It's playoff time in the EFFL. We've suffered through 13 tough weeks to finally get to this point of one-and-done. As is customary with the EFFL, things are not settled until Monday night, and with 18 teams across both leagues this year, there's more at stake than ever in Week 14.
While TPG would have ran train on Geno 911 no matter what, it's bad form to bench your entire roster and start Aaron Hernandez. Benching your team to rest your starters I get. But what does Hernandez have to do with anything? If you really wanted to be funny, you would've started Hernandez and Tebow, but apparently that didn't happen. You killed it. If there was anything at stake in your matchup, I'd toss you from the league for a stunt like that. Instead, I'll personally eliminate you from the playoffs.
Beef of the Week: The New York Jets
Yet another easy target, but this is ridiculous. I've complained about NFL TV coverage, and it struck again this week, as a CBS Doubleheader coupled with a Jets home game at 1 PM ensures that nobody in New York gets to see a 1 PM game on Fox. Great. It makes much more sense to see 49ers-Rams in New York than Eagles-Cardinals.
The Jets are unwatchable. They're truly a joke. Rex Ryan is somehow still the head ballcoach, and he continues to trot out Geno Smith, despite him being absolutely awful. It's the same story every week. Geno stinks up the joint and gets benched for Matt Simms who enters the game down 20 points. Geno now has 1 TD and 11 picks in his last 7 starts and hasn't even completed 10 passes in 4 straight games. If you add his QB rating from the last 3 starts combined, it equals 40.7. That's 3 games added together. On ESPN's QBR rating scale of 1-100, Geno has had 6 starts where his QBR is less than 8.
Take all of that in. I get that rookies are bad, but this is brutal. How can you start this guy? How does Rex still have a job? I also don't understand why the Jets are on pretty much every TV at the bar. People go out to watch games they can't see at home. What kind of idiot goes to his boys "Yo you wanna come over and watch the Jet game?" "Nah bro, I'd rather watch at the bar and pay 5 times as much for beer". People don't do that. A majority of the people at the bar are interested in a game that's not on local TV. The rest would rather not watch the fucking Jets.
Here's a great tweet:
In 9 years doing the Red Zone Channel @DIRECTV , I've never had more people complain when we went to a game than today for Dolphins/Jets.
— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) December 2, 2013
League 1 Playoffs
We had 5 teams lock up a playoff spot prior to Week 13, and it took awhile to get the 6th. If Sam had held on to beat Mike Y last week, it would've been Lou in the playoffs. Poor guy got burned on head-to-head tiebreakers despite scoring a ton of points.
It was also brought to my attention that had Geno 911 and the Pylons not tied in Week 10, the Stanky Monkeys would have been in the playoffs. That's entirely true. Here's how things are shaping up.
#1 Team Toliver (10-3): Finished up strong and now has a week to take it easy. I'm very impressed that you've taken the #1 seed in your respective league 2 years in a row. You'll play the lowest remaining seed in Week 15. Hopefully none of your players bite it during your bye week. Cannot play Chris Woody.
#2 Tweeting in the Trenches (10-3): Another impressive 10 win season, which is pretty remarkable considering you've never won more than 6 games in the regular season. You will face the highest remaining seed, which means either Chris Woody or the winner of the 4/5 matchup. This team is a definite contender.
#3 The King's Crusaders (8-5) vs. #6 Threeing the Hogs (6-7)
These teams faced each other in Week 13, and there will be a rematch in the Wild Card round of the playoffs. Mike certainly backed his way into the playoffs here, as he needed Lou to defeat Sam to get in. It was about 10 PM Monday night, but the Hogs officially punched their ticket to the League 1 playoffs. The teams split the season series, and I must admit I'm a little pleased that one of these teams will be knocked out. The Hogs have had 3 poor weeks in 4, and I'm looking at that as a possible sign of weakness. It's crazy to think that the Hogs flat out cut 2 of his top 3 picks, and neither was injured. I think the King is looking too strong here and will use his league history to his advantage.
Prediction: The King's Crusaders
#4 Geno 911 (6-6-1) vs. #5 Dueling Pylons (5-6-2):
These teams are very familiar with each other as this will be the 3rd time these teams meet in a matter of 5 weeks. It remains to be seen whether Geno angered the fantasy gods with his Week 13 stunt. The Pylons could be in good shape here as they have fared very well against 911 recently. This includes a victory in the 2012 playoffs that sent Gambino packing. The Pylons will surely be happy that they wasted a terrible week when it didn't matter. Considering the boom or bust nature of this team, it could be a rebound match here. I've thought the Pylons have been the better team all season. They've scored more, won the head-to-head tiebreaker, and haven't lost to Gambino in a long time. That trend continues.
Prediction: Dueling Pylons
League 1 Relegation Ladder
This is arguably more exciting than the playoffs, as 3 of 4 teams will be participating in League 2 next year. The loser of each Week 14 game will be relegated. The two winners will face each other in Week 15 with the loser also being relegated. Don't fret league members, as I will be pushing hard to get BG and Jimish back into the EFFL next year.
#7 Stanky Monkeys (6-7) vs. #10 RGIII for President (3-10)
Lou did everything he could to get back into the playoff picture. Won 6 of his final 8, and it just wasn't enough. Was the odd man out of the 3 way tie for 5th through 7th place. Lou has fought off relegation before, and given the way his team is playing, I wouldn't be surprised to see him do it again. At 3-10, if you're not relegated back to League 2, you're a very lucky person. I'm a believer that the Stanky Monkeys would have made some noise in the playoffs had they gotten in. They'll do work here.
Prediction: Stanky Monkeys
#8 Lady Luck (5-8) vs. #9 Tequila Party Gnomes (4-8-1)
These teams are only separated in the standings by half a game, and I know where this is headed. Lady Luck brings an impressive 6 game losing streak into the relegation ladder, and if you're the Gnomes, you have to be happy with this draw. Trading Brandon Marshall for Le'Veon Bell and Larry Fitz still makes no sense to me. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU BENCH BELL FOR DANNY WOODHEAD and cost yourself a playoff spot. It went mostly unnoticed in the league, but this is just bad coaching all around. TPG meanwhile is firing on all cylinders. Hopefully you didn't blow your load on Gambino.
Prediction: Tequila Party Gnomes
League 2 Playoffs
The two teams to play in the finals will be promoted to League 1. Also the team finishing in 3rd place will move up to League 1. The bye gives you a huge advantage. Let's see how things look:
#1 Darkest Norseman (10-3): Been atop the leaderboard all season and certainly deserving of the top spot. Hasn't been completely killing it recently save Week 12. But Dosh is looking very strong to be promoted to League 1 in 2014. Will face the lowest remaining team in Week 15.
#2 Bo$$town Beasts (9-4): Didn't finish that strong, but got some help and still locked up a first round bye. It's huge to get that bye instead of having to play an extra wild card game. I fully expect you to be in League 1 next year, and I'd be totally disappointed otherwise.
#3 Game on Dick Bag (8-5) vs. #6 Jersey Leshoure (5-8)
Believe it or not, Ben almost snuck into the #5 spot. But at 5-8, the odds finally have turned in his favor and he's in the playoffs. That's bad news for the rest of the league, as to date the Street Pigeons have scored more than 300 fewer points than Leshoure. This team is far more deserving. This game may be the best across both leagues in Week 14. Each team has flown under the radar but has put up a ton of points. It'll be interesting to see if Leshoure pulled a TPG and wasted a good week before the playoffs. I like both of these teams, but I think the team that just got in keeps on rolling.
Prediction: Jersey Leshoure
#4 EEB Ventura (6-6-1) vs. #5 Super Mario Brothers (5-7-1)
I must admit that I've been looking forward to this one for awhile. All the way back on draft night, EEB wanted to boot Elliott in favor of Rebecca despite Elliott being the only person to pay an entry fee. Wouldn't it be the ultimate irony if he defeated you here and knocked you out of the playoffs. I know it's been a hard year for EEB, and a loss in Week 14 means another year in League 2. But you'd have some company next year. If you wanna get back and play your mentor Woody next year, you're gonna need a win here. I'm not impressed by the Mario Brothers.
Prediction: EEB Ventura
Out of the Playoffs
#7 Street Pigeons (4-9): This was a long time coming. A season of ineptitude culminated with the starting of inactive Stevan Ridley. In fairness, the only other running back on your roster whose team played on Sunday is Arian Foster. Who knows why you're still holding onto him as he can't be kept. When you hitch your team to Aaron Rodgers and he goes down with an injury, this is bound to happen. Making 8 moves all season certainly doesn't help.
#8 Team Meat Collage (4-9): At least you avoided double digit losses, but it was apparent around mid-season that this was not going to be a playoff team. Unfortunately, the teams in League 2 that miss the playoffs don't have anything to do after week 13, but you stayed in it until the end. I'd bet on you never drafting Trent Richardson again in your life.
We'll be back next week to see how teams' fortunes have changed. 4 teams will be eliminated from the playoffs, and 2 will face certain relegation to League 2. It's an exciting time. Best of luck to everyone.
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