Things are coming down to the wire as usual. With 2 weeks remaining, only 5 of the 12 available playoff spots have been clinched. And to make matters even more complicated, not a single team has been eliminated yet. That's truly unbelievable. It was a good week of football, so I'm just gonna head straight into the beef. There's nothing better than going face first into beef.
Beef of the Week: Mike Mayock
This guy is such an easy target and has won the award before, but I just can't take the guy. All he does is rip off combine stats. That's it. A guy makes a great play, and here's the typical commentary:
Nessler: And what a play! Williams bursts into the backfield and.
Mayock: You know, Brad! I saw this guy at the combine out of North Texas and he just impressed the heck out of me. He ran the 3 cone drill in 4.27 seconds and benched 21.4 reps. He broad jumped 10'2! That's the 4th best mark ever for a defensive end, and I really think he's gonna be a big player in this lig. As a matter of fact, I remember his 3rd cousin out of San Antonio State, and even HE broad jumped 10 feet. His cousin Lamar Williams ran the shuttle in 5.4 and had a 37.2 inch vertical. Tremendous athlete. Tremendous. Great player in this lig.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?
It's like 3 plays later when he finally comes up for air and you've missed something that actually is relevant to the game. It's supposed to be color commentator and analyst. Not color commentator and combine regurgitator. It's fucking impossible to watch a Thursday night game.
Imagine me, an analyst, just coming to my boss with random numbers I memorized. "Hey, boss. The claims file came in at 9:22:43, just a couple seconds after last week. There were 24562 lines, which is only 1427 more than last week, which came in at 9:02:15. That's the 4th earliest we've ever received a file." I would get slapped for being such a jackass. And that would be by myself. NFL Network needs a change in a big way. They need to dip into the European pool and pick up Ray Hudson. Here are some of his Messi highlights.
Could you imagine Hudson on a Thursday night? "Andrew Luck with a magesterial pass into the waiting arms of Coby Fleener! Pure genius from the Stanford duo. They've been doing it since they were wee lads!" That's what the NFL needs. I'd watch every Thursday.
*** LEAGUE ALERT ***
Trade deadline is Wednesday at noon.
Any player added after this week CANNOT BE KEPT. Prepare accordingly.
League 1
Some interesting happenings here. So many teams are bottled up, but a couple seem to be pulling away from the pack. Nobody is out yet, but a couple teams are on their last legs.
y - 1. Team Toliver (9-2): Another week and another dominant victory for Yashar. He didn't even need Peyton this week. And who else would carry him other than Bills D. Before deferring to Auto-pick at the draft, Yashar's final words were "I need my Bills". You're the only one that can do it successfully. The win locked up a first round bye, and you hold the tiebreaker over Fusco. That means one win or one Fusco loss will clinch the #1 seed for the 2nd year in a row. Congratulations.
x - 2. Tweeting in the Trenches (8-3): I really did not realize that this team's record was this good, but he's now won 5 of 6 and certainly can smell a repeat. All I've heard from Fusco for the last month is "repeat" and "trophy". I'm sick of it. One win or one Woody loss will lock up the other first round bye, as he does hold the tiebreaker over you. Grabbing the #1 seed may be tough, but that's OK at this point. There's really no difference between either of the top 2 seeds.
3. Geno 911 (6-4-1): This is as embarrassing as embarrassing gets. You haven't officially clinched yet, but unless Lady Luck / Threeing the Hogs ends in a tie, you will clinch in Week 12. You may think I'm being harsh, but you're the 3rd lowest scoring team. You've scored a total of 589 points in the last 6 weeks. But it looks like you'll be in despite this. If you succumb to the Pylons, you'll be at risk of facing them yet again in the wild card round.
4. The King's Crusaders (6-5): Pretty straightforward win and in situation. Can't officially clinch with a loss, but 6 wins may eventually be enough. Holds tiebreaker over Pylons, but that's more likely to come into play in regards to seeding than anything. There's still a very small outside possibility of a first round bye, but it's looking pretty likely that you'll be in the wild card round. It should be clearer after Week 12 who your opponent will be.
5. Dueling Pylons (4-5-2): I can't believe it either, but it's true. Holds tiebreaker over both Threeing the Hogs and Lady Luck, so the Pylons occupy the 5th spot. Given that those two teams face each other in Week 12, as long as those teams do not tie, the Pylons only need 1 victory in the final two weeks to clinch a playoff spot. It's taken this team 11 weeks to finally reach a playoff spot after an 0-3-1 start, and I'm sure they'll blow this tremendous opportunity to clinch against Gambino. The Pylons also own the tiebreaker over TPG and the Stanky Monkeys, so this team is in great shape for now.
6. Lady Luck (5-6): Owns tiebreaker over Threeing the Hogs, and can put them on ice in Week 12. A win and a Stanky Monkeys loss should be enough to get into the playoffs for you as you would be a game up on the Hogs with the tiebreaker. Conversely, a loss in Week 12 is serious bad news. Your playoffs in all likelihood start this week. Riding an L4 is not the way you want to head into your most important matchup to date.
7. Threeing the Hogs (5-6): The bad news is the 2 teams you're tied with own the tiebreakers over you. The good news is that if you win in Week 12, it may not matter in the end. You do own the tiebreaker over the Stanky Monkeys, so that could go a long way. But make no mistake about it, a loss this week puts you in deep, deep doo-doo. A loss, Pylons win, and King win eliminates you. Truly on the edge. Everyone will be keeping an eye on your match against Sam.
8. Stanky Monkeys (4-7): Halfway around the world and just couldn't get the job done against the Pylons. I ripped open a beer and chugged it after our game went final. Sorry. You're actually not in terrible shape, but you definitely need some help. Also, you can't lose anymore. You don't have tiebreakers over the Pylons and Hogs, but you can pull even with Sam and pass her and the Hogs in points. You really do need her to beat Mike next week, and then you need two wins. Two Pylons losses could also do the trick. Just don't lose.
9. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-7-1): Still kicking. But sadly, unless Sam and Mike Y tie, you need the Pylons to lose out. Both the Pylons and Gnomes cannot mathematically reach the playoffs. :(
To get in, you have to win your final 2, have the Pylons lose their final 2, have the loser of Sam/Mike Y also lose in Week 13, and have the Stanky Monkeys lose 1 of 2. It's a longshot, but it's doable. At least you didn't let Woody knock you out.
10. RGIII for President (3-8): It's looking like the beginning of the end. You have one hope and one hope only. Win 2 games, have the Pylons lose 2 games, have the loser of Sam/Mike Y also lose in Week 13, have the Stanky Monkeys lose 1 of 2, have TPG lose 1 of 2, and pass all the teams you're tied with in points. I won't rule you out officially, but you need to make up almost 200 points in 2 weeks just to even have a fighting chance. It's time to prepare for the relegation ladder.
League 2
Things are starting to break up a little in this league. That tends to happen when 6 of 8 make the playoffs. But at the top it's certainly getting a little tighter.
x - 1. Darkest Norseman (8-3): The winning streak is finally over, and it was an incredible run. Despite being in first place, here's a chart of your points scored per week:
That's a bad trend. Turn it around, son! You got too complacent with your position. The season ain't over yet. But you do own tiebreakers over Cutter and Sam, which means unless you lose 2, Sam wins 2, and Cutter wins 1, you'll have a bye. One more win clinches a first round bye for you.
x - 2. Bo$$town Beasts (8-3): Made quick work of the Tatz, and I can't say I'm surprised. Poor guy checked his phone at 1:30 to see the score and it was just "Antonio Brown has 24 points." followed by a sad face. As I indicated last week, you had the easiest final 3 week schedule of all teams. Dosh owns the tiebreaker over you, and you own the tiebreaker over Sam, so unless you lose 2 and Sam wins 2, you'll have a first round bye.
x - 3. Game on Dick Bag (7-4): It looks like we may have another contender for the League 2 crown, and it's been a long time coming for this team to break out. People were scoring points like crazy on you, and once that finally calms down, things start to look a little better. You've officially clinched a playoff spot, but you both teams ahead of you own the tiebreaker over you. Unless you win 2 and one of them loses 2, you'll be in the wild card round.
4. Super Mario Brothers (5-5-1): I wouldn't count on your opponent starting Case Keenum every week. Classic hubris. But you got a huge win for the first time since Week 6. I feel the same way about your roster as I do about EEB's, which is probably the reason why you both have had pretty much the exact same season and the exact same points scored. It's not bad, but I think it'll be tough to challenge for a title. We shall see.
5. EEB Ventura (5-5-1): Your goal of splitting the season series with every other team is a noble one. You tied Elliott and now barely trail him in points on the season. It may not matter, as there's a very real chance you guys play each other in the playoffs. Mark these words to describe your team: "Extraordinarily Mediocre". You can't be confident with that roster. You just can't be. Lost in hilarious fashion to Meech, and I love it. What a boss.
6. Jersey Leshoure (4-7): I'm surprised you haven't given up on anything that involves wagering money yet. Every time it looks like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, it's another step backwards. If you've even read any of this blog I'll be surprised. And the worst part was that you actually had a good game this week. Thankfully, the league rules are in your favor as 6 teams make the playoffs. Why not go 4-9, squeak into the playoffs, then go on a run. This roster certainly has potential.
7. Street Pigeons (4-7): Man was I pulling for you. Lowly EEB threw you a softball only scoring 98 points, and you completely whiffed. I realize your entire roster was deemed inactive, but that's no excuse to fall to EEB. The good news is that Ben keeps losing and you own the tiebreaker over him, so you just need to make up one game in the final two weeks to claim the last spot. It's certainly doable.
8. Team Meat Collage (2-9): Needs to make up 2 games on Ben to stay alive, and thankfully you play him in Week 12. Obviously a loss eliminates you. Your straight up tiebreaker over Meech won't come into play at all, but you do need him to lose both games as well. To get in at 4-9 you need 2 wins, Ben to lose in Week 13 to Cutty, Meech to lose both games, and overtake Ben in points. It's looking like yet another year in League 2 for the Tatz. Sorry.
Well that's quite the write-up if I may say so. Only 2 weeks left. It's still weird to me that Week 12 isn't Thanksgiving, but that should make for an even more exciting Turkey Day. Also, why are there STILL bye weeks? It's almost December.
Good luck to everyone in Week 12. I look forward to writing next week's blog, good or bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment