Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Karma Haunts Imbesi



BREAKING: Ezekiel Elliott wins injunction from Texas court. NFL barred from imposing suspension for duration of lawsuit (likely all season).

Thanks everyone for Zeke and DJ. Where do you want me to pick where our draft party is next year?


These are the words sent from one Phil Imbesi on September 8th, right before the season began. Since that fateful email went out, Phil has lost David Johnson, C.J. Fiedorowicz, Dalvin Cook, Jordan Matthews, Michael Crabtree, and Davante Adams was almost decapitated. Zeke has his suspension looming still. Team is in absolute shambles.

I have to admit. I'm upset about Dalvin. Guy looked good and was really fun to watch. As soon as he got up and went over and hugged coach Zimmer, I knew he was done. There's work to be done.

Also, I've decided the blog will be published on Tuesday nights from now on. I'm tired of having an incomplete picture just to get the blog out. Deal with it.

Monday night was wild. Not just because Travis Kelce, chief douchebag did this:


But, in case you missed it, arguably the worst bad beat I've ever seen. And in true hilarious fashion, Lobitz had Redskins +7. Watch this final play:


That's BRUTAL. The clock was on 0:00 for at least 10 seconds. Absolutely disgusting. That's the type of shit that happens on Monday nights. It's a miracle it didn't swing a fantasy game in the EFFL.

But my favorite.. FAVORITE moment from Sunday was this absolute EXPLOSION from Philip Rivers


What in the world is he yelling into his helmet? Best "caption this" in the comments will be featured in a one-on-one interview for the blog next week.

You know who really sucks? Ben McAdoo. Guy tried to channel his inner Jim Mora "Playoffs?!?!? I'm just trying to win a damn game!" It didn't work. He should resign and save us all the misery. Get back to BBQs and power tools. I'm not going to post the clip. It sucks.

This is how you really don't care.


Football has provided tremendous enjoyment this year. Parlays have been terrible, but oh well. Seems like there's some incredible stuff happening every week, but...

Beef of the Week: Doug Pederson

It's a miracle Doug has escaped this long. REFUSES. REFUSES to give LeGarrette Blount the ball. It was so bad last week that the crowd cheered every time he got on the field. I don't understand why it's so hard to feed your horse. He's running over everyone.

4 PM games are dangerous. I was hammered before the game even started. This led to a lot of yelling. More like pleading. I lost count of how many times I screamed "PLEASE DOUG! PLEASE!"

Then this FINALLY happened:


I lost my shit. As he's rumbling I immediately burst into the Big Lebowski bit "DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?!?!? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS LARRY?!?!?!" I didn't even try to change it to Doug. I stopped myself short of screaming "when you fuck a stranger in the ass" in the middle of a crowded bar. That's the loudest I've yelled for a sporting event in at least 5 years. It was glorious. There must be more of that.


Power Rankings

1. The King's Crusaders (4-0) - Previous: 1
Could this be a runaway. Preseason #1 King is obliterating the competition. 572 points to date. Only one other team is over 450. Must be nice.

2. Pork Chop Express (3-1) - Previous: 2
Got banged by Terrelle Pryor Sr. Have another one of those weeks and you could fall. Still OK for now.

3. Team BG (3-1) - Previous: 5
Team finally looks like it's coming together despite Derek Carr breaking his back. Solid, unspectacular team that could surprise.

4. Team Bartholomew (2-2) - Previous: 4
Gurley looks like a total stud, which moves you up in my book. The Gurley-AJ combo may be the best 1-2 in the league. Tough loss this week.

5. Bo$$town Cutter (2-2) - Previous: 3
I'm seeing a few cracks. Team scored less than 100 points despite over 40 from the kicker and defense. Played a tough schedule thus far, so should pick it up soon.

6. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) - Previous: 6
Team is starting to come alive. Hitching the wagon to the Redskins looks OK so far. Alvin Kamara could become a real player.

7. Dueling Pylons (1-3) - Previous: 12
Finally got in the win column. DP is right in the middle of the pack in points scored despite the slow start. Team has improved each week, which has to count for something.

8. Geno 911 (3-1) - Previous: 9
Can't believe you're 3-1. First time since 2013. I think you could potentially move up. Team is playing well. 

9. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-2) - Previous: 10
Another team I feel is solid, but unspectacular. Consistently improving and the 3 RBs haven't bit the dust yet. Still massively concerned about WRs.

10. Stanky Monkeys (1-3) - Previous: 11
Welcome to Sammy Watkins hell. 2 points in a critical game?!? Never seen that one before. Team is healthy just very inconsistent. Should be in it all the way.

11. The Old Ball Sack (1-3) - Previous: 13
Someone had to be the best of the worst. Other than Jordy Nelson, team is really struggling. Perhaps DeShaun Watson can rescue you. Not looking good.

12. A Lot O'Tatz (1-3) - Previous: 8
Not sure where you can turn. Alshon and Julio just are not delivering at stud levels. RBBC sucks the BBC. Might be time to burn that waiver priority to get a good player.

13. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (2-2) - Previous: 7
Probably a bit harsh, but this is more about who's left standing on your squad. Good news is you already have some wins under your belt.

14. Cash Me Out Wide (1-3) - Previous: 14
I have no idea what's going on with this team. 326 points scored through 4 games. Drafted QBs in rounds 5, 6 and 7 and cut all 3 before Week 4. That's not a recipe for success. Amari Cooper is terrible.


Been a wild ride thus far. Last place and 2nd place are separated by all of 2 games, which makes things fun. Looking forward to more wild yelling this Sunday. Good luck everyone.
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