Surprises at the Top

The 2010 season has gotten off to a pretty wild start thus far. Through the first two weeks, 3 of the top 4 scoring teams did not make the playoffs last year. There is an incredible amount of parity in this league. It was only a matter of time before the Pylons were bitten by the injury bug, and of course it had to be on a punt return. Even better, the Cowboys stabbed the gambling enterprise in the back. Need a week off after that stress. Oh well. On to the Week 2 recap.


Animals With Eyepatches 143 – Tweeting In The Trenches 98:

Look out for the Eyepatches. This team through the first 2 weeks of the season is the highest scoring team in the league. Back to back 125+ point efforts are pretty impressive. No other team has even put up 110 in both weeks. This team has talent top to bottom, and the decision to release Joseph Addai proved to be a smart one. Sad but true fact of week 2: The Eyepatches have the top scoring kicker in the league in Neil Rackers. The #2 guy in scoring is the Masons’ Mike Nugent. I gave both of these kickers to Jimish and Brandon after they left Game On. Ugh. After winning only 4 games last year, this is exactly the start the Eyepatches needed. TITTY couldn’t find the magic his team had in Week 1. Leaving Jahvid Best and his 49 points on the bench hurt, but at least it would not have affected the outcome of this game. Just one of those weeks where you write it off and move on.

Maybe This Time 122 – Johnson’s Farm 109:

Regardless of anything else that happens, if Chris Johnson scores less than 10 points in a game, odds are the Farm is going to lose. A nice effort from a couple players. A poor showing from some others. Overall the mediocre effort we’ve all come to expect from the Farm. Last year the Farm put up between 106 and 116 a total of 8 times in the regular season, and they’re right back at it. While my prediction was a little off that Nick would be the lowest scoring team of Week 2, after 2 weeks Sam’s opponents have scored the least of all teams. Shocker. While I do think that she actually has a decent team this year, it is a little early to start singing this team’s praises. Jimish and Sam are both 2-0. What has the EFFL come to???? In all seriousness though, it’s good to see every team being competitive. This league has a ton of parity.

Stanky Monkeys 101 – Tequila Party Gnomes 73:

Uh TPG??? Hello?? I’m gonna chalk up the first two weeks to just poor luck. This team seems to have the potential to be a very strong team, but when the starting QB, #1 RB and #1 WR combine for 14 points, you’re not gonna win. This team needs to right the ship quickly. The Stanky Monkeys continued their dominance over TPG. All time Lou is 7-1 against Matt. I was told (as everyone already knew) that this is not a nasty team this year. Honestly as an Eagles fan I don’t even know how you root for that team. Giants Steve Smith and Manningham? Welker? Titans and Rams receivers? The league must keep the Monkeys out of the playoffs this year, and TPG did not hold serve. I’m expecting bigger things in the future. Just not week 3.

The King’s Crusaders 157 – The Stone Masons 144:

I’m sorry. If you score 144 points you should not lose a game. If it’s any consolation, had you been playing the Pylons you would have lost on Hartley’s game winning field goal with 0 time left on the clock on Monday night. The Masons deserve better than their 0-2 start. 7 Titans turnovers and the Redskins inability to finish a game were bullshit. Did you see that Polamalu forced fumble?!?!? Clear cheating! I think this team has untapped potential and a 144 point effort has to be at least a little bit encouraging. I’m not exactly sure what to make of the King’s squad yet. You can’t expect 39 points again from kicker and defense. The Texans combo putting up 67 points is also a rarity. I definitely think they have enough depth to be there all season though. Again.

Dueling Pylons 146 – Coach Janky Spanky 81:

I hope you enjoyed that 65 point beatdown EEB. With 4 guys going Monday night I said to myself “If I’m within 50 I think I’ll be good”. Never did I expect to already be winning the game heading into Monday night. Nothing like cracking a few Chad tall boys and yelling at Mike Singletary with the game already locked up. This feels like 2006 all over again where the Pylons lost week 1 and then ripped off 9 straight victories. Poor managerial decisions were made in the first week, but this team looks great right now. Janky Spanky seems to be reeling. Constant lineup questions boil down to one thing: this team has far too many hit or miss players to be a serious contender. An 0-2 start looks bleak as Janky Spanky has not scored more than 100 points in either week. This was supposed to be the game of the week and instead turned into the Pylons embarrassing Janky Spanky yet again.


**** Week 3 Preview ****

Week 3 is our rivalry week. This is going to be for bragging rights across the board. Some very intriguing matchups this week that could go a long way towards making things tight down the line.

Stanky Monkeys (1-1) v. Johnson’s Farm (1-1):

The Stanky Monkeys do not look like a threat at all to me. The best thing going in this matchup is the Brees v. Brady battle at quarterback. The Giants defense looks pathetic as does the Eagles through 2 weeks. That makes me believe that the Farm is going to have their way with the Monkeys. The last time these two teams met the Farm dropped 175 points on the Monkeys in a classic romping. I think this projects as the lowest scoring game of the week. The benches of these two teams are just pitiful, yet one of these teams will be 2-1. I think it will be the Farm. I’m not liking this.

Coach Janky Spanky (0-2) v. Tweeting In the Trenches (1-1):

Neither of these two teams put up 100 points in Week 2, but I think things turn up a little for both teams here. This is going to be exciting as Cutler and Rodgers will do battle for these teams on Monday night. Randy Moss against the Bills is scary but it looks to me like Janky Spanky is due for a nice bounce back. Ray Rice against the Browns should be a nightmare for Fusco. I think Janky Spanky puts up 120+ and takes the game.

Dueling Pylons (1-1) v. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-2):

Usually this is a celebrated game surrounding the Lions-Vikings annual matchup. This time around however, this is a critical battle. The Pylons had an impressive showing in Week 2 while the Gnomes had the exact opposite. TPG has never started a season 0-3, and this is going to be a desperate team. Poor Ravens performances again are the culprit, and a home matchup against the Browns is exactly what they needed. I think this game is going to be another high scoring affair, but I think this Pylons team looks far too dangerous at this juncture. The Pylons have not been above .500 since the end of the 2008 season and I fully expect that to change.

Maybe This Time (2-0) v. The King’s Crusaders (2-0):

This is gross. Woody v Woody and neither team has lost a game yet. While Chris has dominated the overall record between the two, Sam has been much better as of late. Chris is going all in on the Texans against Dallas this week, and I don’t think that will prove to be a wise decision. Peterson at home against the Lions is the scariest matchup in the NFL hands down. ESPN is projecting him for a modest 27. If he doesn’t break 40 I’ll be shocked. The King has looked strong so far but I think the stars have aligned for Sam to keep this winning streak going. I can’t believe I’m picking this but I like Maybe This Time to get the win.

**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****

Animals With Eyepatches (2-0) v. The Stone Masons (0-2):

I love the Brandon-Jimish matchups. 8 of their past 9 meetings, the margin of victory has been 21 points or less. These are always close games and always constant battles. Each of these teams sits at the opposite end of the standings. The Eyepatches have performed admirably the first two weeks while the Masons have run into a bit of bad luck. This earns the nod of game of the week; however, because despite it only being week 3, a 2-0 team vs. an 0-2 team becomes a critical matchup for the Masons to win. In addition each of these teams cracked 140 points last week, so we know that they both will come to play. 2 years ago both teams were in the exact same position. The 2-0 Eyepatches faced the 0-2 Jackson Five and the Five came out on top. This time around I think the Eyepatches look too strong. I like Jimish to move to 3-0.


I honestly feel like this league is completely wide open this year. I don’t see a single team that could be dominant all year or a single team that will be terrible all year. We’ll see how this plays out but I know I am looking forward to this week. Good luck to everyone.

The 2010 Season Is Underway

Well it’s good to finally be back in the swing of things in the Fantasy season. Opponents are talking all kinds of smack and we need a new champion in the league. No Woodys. No Sarcones. No Gambino or EEB or Fusco. No Jimish. No TPG. Just me or BG. I can live with that. After what I believe was the best draft to date (please send me $10), the anticipation for this season was at a fever pitch. We have 9 legitimate contenders this year, which I will expand upon as we get further into this article.

Another exciting aspect to look forward to this season is the premier of Commish teaser picks. Coupled with the Party Gnomes, we are trying to make a mockery of legal sports gambling in Delaware with 3+ team teaser parlays. Last week proved to be successful as we are now ahead $320 for the season. This week’s action will be on Dallas -3.5, Atlanta -1.5, and San Diego -1.5. We will be looking to double profits. On to the fantasy results from week 1:

Tweeting In The Trenches 147 – Stanky Monkeys 77:

Well I certainly did not see this sort of outburst coming from tweety. I received a drunken phone call after the giants game and from the sound of it it seems that Fusco may have given Hakeem Nicks fellatio. This has to be encouraging for titty as one who fell short of the playoffs last season. Meanwhile I believe the stanky monkeys forgot he was not playing me. I was taunted with Wes Welker nonsense but unfortunately the rest of his team did absolutely nothing. To add insult to injury Ryan Grant was lost for the season. This was a beatdown at its finest, and I was very pleased to see this result. Only way to describe this game is nasty.

Johnson’s Farm 127 – Dueling Pylons 92:

For the first time since the Laveraneus Coles era the farm has knocked off the pylons. What was supposed to be a great start to a championship pylons season turned into a disaster. Chris Johnson did his usual second half outburst, but this game was close heading into the Sunday night game. Then Miles Austin struck for 30 points and that was that. This is the only time these teams meet this season but I have a feeling that they could easily meet again in the playoffs. The banter was nonstop and these are always great matchups.

Maybe This Time 107 – The Stone Masons 75:

Here's one. Here's one. If you had to guess who faced the leagues low score who would you guess? Sam would be like -300 to face the low score in any given week. Maybe this time is a joke. This is by far the luckiest team in the league and she's asking for more? Ridiculousness. You can't really blame the stone masons here. Losing a qb and having a starting running back benched would most likely seal anyones fate. To make matters worse I have to get constant Facebook feeds about how great Sams team is and her upcoming "class x2". Please. I still think the masons could come alive. A great receiving core and healthy beanie wells could be dangerous.

Animals With Eyepatches 128 – Tequila Party Gnomes 105:

What a showing from the eyepatches. Having jimish at the draft is always scary for other owners. I really like his squad this year. He shocked many by selecting roddy white so early but thus far it has paid dividends. Meanwhile the gnomes have to be a little disappointed with this effort. A huge game from ochocinco couldn't salvage a win. Ecstatic on draft day that Steven Jackson slipped to the second round, that could end up being the pick that makes or breaks the gnomes season. These teams as usual will meet again week 13 in a pivotal divisional matchup. There is sure to be some hostility after this game.

The King’s Crusaders 104 – Coach Janky Spanky 100:

This actually turned out to be the best game of week 1. The classic battle between tutor and pupil turned out to be heartbreak for Coach Janky Spanky. Heading into Monday night, Janky Spanky needed only 35 points from 3 of his top 4 picks: Ray Rice, Ryan Mathews, and Antonio Gates. Surely this seemed like a lock as ESPN had them projected for well over 60 points. But this is what happens when you rely on a guy who has never played a down in the NFL before. Mathews, as he did all preseason, looked pedestrian. Even still, with a strong first half showing from Gates, Janky Spanky still looked to be in control. But on this night it was not meant to be. There were no meaningless 8 yard Greg Olsen catches. There was nothing that could save EEB from the humiliation faced in week 1. The King escaped with another win, but in time this team will need to be better if they want to prove they are a contender in this league.

Week 2 Preview

Maybe This Time (1-0) vs. Johnson’s Farm (1-0):

I say this frequently, but I think if I had to rank lists this would be #1 on the “Why can’t both teams lose?” list. Somehow according to ESPN, Sam is a 64 point favorite. Absolutely ridiculous. Nick has virtually the same team as last year except with Miles Austin instead of Andre Johnson, and a slight improvement at QB with Brady. While he was not a championship caliber squad, week in and week out was always a tough matchup. Sam meanwhile as usual has a team of clowns. A bunch of below average weeks and then one explosion; most likely on BG. I predict a low scoring game this week, and am expecting something like a 96-87 win for Maybe This Time. We all know she will be facing the low score of the week.

Animals With Eyepatches (1-0) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (1-0):

This is an interesting matchup here. The two highest scoring teams from Week 1 square off for right to be named the early favorite of the league. I would not have believed it would be these two teams fighting for that title, however. While I am a little skeptical on the Fusco side, I think Jimish’s squad could be for real. With solid depth and a great 1-2 combo at WR, it could finally be the year that the Eyepatches make some noise in the EFFL. With Randy Moss on Revis Island this week, it could be a tough go of it for TITTY. I think the Eyepatches come out firing from the getgo with huge games from Romo and Roddy White (no gambling bias). The Steve McNair division gets represented well and the Eyepatches get the win to move to 2-0.

Tequila Party Gnomes (0-1) vs. Stanky Monkeys (0-1):

Wow. That’s the first word that comes to my mind when I see these team names and 0 wins among them. Taking a deeper look reveals that the Stanky Monkeys team is truly one of the worst fantasy squads I have ever seen in a 10 team league. You truly have to be either that good at fantasy, or drunk in AC to pick a squad like that. I’m not sure which it was that happened this year. To add insult to injury, the Monkeys lost Ryan Grant for the season to an ankle injury. The Stanky Monkeys hit the waiver wire this week with a fury. This team is in total shambles right now. Meanwhile, TPG will be looking to bounce back after a crushing defeat with #1 arch rival Jimish. I look for a big game this week from the Ravens passing duo, and I would be honestly shocked if TPG didn’t come out ahead here. The Stanky Monkeys have time to right the ship, but right now things do not look good.

The King’s Crusaders (1-0) vs. The Stone Masons (0-1):

This is always an intriguing matchup to me. Based on league history the King has outperformed the Masons with the exception of one season. This game is going to be a shootout, bottom line. Both teams have fantastic matchups and I could easily see the loser of this game putting up 130 points. Something just gives me a bad feeling that it’s going to be the Stone Masons on the wrong side of the coin. I think things would be much improved if the Masons were to insert Derrick Mason into his lineup. I know I personally have been jonesing for him for almost a month now. I think this game is going to come down to the Masons running backs, which may be the case in most weeks. This is one of those weeks where I think they come through for him. I like the McNair division yet again to pull this one out.

**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****

Coach Janky Spanky (0-1) vs. Dueling Pylons (0-1):

This has always been a classic tie despite these teams only meeting once in EFFL history. Last year’s game featured the Pylons sporting 5 Rams while defeating Janky Spanky. Nightmares of Frank Gore haunted Janky Spanky for much of the season. Famous quotes such as “He’s garbage. If it weren’t for his long runs his stats would be no good.” Sadly for EEB, long runs count too. To make matters worse this year, we will have to wait for a Frank Gore repeat until Monday night when the 49ers face the Saints. The Pylons have a remarkable 4 players going night, so surely they will be down heading into the final game. The wildcard here is Arian Foster. Tennessee Vol against the Redskins. This has massacre written all over it. The Pylons left over 120 points on the bench last week and I think that this week the starters are the ones who do the damage. Threats of Fitz doo doo in my face and a bh spackled with Vaseline to ease penetration will not cause enough damage to make me concerned. The Pylons will finally get off the schnide here and will leave EEB and Lou as the only two winless teams after 2 weeks.

Well, sorry for the late posting of the blog. For whatever reason, I like all 5 McNair division teams to claim victories this week. I think the league is extremely balanced this year and am really looking forward to it. Light up the message board at will.