How Times Have Changed

The EFFL landscape is significantly different than it was just 3 weeks ago.  The Pylons were 0-4.  The Stone Masons were 4-0.  All was right in the world.  Since then, the standings in the EFFL have turned upside down.  The Pylons are looking stronger and stronger each week.  Week 7 marked by far the best performance of the season and a resurgence by last year's #1 fantasy player Arian Foster.  Total domination.  The only contact from Gambino the entire day was one text message.  It read "fuck you".  I gotta admit, I was smiling for awhile.  The fantasy gods finally got their check in the mail and turned fortune in favor of the classiest organization in the league.  I was slandered all day Saturday and told by TPG that the Pylons were a joke, and he did not hate any team more.  Fine!  Good!  Nobody wants in on this right now.

The bye weeks certainly took their toll as TITTY and the Masons each were reeling without their full stable of horses.  As usual Woody picks up half his team off the waiver wire and they explode.  But the game of the week belonged to the Eyepatches-Monkeys.  The Stanky Monkeys are on the ropes folks.  Now owners of a 5 game losing streak, victory was snatched from his hands when the Saints put up 62 points on the hapless Colts.  John Kasay was the hero for Jimish putting up a remarkable 15 points to give the Eyepatches the victory.  His season may have been saved with this performance.  The standings are certainly much more close now, which just reminds us how quickly things can change over the course of a season.  I'm fired up.

All in all it was a pretty uneventful week around the league.  Donkey Kong Suh made fun of an injured Matt Ryan which was cool.  On to the coaching moron:

Norv of the week: Mike Munchak

It's blatantly obvious at this point that the man has no clue how to properly use Chris Johnson.  I get it.  You're a rookie head coach.  But 10 carries?  Really?  This is the 4th time in 6 games this season that Johnson has received 14 or fewer carries.  What the hell is the man supposed to do with that few touches.  Matt Hasselbeck got cut by the Seahawks!  He's washed up and everyone knows it.  Hasselbeck averaged 3.5 yards per pass attempt.  I just can't for the life of me fathom why you will not give CJ the ball.  Johnson came out and said "I'm just doing what they're asking me to do".  Get him outside in space.  Give him a chance to use his speed.  Teams are aware that without the speed Johnson is just an average back, so you need to exploit it.  The Titans are going to fade quickly, I guarantee it.

I'm more interested in fantasy football than the real NFL this week.  Eagles, Giants, Patriots, Bills all on a bye... it was a nice relaxing Sunday finally.

1. Coach Janky Spanky (6-1) - Last week: 2

We finally have a new team in the top spot of the power rankings and it's well deserved.  This team continues to put points on a board at a very high rate.  The Lil Breesy-Graham combo has been deadly.  I could go without Cris Collinsworth giving everybody Jimmy Graham's well documented life story for 20 minutes which everybody already knew about.  Add Forte, Roddy White, Maclin and the emerging AJ Green, and you have the team that deserves to be at the top.  I'm sure you'll be ecstatic.

2. The Stone Masons (4-3) - Last week: 1

The Masons were severely hurt by the bye week, which I was afraid of.  The loss was enough to drop the Masons out of the top spot, but this team still has tons of potential.  It's also not your fault that anyone Chris adds automatically does well.  It was refreshing however to see the use of Derrick Mason, which I'm sure got you fired up.  The 3 game losing streak is a bit worrisome, but I'm sure there will be an immediate turnaround when back at full strength.

3. Tequila Party Gnomes (5-2) - Last week: 4

Don't look now but the Gnomes are on quite a roll.  An earlier loss to the King hampered TPG, but they have rebounded nicely and cruised to victory despite not having Brady.  This team dealt with a number of injuries early in the season, but as they get through the byes and get healthy, the Gnomes are definitely legit.  At this point looking like the only guy that can catch Janky Spanky for a first round bye.  Peterson is a monster.

4. Tweeting In The Trenches (4-3) - Last week: 3

Wow, what a lineup in week 7.  Maurice Morris, Kevin Walter, and two Browns.  Never really had a shot, which is understandable, but barely fielded a lineup.  The entire bulk of the team was on a bye so what we saw is obviously not representative of the true strength of this team.  Needs to be careful not to fall into the pack that is pushing at the bottom of the standings to creep into the playoffs.  Here's a picture of TITTY attempting to intimidate the Gnomes in week 7:

5. Dueling Pylons (3-4) - Last week: 6

The Pylons are back baby.  Foster, Sproles, Dez all dominated and all of this with Vick, VD and Gronkowski on a bye.  This team has won 3 straight, put up the high score in week 7, and looks very strong right now.  Currently in possession of the #6 seed, this team could creep into the top half of the league soon.  It was a huge relief to avoid a league shaming, and to do it in such a big way gave extra satisfaction.  Could get back to .500 after an 0-4 star and eventually do the unthinkable of making the playoffs.  Pylons highlight of the week was after the Broncos recovered an onside kick, Tim Tebow stopping to praise Jesus, who recovered the fumble for him to get another shot to win it.

6. Lady Luck (6-1) - Last week: 5

After a big start, finally took their first loss of the season at the hands of Janky Spanky.  A commendable start which will go a long way towards making the playoffs.  I think what we saw this week is more of what this team is really made of.  It's a whole different ballgame when your kicker doesn't put up 30 points.  I think Lady Luck will be in the playoffs when all is said and done, but I don't think this team really scares anyone at this point.  It is what it is.  Good luck or bad.

7. The King's Crusaders (3-4) - Last week: 7

Impressive week 7 total helped to beat up on a shorthanded team, but you will not see this kind of performance every week.  DeMarco Murray, Fred Davis, the kicker, and defense put up 86 points.  Disgusting.  I think this team is actually thinner than it appears, and I wouldn't be shocked to see some mediocre weeks ahead.  Packers bye week next week certainly won't help, and if the playoffs started today would be on the outside looking in.  I'm skeptical at this point.

8. Animals With Eyepatches (2-5) - Last week: 9

Got a much needed win with a bit of luck, but a win is a win.  Facing a red hot Pylons team next week may be too tall of a task, but Jimish gave himself the opportunity to play his way back into the mix.  Santonio Holmes and Delicious Mendenhall appear to be major busts, which is unfortunate.  The loss of Tim Hightower will now hurt even more.  The Eyepatches will need to be active on the waiver wire to stay in it.

9. Stanky Monkeys (2-5) - Last week: 8

What an awful, awful way to lose in Week 7.  Losing both starting running backs to injury in the first quarter and then losing a WR as well is painful.  Having a kicker score 15 to beat you by 3 is even worse.  5 losses in a row, and the Monkeys are in serious danger right now.  Without the tiebreaker against the Pylons or King, effectively needs to pass two teams that are two games ahead in the final 6 weeks.  With a thinned out roster, things are not looking good.  Week 8 is really a must win game.  This could be a historic season with the Monkeys and King on the outside looking in.  I will say that I know for a fact that Lou is devastated.  He's not even using the nasty line this year, just keeps taking the blows on the chin.  I'm starting to feel a little bad.  But not really.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-7) - Last week: 10

No wins.  Lowest scoring team.  Blown out by the lowly Pylons.  To add insult to injury, Marshawn Lynch was scratched pregame and Pete Carroll didn't think it was necessary to let anybody know.  I don't have anything positive to say about this team.  There's no hope.  Should be out of the playoff picture by week 10 the latest.  I'd start trying to sell pieces for keepers.  Just not to Woody.  He's a schemer.  Seriously, don't trade with him.  You too Sam.


Week 8 matchups:

Tequila Party Gnomes (5-2) v Coach Janky Spanky (6-1)... great game to look forward to
Dueling Pylons (3-4) v Animals With Eyepatches (2-5)
Tweeting In The Trenches (4-3) v First Down Syndrome (0-7)
Lady Luck (6-1) v The Stone Masons (4-3)

and the game of the week...

The King's Crusaders (3-4) v Stanky Monkeys (2-5)

This is a massive, massive game for both teams.  If the Stanky Monkeys do not take this game, they may as well kiss the season goodbye.  The hill would be almost impossible to climb and too many teams ahead just won't allow it.  Not having tiebreakers is a big problem as well.  Meanwhile, the King is desperately trying to get back to .500 and really needs to keep pace with the Pylons for the final spot.  Historically, these two teams have the two best winning percentages in the league.  They have 4 of the 6 championships between them.  But both are at a crossroads and are facing the possibility of not making the playoffs.  I expect both teams to pull out all the stops to win this one.  If Andre Johnson can get back, it would be a major boost.  I'm really looking forward to this one.  I like the Monkeys in a close one.  It should come down to Monday night.


Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and the games in week 7.  I also hope everyone enjoys the new blog layout.  It was due for a change.

A Brand New Season

Was there ever any doubt what the picture of this week's blog would be??  If you live under a rock and missed the Harbaugh/Schwartz altercation, here's a quick recap.  Niners win.  Harbaugh comes sprinting off sideline and gives Schwartz a slap like your boy just made the final cup to send you into the finals of a beer pong tournament.  Schwartz goes sprinting after Harbaugh down the field and tries to beat ass.  He's then restrained by media personnel.  That's the shit!  If anybody is not on board for Lions that's fine.  I still have my historic 2008 Lions pocket schedule in a safe place.  It's a priceless item.  But this sort of emotion has been a long time coming.  Side note:  Does anybody know if the Packers and Rams played a 2nd half?  I took a good half hour to figure this out and came up empty.  Also, while watching this Monday night game I got to thinking... which New York player gets more overhyped from one good playoff run... Eli Manning or Shonn Greene?

The EFFL playoff picture is as muddled as can be.  The teams at the top seem to be safely at the top, but there is currently a 3 way tie for the 6th and final playoff spot.  If the season ended today, the #6 seed would actually belong to the seemingly dead Pylons, due to head to head wins over both other 2-4 teams.  This is a shocking development.  And with games against the bottom two teams in the next two weeks, the Pylons could actually end up at .500 after starting 0-4.  Wow.  Meanwhile, Lady Luck continued to roll, and now owns the first ever 6-0 start in EFFL history.  While I have been, and continue to remain, a huge hater, congratulations certainly are in order.  Winning 6 in a row is certainly no easy feat, but the points against are a huge, huge advantage.  This team could seemingly have a playoff spot locked up by week 9 or 10 at this rate.

It really looks like the battle is going to be for the bottom seeds, but anything can happen.  There are still 7 weeks to play, and before you know it, this will be a playoff preview.  I also cannot believe how truly awful First Down Syndrome is.  There is a serious threat that this team may not win a game all season.  It's not even like he can sell off parts for better keepers.  This year has just been a total failure thus far.  I am now on the hook and will probably need to call out of work again next Monday with a loss next week.  I hope it does not happen.

Norv of the Week: Mike Shanahan

This is the first time that there has been an outside nomination for Norv of the Week, and I must say it is well deserved.  Kurt Coleman became the first Eagles player to have 3 interceptions in a game in almost 50 years.  Fact.  I can't fathom how Rex Grossman is still a starting quarterback in this league.  Kurt Coleman of all people stated that just by watching film he knew exactly what Rex Grossman was going to do.  He's been exposed, and it's just going to go downhill.  10 targets for Jabar Gaffney says it all.  41 dropbacks for the QB's versus 12 runs.  Coming off a bye, this is just awful, awful coaching.

It really makes you wonder whether Shanahan would have won anything in Denver without Elway and Terrell Davis.  The Redskins just can't get it right.  Spurrier, Joe Gibbs, now Shanahan.  They hire coaches that seemingly are great picks, but there's a reason that no other team in the NFL wanted these guys.  They're products of good players and not the other way around.  The Skins will be at the bottom of the division before you know it.  Here's the classic clip: 

 

Not much movement at all this week.  Power Rankings after Week 6:

1. The Stone Masons (4-2) - Last week: 1

The Masons hold on to the top spot this week despite the tough loss, but the gap has closed.  Shady, FJax and Tron is a dirty triple combo, but the other pieces have not been up to snuff the past couple weeks.  It'll be interesting to see how Brandon Lloyd fares in St. Louis.  Started a remarkable 3 Buffalo Bills in week 6, setting a league record.  With the Bills and Eagles on a bye in week 7, could have a rough outing, but there is no reason at all to think this is not a playoff team.

2. Coach Janky Spanky (5-1) - Last week: 2

Easily disposed of the Eyepatches to move to 5-1.  With the bottom half of the league struggling, sit a comfortable 3 games up on a playoff spot with only 7 to go.  Has to be eyeing the most regular season points and best regular season record payout bonuses.  Jimmy Graham has been absolutely dominating and may be the fantasy MVP through 6 weeks.  I think the top 2 teams really show how important the late rounds of the draft are.  The top picks are usually close together, but being sharp while opponents are watching World Series of Poker or being pulled away from their draft by the wife will win you leagues.

3. Tweeting In The Trenches (4-2) - Last week: 3

The Jahvid Best injury is going to hurt, but I think this team is the strongest top to bottom of the next 3.  Got a huge win on Monday night to move to 4-2.  Teams 3-5 are all very close but with Frank Gore looking like his former Pylons self, there is room to grow.  This team needs to put it together and get some wins, however, because hungry teams will be gunning for TITTY as the season winds down.  Any more injuries could also be devastating, but right now this team is holding solid.

4. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-2) - Last week: 4

Got a huge win in Week 6 over a surging Woody squad and now sits in a great spot.  Could even be fighting for a first round bye before all is said and done.  Could a certain Tree be the key to a big season?  Now in his 3rd season, the former top 10 pick seemed like a forgotten man, but the 49ers are 5-1 and Crabtree could definitely be the go to guy.  Without an injury to the big 3, will be a contender for sure.  I'm a TPG fan, and even moreso when you take down Woody.

5. Lady Luck (6-0) - Last week: 5

Great start to the season.  This team has gotten 19+ points from either a kicker or defense in 5 out of 6 weeks.  I doubt this could ever happen to anybody else but Sam.  Everything just seems to fall perfectly into place.  I'm getting a little closer to bumping this squad up, but every week just seems like a fluke.  Would need a small miracle to not make the playoffs at this point.  Is very close in the rankings to the two teams ahead.

6. Dueling Pylons (2-4) - Last week: 8

Pretty much dead even with the King at this point, but gets the edge due to head to head win and 2 game winning streak.  Really feels like week 6 was the worst week the Pylons will have for awhile.  Only one player found the end zone, and it should go up from there.  Tebow mania is also about to begin.  I'm expecting more big weeks ahead, especially with the playoffs now back to being a realistic possibility.  Faces the bottom two teams in the league in the next two weeks.  Tremendous opportunity.

7. The King's Crusaders (2-4) - Last week: 6

What is going on here?  Is Jermichael Finley a bust?  Matt said it best.  Only Chris could start the Bengals D and have them break 20 points.  I don't think anybody would face this team at this point and be really scared of anyone other than Aaron Rodgers.  Needs to right the ship quickly with surging Pylons now a threat, but this team should find a way to be in it til the end.  I want to see more before I consider moving this team up.

8. Stanky Monkeys (2-4) - Last week: 7

Stanky Monkeys are reeling.  Now losers of 4 straight, and Peyton Hillis is injured.  Relying on (in no particular order) Panthers, Browns, Raiders, Jaguars players.  Needs Andre Johnson to get healthy in a desperate way.  I don't think it's any coincidence that perennial league powers have both lost top picks to injury and are both near the bottom of the standings.  Huge couple weeks coming up with games against the Eyepatches, Kings, Pylons again in the next 4 weeks.  Make or break time.

9. Animals With Eyepatches (1-5) - Last week: 9

Rough week against Janky Spanky and really never had a shot.  Needs Delicious to continue producing to stay in it.  The good news is that even still at 1-5 is only 1 game out of the playoffs, so clearly still alive.  I just look at this roster and do not see the depth or stars that many of the teams ahead have.  Dwayne Bowe is heating up and Jerome Simpson looks like he could be a player, but this team is going to need to win games sooner rather than later.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-6) - Last week: 10

Another week, another loss.  To make matters even worse, the only decent RB on the roster went down with a multi week injury.  It's even so bad that NFL teams are cutting players from their roster before FDS is.  The only real question is will Lee Evans get a spot start against the Pylons in week 7?  Only a matter of time before this team is knocked out of the playoffs.

This is the state of the league at the end of Week 6.  It is a much more enjoyable time blogging when the Pylons are coming off a win.

The week 7 matchups are:

Dueling Pylons (2-4) v First Down Syndrome (0-6)

Stanky Monkeys (2-4) v Animals With Eyepatches (1-5)

Tequila Party Gnomes (4-2) v Tweeting In The Trenches (4-2) ... a special Gents matchup

The King's Crusaders (2-4) v The Stone Masons (4-2)

and the game of the week...

Coach Janky Spanky (5-1) v Lady Luck (6-0)

These teams could actually be playing for a first round bye.  The two hottest teams in the league square off, and I think this is as much of a statement game for Sam as any.  I think moving to 7-0 and taking down the league's highest scoring team would certainly earn some respect around the league.  Conventional wisdom would say just pick Janky Spanky and move forward, but I think this will be a close game.  Should be high scoring.  I'm gonna go with the "upset" here and say Lady Luck moves to 7-0.  I'd like to see an undefeated season.

Good luck to everyone in Week 7.  Some pivotal matchups this week that can really knock some teams down a peg.

Juan Castillo is an Offensive Line Coach

Wow I can't believe what a crazy week it was.  The byes clearly had a negative effect on the scores, and many games came down to the wire.  The Pylons were able to escape with their first victory of the season while TPG was able to hang on to defeat the Masons for the first time this season.  FDS continued to prove why he is the worst team in the league.  Stanky Monkeys have ripped off a 3 game losing streak and could be in jeopardy of missing the playoffs for only the second time.  The first was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.  Nonstop questioning of "How?  That team is so nasty!" made it even that much better.

Week 5 really showed how close the teams in this league actually are.  Two teams that started out 0-4 are only a game out of a playoff spot with 8 weeks to go.  Everybody is still in it except Gambino, as it should be.  Just like it came down to one spot for three teams last year, we could end up in a similar scenario here.  I will take this time to do a little self promotion.  I've added a chat box to the main page of the league site, so you can leave messages there for the rest of the league to see.  Or during gameday post how much you can't stand the Woodys and wish they would just combine their team for the good of the league.  Week 5 was by far the lowest scoring week of the season with only two teams cracking 120.  Good to see Jimish back in solid form.  I received an anonymous text today being thankful for not playing Jimish.  Really made me laugh.  On to the total idiocy of Norv...

Norv of the Week: Andy Reid

Yes the blog title says it all.  Juan Castillo is not a defensive coordinator.  And refusing to pick a linebacker higher than the 5th round is not going to win you anything.  I vividly remember during free agency that Mr. Gravett demanded the signing of a linebacker.  One man in particular caught his eye.  Stephen Tulloch was in the top 5 in the league in tackles in 2010, and odds are most of you had never heard of him.  He played for Eagles defensive line coach Jim Washburn in his "wide 9" defense in Tennessee.  He was the perfect fit for this defense.  But, the Eagles opted for Nnamdi "The number of people I can cover equals the number of people that can pronounce my last name" Asomugha.  I don't know what this guy did in Oakland, if he only covered short and didn't have to run with the receiver.  But, he's a bust.  He's a disaster.

Going back to our boy Tulloch, he opted for an up and coming team who had never won anything, but showed tremendous promise and a commitment to stopping the run.  That team is the 5-0 Detroit Lions.  Meanwhile, the Eagles ever changing rotation of Brian Rolle, Moise (Moses) Fokou, and Casey Matthews can't stop anybody.  The team is a disaster.  Suck for Luck may actually be Suck for Gruden.  I wouldn't be surprised to see Chucky on the sidelines next year with Ron Jaworski as the QB coach and Mike Tirico as special black advisor.

A note about the power rankings... This is the first week I am truly torn in the power rankings.  Too much has gone down, and it is very difficult to rank these teams.  Do not be offended.

1. The Stone Masons (4-1) - Last Week: 1

Despite the first loss of the season, I continue to think the Masons have the best team.  If you have two #1 receivers whose teams put up a combined 55 points, you should get more than 9 fantasy points.  Just an unfortunate week where benching Reggie Wayne for Brandon Lloyd cost you a victory.  There are better days ahead, and this team is still my favorite.  Bye weeks approach, but the depth of this team is what makes it stand out above the rest.

2. Coach Janky Spanky (4-1) - Last Week: 3

This team has continued to put up consistent point totals despite still having a picture of Clinton Porits as his logo.  Obviously this week Eric Decker puts up a nasty 2 points.  For the most part this team doesn't look like it has too many holes and for the time being slides in above the rest, but I still remain a little skeptical.  Matt Forte as the #1 RB just baffles me.  In pretty good shape through 5 weeks.

3. Tweeting In The Trenches (3-2) - Last Week: 2

After giving a guarantee of victory of Lady Luck and failing, lucky to not be moved down further.  I had faith that the Fusco will would be strong enough to take down the other undefeated, but it was not to be.  I still think this team is pretty scary and has a ton of potential, but lineup decisions have been difficult so far.  Chris Johnson looks like a bust, but Welker is clearly making up for it.  I just hope this team can finally crack through and make the playoffs for the first time.

4. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-2) - Last Week: 5

Outstanding win over the top ranked team in the league.  I think Peterson had 3 TDs before the Cardinals even touched the ball on Sunday.  Leslie Frazier heeded the advice offered after he was named Norv of the Week.  FEED YOUR HORSE.  If he continues to do so, TPG becomes a very scary team.  Brady is a threat to throw for 500 every week.  This team looks like it will be able to put injuries behind them and be a contender for a bye all season.  With the win over the Masons, is only 1 game behind the spot for the bye.

5. Lady Luck (5-0) - Last Week: 7

I've been stubborn and hesitant to move this team up.  I really don't understand, but with the combination of Miles Austin's huge 2 weeks and Pierre Garcon's huge 2 weeks, they together have put up numbers only bested by Welker.  Nobody else in the league could do it.  I can't imagine this team continuing to win, but has an absolute cupcake matchup in Week 6.  I guess this is somehow a top 5 team, I just really don't know where to put a team that has only 1 good player.

6. The King's Crusaders (2-3) - Last Week: 4

Being away from fantasy football has taken its toll on this squad.  Not resorting to usual tricks of waving a white flag on Thursday, which has clearly come back to bite them.  Usual strategy of backup running backs and strong receiving corps is also not working because all the receivers are garbage.  He himself said it best when he stated this team is filled with too many boom or bust players.  This past week was a bust.  Always a contender, but right now teams ahead are just playing better.

7. Stanky Monkeys (2-3) - Last Week: 6

Is the only team in the league that has trended down week after week.  It's amazing considering this team has a top 4 QB, RB, WR, and TE.  The Andre Johnson injury is really, really hurting and this team just doesn't have the same firepower without him.  First opportunity to root against Vick comes in Week 5.  Similar to the King, this team has the potential to turn it around, but the teams ahead deserve to be there.  I think this team will be in a battle for a playoff spot all season, but more towards the bottom half.

8. Dueling Pylons (1-4) - Last Week: 8

Needed that win desperately.  With the Packers continuing to threaten to score, the lead dwindled and did not stop until the final gun.  A last minute pick by the Pack would have resulted in a tie if it had been run back for a TD.  Amazingly only a game out of the playoffs at this time and a ton of talent on the roster.  Arian Foster looks like he is back to his top 5 form from 2010 and Darren Sproles is what Reggie Bush wishes he could be.  There is more to come from the Pylons, believe me.

9. Animals With Eyepatches (1-4) - Last Week: 9

Woke up with a monster 140 point performance to absolutely destroy the league cupcake.  Didn't really need to make that big of a statement, but it was impressive nonetheless.  If this team is healthy, could definitely put together a solid group of starters.  Had to get that first win somehow.  A week 6 win would show that the one big week was not a fluke.  I'm intrigued.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-5) - Last Week: 10

5 weeks.  5 rankings of dead last.  It's not just me hating, it's your team.  Obviously Lady Luck gets the lucky opportunity of facing this team with the only 2 respectable players of the roster on a bye.  Somehow still rostering Lee Evans.  Don't even know what to say.  I'd be just shocked beyond belief if this team won more than 3 games this season.

Not too much movement in this week's rankings, but the teams are much closer together than the week before.  Good to see the league standings get a little tighter as we move into the middle of the season.  Here is what we are looking at in week 6:

Lady Luck (5-0) v First Down Syndrome (0-5) ... Barf
Stanky Monkeys (2-3) v Dueling Pylons (1-4)
Coach Janky Spanky (4-1) v Animals With Eyepatches (1-4)
Tweeting In The Trenches (3-2) v The Stone Masons (4-1)

and the game of the week...

The King's Crusaders (2-3) v Tequila Party Gnomes (3-2)

These two teams just faced each other in Week 4, and due to scheduling complications will meet for the second time in three weeks.  These teams flat out do not like each other.  Each is in a very interesting position, with TPG coming off an emotional win and the King a heartbreaking defeat.  The importance of this game so early in the season is due to the fact that the King took the first matchup, and with a win here would own the season tiebreaker over the Gnomes.  If the Gnomes can win, they would be 2 games up with a split of the season series.  Narrowly holding onto a playoff spot, a loss for King would create a massive battle for one of the final spots.  I like what I've seen from TPG, and the byes for the Crusaders seem to me to be too much.  I'm taking TPG.

I may be passing through the tri-state area this Sunday so perhaps some football watching is in order?  Either way I look forward to hearing the rants from you all as the games get that much more tense.  Use the chat box!!

Who Got The Memo?

Normally, when you see a picture like this, you would expect it to be me photographed.  In a totally heterosexual way, you might be wondering "Who is this guy???"  Here's a hint... The man photographed in the picture above scored two touchdowns this week, leading Coach Janky Spanky to another monster game.  He is none other than University of Minnesota product Eric Decker.  As I write this, Mark Teixeira is beaned.  LOL.  Anyway, this might just be one of the craziest seasons I have ever seen.  If I would have sat you down at the draft, told you the secrets to life... that to lead your team to the fantasy promised land you should hang your hat on the trio of Matt Forte, Eric Decker, and Jimmy Graham, what would you have told me?  You'd have said I was a crazy person.  This shouldn't be the way that things go down, yet I was pillaged and violated for 157 points this week.  If you're counting, which any good EFFL owner is, that makes 593 points allowed for the Dueling Pylons this week.  148.25 points against per week.  What. The. Fuck.

Something I did has angered the fantasy gods beyond belief.  The 593 points are by far the most scored against any team in a 4 game span in EFFL history.  It eclipses the previous record also of 574 also held by the Pylons in the 2009 season.  I'll admit, my team has not been up to snuff so far, but this is just awful.  It makes football not fun.  Combined with the fact that the Eagles have been a total trainwreck, the 2011 season has not been kind.  If not for a need to travel from NJ back to NY on Sunday, I probably would have had to call out of work for the second time in four weeks.  And yes, after week 2 I did call in sick due to alcohol related illnesses.  Speaking of the Eagles...

Norv of the Week recipient Week 4: Ronnie Brown

This is the first time that the Norv award has not gone to a head coach.  But now that I think a little more, Andy Reid is very much responsible.  Since the Wildcat last worked in 1972, every time a running back who is notorious for running the formation has entered the game, he has run it up the middle.  You bring Ronnie Brown in the game on 3rd and goal from the 1 and nobody is fooled.  He's getting the ball and not throwing it.  That was half of the success of the Wildcat was the threat to actually throw the ball.  But this strategy has been scrapped and it was blatantly obvious to everyone in the building what was coming.  I continue to push the same philosophy.  If everybody in the stands knows what's coming, you can be damn sure the opponent does too.

Now to the play... What can possibly be going through your mind that would cause you to throw the ball away on 3rd and goal from the 1... MARTINEZ!!!!!!  Eat it Burnett!!!!!  So you're being tackled at the goal line.  A sure 3 points are in your grasp if you just go down like a normal person.  But you don't.  You decide to try and throw the ball randomly to a teammate who has never seen a person being tackled at the goal line actually try to throw the ball to another person.  This play may have defined the 2011 Eagles season, and if it has you can be damn sure Andy is gone.  This is pretty much all Ronnie Brown has done well all season: http://yfrog.com/kj1m8puj  Disaster of a day on Sunday.  Ronnie just was the man to receive the brunt of the blow.

Power Rankings after Week 4

1. The Stone Masons (4-0) - Last Week: 1

Another week and another victory for the Masons.  4-0 for the first time and feeling pretty good about it.  There was a sense of panic at a few points both Sunday and Monday.  The reality that the Masons may actually lose to FDS weighed heavily on BG.  But thankfully Josh Freeman came through on Monday night and saw the Masons through.  Any time you go up against Gambino on a Monday night bad things can happen, but after an awful performance Sunday night, it was inevitable that this team would prevail.

2. Tweeting In The Trenches (3-1) - Last Week: 2

I spoke with a very candid Chris Fusco who told me in an exclusive interview that this was the year of the TITTY.  While I cannot argue that this has been a good year for some titty, I am a little hesitant that fantasy football is the forum for this decision.  Each week, however, this team is slowly growing on me a little bit more.  Interesting to note that Fusco has never made the playoffs in his two year EFFL tenure and that the Masons have missed the playoffs three years running.  There is a changing of the guard in this league.

3. Coach Janky Spanky (3-1) - Last Week: 4

When you put up the second high score of the week and the team in front of you gets blown out, you're going to move up.  Building on an already #1 points scored total, EEB gave it to me hard on Sunday and didn't stop until there was a hole in the bottom of the Pylon, if you know what I mean.  If you don't, I'm insinuating that EEB likes to hump long orange sticks.  Maybe this team is for real?  I just can't convince myself that these are the players that are going to lead a team to the championship this year.  Either way, this top 3 I believe is clearly ahead of the lower competition at this point.

4. The King's Crusaders (2-2) - Last Week: 7

I move the King up a lot this week due to the outstanding week 4 performance.  The middle of the pack is very jumbled right now, and to me the King looks the best of all the 2-2 teams.  Aaron Rodgers put on a masterful performance and carried this team to victory.  If you want to take any solace in the 2 game win streak, know that Chris is rooting for players he cannot stand.  The classic Woody line is "oh I just try to get players I like", and the fact that he's gotta do it with Eagles and time share RBs is quite exciting.

5. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) - Last Week: 3

Perhaps I got a little ahead of myself last week in bumping the Gnomes up to 3.  The reality is that I continue to push the Brady/Peterson/Wallace combo.  This team is so heavily invested in those three players that in a week like this past one, it is almost impossible to win.  All three were just average, and the complimentary pieces just did not get the job done.  I'm in a wait and see approach with this team, but this is one of those squads that if you can get into the playoffs anything can happen.  This can easily be a monster team down the stretch but must win a couple games in this key stretch.

6. Stanky Monkeys (2-2) - Last Week: 5

Not good.  The Monkeys have plummeted after starting off very strong, and things could take a turn for the worse with the injury to Andre Johnson.   Made a deal with the Pylons to acquire super stud Steve Smith and is now all in on the Panthers.  Going into the season, if you told me that you were all in on Panthers I would have laughed and written you off.  But that's certainly not the case now.  Especially since the 4-0 Masons are all in on Bills and Lions.  This team is really hanging in the balance and will certainly make it's mark in the next few weeks, good or bad.

7. Lady Luck (4-0) - Last Week: 7

I don't know how I can possibly move this team up.  60 points from Pierre Garcon and Ravens D??? Seriously??  The only person that is more upset about this than me is your opponent who certainly thought he had a victory locked up.  Injuries were bad enough, but now with the bye weeks coming it'll be interesting to see how much Luck this team continues to get.  For the record, through 4 weeks this team is allowing 50 points fewer per game than I am.  The breakdown shows truly how lucky, again, this team is.  I expect that 0 to increase exponentially.

8. Dueling Pylons (0-4) - Last Week: 8

Another week and another crushing defeat for the Pylons.  Things looked so promising throughout the 1 o clock games, but the hits just didn't stop coming.  A 200 yard game from Matt Forte?  Come on man.  Sproles tackled at the 1 followed by immediate Brees to Graham TD?  Uncalled for.  Is 0-4 too big a hole to dig out of?  It's gonna get very very ugly if this team cannot win immediately.  So much potential will go to waste.  A special shout out to TPG for taking it easy on the Pylons by only scoring 138 against me.  That's seriously how bad it's been.

9. Animals With Eyepatches (0-4) - Last Week: 9

Nothing really new to report here.  The Eyepatches put together another lackluster effort and wound up taking a TITTY to the chin.  Faces league scrub this week and without a win, all hope will truly be lost.  I'm a fan of the Eyepatches and think the roster can be competitive, but again some of the lineup decisions are questionable at best.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-4) - Last Week: 10

What can be said about this team that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?  It looks bombed out and depleted... HATE HATE HATE.  Broke 110 points for the first time which is great success!!  As it stands cannot even field a team in week 5 without some significant help from the waiver wire.  It's truly a waste of my time to even write about how awful this team is.  If you lose to this team, you deserve to have your team fold.

Week 5 Matchups

Dueling Pylons (0-4) v The King's Crusaders (2-2)
Coach Janky Spanky (3-1) v Stanky Monkeys (2-2)
Tweeting In The Trenches (3-1) v Hard Knocks (4-0)
Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) v The Stone Masons (4-0)

Game of the week:

Animals With Eyepatches (0-4) v First Down Syndrome (0-4)

This is truly the toilet bowl of 2011, and it happens already in Week 5.  I'm so skeptical of both of these teams that I really believe this is the 9th place game.  The loser may not win a game all season.  It's pretty sad because I believe that had the World Series of Poker not been on the TV, First Down Syndrome may actually be able to form a team.  I'm going with the Eyepatches in this one.  I want to see Nick be the first winless team in EFFL history.

That's all for week 4... Another week that I am choosing to hopefully block out of my memory.  This season is going way too fast.  Good luck.