With the 10th EFFL Draft in the books, it’s time
for some reflection. Before we get into who did well and who did not, it is
time to take a look at how some of the night’s events went down and who put on
the best performance. I’ll shorten the suspense and let you know that the
answer is Adam Cutter. We’ll get to why in a few minutes.
I just want to say thank you again to everybody for coming
to the draft. Having 14 league members all there is difficult and many of you
traveled from far away and spent a good amount of money to attend. The new
trophy is just a token of my appreciation. Also, next year the draft will be
held in the Philadelphia/Delaware area. Possibly AC if it still exists. Either
way, it will be in a larger room with better food.
Each year there are some draft quirks. One of them being “How
will Mike Young top his previous performances?” Two years ago it was running a
40 foot extension cord to power has laptop. Last year it was countless mock
drafts printed out on legal paper. With technological advances, this year was
seemingly tamer with just a tablet. But it wasn’t until after the draft that
more details began to emerge. It appears that while the draft was going on, Mr.
Young was maintaining a massive google doc with the entire draft board, which
turned out to be extremely helpful. I don’t know the most efficient way to
draft, but a 10+ sheet document on a tablet can’t be it. Well done. Stepped it
up yet again. The highlight for me is the listing of league members in the
sheet, one of which was “Chris Cusco”.
Pukers: To my knowledge there were only 2 league members
that lost their liquor: Eric Eugene Brooking and Adam Seth Cutter. Cutter is
now 3 for 3 at the EFFL Draft. Extremely impressive numbers. But on Sunday
morning, reports began to emerge that Cutter went overboard this time. While
blowing up a hotel bathroom on Sunday morning, screams of “WHY ME?!?!?” began
echoing through the hotel room. This was followed up with further unpleasant
sounds. One thing is for certain: Rebecca is a lucky woman.
*** ETA: I also puked ***
*** ETA: I also puked ***
The commissioner also was put down with a tranquilizer known
as Ommegang Rare Vos. One of these days I’ll realize drinking a pint of beer
with high alcohol content is not the same as “having a beer”. There’s more than
double the alcohol in a 16 of Rare Vos as there is in a 12 of Bud Light.
Subsequently, taking 4 pints to the face in an hour and a half is the equivalent
of about 8.25 Bud Lights. But I did not have just 4. I had at least 6 or 7, if
not more. And I had been drinking before the draft.
I’ll be honest. I don’t remember making at least my last 3
picks, if not more. Despite needing a kicker, I selected Ronnie Hillman as Mr. Irrelevant.
Who knows why this happened? I’m going to just cut Hillman for a kicker
tomorrow. Things went downhill quickly. Here’s a picture of me wearing the
draft board around my neck. I didn’t even know this was possible.
The next moment I remember is being on the floor of the
bathroom stall in the Winslow. The next moment after that I remember is waking
up the next morning. Yashar and EEB were first there to mock me. Then they were
there to help. They made sure I returned home safely, which was much
appreciated. In the process of being guided out of the bar by a very large
fellow, I was not allowed to grab anything, including the draft board. Thanks
to pictures, google docs, and other texts, I was fully able to recreate the
draft. Note to self: at future drafts, go with the lower alcohol content. It’s
for the best.
Also, Team Toliver found out on Saturday night that he once
made out with a girl who has since converted to a man. Tough sledding out there.
Toliver is also 3 for 3 on not paying league fees on draft night.
On to football related matters. I will be posting power
rankings throughout much of the regular season, and then probably switch to
playoff seedings around Week 10.
First, here is the EFFL Schedule, being released just now.
Remember, you will play every other team once. Week 13 will be rivalry week.
Week 1 features a matchup of last year’s two champions. It also features the
renewed Brooking/Woody rivalry.
And finally, the long awaited preseason power rankings. We
will go from #14 to #1. This opinion is completely subjective, and I take no
mercy on any team.
NO CHANCE
#14. Pork Chop
Express (Lobitz) – For a second consecutive year, had to remove himself
from the draft due to massive alcohol consumption. It’s not certain when the
booze started hitting, but it was definitely towards the beginning of the
draft. Only has 1 starting RB, and it’s rookie Bishop Sankey. Reserves include
suspended Josh Gordon, #3 RB Christine Michael, #2-3 RB Mark Ingram, backup QB
Johnny Manziel, #2 RB Andre Williams, for some reason the Giants defense,
backup QB Blake Bortles, #4 WR Martavis Bryant, and no kicker. Reached in the 2nd
for Andrew Luck and is banking on Eric Decker on the Jets and Joique Bell
repeating his success. Will need heroic performances basically across the board
to make the playoffs.
LONG ROAD AHEAD
#13. DA BEARDS
(Whye) – Trent Richardson in the 3rd round?!?!?! By far the worst
pick of the draft. The Rodgers/Beast Mode combo is the only reason you’re not
in last. Well that and you at least picked up some serviceable backups in Mike
Evans and Kelvin Benjamin. You know, guys that are actually going to play. If
Chris Johnson has a decent year, that could end up being a steal, but Trent
Richardson is just such a bad pick. Cruz and Colston should be a solid 1-2 punch.
This team doesn’t scream championship contender, but should be in the playoff
mix. Also, it was brought up that you wore the exact outfit in your Facebook
picture to the draft. That’s just funny.
#12. Team Toliver –
Showed up to the draft completely empty handed and then reached on just about
every player. But who am I to question the strategy? Through 2 seasons, Yashar
has the best Win % in EFFL History and was the #1 seed in both EFFL seasons.
Was mocked relentlessly for selecting Pierre Thomas and Danny Woodhead as his
top 2 RBs. Check out who led all RBs in receptions in 2013. #1 was Pierre
Thomas. #2 was Danny Woodhead. In a non-PPR this would be suicide, but 70+
catches and over 1,000 total yards is easily doable. Plus has Tron anchoring
the squad, which IMO puts this team slightly ahead of the other two.
#11. A Lot O’ Tatz
(Brooking) – If you asked me “How bad can I mess up a draft after Peyton
Manning?”, this team would be the epitome. You let Tatz work you over in that
trade and then named your team after him. Drinking and trading never seems to
work out for you. Ben Tate and MJD as a top 2 RB pairing doesn’t scare anyone.
How you were able to land Manning is beyond me. Nobody else on your team is
good, but Manning should carry you a little bit. The only player who might
actually be good is Golden Tate, but there are so many deficiencies it’s
laughable. With any other QB you’d be dead last.
WAIT AND SEE
#10. Geno 911 (Gambino)
– I’m sure you’ll be disappointed to not be bringing up the rear. After the bottom
4 it’s tough to pick on too many teams, but this draft completely fell apart.
You could’ve stopped after like the 6th round, picked nobody else,
and filled your roster with waiver wire players. It wouldn’t have been any
worse. This team screams middle of the road to me. Probably a bunch of guys
that finish in the top 20 at their position, but nobody that’s a real
difference maker other than Jimmy Graham. I don’t understand why you keep
drafting Tony Romo.
#9. Team 15 (Cutter)
– Is it that hard to join the league? I’ve sent 3 invitations and that’s not
enough. Yet another alcohol victim. Was doing OK until about the 5th
round and then totally went downhill. Emmanuel Sanders should pay significant
dividends, and Lacy and Alshon are two great picks. Banking on Ray Rice and
Frank Gore, however, is a dangerous proposition. At least you got Tommy Brady.
He was brutal from a fantasy standpoint last year and he’s not getting any
younger. WHY ME?!?!?!? Based on your draft, I think we could’ve seen this one
coming.
#8. Tweeting in the
Trenches – Quietly one of the drunkest at the draft, this team has the
potential to be one of the worst in the league. The players look good on paper,
but there are a number of starters with a very low floor. This is a team to me
that should be pretty good from the start, but I certainly question the
longevity. Perhaps grabbing some rookies likely to do better in the latter half
of the season would have been wise should this team not hold up. But alcohol
impaired that decision. Finished the draft with Eli and Sam Bradford. Woof. If
this team goes 3-Peat I’ll be pretty stunned.
LEGITIMATE
CONTENDERS
#7. Big Brother’s
Bitch (Young) – Triple B’s. I have no idea what to make of this team name.
Tough to argue with Brees/Julio at the top, and Pierre Garcon should end up
being a very solid piece. But after that, there are a bunch of guys with big
question marks. Wayne coming back from injury, and can Ellington, Gerhart and
Ertz live up to expectations? Right in the middle of the pack feels about right
for this team, but I could certainly see them being a threat if things fall
into place. It’s very possible that this team could also end up drafting in a
costume next year.
#6. The Smokin’ Jays
– Must be surprised to see me actually praising your team for a change. I’m
sure that’ll change soon. Snagging 3 clear #1 RBs in a 14 team league is always
a good move. While Cutler, Fitzand Torrey Smith shouldn’t set the world on
fire, they’ll be serviceable. I like the Kyle Rudolph pick and got pretty
capable backups (see: guys that will play). Barring massive injuries, will
probably not be drafting in a costume next year. Also, half of the league didn’t
even know you were in attendance in that back corner.
#5. Stanky Monkeys –
Yet another team who came through despite my previous dislike of teams. Looks
very solid across the board, but Fred Jackson and Edelman certainly seem like
guys who can go either way. I don’t know if expecting a 2013 repeat is
reasonable, but it is possible. Regardless, it’s hard to see this team not
doing well. The bench is the only thing that may be a little bit questionable,
but basically everyone’s is at this juncture. Seahawks D was also a nice pick
and should definitely help. After 3 consecutive seasons missing the playoffs, I
think the Stanky Monkeys are finally back.
THE 4 FAVORITES
#4. The King’s
Crusaders – There’s not a whole lot separating the teams at the top.
Ultimately, I think waiting forever to take a Quarterback isn’t going to be a
killer. But I definitely think it hurts. There are enough strong pieces to stay
competitive week in and week out. The real issue with the King is that there
are a lot of players with significant injury history. Reed has concussion
problems, Maclin is close to shredding his ACL every week, and Crabtree and
Harvin never seem to reach their potential. But there’s enough quality up and
down to be successful if a couple guys don’t pan out. With a real QB, this team
would probably have been my pick to win it all.
#3. Dueling Pylons –
The Peterson/Reggie Bush RB combo is probably the best in the league. Gronk is
a top 3 TE and Stafford is on the verge of becoming the next stud QB alongside
Manning, Rodgers, and Brees. Through the first half of last season he was
averaging almost 25 points per game. Add to that all up and coming star WRs
Floyd and Patterson, and the sky is the limit for the 2014 Pylons. The thing
that could be really concerning is that the top 3 RBs on this team are all over
29. It’s possible that the wheels fall off. If that’s the case, this should be
a borderline playoff team as opposed to a contender.
#2. Tequila Party
Gnomes – As indicated with The Smokin’ Jays, snagging 3 starting RBs is a
wise strategy. When those 3 happen to be Foster, Spiller and Bernard, you’re an
immediate favorite. Violating rule #1 of fantasy football was wise in this
case. To do it twice? Wow. May have reached a little on Watkins, but the guy
can come in and immediately be a 1,000 yard receiver. Plus he can be kept, and
will only get better. I’m not as high on Foles this year, but he should be a
very good starter. And your boy BMarsh has finally returned. It appears the
booze set in in the middle rounds, as the bench leaves something to be desired.
But Nicks and Dwayne Bowe are always threats to have huge seasons. We’ll see
how that goes.
#1. Team Bartholomew
– This is just a great draft. AJ Green and DeMarco Murray is an awesome 1-2
punch. Cam Newton should threaten top 5. Shane Vereen, if healthy, could lead
all RBs in catches. Kendall Wright was 7th in the league in catches.
And Randall Cobb also could be a top 10 WR. With no Steve Smith, Greg Olsen
should be Cam Newton’s #1 target and could have a career year. Mixed in a bunch
of very solid bench players and rookies in Jordan Matthews, Jeremy Hill, and
Ladarius Green. This team is going to put up a lot of points over the course of
the season. Any wishes to see Tatz drafting as C-3PO are mere fantasy.
Well that’s it. Over 4 pages of single-spaced Word document
and almost 2,500 words. The blog is back. The EFFL is back. I can’t wait for
Week 1. Still gathering more pictures and more pieces of Saturday night. As always, if you have any incriminating pictures available, please send them my way.
