On My Stevie Johnson

I'm all about my Bills.  I'm on my Stevie Johnson.  It's time to take a look at fantasy football rule #1, which states: "No past or present Bills".  I have to give a special shout out to Yashar Toliver.  Recognizing the Bills were playing the 32nd ranked Titans defense, Shar added Ryan Fitzpatrick and Scott Chandler.  He started these two, as well as Stevie.  The highest scoring Bills player was on his bench, Fred Jackson.  He could have used 4 Bills, but using 3 was impressive enough.  I have 2 employed on my roster, and I think it is time to revisit this proposition.  Yashar is 6-1 and alone in first place.  The Pylons are clearly not fazed by the use of Bills as they also sit alone atop the League 1 standings.  In case you are not familiar with Ya Boy, check this out:

I'll be honest.  I can't stop playing this video.  I'm about to order a Stevie jersey and a Bills flat brim.  This is what happens when you pass the halfway point of the fantasy season.  I get over-excited about a fantasy player, drop a bunch of money on a player's jersey, and end up without a championship to my name.  Last year was Tebow.  What a mistake.  From weeks 8-13 I did nothing but Tebow wherever I went, and it just ended in disaster, as has every football season of my entire life.

Just a brief fantasy interruption to mention again my Halloween party this Saturday.  I know some of you are already coming, but the more, the merrier.  There will be some fantastic costumes as well as a dominant playlist.  I've already bought a bunch of food, so please help me eat it so I don't return to my UD bodily form.

Beef of the Week: Although I did not have much beef this week due to wine consumption rather than beer, I am taking umbrage with the NFL schedule maker.  The NFL has chosen 2012 to shove nationally televised games down your throat, and they did a pretty awful job.  This week, we were forced to suffer through "divisional rivalries" such as Seahawks-49ers, Bengals-Steelers, and Lions-Bears.  The fact of the matter is that these non-NFC East divisional games suck balls.  Nobody wants to sit around and watch a low scoring, grind it out game.  Why did the NFL feel that the masses would love nothing more than to sit through 3 of these games?

Fantasy games always come down to these Sunday and Monday night games, and the least they could do is fucking entertain me.  The most exciting moment was thinking Jay Cutler had suffered a serious injury.  I can only imagine how much Mike Tirico must hate his job.  He sees shitty games every single week and has to listen to Gruden fellate every single quarterback in hopes that he can use the film as evidence to coerce a GM to hire him as head coach.  What does "He has a PhD in Bears defense" mean?  I'm pretty sure you don't have the credentials to award someone an honorary doctorate, Jon.

On to the power rankings:

EFFL League 1

1. Dueling Pylons (5-2) - Last week: 2 - I said that this team had closed the gap on the Gnomes last week, and this week the Pylons have jumped right over the gap.  After checking the record books, the Pylons are the first team to put up 150+ in back to back weeks since the historic 08 Crusaders team that went 11-2.  While this team will face some bye week issues in the next few weeks, this team is built for the long haul.  Has taken over as the league favorite.

2. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-3) - Last week: 1 - Despite falling in the rankings, this team is definitely ahead of the rest in the league.  Byes clearly hurt this team, but being in a strong position and past almost all of the bye weeks is going to be a big advantage for this team.  At full strength, this team is right there with the Pylons for the top spot in the league.  I'd also advise looking into what color jerseys the Lions are wearing.  I'd wager your wins correspond with them wearing blue.  Don't be afraid to send some mail to the team.

3. Eat My Asomugha (4-3) - Last week: 7d - I didn't want to move Gambino up, but the rest of the league is forcing my hand.  Despite my harsh words for Nick in the past, I actually think this team has a pretty decent stable of receivers.  If Vincent Jackson keeps it up, a healthy Nicks and a paid DeSean Jackson could form a nice combo.  It is still dangerous to entrust your squad to Mike Vick, but if there's anyone who can come up with a good pun for an ex-con leading you to money, I'm sure it's you.

4. Lady Luck (4-3) - Last week: 7b - Got an important win in week 8.  As I've said in the past, this team has absolutely no depth, but I like what the starters bring to the table.  Now Lance Moore looks like he might actually have an impact.  This team always seems to appear weak, but has put up a fight.  Sam has actually had a pretty strong run of solid play, and I expect it to continue.  Looking good.

5. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-5) - Last week: 3 - This team seems to have so much potential, but is this really a formidable squad?  I say this knowing full well you'll probably drop 200 on me next week.  What is going on with this squad?  McFadden is a massive bust.  The QB and TE positions don't offer any value.  It just looks like this team should be better.  Didn't have enough to knock off the King in week 8 and now is back in dead last in the standings.  Maybe in addition to your wife making your Halloween costumes, you should also let her set your lineup.

6. The King's Crusaders (2-5) - Last week: 8 - Who's left?  Squeaked out a 1 point victory on Monday night over TITTY to save the season.  Going 2 games behind everyone else in the league and having no tiebreakers would have probably marked the end.  Don't ever doubt that the fantasy gods are on your side.  We'll see what happens with this squad, but this team certainly will not go down without a fight.  Dosh also uses multiple Vikings and he's in last place.  Perhaps that's not a coincidence.

7. Stanky Monkeys (4-3) - Last week: 7c - I actually had to do a double take because I could not believe this team was still 4-3 despite a loss.  This team is basically down to Victor Cruz and Aaron Rodgers.  Two complete assholes.  The MJD loss hurts.  If this team ends up being a serious contender, I'll be absolutely shocked.  I'm not sure what I was looking at last week, but unless you cut half your team this week, I'd be panicking.

8. Coach Janky Spanky (3-4) - Last week: 7a - I'm trying to figure out a way to rank you lower, but in the interest of time, I will postpone this decision until later.  The only thing more embarrassing than your team is the fact that Matt lost to it.  You can use the bye week as an excuse all you want, but your team is awful.  What were you drinking in AC?

EFFL League 2

1. Team Toliver (6-1) - Last week: 1 - Yashar is just steamrolling the entire league.  Now has ripped off a 6 game winning streak and is showing no signs of slowing down.  Use those Bills, son!!!!  I'm still listening to that Stevie.  2 more wins would lock up a playoff spot at this point.  Nobody else is within 2 games, and a bye looks pretty good at this point.  Congrats for being the only 6-1 team in both leagues.

2. Threeing the Hogs (4-3) - Last week: 4 - OK Mike Y.  Putting up 147 with your best players on a bye is pretty impressive.  I still don't trust the RBs, but I think this team is strong enough to make up for it.  A team that looked good on paper is finally making waves in the standings.  I think this team will definitely be in contention for a bye when all is said and done.  Should also be in contention for promotion.

3. The Heads of State (4-3) - Last week: 2 - This is probably the last week I'll give your team the benefit of the doubt due to bye weeks.  Everybody has to deal with them, but if you can't replace your bye week players with respectable players, your team is gonna suffer in the long run.  Facing a serious uphill climb to fight for a bye, and at 3-4 a playoff spot could become a concern.  I do think better days lie ahead.

4. RGIII for President (3-4) - Last week: 7 - Darryl with a huge response after a 4 game losing streak.  Dropped 174 on poor Tatz to win his 2nd $10 prize of the season.  This team is weak at RB, but I think a pretty strong lineup can be put together here.  The double TE set, Cruz, VJax and Demaryius sounds pretty good to me.  Another team that is pretty thin, but can really do some damage with the starting lineup.  Clearly a threat to go off at any point.

5. Claiborne Supremacy (3-4) - Last week: 3 - First Tatz literally took it to the face in the color run.  Then, he let Darryl unload on him shortly after.  No defense here whatsoever.  Aaron Rodgers and AJ Green gets you to this spot alone, but the other pieces are falling apart.  Richardson hurt, Murray hurt, Jennings hurt.  Things will get better, but you cannot afford to fall too far behind in the meantime.  Things are too close.

6. Jersey Leshoure (3-4) - Last week: 6 - Lucky to remain in the #6 spot.  Had a pretty nice week, but I wonder whether this team has peaked.  Now must face the bye week blues as well as accepting the fact that you're relying on Raiders, Panthers, and Colts.  I certainly at this point must question which needs more work... your golf game or your fantasy football skills?

7. Bo$$town Beasts (4-3) - Last week: 5 - Cutty is in free fall.  Also worth nothing that teams 2-7 are all within one game of each other.  Week 7 was a prime example of why it is important to have competent backups.  This team is already in trouble, but having to rely on a couple of Chiefs can't be comforting.  I know you want to be like the real Patriots, but assuming Brady alone can carry your entire squad is not a smart move.

8. BABY TEES (1-6) - Last week: 8 - We may be nearing the beginning of the end for Dosh's 2012 season.  At 1-6, is now 2 full games out of 7th place.  The good news is that at 1-6, you're still only 2 games out of 4th place since things are so tight.  The MJD injury is going to hurt a lot.  I think there's a chance you could turn it around, but you are starting far too many Vikings.  Also, being Dustin Keller for a 5th straight year for Halloween is going to hurt your chances of success.

It's been an exciting week 7 and some teams are starting to assert themselves atop each league.  It could be only a matter of weeks before teams start locking up a playoff berth.  Please don't make me watch any more Gruden.  He's unbearable.  Looking forward to seeing a bunch of you this weekend.