Championship Week

This is always one of the toughest blogs to write. I've never written a Week 16 blog with a team still in play before, but 2013 has finally proven to be the year of the Pylon. Or year of the TITTY. Not sure yet. All I know is that Jamaal Charles single-handedly ruined the life of Chris Woody. This is sweet revenge for a Doug Martin 55 point outing he dropped on me last year. But more on that later.

One thing to remember here is that the 3rd place games DO matter. In each league, the winner of the 3rd place game wins their entry fee back, so despite each of you getting beat this week, you do still have something to play for. The commish doesn't just keep that extra money for himself.

I also wanted to point out that this will sadly be the last blog of the season. As I will be away on vacation, there will not be a final blog. I'll make sure to get everyone's money to them following the new year. Similar to last year, Yashar has won the award for least original team name and the award for last team to pay fees. Not a good look.


League 1

#5 Dueling Pylons 166 - #1 Team Toliver 130

Up until about 3 PM, it looked like the Pylons were done for. Greg Jennings unleashed a career day. He had 19 points through the 1st quarter. Slowly but surely the Pylons started to make inroads. The Eagles being behind unleashed the Foles-DeSean combo to the tune of 72 combined points. Patterson threw in another garbage TD, and Foles continued to throw until the final whistle. I can't imagine what Yashar was feeling as that game refused to end. The Pylons continued to pile on the points during the 4 PM games, and there was nothing that could be done. The Pylons finally reached the championship game for the first time... the last team of the original EFFL to do so (sans EEB).

The Pylons looked like this after the win:

#2 Tweeting in the Trenches 144 - #3 The King's Crusaders 120

Jamaal Charles. That's all that needs to be said. This was one of the most impressive individual efforts I have ever witnessed. The only reasons his day wasn't bigger was the Western Kentucky Hilltopper showing mercy, and the fact that the end zone prevents further yardage. The Raiders weren't even close to taking him down. And Fusco needed it. Without the 59 point effort, TITTY had just a pedestrian total. But these two teams are two of the best. A 3 time champ against the defending champ. I think the league may have a new public enemy #1, especially if we have TITTY and TITTY on the trophy.

Here's how TITTY celebrated.

Final Preview

#2 Tweeting in the Trenches (11-3) vs. #5 Dueling Pylons (7-6-2)

These two teams met in the semis last year, and it looked for a long time like it would be the Pylons advancing to the championship game. It was not to be, and the result was Carter Michael Fusco. Will one of these teams father a child this year following an EFFL title? Recently, Fusco has owned this series, winning both matches this year. They always say it's tough to beat a team 3 times.

I think this is going to be a very close championship game. With the Eagles vs. Bears moved to Sunday night, the Pylons Week 15 star duo will probably have their work cut out for them. Expect TITTY to hold a strong lead heading into that game with the Pylons trying to come back to win the whole thing. Will it be enough?

I'll be hoping that the Pylons championship gear doesn't have to get sent to Somalia. But I think we have our first repeat championship, and another Fusco child.

Prediction: Tweeting in the Trenches


League 2

#1 The Darkest Norseman 161 - #5 Super Mario Brothers 132

I love Dosh's enthusiasm. He was RIPPING Dez early in the Cowboys game, and all of the sudden he goes silent as Dez explodes on the Packers. Even poor games from Knowshon and Jordan Cameron couldn't stop him. It was an impressive effort from the Mario Brothers, but as expected, the team just didn't have enough punch. 130 was right around where I expected this team to max out at. With Peterson possibly back in the fold for the championship, Dosh must be feeling extremely confident heading into the final. I would be too.

#3 Game on Dick Bag 150 - #2 Bo$$town Beasts 92

Just like Woody, there was nothing you could do Cutter. I was nervous that this was going to happen to your team, and sure enough it did at the worst time possible. Even though you made poor coaching decisions, your max lineup score was only 113 points. Sam's team continues to get the job done, going over 130 points for the 3rd straight week. Heading into the finals on a roll, he too must be feeling confident. Imagine if Tatz had agreed to a Jamaal Charles trade. Would've been a totally different story.

Final Preview

#1 The Darkest Norseman (11-3) vs. #3 Game on Dick Bag (10-5)

For about 6 weeks now, it seemed like it would be Dosh against either Sam or Cutter in the finals. Sure enough, it came to fruition. It's hard to argue with these two teams being in the finals. They were some of the most consistent across both leagues. After the draft, Dosh was my favorite to win it all, which is usually the kiss of death. But you stuck with it, kept up with your team, and are close to being rewarded in the end.

Sam has done it despite a not too strong receiving corps, but his trio of Stafford, Shady and Forte is up there with the best in the league. This is another matchup that will come down to Sunday night. I expect similar scenarios in both leagues. Dosh should be up by a good amount, and it's just a matter of will he have enough to hold on. I think he does.

Prediction: The Darkest Norseman


It's been a fun season, and I've probably written about 25,000 words. That's a 30 page paper. I hope you have enjoyed the blog throughout the season, the portions you've read. Good luck to the 4 teams playing in Championship Week, and again, 3rd place teams do not forget you are still playing for money. Signing off for 2013.

The Commish

Snowball Fight

Man, I'm with Peterson. The Ravens probably have the worst fans in the NFL. Not only do they try to pelt players with snowballs, they can't drive. It's bad for everyone.

I could talk about how great the snow was to watch like every media outlet, but I won't. We're better than that. I just know that I saw pictures of the game in Philly, and while I was concerned, I didn't think it was the end of the world. When I got to the bar at 1:05 and saw the live action, I had a relapse. Coming off a bye in 2007, I used Derek Anderson and Braylon Edwards in a playoff game against TPG. This happened. I lost the game and vowed to never use a player in snow again. I was beside myself, and the result was crushing 4 pitchers of Goose Island and having a massive headache all day Monday. It was worth it.

Now that we have the playoffs to talk about, the Beef of the Week is being abandoned for the season. I really don't have much anyway other than guys insisting that Goodell makes them injure other players. The only way you can take down Gronk is a leaping headshot or blowing out his knee? Please. That's horseshit.

Here's a quick overview of what happened in the EFFL in Week 14:

Playoffs:

Winners: Dueling Pylons, The King's Crusaders, Game on Dick Bag, Super Mario Brothers
Losers: Geno 911, Threeing the Hogs, Jersey Leshoure, EEB Ventura

Relegation Battle:

Winners: Stanky Monkeys, Lady Luck
Losers: Tequila Party Gnomes, RGIII for President.

Yes, League 2 members, we are returning Darryl to you. Also joining you will be draft drunk Matt Atallian. You'll get one more this week.


League 1

Week 14 Recap

#3 The King's Crusaders 161 - #6 Threeing the Hogs 152

If I were Mike Y, I'd be sick. With a wind chill of almost 10 below zero, Josh McCown dropped 42 points in your grill to knock you out of the playoffs on Monday night. That's balls. MCCOWN!! Over the course of years playing fantasy football, everyone develops enemies. You can be certain that an eternal hatred was born on Monday night. But this victory is classic King. Starting some scrub you wouldn't dare have the balls to in the playoffs, and he drops 40 necessary points to give him the win. This marks the 7th year in a row that the King has reached the semifinals, and thankfully TPG stopped his streak of 5 straight championship appearances last year. Just an unbelievable victory.

#5 Dueling Pylons 115 - #4 Geno 911 104

This is exactly why everyone wanted to play Geno 911. I've ripped him all year on the blog, and he went out with a poor performance reminiscent of the rest of the season. A well deserved exit. But the Pylons can't feel all too happy about this one. Only scoring 115 and having arguably your best player go down to injury is not the way you want to move forward. But the Pylons have owned Geno 911 to the tune of a 10-1-1 record over their last 12 played. Remarkably this is only the Pylons 3rd career playoff win, with 2 coming against Gambino.

Week 15 Preview

#1 Team Toliver (10-3) vs. #5 Dueling Pylons (6-6-2)

All I can say about this is I'm glad Manning plays on Thursday night. It's gonna hurt, but let's get it over with and move forward. Until Monday night, it really looked like Yashar was going to face his arch nemesis Mike Y in a rematch of the League 2 title game last year. But it was not to be. MCCOWN!! During the bye week, Yashar put up only 113 points, so that must be somewhat concerning. The last time these teams met, the Pylons went down in a heap following a CJ Spiller no-show. Conveniently, Peterson goes down, and I have a hole that needs to be filled. I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. This is the Pylons' 6th semifinal appearance, and they've never reached the championship game. I think that streak continues.

Prediction: Team Toliver

#2 Tweeting in the Trenches (10-3) vs. #3 The King's Crusaders (9-5)

This is clearly the better matchup of the two semifinals. The last 3 times these teams have met, the games have been separated by a combined 17 points. When you're on a bye, the only thing you can hope for is that none of your players get injured. I guess your best player blowing out his ACL and MCL doesn't qualify. That's a real tough break, and it makes TITTY look an awful lot more beatable. If Andre Johnson scored touchdowns, he'd be a beast. I think whichever team wins this game is the favorite to hoist the trophy, which sucks ass because they've won the last 2 and 3 of the last 4 combined. It's going to be a tough battle, but I'm going to give the King the slight edge. It should be up for grabs on Monday night.

Prediction: The King's Crusaders


Relegation Battle

Week 14 Recap

#7 Stanky Monkeys 174 - #10 RGIII for President 86

Oh shit! When your top scorer is Nick Fizzolk, you're in deep doo doo. This was an absolute beatdown, and it's unfortunate that Lou is gonna be upset knowing he would have done damage in the playoffs. Now winners of 7 of 9, this team is finding its stride at the right time to avoid relegation. The only consolation I can offer you is that had you ended up playing Sam this week instead of next week, you would've suffered an unreal 176-174 loss. That would be enough to send a man off a cliff. It was a well deserved win, and after being completely overmatched in League 1, Darryl is headed back to League 2. Lou is now 3-0 in relegation battles.

#8 Lady Luck 176 - #9 Tequila Party Gnomes 133

As you said, there's really not more TPG could have done here. It was a noble effort, but after a disappointing season, it's a fitting end. TPG will now join the likes of EEB and Tatz. The good news for both you and your brother is that you can't both draft Colston next year, so at least one of you should benefit. If he finally shows up to a draft and out drinks you, it'll be a sight to see. Meanwhile, where did this explosion from Lady Luck come from? She sure picked the right time for a monster week. Maybe you read the blog last week and decided "Oh, I traded for Bell and Fitz, maybe I should use them". Had you used Bell last week, you would've knocked your brother out this week. Sad.

Week 15 Preview

#7 Stanky Monkeys (7-7) vs. #8 Lady Luck (6-8)

Sam snapped a 6 game losing streak in a big way, and this is going to be an interesting matchup. I don't think either team scores nearly as many points in week 15, but that doesn't mean this won't be a good one. Over the years these teams have been very even. Lou has 2 championships and Sam has 1. But 1 must stay, and 1 must go. Believe it or not, by far the worst performer for the Stanky Monkeys in Week 14 was Calvin Johnson. Something tells me he turns it around and explodes on Lady Luck. Despite missing the playoffs 3 years in a row, Lou has proven resilient, and he's played well when it matters. I think the Stanky Monkeys do it again.

Prediction: Stanky Monkeys


League 2

Week 14 Recap

#3 Game on Dick Bag 143 - #6 Jersey Leshoure 117

I liked Ben to take this one, but things happen. Tron and Gronk combining for 12 points is probably going to end your season. There's really nothing that could have been done here, as huge games from McCoy and Forte got the job done. Sam has had an impressive squad all season, and despite leaving over 100 points on the bench, it still wasn't close. Interesting to note that this game featured the 2nd and 3rd highest scoring teams across both leagues this season. Not everyone gets to play EEB. If it makes you feel any better Ben, you won the high score in Week 13 and tied for high score in another, so you'll get back $15. Hooray!

#5 Super Mario Brothers 130 - #4 EEB Ventura 104

Here's a hilarious fact... The only players in EEB's lineup that didn't play in snow conditions were kicker Phil Dawson and AJ Green, who played in below freezing temperatures and light spotting. Didn't follow your mentor Woody and got stuck with Reggie Bush left in your lineup. He won. You lost. It really didn't matter. Your optimal starting lineup scored a whopping 122 points. You'll stay in League 2 next year, which is also well deserved. Meanwhile, Elliott advances and shows you up after you wanted him out. I can't wait to see what you have to say for yourself at next year's draft.

Week 15 Preview

#1 Darkest Norseman (10-3) vs. #5 Super Mario Brothers (6-7-1)

On paper, this looks like the Norseman should continue to cruise en route to a championship appearance. But the Peterson injury definitely hurts Dosh and after BMarsh and Dez, the team doesn't really have a reliable 3rd receiving option. It'll be interesting to see if Case Keenum makes a return appearance to the lineup. I think this is going to be a very close game. Keep in mind that the winner of this matchup punches their ticket to League 1 in 2014. Only 3 teams have beat Dosh this season, and the Brothers are one of them, but I think the Norseman just have too much firepower here.

Prediction: Darkest Norseman

#2 Bo$$town Beasts (9-4) vs. #3 Game on Dick Bag (9-5)

This didn't really work out too well for Cutter, as I'm sure he would've rather faced Elliott than Sam here. And to make matters worse, he also lost a top player to injury in Week 14. This is going to be another close matchup, and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if either team won. Cutter won their only matchup all the way back in Week 3, but that was a long time ago. Of late, it's been the Dick Bag that's had the upper hand. I think the wild card team comes through here and knocks Cutty out, punching a ticket to League 1 en route.

Prediction: Game on Dick Bag


Well that took a very long time to write, and until Monday night, it was very much up in the air who would play who. There are 5 games to keep an eye on this week as we'll have the 2 finalists from each League as well as the winner and loser of the relegation battle. Championship week will matter in both leagues as there will be money and a trip to League 1 at stake. Good luck to everyone in Week 15.

EFFL Goes Nuts

It's playoff time in the EFFL. We've suffered through 13 tough weeks to finally get to this point of one-and-done. As is customary with the EFFL, things are not settled until Monday night, and with 18 teams across both leagues this year, there's more at stake than ever in Week 14.

While TPG would have ran train on Geno 911 no matter what, it's bad form to bench your entire roster and start Aaron Hernandez. Benching your team to rest your starters I get. But what does Hernandez have to do with anything? If you really wanted to be funny, you would've started Hernandez and Tebow, but apparently that didn't happen. You killed it. If there was anything at stake in your matchup, I'd toss you from the league for a stunt like that. Instead, I'll personally eliminate you from the playoffs.

Beef of the Week: The New York Jets

Yet another easy target, but this is ridiculous. I've complained about NFL TV coverage, and it struck again this week, as a CBS Doubleheader coupled with a Jets home game at 1 PM ensures that nobody in New York gets to see a 1 PM game on Fox. Great. It makes much more sense to see 49ers-Rams in New York than Eagles-Cardinals.

The Jets are unwatchable. They're truly a joke. Rex Ryan is somehow still the head ballcoach, and he continues to trot out Geno Smith, despite him being absolutely awful. It's the same story every week. Geno stinks up the joint and gets benched for Matt Simms who enters the game down 20 points. Geno now has 1 TD and 11 picks in his last 7 starts and hasn't even completed 10 passes in 4 straight games. If you add his QB rating from the last 3 starts combined, it equals 40.7. That's 3 games added together. On ESPN's QBR rating scale of 1-100, Geno has had 6 starts where his QBR is less than 8.

Take all of that in. I get that rookies are bad, but this is brutal. How can you start this guy? How does Rex still have a job?  I also don't understand why the Jets are on pretty much every TV at the bar. People go out to watch games they can't see at home. What kind of idiot goes to his boys "Yo you wanna come over and watch the Jet game?" "Nah bro, I'd rather watch at the bar and pay 5 times as much for beer". People don't do that. A majority of the people at the bar are interested in a game that's not on local TV. The rest would rather not watch the fucking Jets.

Here's a great tweet:

In 9 years doing the Red Zone Channel @DIRECTV , I've never had more people complain when we went to a game than today for Dolphins/Jets.
— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) December 2, 2013

League 1 Playoffs

We had 5 teams lock up a playoff spot prior to Week 13, and it took awhile to get the 6th. If Sam had held on to beat Mike Y last week, it would've been Lou in the playoffs. Poor guy got burned on head-to-head tiebreakers despite scoring a ton of points.

It was also brought to my attention that had Geno 911 and the Pylons not tied in Week 10, the Stanky Monkeys would have been in the playoffs. That's entirely true. Here's how things are shaping up.

#1 Team Toliver (10-3): Finished up strong and now has a week to take it easy. I'm very impressed that you've taken the #1 seed in your respective league 2 years in a row. You'll play the lowest remaining seed in Week 15. Hopefully none of your players bite it during your bye week. Cannot play Chris Woody.

#2 Tweeting in the Trenches (10-3): Another impressive 10 win season, which is pretty remarkable considering you've never won more than 6 games in the regular season. You will face the highest remaining seed, which means either Chris Woody or the winner of the 4/5 matchup. This team is a definite contender.

#3 The King's Crusaders (8-5) vs. #6 Threeing the Hogs (6-7)

These teams faced each other in Week 13, and there will be a rematch in the Wild Card round of the playoffs. Mike certainly backed his way into the playoffs here, as he needed Lou to defeat Sam to get in. It was about 10 PM Monday night, but the Hogs officially punched their ticket to the League 1 playoffs. The teams split the season series, and I must admit I'm a little pleased that one of these teams will be knocked out. The Hogs have had 3 poor weeks in 4, and I'm looking at that as a possible sign of weakness. It's crazy to think that the Hogs flat out cut 2 of his top 3 picks, and neither was injured. I think the King is looking too strong here and will use his league history to his advantage.

Prediction: The King's Crusaders

#4 Geno 911 (6-6-1) vs. #5 Dueling Pylons (5-6-2):

These teams are very familiar with each other as this will be the 3rd time these teams meet in a matter of 5 weeks. It remains to be seen whether Geno angered the fantasy gods with his Week 13 stunt. The Pylons could be in good shape here as they have fared very well against 911 recently. This includes a victory in the 2012 playoffs that sent Gambino packing. The Pylons will surely be happy that they wasted a terrible week when it didn't matter. Considering the boom or bust nature of this team, it could be a rebound match here. I've thought the Pylons have been the better team all season. They've scored more, won the head-to-head tiebreaker, and haven't lost to Gambino in a long time. That trend continues.

Prediction: Dueling Pylons


League 1 Relegation Ladder

This is arguably more exciting than the playoffs, as 3 of 4 teams will be participating in League 2 next year. The loser of each Week 14 game will be relegated. The two winners will face each other in Week 15 with the loser also being relegated. Don't fret league members, as I will be pushing hard to get BG and Jimish back into the EFFL next year.

#7 Stanky Monkeys (6-7) vs. #10 RGIII for President (3-10)

Lou did everything he could to get back into the playoff picture. Won 6 of his final 8, and it just wasn't enough. Was the odd man out of the 3 way tie for 5th through 7th place. Lou has fought off relegation before, and given the way his team is playing, I wouldn't be surprised to see him do it again. At 3-10, if you're not relegated back to League 2, you're a very lucky person. I'm a believer that the Stanky Monkeys would have made some noise in the playoffs had they gotten in. They'll do work here.

Prediction: Stanky Monkeys

#8 Lady Luck (5-8) vs. #9 Tequila Party Gnomes (4-8-1)

These teams are only separated in the standings by half a game, and I know where this is headed. Lady Luck brings an impressive 6 game losing streak into the relegation ladder, and if you're the Gnomes, you have to be happy with this draw. Trading Brandon Marshall for Le'Veon Bell and Larry Fitz still makes no sense to me. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU BENCH BELL FOR DANNY WOODHEAD and cost yourself a playoff spot. It went mostly unnoticed in the league, but this is just bad coaching all around. TPG meanwhile is firing on all cylinders. Hopefully you didn't blow your load on Gambino.

Prediction: Tequila Party Gnomes


League 2 Playoffs

The two teams to play in the finals will be promoted to League 1. Also the team finishing in 3rd place will move up to League 1. The bye gives you a huge advantage. Let's see how things look:

#1 Darkest Norseman (10-3): Been atop the leaderboard all season and certainly deserving of the top spot. Hasn't been completely killing it recently save Week 12. But Dosh is looking very strong to be promoted to League 1 in 2014. Will face the lowest remaining team in Week 15.

#2 Bo$$town Beasts (9-4): Didn't finish that strong, but got some help and still locked up a first round bye. It's huge to get that bye instead of having to play an extra wild card game. I fully expect you to be in League 1 next year, and I'd be totally disappointed otherwise.

#3 Game on Dick Bag (8-5) vs. #6 Jersey Leshoure (5-8)

Believe it or not, Ben almost snuck into the #5 spot. But at 5-8, the odds finally have turned in his favor and he's in the playoffs. That's bad news for the rest of the league, as to date the Street Pigeons have scored more than 300 fewer points than Leshoure. This team is far more deserving. This game may be the best across both leagues in Week 14. Each team has flown under the radar but has put up a ton of points. It'll be interesting to see if Leshoure pulled a TPG and wasted a good week before the playoffs. I like both of these teams, but I think the team that just got in keeps on rolling.

Prediction: Jersey Leshoure

#4 EEB Ventura (6-6-1) vs. #5 Super Mario Brothers (5-7-1)

I must admit that I've been looking forward to this one for awhile. All the way back on draft night, EEB wanted to boot Elliott in favor of Rebecca despite Elliott being the only person to pay an entry fee. Wouldn't it be the ultimate irony if he defeated you here and knocked you out of the playoffs. I know it's been a hard year for EEB, and a loss in Week 14 means another year in League 2. But you'd have some company next year. If you wanna get back and play your mentor Woody next year, you're gonna need a win here. I'm not impressed by the Mario Brothers.

Prediction: EEB Ventura


Out of the Playoffs

#7 Street Pigeons (4-9): This was a long time coming. A season of ineptitude culminated with the starting of inactive Stevan Ridley. In fairness, the only other running back on your roster whose team played on Sunday is Arian Foster. Who knows why you're still holding onto him as he can't be kept. When you hitch your team to Aaron Rodgers and he goes down with an injury, this is bound to happen. Making 8 moves all season certainly doesn't help.

#8 Team Meat Collage (4-9): At least you avoided double digit losses, but it was apparent around mid-season that this was not going to be a playoff team. Unfortunately, the teams in League 2 that miss the playoffs don't have anything to do after week 13, but you stayed in it until the end. I'd bet on you never drafting Trent Richardson again in your life.


We'll be back next week to see how teams' fortunes have changed. 4 teams will be eliminated from the playoffs, and 2 will face certain relegation to League 2. It's an exciting time. Best of luck to everyone.