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It only took 4 weeks, but the last undefeated team has fallen. The Pylons were taken behind the shed and ravaged by a group of angry Gnomes. It was rough, but I'll take it. I made a deal early Sunday morning with the fantasy gods. I offered a sacrifice in the form of a Gnomes win in return for an Eagles victory Sunday night. They listened. TPG-Pylons was the highest scoring game in the 8 year history of the league. For awhile it looked as if TPG would reach the impossible total of 200 fantasy points. I've yet to see it.
I know that many of you stayed up into the wee hours of Sunday night, only to watch Lawrence Tynes blow a game winning field goal twice. It's probably the most excited I've ever been to say about another male "He's Short!!!!" Heavy drinking immediately commenced, and I had a nasty headache Monday morning. BG took off Monday in advance of a Sunday night game. He's a veteran, and he is missed in the league. I've also come to appreciate GIFs more this season.... Here's some Manning face:
I sent this to some people at work, as much of my conversations revolve around the awful Jets and the awful Giants these days. The general response was "this is what I looked like after the kick".. HAHA. The first place Eagles sit at 3-1, and I couldn't be happier.
Random thought of the week: I have unusual dreams. The most recent was a pentathlon of sorts. The 5 events included an all out sprint followed by a beer chug. Then a rousing game of quarters. Then catching pancakes in your mouth that someone is throwing at you. Then drawing and properly coloring the new Seattle Seahawks logo. I came in a distant 4th behind EEB who finished 3rd. Nobody else I know was involved.
Since pasting the GIF, I've now seen Manning face about 50 times. To interrupt, here's Brady after scoring a rushing TD.
Yes, he's saying Fuck you, bitches! I'm sure that'll make Cutter happy.
Beef of the Week, brought to you by Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat. Leaving an unpleasant taste in your cubemates nostrils since 2006. I have some severe beef with the New York Jets and Rex Ryan this week. They couldn't even throw me a bone and score a fucking point. Defenses have ripped me a new one in 2012, and the 49ers went off for over 30 points. Mark Sanchez is absolute garbage. And the worst part is that Tebow is even worse. This fatass Rex keeps defending this ass clown. In 4 years, his QB rating is a shade under 73, good for dead last among real QBs. A decent QB may have done something decent with that squad. And the worst part is listening CONSTANTLY to the seesaw of NY drama. One week he's winning the Super Bowl and the next he should be benched. I recently heard "I like Sanchez"... What?!?!?!? You're retarded and not in a politically correct way. This team is a disaster, and if you wish to cause me future fantasy pain, start the defense that plays the Jets.
Side beef: Is NBC serious with the salsa music? They had a clip cued up to play upon Victor Cruz scoring a touchdown. That's clown status. I'd like to see them have the A Town Stomp cued up to blare some Lil Jon upon Cam Newton scoring a TD. That'll be the day.
It's been an interesting season around the league. I never thought I'd see a day where the Falcons and Texans look like the dominant forces in the NFL. In the spirit of side bets, I'll take all bets on what week Schaub gets injured. I'm also excited about both leagues being so close. Lots of good teams and lots of bad teams, yet somehow everyone is within 2 games of each other through 4 weeks. We had an unbelievably high scoring week, so let's get to where we stand in the power rankings. TPG cracked 190! and won the $10 prize this week. Finally someone has brought some respectability to League 1. Special shout out to Adam Cutter, who put up 187 points and somehow was not the high score. Very impressive.
EFFL League 1
1. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-1) - Last week: 2 - Absolute statement game from the Gnomes has removed the Pylons from the top spot. This was an explosion of epic proportion. It's the highest scoring game in Matt's history. All of this was done with Calvin Johnson only scoring 10 points and Mike Wallace on a bye. This team has now taken over as the Vegas odds on favorite to hoist the EFFL trophy for the first time.
2. Dueling Pylons (3-1) - Last week: 1 - Got taken down in a big way by the #1 squad but still put up almost 140 in defeat. Definitely nothing to be upset at. The Pylons are still looking very good and can certainly assert themselves in the next couple weeks. Depth at running back will prove vital as we enter the bye weeks and surely will lose more players to injury.
3. Coach Janky Spanky (2-2) - Last week: 4 - I demanded in the blog last week that EEB get it together. He responded with a 160 point thrashing of Lady Luck. How long can you ride the Chiefs bandwagon? And how consistently can you expect your special teams to put up double digit points? For the love of God, stop using Danny Amendola. Just because you're extremely white doesn't mean your team needs to be too.
4. Eat My Asomugha (3-1) - Last week: 6 - I really wish there was a better team in the league so I could put an actual good team in the #4 slot. League 1 definitely appears to be thinner than league 2. I don't really believe in the running backs, but if Vick can keep playing reasonably well, this team should be fine to make the playoffs. Completed a season sweep of Woody due to a scheduling debacle. Could come in handy down the line. Also said he was disappointed that this wasn't closer as the Bears D on Monday night with multiple TDs surely brings back bad memories.
5. Stanky Monkeys (2-2) - Last week: 8 - I'm willing to give Lou the benefit of the doubt at this point. He's been upset being in the basement for awhile and he needed something positive. Got a game from Rodgers he was expecting with a number 1 pick. I think this team is turning the corner and has a huge matchup with the Pylons in week 5. Could really assert themselves as a serious contender for the first time in many years.
6. The King's Crusaders (1-3) - Last week: 3 - The King will sit and tell you about how he's one game out of the playoffs, but despite the majority of teams making the playoffs, this team is in trouble. He will tell you that it is a marathon, not a sprint. I think it's a cover. You can't lose twice to Gambino and expect to be taken seriously. No consistency at all, and I really question whether this team can put it together. Faces a red hot TPG in week 5 and must be careful.
7. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-4) - Last week: 5 - Stock is pointing way down. Now two games behind in the playoff hunt and still looking for the first win of 2012. Fusco has never made the playoffs, and even shrinking the league to 8 teams may not be enough to get him in. Needs to get it together immediately or will surely end up in the postseason relegation battle. There's just not enough firepower on this roster.
8. Lady Luck (2-2) - Last week: 7 - Finally back in a familiar place, Sam's team drops to last after another embarrassing week. I'm looking at this roster and wondering what happened. There's nothing of substance. Starting both Law Firm and Michael Bush in this league is not going to get it done. Not that you could have done anything this week, but it will be interesting to see if this team can hold off the two teams below.
EFFL League 2
1. The Heads of State (2-2) - Last week: 2 - Young Meech is back. Left both Ravens receivers on the bench, but no problem. Plugged in Owen Daniels and immediate results. This team is stacked and for my money is the best in the league. The only weakness may be the reliance on the Eagles, but should be able to overcome it with the rest of the roster. I wouldn't be surprised to see this team rip off a couple wins in a row.
2. Team Toliver (3-1) - Last week: 1 - Picked up a nice win against a tough Leshoure squad. Always seems to make the right lineup decisions as well. I very much look forward to watching Bills-Chiefs with you at some point. Also very respectable not taking my advice and adding a team name. I'm sure you've been busy dreaming up a Halloween costume.
3. RGIII for President (2-2) - Last week: 5 - I'm so torn on what to do with Darryl's squad. Week to week there isn't much consistency, but perhaps a pic of you Griffining would boost your stock in these rankings. Ran into a huge week from the Meech squad in week 4, but I think this team rebounds next week. Lineup decisions must improve, however.
4. Bo$$town Beasts (3-1) - Last week: 8 - Finally got a team name and moved way up in the rankings. Actually Cutter has put together a far better squad than I expected. Lit up the scoreboard to the tune of 180+ in week 4, which is extremely impressive. Even without CJ Spiller, this team asserted itself as legit. Not yet certified boss, but doing well. I think this team may stay a contender. If you put up 185 points, you should win the $10 prize. Unfortunately it just wasn't enough this week.
5. Claiborne Supremacy (2-2) - Last week: 3 - I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but sacrificed a win due to lineup decisions. I know you never want to start a defense against guys you start. And I know you never want to start a defense against your favorite team, but it was very costly here. I still think Tatz has a solid squad, and it won't take much to move up in the rankings. Many of these teams are close together.
6. Threeing the Hogs (2-2) - Last week: 6 - Shockingly benched Brandon Marshall in favor of Malcom Floyd. An odd move for sure but thankfully your opponent made more mistakes than you did. I really thought this team would be better at this point, but perhaps breaking the losing streak is exactly what you needed. The NFC South will carry you a long way.
7. Jersey Leshoure (1-3) - Last week: 4 - This team has gone in the tank. Has virtually the same team as TITTY and as a result has a similar record. 120 is a decent total but thus far has been unable to put it all together. You said it best yourself... Starting a black QB and a bunch of white WRs is rarely a recipe for fantasy success. Especially when one of them is Danny Amendola. I'm also sorry you were fooled into buying a fantasy magazine with Cam Newton on the cover.
8. BABY TEES (1-3) - Last week: 7 - Made some headway last week with a win but went right back in the tank in week 4. Complained that his opponents always blow up, yet you were the low score of the week. You wouldn't have beaten anybody. You fell into your own trap and started Ramses Barden, Kyle Rudolph and Martellus Bennett. Getting Nicks back will be big, but Dosh could lose a lot of ground until then. Must be active on the waiver wire.
This was the longest blog of the season, and I feel like I have been writing for hours. It's a thankless job. I hope you all enjoyed the massively high scoring week. Keep an eye out for bye weeks as they will really be picking up going forward. Good luck to everyone in week 5.
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