Well that was quite the week 10! Finally the NFL schedule maker realized how you succeed: put all of the bad teams against each other, then put the good teams in prime matchups. It makes it so easy to just skip right over games. Jaguars-Texans? Pass. Bears-Bucs? Pass. Jets-Rams? Didn't happen.
You got Saints-Broncos, Cowboys-Steelers and Seahawks-Patriots all in different time slots. That's good stuff. Tajae Sharpe was penalized for scoring a TD then taking a nap on the ball. That's bad form trying to do anything other than the #MannequinChallenge. I really want to see a team do the mannequin challenge as a TD celebration. Is that a choreographed demonstration or a group celebration if you don't move? That's new territory and I can't wait to see how it unfolds.
Also, I'm not afraid to admit it. Bengals-Giants was not as exciting as Tron doing a salsa to Daddy Yankee. You can judge me.
Kirk Cousins is back:
I don't think this is on the level of YOU LIKE THAT?!?!? This is pretty bad. There's only one acceptable Oooohweeeeeee. No limit.
The NFL has another fantastic controversy on its hands.
— Adam Patrick (@Str8_Cash_Homey) November 13, 2016
Fox keeps photoshopping Sam Bradford's head on other former Vikings QBs bodies. They did it earlier this year on Teddy Bridgewater's body. They went so far as to change the skin color. But they couldn't remove double gloves, which Sam Bradford has never worn.
I'm also a huge fan of Brady's audibles. He sacked me in the EFFL playoffs a couple years back with "GOLD WILLIE". Last night he had a "SCOOBY DOO! SCOOBY DOO!" I need more! Can't keep yelling OMAHA over and over. Switch it up!
The EFFL is heating up at the right time. Stanky Monkeys and Dueling Pylons punched their playoff tickets in Week 10. 8 wins is the magic number at this point in time. Mathematically, 8 wins guarantees you a playoff spot. But before we get into the standings and scenarios, we've gotta air some grievances.
Beef of the Week: NO FLAGS
No, I don't have beef with there being a lack of flags. I have SEVERE beef with Joe Buck screaming "NO FLAGS" after every single touchdown. Not only is it fucking annoying, it's just a mathematically improbable statement.
Despite penalties being as high as ever, there are about 15 called per game. At the same time, teams run about 120 plays per game combined. So, you're out there mouthing off about something that happens about once every 8 plays, or a 12.5% chance. There's really no reason to say it. Would you scream NO PUNTS after a play is run? Or NO INJURIES? Those things happen almost as frequently, but it makes no sense to yell them on any play. It's his catch phrase and it's so FUCKING stupid. I never want to hear Joe Buck call another game.
I turned on 5 minutes of the World Series and he sounded like a jackass doing that too. Not surprising.
Broadway Cro's Bad Beat of the Week: Saints pick 'em.
We thankfully teased to +5.5, which was sweaty enough, but if I had the ML I would've been heated. Down 6, the Saints scored a TD to take the lead with just under 2 minutes left.
The ensuing extra point to take the lead is BLOCKED and run all the way back for two points and the Broncos win. The returner also clearly stepped out of bounds, and somehow the call was not overturned. The Saints went onsides, could not recover, and that was that. Broncos win by 2. That's the beauty of gambling. There's always a new way for you to get fucked.
Also, just another reminder that Bruce Arians might be the worst coach in the NFL.
EFFL Playoffs
Officially In
As said earlier, 8 wins is the magic number to get into the playoffs. The Pylons and Stanky Monkeys have locked up a playoff spot. It looks like it'll be those two competing for the bye.
* 1. Stanky Monkeys (8-2) - Owns tiebreaker over the Pylons, and the win in Week 10 was massive. Losing Alshon to PEDs will hurt, but it's your spot to lose.
* 2. Dueling Pylons (8-2) - Here's the Pylons last 6 without DJ or Antonio on a bye: 127, 130, 162, 123, 133, 130. Pylons are hot and through the byes, and currently the favorite to take home the most points prize.
Next Up
These teams are going to move around on a weekly basis since they're so close to each other.
3. Team BG (6-4) - Shot right up the standings real quick. Owns the tiebreaker over Phil, which helps. I like your team, and I think you end up in the playoffs. 2 of 3 gets it done. I think 1 of 3 should be enough too.
4. Harambe Was Set Up (6-4) - Came back to the pack as I expected. I think your team is good enough to get in, but you've lost to all 3 teams ahead of you. That may not bode well for your chances at a title.
5. Tweeting in the Trenches (5-4-1) - Certainly not safe yet, and has now lost 4 of 5. 2 of your last 3 games are against teams in front of you so that may be tough. I think 2 more wins should be fine. If you end 6-6-1, I think you could be in trouble. DeMarco Murray doesn't have his bye until week 13, and that's the worst time for you.
6. ROLL THE DICE (5-5) - With so many teams bunched together, your high point total may come in handy. You still play Cutter and Ben, so it's up to you if you want to be in the playoffs. Beat them both and you'll be in.
7. Pork Chop Express (5-5) - If it started today, you'd be the last team in due to your head-to-head over Cutter. And we'd be playing each other. I'm sure you'd love that. Your team is certainly playing better now. Will have to keep it up to get in.
8. Bo$$town Cutter (5-5) - Nice win to get back to .500. Despite being on the outside looking in, you can definitely play your way in. All of your big boys are done with their byes and you should get Tevin Coleman back soon as well. I don't think anyone wants to play you in the playoffs.
Work To Do
These teams probably need at least two wins to get in.
9. A Lot O'Tatz (4-5-1) - Only a half game out, so you can still definitely get in. Huge win over TPG in Week 10. After losing 5 of 6, the fact that you're righting the ship is a good sign. Finish against Woody, and I know you've got that one circled.
10. The King's Crusaders (4-6) - Took out Mike Y in week 1, which has you ahead of him for the moment. Your point total isn't that great, so it might be tough if you get in a 3 way tie. I think you could be in some trouble.
11. The Old Ball Sack (4-6) - I thought your team was back, but you hit a snag in Week 10. I'm sure you'll turn around and take that out on me in Week 11. 6-7 may not be enough, and it would be an honor to take out the defending champ.
Last Legs
The end is in sight for these guys. Shows you for laughing at "GET OUT OF THIRD"
12. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-7) - It just never came together, and you let EEB off the hook. Must win 3 to get to 6-7, and probably needs some help. Fusco, Gambino and Mike Y on the schedule, so even if you don't get in, you can knock out each of the last 4 champs.
13. Geno 911 (3-7) - Doesn't even look like your team is scoring points anymore, but I'm sure Lou would appreciate you taking me down in Week 13. Likewise must get to 6-7, but you do have two games against teams in this category.
14. Team Bartholomew (3-7) - Absolutely had to win in Week 10 and you did. Can you get 3 more? I think you have the weakest opposing schedule. Glad Dez finally showed up for you.
Week 11 Matchups
#1 Stanky Monkeys (8-2) v. #7 Pork Chop Express (5-5)
#2 Dueling Pylons (8-2) v. #11 The Old Ball Sack (4-6)
#3 Team BG (6-4) v. #10. The King's Crusaders (4-6)
#4 Harambe Was Set Up (6-4) v. #9 A Lot O'Tatz (4-5-1)
#5 Tweeting in the Trenches (5-4-1) v. #12 Tequila Party Gnomes (3-7)
#6 ROLL THE DICE (5-5) v. #8 Bo$$town Cutter (5-5)
#13 Geno 911 (3-7) v. #14 Team Bartholomew (3-7)
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