Monday, October 24, 2016

Sunday Night Ties



The Cardinals and Seahawks were not the only teams whose matchup ended in a tie. In the EFFL, there was a barn burner between TPG and the Pork Chop Express going on which also ended all square.

I have to say, this was probably one of the worst bad beats in fantasy football I've ever seen in my life. Pork Chop's odds to win had to be in something like the 99.99% range. Here's how it went down.

With just under a minute left in regulation, Bruce Arians decided he was not going to use his timeouts to get the ball back. Instead, he let the clock run out, letting three timeouts go to waste, and played for overtime.

At the start of overtime, TPG was down by 3. Larry Fitzgerald had 8 catches for 51 yards and needed to somehow get 3 points to tie or 4 to win. The Cardinals started with the ball. They drove down for a FG with no Fitz catches, which under new rules keeps the game going. If the Seahawks scored a TD or failed to score, the game would be over. Naturally, the Seahawks drove down and kicked a FG of their own, to keep the game going even longer.

The Cardinals get the ball a second time with just 6 minutes left in OT and TPG somehow still alive. On 3rd and 7, Palmer hits JJ Nelson for 40 yards and as he's about to turn into the end zone and end the game, a defender grabs a shoelace to pull him down and keep the Seahawks in it.


Now with 4 minutes left, the Cardinals have first and goal at the Seahawks 5. Any score will end the game.

First down: David Johnson takes a handoff, cuts outside, dives for the pylon, and is ruled just out of bounds about a foot short of the goal line on a very questionable call.



All replays come from the booth in OT. So what does Arians do? He hurries everyone to the line to try and sneak a play in like he just got away with something. It's a quick plunge from David Johnson, and he's absolutely stuffed at the goal line on 2nd down. Arians then decides he's going to kick it: a 19 yard field goal to win the game.

Naturally, a delay of game on the attempt moves the ball back 5 yards. And what happens? Harambe kicker Chandler Catanzaro doinks the 24 yarder off the upright. Absolutely incredible. The game goes on. Now with just 3 minutes left in OT, TPG needs the Cardinals to get the ball back for a 3rd time in OT and hit Fitz.




The Seahawks drive with time running down. 31 yards to Jermaine Kearse. 27 yards to Dougie Baldwin. The Seahawks are inside the Cardinals 10 with under a minute to play. They move the ball to the middle of the field for a game winning Hauschka attempt with 11 seconds left. With 11 seconds left in OT, Hauschka from 28... and it's NO GOOD. WIDE LEFT!!! THE LACES WERE IN!!! THEY WERE IN!!!! Finkle has blown it!!



(Make sure you listen with the sound on)

There are just 7 seconds left, the Cardinals have their ball at their own 20 yard line, and the game is set to end in a tie. But TPG and PCE is not over just yet. The Cardinals set up into bunch formation right. The Seahawks are nowhere to be found. They're just looking to stop the big play. Palmer drops back, fires, AND IT'S LARRY FITZGERALD WITH THE CATCH. He's running desperately trying to get out of bounds to allow a Hail Mary. He does, with just 2 seconds left on the clock. But how many yards was the catch? TPG needs it to be 19 to tie the game. It's awful close. The official ruling: a 19 yard catch by Larry Fitzgerald. With 2 seconds left in overtime, TPG has tied it up, and that's how things will end: tied 80-80.

Truly one of the most shocking results in EFFL history.


I've gotta say, in a year where the league is taking all kinds of flack (rightfully so) for just making the product unwatchable, the league needs some good guys doing things like this:




Or this gooch handoff:


Or this classic Mularkey:



Football should be fun, which brings me to my beef of the week.

Beef of the Week: Frequency vs. Severity

The league is calling more penalties, that's just a fact. It disrupts game flow. It makes a 60 minute game WITH A CLOCK last 3 and a half hours. If you're going to call more, why not consider changing how many yards the penalties are.

Offensive holding is one that comes directly to mind that I have so much beef with lately. Defensive holding is 5 yards. Why not make offensive holding also 5 yards? Holding penalties make everything terrible. You get a team in 1st and 20 or 2nd and 20, and it's more often than not going to end in a punt, followed by a commercial. Just one holding penalty practically wastes the next 10 minutes of your time. This happens far too often in every game.

Plus, penalties should be consistent. The league changed the face mask penalty so there wasn't a 5 and 15 yard version. Make everything consistent.

Make all pass interference penalties 10 yards. Make all holding penalties 5 yards. I want to see fewer punts and more scoring, and if you're calling more penalties and disrupting the game, at least make them less severe. There's no need to have over 200 yards of called penalties every single game.


Power Rankings

 Things are getting much tighter around the middle. Right now I think there are 3 elite teams, and most of the rest are all within striking distance of each other.

14. The Old Ball Sack (2-5) - Last week: 10. Left Jay Ajayi on the bench AGAIN! He's probably had his 2 best performances on the season already. You decided to corner the market on Camerons for some reason. The Texans and Jets are in the shitter, which is bad news for you. Terrible lineup decisions and players on terrible teams is not a winning combination.

13. Pork Chop Express (2-4-1) - Last week: 13 - Gambino put up a good week. You continued to struggle. Your WR core of ARob (I won't give anything more than him for David Johnson!), Jordan Matthews, and Stefon Diggs has put up a combined 36 points over the last 3 weeks. You're supplementing this trio with Shaun Draughn and TJ Yeldon. Impressive.

12. The King's Crusaders (2-5) - Last week: 12. It is not looking good right now. I had big concerns after the draft, and thus far they have not been alleviated. On an L5 and with one of the toughest remaining schedules, it will be interesting to see how much longer this team can hang around. Good news for you: ESPN somehow has given Ty Montgomery RB eligibility. That's a joke.

11. Geno 911 (2-5) - Last week: 14. There's a clear bottom 4 in my opinion, and you made it. Citing a "career day from Jacquizz Rodgers" is not a feather in your cap. That's laughable. You didn't deserve to lose this week, but things happen. If your fearsome foursome of Mike Wallace, Gary Barnidge, Jacquizz, and Brandon LaFell put up 70 in a game again I'll be absolutely stunned.

10. Team Bartholomew (2-5) - Last week: 11. With Cam and Dez on a bye, your team still held its own. As I've been saying, I see you trending up. Another nice thing is that your 3 best players have already had their byes, so while other teams are struggling, you should be doing OK. Tough break about Arian Foster retiring. Guy's a total wacko.

9. A Lot O'Tatz (3-3-1) - Last week: 6. Benched Brees for some reason in favor of Alex Smith. Used McCoy knowing he was injured. Classic poor EEB lineup decisions are again coming home to roost. You really need McCoy or Theo Riddick to get healthy quick. I don't think you have enough other pieces to support that foundation.

8. ROLL THE DICE (4-3) - Last week: 9. Scored 67 last week and 163 this week, even with Brian Hoyer getting hurt. What am I supposed to do with you? Melvin Gordon has 10 TDs through week 7. I can't believe it. Even Jack Doyle (rules) went off. As I said last week, don't worry about the ranking. I think you're closer to the top teams than the Mike Y's of the world.

7. Bo$$town Cutter (3-4) - Last week: 8. As expected, your team is playing much, much better now. Your big 3 came through again, and Mark Ingram finally scored. John Brown's sickle cell is a tough break. Stick with your starters and you should be pretty competitive.

6. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-4-1) - Last week: 4. Injuries have absolutely ravaged TPG. 3rd round pick Big Dick Decker is out for years. Jamaal Charles can't get on the field. Bobby Woods is banged up. Jordan Reed is concussed again. And still TPG is hanging in there. The Ravens game plan was inexplicable. T. West should be back to normal soon.

5. Stanky Monkeys (5-2) - Last week: 5. After a hot start, the Stanky Monkeys have failed to top 110 points 3 weeks in a row. A.J. Green is still producing, but nobody else really is at all. After leaving Davante Adams' 38 points on the bench, you'll start him, and he'll score 5. Still OK from a record perspective.

4. Harambe Was Set Up (5-2) - Last week: 6. Came out hot with a lot of trash talk. Then decided to go to the Eagles game in purple. You were just asking for it this week. I think your team should be fine. Don't see any reason why you wouldn't be in the playoffs. Probably in the 4-6 range, right outside of the big 3.

3. Tweeting in the Trenches (5-1-1) - Last week: 3. T.Y. and DeMarco have been unstoppable. Most RB depth of any team in the league. Very solid team. QBs leave a bit to be desired. Serious contender at this point.

2. Team BG (4-3) - Last week: 2. Brutal defeat. The winning reception hit Demaryius right in the hands in the 4th quarter and he just didn't want to catch it. Need to hope your boy Jarvis isn't suspended for that complete cheap shot against the Bills. Carr hasn't been that great lately, but there are enough other pieces in place where you should be fine. Finally having healthy RBs will go a long way.

1. Dueling Pylons (6-1) - Last week: 1. Pylons still at the top as the highest scoring team with the best record. Has 123+ points in every game but one. Been getting a lot of "You only have two players", which is fine. Pylons special teams are a huge contributor.

Puppy update: Rachael has agreed that if we acquire a dog due to Pylons title, the puppy will be named Tyrod. I hope this happens.


Only 6 weeks to go in the regular season. Things are super tight at the playoff cut line. Every single team is still in it with 6 teams on 2 wins.

Week 8 Matchups
The most important matchup is clearly Patriots at Bills. #BillsMafia is going to be out of control. I look forward to posting debauchery in this spot next week.

 King v. Pylons
Dosh v. Lou
Tatz v. Phil
Fusco v. Gambino - Aaaaayyy hiyadooooin
Lobitz v. Mike Y
TPG v. Cutty
EEB v. BG
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Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Someone Beat Chris Fusco

This started as a command. It ended as a statement.

This has gone on way too long. 3 championships, a loss in the final last year, and now undefeated through 5 weeks of the EFFL season. Enough is enough. I tried my hand at taking this clown down, only to be fucking baby cock blasted by Odell Beckham Jr. Thankfully, David Johnson restored order to the world. Prepare yourselves, because I'm about to go in. Lots of cursing ahead! And this will be the last time Odell gets mentioned this season.

This dude Odell dropped 38 fantasy points on me in the 2nd half alone! Each week I just hate this guy more and more. I actually snapped this week. This is what caused it:



What kind of fucked up shit is this? I don't think I've ever screamed "STOP IT" at a fantasy football game before this. It's actually embarrassing to watch a guy try so hard to get people to like him. I'm calling it right now: Within 5 years we will be able to purchase Odell to be sticker bitch at the EFFL Draft.

And, he continued the celebration, going by teammates trying to high five him and going over to the kicking net and proposing to it. The joke ended weeks ago when you lost a fight, bro. He's the least likable player in the entire league by a wide margin. As a neutral fan, I like guys like Julio, Jordy, Hopkins, etc. I have respect for the studs. I really, truly believe that nobody outside of the wack Giants fan base likes this guy in any capacity.

Here's a sample:


Not even one of those, "oh if he was on my team, I'd like him". If he was on my team, I'd be embarrassed. He picked up yet another 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty as well. And of course, of course, Fusco is blowing up my phone following this Giants game, knowing I'm absolutely steaming. Finally, I fucking obliged him and picked up only to hear giggling and "how awesome was that game". Total shocker. He also told me he gave the Ravens fan a fucking headlock following the winning TD, a little Hiyadoin. Absolutely insufferable.

I'm literally still steaming. I'm so fed up, I'm done with Drake, mostly because of this:


I'm done, man. Gone are the days of spitting fire to Miss Me or Goin' In. I'm done. Controlla came on the radio in the car yesterday and I just got fucking irate. Rap has been soft anyway over the past year. Hot 97 has gone in the shitter since Funk wound up on the wrong end of the Meek/Drake beef, just refusing to take an L. Instead, he plays garbage he thinks is hot. He's lost it. This is his last hit, going double Uranium, son.



In fact, I'm making it a point right here. I'm done with all dudes that like getting their butt hole tickled like these fools. OBJ, fuck outta here. Drake? Done, dawg. Dosh, Gambino? Delete my number. I don't want anything to do with these guys whatsoever!

In fact, there is one, and ONLY one acceptable ass to mouth situation. Thankfully, the Bills had a home game to show you what that is:


That's it, man. Unless you're slugging liquor out of a biddie's crack at a Bills tailgate, don't bring that shit around here. And of course, your weekly table slam:




This is what we needed. Some good ol' red blooded Americans slamming ladies through card tables. How bad do you wanna see that girl's face in the shot video?!?!?

Before we get into the status of the EFFL, we have to get to the Beef of the Week. Seemingly after my rant on butthole pleasures, you'd think I'd be done.

Beef of the Week: Color Rush Jerseys

Again, this seems like forever ago, but these jerseys are the absolute pits. The announcers commentate, "Sorry in advance if we screw up the names. We cannot read the numbers." Isn't that a problem? The whole purpose of these jerseys, of course, is more sales and revenue for the league. Imagine going up to your boy in his bright orange Broncos jersey "Oh sick Demaryius, bro!" Actually, it's a Von Miller. Are you sure that 58 isn't 88?!?!? I can't even see it.

I haven't seen the sales figures, but I have to assume they're a failure. The colors are hideous, you can't identify the jersey, and people who are color blind are unable to discern one team from another. Remember this one from last year?




This stuff has to go!


EFFL Power Rankings

 We're already through 6 of 13 weeks, which means that it's almost time to start thinking playoffs! Tatz finally got a win and the expense of D-WEEZE. He sent the following text exchange. This is unfiltered, and unedited:

Dosh: Fucking dropped Josh Lambo
Dosh: Matt Bryant better go off
Dosh: Terrible!!!
Dosh: Josh Lambo again!
Dosh: Right after I drop him
Dosh: Josh Lambo, fourth fucking field goal
Dosh: Are you shitting me!!!
Dosh: Fuck me
Dosh: If Tatz ends up winning this goddamn matchup
Dosh: Terrible
Dosh: Fucking outrageous.
Dosh: I'm worried that Tatz is beating me right now
Dosh: He should never have a semblance of hope. Lol
Dosh: Fuck this shit
Dosh: Melvin Gordon 94 fucking yards with no TD
Dosh: Seriously. His best rushing yardage total of the season yet worst point total
Dosh: Worth a fucking dick!!!
Dosh: Donkey dick!
Dosh: Wow, that's amazing that Gordon records his highest carry total this season yet scores the lowest output (first time in single digits). I'll repeat: fucking donkey dick!!! Lol
Dosh: My team is the most inconsistent, shitty team in the league.
Dosh: Losing to both Matt and Tatz is unacceptable.
Dosh: And Russell Wilson is one of the worst fucking starting QBs in the league... Can't believe he had me fooled this year.
Dosh: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck
Dosh: I wouldn't be mad if you ranked me dead last
Dosh: Started off highest scoring through 3 weeks and have tanked 3 straight
Dosh: 2 to the shittiest of teams
Dosh: Unbelievable

THIS IS FANTASY FOOTBALL!!!! The EFFL is ready to take the next step hahaha. What an unbelievable rant, rivaling some of the greatest in league history.

14. Geno 911 (2-4) - Last week: 14. Another week and another loss. Things are not going well. Actually had a respectable showing, but it didn't matter. Look at some of these guys you're starting: Richard Rodgers, Mike Wallace, Eddie Royal?!?!? How does this happen year after year?

13. Pork Chop Express (2-4) - Last week: 11. Got a win, but scored 87 points. Lucky SOB. Funny thing is that your Cowboys rookies are really the only thing you've got. I don't even know who DeAndre Washington is, but you started him. Perhaps you can swap him out for Dwayne Washington next week. FYI, the only D. Washington worth shit is Denzel.

12. The King's Crusaders (2-4) - Last week: 9. It's not looking good. Again, Mike McCarthy is fed up with Eddie Lacy because he's fat. It doesn't matter that he's good, but he's fat. Awful ironic coming from Ol' Mike. I'm starting to get concerned about this squad. I think you could be in some trouble.

11. Team Bartholomew (1-5) - Last week: 13. AYYYYY!!! You beat Dosh! That's awesome. I still think this team has a lot of talent. Dez, Cobb, Emmanuel Sanders, Cam, Jimmy Graham is a good squad. With Foster on the way back, I think you're in for some higher scoring weeks. Hopefully it's not too late for you. Regardless, you inspired that Dosh rant, so keep it up.

10. The Old Ball Sack (2-4) - Last week: 12. I wouldn't bank on a Coby Fleener Rushing TD or Cameron Meredith double digit catches on a weekly basis, but it was a nice week.We'll see what happens with Jay Ajayi, but he had a sick game. Ruined my fucking parlay. I hope he blows a knee piece.

9. ROLL THE DICE (3-3) - Last week: 5. I think you're closer to the top than the bottom, but it has not been an encouraging couple weeks. You know it. The league knows it. Teams are smelling blood in the water. Maybe the RBs are a bigger problem than we thought.

8. Bo$$town Cutter (2-4) - Last week: 10. Brady, Bell, and Cooks is one of the best cores in the league. If you had some other pieces, I think I'd have you ranked much higher. Need to find some gems on the waiver wire. Not out of it by any means.

7. Harambe Was Set Up (5-1) - Last week: 7. Still putting wins on the board. I tend to lean more towards the balanced teams than 2 guys having big games. But a win is a win, and your record has you in great shape for the playoffs right now.

6. A Lot O'Tatz (3-2-1) - Last week: 8. Back on the right track! I can't believe this text exchange:

Cro: Do you want Gillislee before McCoy goes down? Pylons signing of backup RB is kiss of death for the starter.
Cro: I've already knocked out Peterson and Langford.
EEB: Lol I swear if that happens
EEB: I'll give you Tamme
Cro: He should be on the waiver wire.

A day later, Tamme is cut.

Cut to Sunday, 2:19 PM. McCoy catches a pass over the middle, goes to pivot and gets tackled, and BOOM! A defender falls right on his knee and McCoy goes down writhing in pain holding his knee.

Cro: There it is. McCoy ACL.
EEB: I don't believe it.
EEB: You are an awful human being.
Cro: That looks brutal.
EEB: David Johnson will break his leg.
EEB: There. Fuck you.
Cro: You can't just say somebody will break their leg as revenge lol.
EEB: On national television for the world to see.

He was OK. I didn't want him to actually get hurt.

5. Stanky Monkeys (4-2) - Last week: 4. Kenny Britt arguably being your best player is not a good thing. A lot of underachievers here, and Big Ben just went down. It's gonna be a rough couple of weeks. Still a lot of talent, but could go either way at this point. We'll see.

4. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-4) - Last week: 6. I told you. More Bills is better. I like your squad. I'm back on board. Even without Jordan Reed and Big Dick Decker you're still putting up points. Gotta keep the momentum going.

3. Tweeting in the Trenches (4-1-1) - Last week: 3. I really think this might be generous. But you keep winning, and there's something to be said for that. Have completely avoided injuries to date, which goes a long way. Would be a shock to see you miss the playoffs, but I'm hoping we meet again. I need revenge.

2. Team BG (4-2) - Last week: 2. Receiving corps is on fire. I am a bit concerned about the QB situation, but I think you're solid across the board. Could easily go back and forth with DP for top two in the league.

1. Dueling Pylons (5-1) - Last week: 1. Bad week pretty much across the board and still did OK thanks to super stud David Johnson. On any week, could have the top RB, WR, K and D/ST. That's a big advantage. Need to fill the other pieces to be a championship contender, but 5-1 is an awfully good start.


Week 7 Matchups

 DP v. Harambe - A matchup for first place
Cutty v. BG - Can Cutty get things turned around?
TPG v. Lobitz - Both teams need a win pretty badly.
Tatz v. A Lot O'Tatz - Turning point for Tatz. Can he build on that beating of Dosh?
The Meineke Car Care BH Tickle Bowl: Gambino v. Dosh
Mike Y v. Lou - No idea what to expect here.
King v. TITTY - Fusco can put King on notice. Fun one.
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Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Shampoo My Crotch, Andy Reid



This blog can basically write itself. Instead of having my beef with Andy, I'ma let him off the hook. Let me set the scene for you. The Steelers are up 43-7 on the Chiefs. Andy refuses to take a knee and end the game. They get first and goal at the two minute warning. Andy runs on first down and gets down to the 5. The Chiefs then go no huddle and run up to the line and run another running play for 2 yards. Then they huddle up and run another running play for no gain to get to 4th down. Then Andy realizes "Oh shit, because we went no huddle randomly on 2nd down I can't run out the clock". He's forced to take a timeout with 8 seconds left on the clock.

I know it's coming. Everyone in the EFFL knew it was coming. On 4th down, with 4 seconds left in a 43-7 game, starter Alex Smith finds starter Travis Kelce for a TD. Against me.

Yes, this unbelievably garbage time TD cost me a win. Yes, between the start of the Sunday night game and the end of the Monday night game, the Stanky Monkeys DROPPED 8 TOUCHDOWNS ON ME!!!!!!! 8 TOUCHDOWNS!!! And a 2 point conversion!! Between the Sunday and Monday night games alone. It was absolutely ridiculous. The final nail in the coffin was an Orleans Darkwa TD. Might as well just go fuck myself. The only way this could have been worse was if the Chiefs-Steelers was on a Monday night. I would've been in the market for new electronics. Heated doesn't even begin to describe it. This was one of the worst fantasy football losses I can remember.

But that's the EFFL. You think DP is good, then you're getting rammed from both ends and you're in a place you never thought you'd be. Poor EEB is in the path.

One of my favorite developing stories, which I will continue to bring you, is Angry Poo. AKA Matt Staffy-Poo.




The guy is enraged and yelling at people every single week. It's phenomenal. Way better than Odell continuing to whine like a bitch. He already earned his beef of the week.

And how bout Julio! 300 yards receiving! What a mistake by Carolina letting Josh Norman go. They went from one of the best to a total laughing stock. That was one of the best individual performances I've ever seen.


Beef of the Week: Intentional Grounding

I really just don't understand how this rule works. I get when you're out of the pocket. The rules are clear. Get the ball past the line of scrimmage or it's grounding. Fine..

Next, when a QB is in the pocket and he throws the ball with a receiver in the area, it's not grounding. Fine. I get it.

What I don't get is when a QB is in the pocket, he fires the ball way out of bounds to throw it away before a defender gets to him, and it's not grounding. Sometimes a QB throws the ball out of the back of the end zone and it is grounding. It's completely up to the discretion of the 14 referees on the field, and that's always bad news. They're forced to make a judgment call on how close a defensive player is to the QB. They need to make a rule cut and dry or just eliminate it entirely. It's infuriating to have such a confusing rule.


POWER RANKINGS

 I don't wanna hear any more boo hoos about how ESPN rates your team this or that. They don't know shit. You have point projections, "expert" rankings, and Insider recommendations on the site and they all conflict with each other. If you're dumb enough to put any stock in it, I don't know what to tell you.

14. The Old Ball Sack (0-4) - Last week: 14. Pretty much rooted to the basement at this point. Another week and another blowout. Allowing the most points and scoring almost the lowest is not a recipe for success.

13. Geno 911 (1-3) - Last week: 13. I guess the rankings aren't that bad if teams aren't moving. Through 4 weeks is the lowest scoring team. Shots of Jamo! Let's do more shots! It works for you! But a win's a win. Way to get off the goose.

12. Bo$$town Cutter (2-2) - Last week: 12. Winning 89-83 is embarrassing. But just like Brady, the hope was to go 2-2. You got through 4 weeks and now have Brady and Bell ready to go. I think you move up soon.

11. Team Bartholomew (0-4) - Last week: 10. Injuries really starting to pile up, which is unfortunate. Cam's concussed, Dez missed action, Foster is still out, Woodhead gone for the year, Ertz has already missed time. Still a lot of talent, but the guys need to get on the field for you to get back into it.

10. Pork Chop Express (1-3) - Last week: 8. Julio almost beat you alone. You're starting Dwayne Washington and Tajae Sharpe. I bet a bunch of people in the league don't know who either of those guys are. Still think you're around the middle of the pack because of your terrible depth.

9. The King's Crusaders (2-2) - Last week: 7. Left Matt Ryan and his 500 yards on the bench and it cost you the win. Very un-King like. But your two best players were on a bye and you're 2-2. Again potential to move up.

8. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-3) - Last week: 9. Glad to see TPG with a rousing performance all over Dosh. He was irate.over Robert Woods like he hasn't started him many times before. Started 2 Bills and look what happened...

7. Harambe Was Set Up (3-1) - Last week: 11. I'm seriously shocked you're 3-1. I feel like your team is very volatile. It seems like double Raiders isn't as strong this year. One always seems to do poorly. We'll see. I'm not sold yet.

6. ROLL THE DICE (3-1) - Last week: 4. I was in. Now I'm a bit out. I'm really shocked with Melvin Gordon, but I'm thinking more and more that your big weeks are less likely. Jury is still out for me.

5. Tweeting in the Trenches (3-0-1) - Last week: 6. Only undefeated team. 5th in points. Shocking. Carson Palmer is awful. DeMarcus Murray is the #1 RB. You started Hunter Henry (WHO?!?!) and he scored 16 points. This is the bizarro world.

4. A Lot O'Tatz (2-1-1) - Last week: 1. Finally moved out of the top spot. And I think even this may be a bit generous. Edelman has been awful (he'll go off on me), Riddick has cooled significantly (he'll go off on me), and I'm a bit concerned. I'd be shocked if you weren't also.

3. Stanky Monkeys (3-1) - Last week: 5. I considered not ranking you. It was truly end to end agony. 33 points from AJ Green on Thursday night and an Orleans Darkwa TD 4 days later to finish me. Ugh.

2. Dueling Pylons (3-1) - Last week: 3. Came so close to 4-0, but it wasn't to be. Even still, this team is for real. Scoring a ton even without Sammy Watkins and Corey Coleman. They could contribute later in the season. Also, I promised Rachael a puppy if I win the title.

1. Team BG (3-1) - Last week: 2. Well deserved in the top spot. Top scoring team with no signs of slowing down. Derek Carr is hot, and Julio is a monster. Don't be concerned about missing the playoffs.


It was a fun and brutal week 4. Here are your week 5 matchups.

DP v. EEB
Cutty v. D-Sheetz
TPG v. King
Gambino v. BG (OH NO!)
Tatz v. Lou
Phil v. Lobitz
Fusco v. D-WEEZE
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