Eat Up #10mode

It's a little old, but it's appropriate given the feast that's gonna go down this week. There's nothing like football on Thanksgiving. I embark on a yearly tradition of getting absolutely obliterated and not remembering that there's now night football. I know I'm not alone. And even better, it's Thanksgivikkuh. Or something like that. Happy Chanukah to the Jews.

Apparently my beef of the week went over quite well last week. People hate Mayock. I'm gonna keep this theme going and pick on some more TV personalities.

Beef of the Week: Al Michaels

He's an old guy. I understand. It's like Pat Summerall when he worked with Madden. You kinda feel bad for him, but at the same time, you just wonder what NBC is thinking. For whatever reason, he just can't pronounce normal words that others can. It's not New Or-Lee-Ins. That's not the name.

Here are a couple words: Man. Sad. These two words do not rhyme. Yet add an "ing" to the end of these words, and somehow the pronunciation of "Manning" changes. The "man" in that word does not rhyme with sad. It's wrong. That's not the right way to pronounce it. You know how I know it's not the right way to pronounce it? THEY HAVE PEYTON MANNING SAYING HIS OWN NAME IN THE PLAYER INTROS!!! Why is he pronouncing it in his own way? It drives me NUTS!

It's amazing that NBC lets its employee blatantly and intentionally do his job wrong. Must be nice.

We're down to one final week in the regular season. We have one playoff spot available in each league. Who will claim it?

League 1

They're in

y - 1. Team Toliver (9-3): I can't fault you for a bad week. You have a bye locked up, and you're resting your starters. But there has to be a little bit of concern in your mind after a poor performance. It's not gonna get any warmer in Denver. I'm still not convinced your team is past the Julio injury, but Harry Douglas has performed admirably. It really doesn't matter if you're the 1 or the 2 seed. We'll have an idea of who your potential opponents can be next week.

y - 2. Tweeting in the Trenches (9-3): Nice job beating up on a vulnerable team. You've clinched a first round bye (son of a bitch), and you're in the same boat as Yashar. There's really nothing to be gained or lost by being #1 or #2, but I guess avoiding the King would be helpful. This is arguably the best team right now, and if I had a pick, I'd reluctantly have to choose TITTY.

x - 3. The King's Crusaders (7-5): You didn't mess around, got the job done, and now you're in the playoffs. Still no idea who you're going to play, but you're in the wild card round as expected. You own the tiebreaker over the Pylons, but don't over the Hogs. If you win, you'll be the 3 seed. If you lose, you could potentially end up at #6. I don't think you'll be intimidated by your opponent whoever it is.

x - 4. Geno 911 (6-5-1): Clinched a playoff spot by virtue of the Hogs taking out Lady Luck, but this team is not looking strong right now. Could a 3rd matchup with the Pylons be on deck? Can still finish anywhere between 3 and 6. By far the lowest scoring playoff team no matter what happens in week 13. Doesn't look like tiebreakers will come into effect here. But like the other wild card teams, your playoff opponent will not be known til after Week 13.

x - 5. Dueling Pylons (5-5-2): The only team below the Pylons at this point that can pass them is the Hogs, and as a result, the Pylons are headed back to the playoffs. It appears setting up a weaker squad for Geno 911 instead of a weaker Week 11 squad worked out very well. The Pylons have the tiebreaker over the Hogs, Stanky Monkeys, and Lady Luck, which certainly would come into play if they are all tied. This team is 5-2-1 in its last 8. That's nothing to sneeze at.

The star crossed lovers from District 12. Only one can survive. The other will be killed by poisonous berries.

6. Threeing the Hogs (6-6): Got the huge win over Lady Luck, and now controls his own destiny. Obviously with a win in week 13 will clinch a playoff spot. With a loss, however, things become much more interesting. You've defeated the Stanky Monkeys twice, which means that if Sam loses to him, you also clinch. If you lose and Sam wins, since you've split the season series, total points scored come into play. You're extremely close right now. I could've told you at the draft that it would be down to you two for one spot.

7. Lady Luck (5-7): At this point there's only one way into the playoffs for you. You need to win, have Mike Young lose, and finish ahead on total points for the season. That's it. After a 5-2 start, this team has lost 5 in a row, and appears very much headed for the relegation ladder. I warned weeks ago that this team was ripe for a fall in the standings, and sure enough, it's happened. You also cannot finish higher than the #6 seed.

Relllllegate good ttimes, come on!

x - 8. Stanky Monkeys (5-7): I thought you were still in it until I looked a little closer. The only teams you can finish level with are the Pylons and Hogs. Unfortunately, the Pylons own tiebreakers over both teams, so they would finish first in a 3 way tie. That would leave you and the Hogs, and he also owns the tiebreaker over you. The only way you wouldn't end up behind on tiebreakers would be a 3 way tie with the Hogs and Lady Luck. That would require both of you to win in Week 13, but you play each other, so that is not possible.

I'm sorry to see you go after such a strong run. Started 0-5 and came out of nowhere to get back into this thing. This marks the 3rd season in a row in which you've missed the playoffs. The nastyness is no longer. You'll play either Matt or Darryl in the first relegation battle Week 14.

x - 9. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-8-1): Finally put out of your misery. Even a win couldn't have saved your season. But I think you saw this coming. You've been preparing for the relegation ladder since like Week 4. I hope you've prepared accordingly. Your opponent in Week 14 is still TBD, but you cannot play Darryl. It will be one of Lou, Sam or Mike Y.

x - 10. RGIII for President (3-9): There was nothing you could have done to get back into the race. It's been a struggle for the 2nd half of the season, and now you may be headed back to your original League 2. Likewise, you cannot play Matt in Week 14, and have the same 3 potential opponents. We'll see how it turns out next week.

League 2

y - 1. Darkest Norseman (9-3): As indicated last week, your win clinches a first round bye. You'll next play a meaningful game in Week 15. Hopefully you avoid injury in the meantime. You can't finish worse than 2nd, but as I've said previously, there's really no difference between #1 and #2. This was a long time coming, and I think an Excel line graph was exactly what your team needed to turn it around. Also, stop using Case Keenum.

x - 2. Bo$$town Beasts (9-3): Didn't really have an opponent in Week 12, so that worked out nicely. Sam keeps winning behind you so you still haven't locked up a first round bye. A win or a loss from him clinches a bye for you. If you lose and he wins, he'll get the bye. Nice to see a battle, as there's not one currently in League 1. You're certainly still a favorite, and you can't finish any worse than #3.

x - 3. Game On Dick Bag (8-4): Winners of 7 of 8, this is arguably the hottest team across both leagues. Still an outside shot at a bye, but the teams ahead of you keep winning. That doesn't allow much potential. You also can't finish any worse than #3 and cannot reach #1. What that means is that you'll most likely have to play one of the teams ahead of you should you advance to Week 15. This is gonna be a good battle.

x - 4. Super Mario Brothers (5-6-1): Well, you've certainly backed your way into the playoffs. But the Street Pigeons didn't show up, so you're in. And even more, your Week 14 opponent is already known. You'll face EEB Ventura who you've only played once... and tied. It'll certainly be an interesting matchup.

x - 5. EEB Ventura (5-6-1): I can pretty much say the exact same thing I wrote for Elliott. And this couldn't be more perfect. Your team is terrible, and it's gonna be a very interesting matchup with Elliott. With the chance to return to League 1, you'll have the opportunity to knock out the team you didn't want in the league. It would be the ultimate culmination if he knocked you out of the playoffs and kept you in League 2 for another year. Prepare accordingly. Your week 13 matchup is meaningless.

6. Street Pigeons (4-8): Scored a league low 57 points in Week 12 yet is STILL in playoff position. I apparently completely screwed up the blog, as I'm just now realizing I forgot to adjust your blurb following your comeback victory. Unfortunately, you play the #1 team in Week 13, so that will be a huge challenge. But you can get in with a loss if Ben loses. Amazing. Your team has been decimated by injuries, so I'm not sure how a playoff appearance would go.

7. Jersey Leshoure (4-8): That nice 9 game winning streak you went on Sunday clearly did not carry over to fantasy football. And what do you know? Just like Meech, you play a team tied for 1st in Week 13. You do have an outside chance if you lose in Week 13, but you'll need help from your cigar buddy behind you. You can get in with a win and a Pigeons loss. Or, if you both lose and Tatz wins, you can advance if you finish first among you 3 in points. Should be a wild week 13.

8. Team Meat Collage (3-9): The Collage is somehow, some way still kicking. The Pigeons lost and you took out Ben, which is what you needed. You're gonna finish ahead of Mike in points, but you need to catch Ben to get in. You need to win, have both Ben and Mike lose, and make up about 80 points on Ben. It's gonna be tough, but you're not dead yet. If you make the playoffs, it will be one of the most ridiculous results I've ever seen. I look forward to watching football with you on Sunday.

Best of luck to everyone in Week 13. This is gonna be a wild one as there are 3 Thursday games, plus the Sunday night game and the Monday night game. Finally the bye weeks are over, which is a huge relief to everyone involved. I can't wait to see what happens and write the playoff previews.

Hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving. Eat Up. #10mode