard on a block
  2. Got his chain ripped from his neck AGAIN
  3. Ends up on the bottom of a pile
  4. Gets his helmet ripped off
  5. Starts running with his mouthpiece still in
  6. Tries to punch a guy wearing a helmet
COME ON MAN.



The Eagles might just be having too much fun right now. Premature explosions, electric slides, Bodak Yellow. Somebody is getting injured. It's inevitable.

Meanwhile, just Chuck Pagano channeling Bill Murray and referencing a great movie. And a hurricane is coming! And playoffs?!?!?


I like Doug. Doug is refreshing. Guy getting his feet wet and enjoying successes. Too many bitter old men in the game like Pagano.

You know who I really miss? Johnny Football. Guy did whatever he wanted and actually was decent. Just did wayyyyyy too much coke. I'm hoping Baker Mayfield can fill in his shoes. We need some loudmouth, disrespectful guy QBing an inept franchise. Makes the game fun to watch.

I also know I missed a week. In a fit of rage, I deleted the ESPN app off of my phone (and not due to the ads or automatic playing of high volume ads at any time). I went dark. Wanted nothing to do with fantasy. Nathan Peterman throwing 5 picks against me in one half was too much to take. I knew the season was over. I knew there would be no blog. I knew that was it.

It's very sad that the Bills will never have a home playoff game because they play in the same division as the Patriots. #BillsMafia at home, in January? Sign me up. Look at this wizardry!


Oh, and shoutout to Phil for scoring possibly the lowest score in EFFL history with 42 points. That's unbelievably impressive. And you're in the mix while others are out.

Here are some fun shots from the Superdome:






Beef of the Week: This ridiculous picture above

It was my beef last week. I'm still beefin about it. What kind of sick person thinks "I'm going to get custom Saints tees in 3 different colors for my 3 boys. All of them are going to say 'Bruno Mars' on the back". What is that? Even if you like Bruno Mars, which you shouldn't, why is that what you'd put on the shirt?

Are we going to see the three Fusco children at a Giants game in the future all wearing custom tees with "Squarepants" on the back? Is this a thing? This is awful parenting. Awful awful awful. Either go to a football game or go to a Bruno Mars concert. Pick one. So fucking stupid.


EFFL Playoffs

OK, let's get into the good stuff. 3 teams have clinched: PCE, TPG and King. This means there are 7 teams in play to claim the final 4 spots. Remember the tiebreakers:
  • If one team has a head-to-head tiebreaker over all others, seed that team first.
  • Most points scored
  • Revert to #1 to keep breaking ties
Believe it or not, there are still 4 teams in play for the bye due to the tiebreaking criteria.

TPG - First crack at the bye. Beat Mike Y and it's yours.
PCE - Second shot. Needs a win or tie and a TPG loss. Anything else and you're playing in Round 1.
King - Third up. Need to win and have the two teams ahead slip up. Looking unlikely.
Old Ball Sack - Certainly in play and has tiebreakers over everyone. A win, a Pork Chop Loss, and a King loss will have you in the top spot. Amazing that you could still get the bye and still miss the playoffs.


Win and In:

Old Ball Sack - Losses to TITTY and Geno could hurt, but still in OK shape. Good point total as well. Even with a loss, would still be surprising to see you miss out.

Team Bartholomew - Was looking strong before, but now could be in some trouble with a loss. PCE is no slouch and he's looking to clinch a bye.

Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets - Still in the mix. Still clinches a playoff spot with a win. I don't know how you do it. 2nd lowest points scored. Lowest points allowed. It's actually conceivable that you still get in with a loss.

The 4 6-6 Teams

All of these teams must win or tie to get in. A loss will eliminate you.

A Lot O'Tatz - Point total is good, but you do need some help. Grudge match against Woody means you know he's gonna step his game up. Beat Tatz, TITTY and BG, which could help in a tiebreak scenario. Win and it's looking good for you.

Geno 911 - My how the tables have turned. The Pylons season is over, but the opportunity to eliminate you is awful exciting. Beat a bunch of teams you could end up tied with, so there is hope. Beat EEB, BG, and Mike Y, so also has some good tiebreakers.

Tweeting in the Trenches - Step 1: Beat BG. As is the case with many of the other teams, you've got a couple feathers in your cap: notably Mike Y, Gambino, and Tatz. Point total also isn't that great, so will need things to fall your way. If EEB, Gambino, or Phil fall, you also are in play.

Team BG - Likewise must defeat Fusco to get the ball rolling. Don't take any shit from Fusco. He might wanna push you around. He might wanna take you for granted. Don't let him. You are way behind in points and have lost to every single team in contention other than Phil, which is also a problem for tiebreakers. The good news, however, is that your path is clear. You must win. You must have 2 of EEB, Phil, and Gambino lose. That's not out of the question by any means.


As usual, it has come down to the final week in the EFFL. There are way too many scenarios to consider at this point, so let's see how this thing goes.
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Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Tha Blog is Hot



I know I haven't ripped Scott Hanson enough this year. I'm sorry. He's got at least 4 gems each week that make you think "how is this guy still on air?" This week was a great one. Bears player fumbles at the goal line and John Fox challenges the runner got into the end zone. Turns out, he screwed himself and it resulted in a turnover.

Hanson, meanwhile, was not having any of it. Commenting on the challenge, your on-air host quips "this is becoming one of the most IRRITATING plays in all of football. It seems we have one of these plays every week." The dude fumbled before reaching the goal line. The ball came out of his hands and hit the pylon. Clear touchback. How is that irritating.

At another point he also apologized to the audience for "laying the sarcasm on too thick". Dude is such a clown. I hope NFL Network goes with someone else next year.

Anyway, on to more important things:




I've been waiting for this all season. A power bomb from a black guy in Bills Mafia. This is the best video all season. There was also a streaker in Buffalo! It's exactly as you'd expect. An extremely hairy guy that looks like he went to WVU. I'm not posting that here.





Guy goes to every home game dressed as a damn pineapple! 



Brock Osweiler is back:


That's pretty much all that happened this week. I'm still not buying Rams as legitimate. I think the league is wide open.


Beef of the Week: ESPN Fantasy App

In the most obvious and deserved BOTW ever, ESPN decided at some point this week "hey, we mandate users watch an ad for 15 seconds on desktop. We're missing an opportunity on mobile!"

You open the app. BAM! Immediately you have to watch a full length movie just to see your fantasy score. This is a terrible idea. It takes all of 10 seconds to check your fantasy score. Watching a 15 second ad in order to use the app for 10 seconds makes no sense whatsoever.

Why do something that is just guaranteed to piss off every single one of your users? So stupid.


Bonus! I will have pictures and video from Saints tailgate for the blog next week. Also, remember that nobody can be kept that is added after this week.

It's time to flip over to the playoff standings, because things are so wide open.

10 teams (10!) have either 5 or 6 wins. 2 more teams have 4 wins. This is going to come down to Week 13. It's a mathematical certainty.

6-3-1

The King's Crusaders
Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets

Teams with the same record, tied for first, but with unbelievably different rosters. Phil keeps pulling out wins. Woody keeps trying to live up to the early season dominance. Did he peak too soon? Have the rookies hit the wall? It seems like there's no way Woody can miss the playoffs. Phil could still qualify, as he's a game and a half up. 1 more win may be enough. 7-5-1 usually gets in.


6-4

Pork Chop Express - Finally got it together. Wentz, AB, Thomas, and Diggs is going to be tough down the stretch.

Tequila Party Gnomes - Another team putting their money where their mouth is. DeAndre Hopkins is an absolute stud. Didn't realize just how many points he's scored.

Geno 911 - Actually has good players. Usually near the bottom in points, this team can seriously make the playoffs and make some noise.

Team Bartholomew - Seems like every week someone steps up. Over the mid-season struggle, and seems to be poised for a stretch run. Tough final 3, however.


5-5

Cash Me Out Wide - Most inconsistent team in the league. Puts up 140 one week, puts up 80 the next. This type of team is always dangerous yet rarely wins it all.

Tweeting in the Trenches - Hasn't really found the magic yet and has work to do. Freeman is concussed. Russell Wilson is concussed. Murray is wearing down. The Bears suck. Where are the points coming from?

The Old Ball Sack - Jarvis Landry saved you in garbage time. I won't complain because I needed the help. Still think this team is leaning more towards out than in.

Team BG - Rough loss against Mike Y. King, DP, and TITTY to bring it home is not going to be easy. Don't worry though. The rain's gonna wash it away, I believe it.


4-6

Dueling Pylons - 4th in points scored. 11th in the standings. What else is new? Took a number of brutal losses this season. Should put up points, but will it be enough.

A Lot O'Tatz - UJ threw water on your boner, and you're running out of options. Phil and Cutter before a showdown with the King could keep you in it.


3-7

Bo$$town Cutter - On his last legs. One more loss will officially eliminate you. Must win out to even have a shot. Not looking good.


2-8

x - Stanky Monkeys - It was a rough 2017 for Lou, and this team has been officially eliminated from playoff contention. Cracked 100 points in 3 of 10 weeks. We'll see you at the draft next year.


So with 3 weeks to play, we know... nothing! 7-6 almost definitely will be good enough to get in with everyone beating up on each other. 6-7 may even be enough, but we'll see.

The Patriots are also "at Oakland" in Mexico City, so YO SOY FIESTA!


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Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Blogalicious

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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Who Has the Power?



Beef of the Week: No one man should have all that power! I just don't understand the whole Ezekiel Elliott thing. Him and Dak combined for over 70 points all in my grill. Fucking infuriating.

But I don't understand what is happening. How does Zeke always get a judge that rules in his favor? How does Goodell always get a judge that rules in his favor?

Let's look at the facts:




OK, now really let's look at the facts, with some nice bullet points

  • Triflin' ho screams at Zeke for wanting to bang other chicks
  • Law enforcement determines that there was nothing worthy of pressing charges
  • A year later, the NFL interrogates the woman regarding what she alleges Zeke did to her
  • NFL suspends Zeke
  • Zeke appeals and wins
  • NFL appeals and wins
  • Zeke appeals and wins
  • NFL appeals and wins
  • Zeke appeals and wins
This shit is ridiculous. A smart man here cuts his fucking losses. How much do you lose in game checks from being suspended 6 games? Seems like it's about $600k. Go pay this girl $200k if she tells the NFL she fabricated the whole story (which she almost certainly did). You play, you only lose 2 game checks instead of 6. Seems like a no brainer.

She won, bro. Take this L. She said she was gonna ruin your life, and she did not stop until you became a fat slob that can't even where his cutoff anymore. Beating up on San Fran ain't shit.

But Zeke is an idiot. This will not happen. I guarantee that this drags on. Ultimately the NFL is going to win. Zeke will be suspended, but not before giving it to me raw. 2 days later and I'm still sore. It got so bad that Pylons were out here pushing coaches


There were some GREAT videos this week.

How bout this lady rubbing on rookie Aaron Jones' junk:



Sammy Watkins caught fire:


FitzMagic got suplexed:



But how bout those Eagles? That's a good team! Maybe even the best in the NFC!

I've gotta admit, I was a little slow to get on board with Wentz. He was down with the like of Bortles, Flacco, Siemian, Case Keenum, and Osweiler in QB rating last year. After a 3-0 start, the Eagles had a horrendous run where they went 2-9. People forget that!

Dude's been legit in 2017, though. Escapability, accurate deep passing, guys who can catch the ball. It's been fun to watch, and anybody not on board yet has no excuse. Only team with 1 loss in the league. Football Outsiders gives the Birds a 41.9% chance of being the #1 seed, and a 66.3% chance of getting a bye. Might actually have a shot this year.


Power Rankings

 Another week in the books, and another week the King lays the hammer. Bad news for the lowly Pylons

1. The King's Crusaders (6-1) - Previous: 1
Nothing new to report. Loaded up on Jaguars and appears to be working.

2. Pork Chop Express (4-3) - Previous: 2
Shockingly only 4-3. Allowing by far the most points. I still think you're OK.

3. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-3) - Previous: 4
The King of Monday night wins. Always seems to get it done on Monday night and looking very strong right now.

4. Cash Me Out Wide (4-3) - Previous: 7
I wouldn't say leaving Amari Cooper on the bench gets you votes for "GM of the year". Team is playing well. Nelson Agholor is a top 15 WR. How?!?!

5. Geno 911 (5-2) - Previous: 5
I'm concerned about your Packers. That Aaron Rodgers injury hurt you probably as much as it hurt me.

6. Team BG (4-3) - Previous: 6
Terrelle Pryor sucks something fierce, but OJ Howard waiting in the wings could be big. Done a decent job avoiding the injury bug thus far.

7. Tweeting in the Trenches (3-4) - Previous: 3
Inconsistency is the biggest problem here. I still think you're OK with those RBs. Nothing new to report. Will be up and down.

8. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (5-2) - Previous: 14
Cowboys aren't going to play the Niners every week. I'm sure you'll put up 65 this week.

9. Bo$$town Cutter (2-5) - Previous: 8
Not sure what has happened here. I still think you've got a good roster, but just can't pick up any wins right now. I think you'll fight back, but running out of time.

10. The Old Ball Sack (3-4) - Previous: 10
Whole roster makes me cringe. I wouldn't feel confident throwing out anybody on your roster at this point other than Aaron Jones. That's saying something.

11. Team Bartholomew (3-4) - Previous: 9
Fallen on hard times. Like Cutter, I'm surprised with this record. I think your roster is better than the record indicates. Lost Beast Mode to a fight and a kicker to an injury. Ouch.

12. A Lot O'Tatz (2-5) - Previous: 12
Really gave it to Tatz. You and I are in the exact same boat. Lost a high pick to injury. Other top picks are performing. Getting absolutely nothing from anyone else.

13. Dueling Pylons (2-5) - Previous: 11
See: EEB. Would've beat 5 other teams. Still scoring some points, but it's just not enough right now. Needs to find some magic quickly and about to get smoked by a flame grilled whopper from the King.

14. Stanky Monkeys (2-5) - Previous: 13
You've gotta be frustrated. Players are just not scoring points right now. Haven't found the combination to put it all together.


Week 8 is likely going to be a turning point. A bunch of teams are on the verge of 6 losses, and that's really bad news. 7-6 may not get you into the playoffs. Things are starting to heat up. Good luck to everyone!
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Monday, October 16, 2017

Back on the Map



Yo, fuck this! That's now 3 of 14 teams to already have their first round pick lost for the season. And it sucks. I never, EVER draft a QB early. I finally decided to go for it and this is what happens. Sad Aaron Rodgers wheeled off the field for the final time in 2017.

Like a good neighbor... State Farm is thereeeeeeee. With a new collarbone! But it wasn't. I also didn't make that up. Same shit, different year. So many guys constantly get hurt in football. It's inevitable. But I just was not prepared for this.

It's like when Brady blew out his knee in 2008 on week 1 as I puked in a parking lot on Main Street in Newark, DE. Went and saw Finch with Matt at the Troc on Saturday night. Blew my pants off. What a show. After partying all night, I drove down to Grotto's to watch football. I was so fucked up on the turnpike. Don't even know why I went. I got to Grotto's, couldn't even muscle down a beer, watched Brady get bent in half by the Chiefs, ate half a slice of pizza as Matt and EEB laughed at me, then went and threw up in the parking lot and drove home.

I felt equally as sick yesterday. I'd argue that day in 2008 was the last day the NFL saw its best player get knocked out for the entire season. I don't know how to deal with this. I listened to the audio on Red Zone all day and couldn't even watch. But it's to be expected at this point. Just making it a bit more fair for the rest of the league.




Yuu HAVE to watch it with the sound. HAVE TO!


Absolute gold.

Here's some other fun stuff from the weekend:













PUT ME DOWN!!!

One of the things that I've found so crazy thus far is how inconsistent everything has been in the NFL has been. Literally no "expert" or even Vegas, knows what the hell is going on.

From resident oddsmaker TPG, the Delaware Park teasers went 13-11 this week. For reference that's a 12 point window around the spread for each of 12 games. Exactly 1 of the 12 games played Sunday had a final score in that 12 point window.

Look at what the ESPN guys did: http://www.espn.com/nfl/picks  - Straight up, the leader through Sunday had 6 of 13 picks correct. It's just a total crapshoot right now. Atlanta was the first 13+ point favorite to lose straight up in over 5 years.


Beef of the Week: The Steelers are dirty mother fuckers




Here it is in slow motion:



This is absolutely ridiculous. The Steelers always get away with this and there's a play like this almost every single week. Here's Ryan Shazier earlier this year:




There are plenty more like this, but this hit on Alex Smith is absolutely disgusting. Maybe I'm just a bit more sensitive to injuries, but I thought we were finally past the point of guys intentionally trying to hurt other players. We're not. Guy should be suspended for the entire regular season.


Power Rankings

 Things are a bit sorted, but not really. Still looks like the same two at the top with the rest of the field wide open. But first:

Gambino is 5-1!!! Has anybody else seen this?!?!? How is this possible?

1. The King's Crusaders (5-1) - Previous: 1
Despite finally losing, King is still at the top. Following the Chiefs. Hopefully they go in the tank soon.

2. Pork Chop Express (4-2) - Previous: 2
Just beat #1, but so did the Steelers. They're not the best team. Clear top 1-2 in the league as I've said all season.

I'll be honest.. Just wingin it from here on out.

3. Tweeting in the Trenches (3-3) - Previous: 9
Seriously, who knows. Your RB trio is going to carry you. WRs leave a bit to be desired, but with Josh McCown at the helm, nothing to fear.

4. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-3)- Previous: 6
OH CAPTAIN!!! OH HENRY!!! I like the squad! I think your team has the arrow pointing up. Fitz and Cousins are carrying  you. Win turned into a blowout Monday night.

5. Geno 911 (5-1) - Previous: 8
I'm sure this is the highest I've ever had you. I don't believe it. Ertz is a stud though. Losing Odell hurts.

 6. Team BG (3-3) - Previous: 3
I still like your team. The Patriots combo is on fire now. Team has been putting up points. Could have something in Perine.

7. Cash Me Out Wide (3-3) - Previous: 14
I need a special power ranking for you that is outside the rankings. Point total by week: 73, 123, 55, 75, 135, 152. The variance on that is astronomical.

8. Bo$$town Cutter (2-4) - Previous: 5
Fallen on hard times. Outsmarted yourself leaving Carlos Hyde and the win on the bench in favor of Duke Johnson and biased homerism Mike Gillislee.

9. Team Bartholomew (3-3) - Previous: 4
Team age is really starting to show. But I still think your team could easily move up. You've avoided injuries and have 2 of the top 10 players in the league. Tough week with byes.

10. The Old Ball Sack (2-4) - Previous: 11
Team is in the shitter. Can't figure out who to start. Only bright spot is Deshaun Watson, and that run of good luck has to come to an end sometime.

11. Dueling Pylons (2-4) - Previous: 7
Ugh. Nothing more to say.

12. A Lot O'Tatz (1-5) - Previous: 12
Didn't realize how bad things had gotten. Defending champion SHAMED! Olsen is hurt. The Falcons look like trash without Kyle Shanahan. I don't know, man.

13. Stanky Monkeys (2-4) - Previous: 10
Snuck out a win, but things have not gotten better. Sammy Watkins is a ghost. Now Sanders is hurt. Matt Ryan has the same number of picks as INTs.

14. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (4-2) - Previous: 13
No way. If this team makes the playoffs, I will be stunned. Put up 71 points and got a win. Now Jameis is hurt too. I have to give you credit. Still picking up wins.


Hope you enjoyed the blog comeback. My apologies for the lapse last week. The standings are CLOSE!
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Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Karma Haunts Imbesi



BREAKING: Ezekiel Elliott wins injunction from Texas court. NFL barred from imposing suspension for duration of lawsuit (likely all season).

Thanks everyone for Zeke and DJ. Where do you want me to pick where our draft party is next year?


These are the words sent from one Phil Imbesi on September 8th, right before the season began. Since that fateful email went out, Phil has lost David Johnson, C.J. Fiedorowicz, Dalvin Cook, Jordan Matthews, Michael Crabtree, and Davante Adams was almost decapitated. Zeke has his suspension looming still. Team is in absolute shambles.

I have to admit. I'm upset about Dalvin. Guy looked good and was really fun to watch. As soon as he got up and went over and hugged coach Zimmer, I knew he was done. There's work to be done.

Also, I've decided the blog will be published on Tuesday nights from now on. I'm tired of having an incomplete picture just to get the blog out. Deal with it.

Monday night was wild. Not just because Travis Kelce, chief douchebag did this:


But, in case you missed it, arguably the worst bad beat I've ever seen. And in true hilarious fashion, Lobitz had Redskins +7. Watch this final play:


That's BRUTAL. The clock was on 0:00 for at least 10 seconds. Absolutely disgusting. That's the type of shit that happens on Monday nights. It's a miracle it didn't swing a fantasy game in the EFFL.

But my favorite.. FAVORITE moment from Sunday was this absolute EXPLOSION from Philip Rivers


What in the world is he yelling into his helmet? Best "caption this" in the comments will be featured in a one-on-one interview for the blog next week.

You know who really sucks? Ben McAdoo. Guy tried to channel his inner Jim Mora "Playoffs?!?!? I'm just trying to win a damn game!" It didn't work. He should resign and save us all the misery. Get back to BBQs and power tools. I'm not going to post the clip. It sucks.

This is how you really don't care.


Football has provided tremendous enjoyment this year. Parlays have been terrible, but oh well. Seems like there's some incredible stuff happening every week, but...

Beef of the Week: Doug Pederson

It's a miracle Doug has escaped this long. REFUSES. REFUSES to give LeGarrette Blount the ball. It was so bad last week that the crowd cheered every time he got on the field. I don't understand why it's so hard to feed your horse. He's running over everyone.

4 PM games are dangerous. I was hammered before the game even started. This led to a lot of yelling. More like pleading. I lost count of how many times I screamed "PLEASE DOUG! PLEASE!"

Then this FINALLY happened:


I lost my shit. As he's rumbling I immediately burst into the Big Lebowski bit "DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?!?!? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS LARRY?!?!?!" I didn't even try to change it to Doug. I stopped myself short of screaming "when you fuck a stranger in the ass" in the middle of a crowded bar. That's the loudest I've yelled for a sporting event in at least 5 years. It was glorious. There must be more of that.


Power Rankings

1. The King's Crusaders (4-0) - Previous: 1
Could this be a runaway. Preseason #1 King is obliterating the competition. 572 points to date. Only one other team is over 450. Must be nice.

2. Pork Chop Express (3-1) - Previous: 2
Got banged by Terrelle Pryor Sr. Have another one of those weeks and you could fall. Still OK for now.

3. Team BG (3-1) - Previous: 5
Team finally looks like it's coming together despite Derek Carr breaking his back. Solid, unspectacular team that could surprise.

4. Team Bartholomew (2-2) - Previous: 4
Gurley looks like a total stud, which moves you up in my book. The Gurley-AJ combo may be the best 1-2 in the league. Tough loss this week.

5. Bo$$town Cutter (2-2) - Previous: 3
I'm seeing a few cracks. Team scored less than 100 points despite over 40 from the kicker and defense. Played a tough schedule thus far, so should pick it up soon.

6. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) - Previous: 6
Team is starting to come alive. Hitching the wagon to the Redskins looks OK so far. Alvin Kamara could become a real player.

7. Dueling Pylons (1-3) - Previous: 12
Finally got in the win column. DP is right in the middle of the pack in points scored despite the slow start. Team has improved each week, which has to count for something.

8. Geno 911 (3-1) - Previous: 9
Can't believe you're 3-1. First time since 2013. I think you could potentially move up. Team is playing well. 

9. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-2) - Previous: 10
Another team I feel is solid, but unspectacular. Consistently improving and the 3 RBs haven't bit the dust yet. Still massively concerned about WRs.

10. Stanky Monkeys (1-3) - Previous: 11
Welcome to Sammy Watkins hell. 2 points in a critical game?!? Never seen that one before. Team is healthy just very inconsistent. Should be in it all the way.

11. The Old Ball Sack (1-3) - Previous: 13
Someone had to be the best of the worst. Other than Jordy Nelson, team is really struggling. Perhaps DeShaun Watson can rescue you. Not looking good.

12. A Lot O'Tatz (1-3) - Previous: 8
Not sure where you can turn. Alshon and Julio just are not delivering at stud levels. RBBC sucks the BBC. Might be time to burn that waiver priority to get a good player.

13. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (2-2) - Previous: 7
Probably a bit harsh, but this is more about who's left standing on your squad. Good news is you already have some wins under your belt.

14. Cash Me Out Wide (1-3) - Previous: 14
I have no idea what's going on with this team. 326 points scored through 4 games. Drafted QBs in rounds 5, 6 and 7 and cut all 3 before Week 4. That's not a recipe for success. Amari Cooper is terrible.


Been a wild ride thus far. Last place and 2nd place are separated by all of 2 games, which makes things fun. Looking forward to more wild yelling this Sunday. Good luck everyone.
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Monday, September 25, 2017

This Son of a Bitch is Ice Cold!

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Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Celebrations Are Back!

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