Wednesday, November 7, 2018

He's Heating Up!!



Rex Ryan has a case of the runs




It was a pretty intense Week 9. Confirmed: Vance Joseph is a dumb fuck:




The NFL finally got the scheduling right. They clearly segmented the games - 

Games People Do Not Want to Watch
49ers v Raiders
Bears v Bills
Jets v Dolphins
Texans v Broncos
Titans v Cowboys
Bucs v Panthers
Falcons v Redskins

Games People Want to Watch
Chiefs v Browns
Lions v Vikings
Steelers v Ravens
Chargers v Seahawks
Rams v Saints
Packers v Patriots

Colts, Bengals, Giants, Cardinals, Jaguars on the bye. Wish it could be like that every week. You can totally ignore half of the games.


Do Mitch's pregame outfits have Cam beat? His arrival to the stadiums keep getting better and better.

The Annual League Meeting will take place Thursday, November 8th in Atlantic City, where the executive committee will determine how to deal with this past week's violation.

At the insistence of a league member, TPG "put a baby in Mike Y". The following text conversation was scraped from the internet as Drew Brees unloaded on the Rams:

Member A: I'm about to nut in Mike Y
Member B: Put a baby in him, son.
Member A: Write the check before the baby comes, who the fuck cares
Member A: Have a baby by me, baby be a millionaire

Other comments from league members this past Sunday:

Member C: Dosh at 8-1. Fuck him, man
Member C: I'm never going to a draft again
Member C: He's gonna have it in Guatemala City by himself anyway.

The league is out of control. Everyone. I mean, EVERYONE is absolutely FURIOUS that Dosh is in first place. It's like the Playa Haters Ball in here. The only thing I wish is that someone had the rant he went on when he saw that Julio and Joe Mixon were his first two draft picks.

I think it's going to come down to the wire this year.


I need EFFL members performing this celebration at the draft.


Beef of the Week: Troy Aikman / Cowboys commentators


Look at this. Imagine being such an uptight dipshit, that you're complaining when this happens. DOESN'T RESPECT THE GAME. GET OFF MY LAWN. He doesn't understand when people have different opinions than his own. We have to protect freedom from the invaders, but we can't just have people pulling cell phones out of goalposts and exercising freedoms! Hypocrite.

Troy went off on Michael Thomas after he teabagged the undefeated Rams for a 70 yard TD to go over 200 yards for the day and set a Saints franchise record for receiving yards in a game. He threw it back to Joe Horn, who pulled the flip phone out from the goal post. Not only that, he even went to the oxygen mask on the sideline, not because he needed it, but because Joe Horn did it too. Joe Horn is the man.

Asked where he got the flip phone, Michael Thomas responded: Liquor Store. I'm a fan for life. @cantguardmike

But it's not just exclusive to Aikman. Why are so many former Cowboys now commentators? Aikman, Romo, Witten. Why are these guys in the booth? Witten is BRUTAL. He can't form sentences. He can't be neutral. He's referring to a team as "We". He was upset because a Titans player celebrated on the star and he hasn't been in the league for at least 5 years (direct quote). Just stop. I have no idea how he got the ESPN job, but it's a problem.


Power Rankings

This is going to be the last power rankings of the season. Will shift into playoff mode starting next week. Trade deadline is the day before Thanksgiving.

14. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-8) - Just didn't happen this year. Perhaps you'll get your football Sundays back soon. It was your choice to keep fathering children.

13. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-7) - Crazy that this team could have been so good. Always seems to struggle to find the complementary pieces. Not officially done yet, but getting close. Glad you got to pound Mike Y.

12. Stanky Monkeys (3-6) - Still near the bottom in points. Keeps taking L's. Huge matchup with Tatz this week. Loser is likely out.

11. Geno 911 (3-6) - I know your entire team was on a bye, but 57 points is unacceptable. Still around the middle in points, but playoff hopes fading quickly.

10. ITSA ME (5-4) - Third fewest points. 5-4. I don't get it. I'm sure you'll come back and beat me this week with Leonardo. Your team is clearly inferior to the likes of Tatz and Gambino, but luck has been on your side.

9. Bo$$town Cutter (5-4) - I totally forgot about this team. I'll be honest. I don't know what's happening here. I think this team could fade down the stretch.

8. The Old Ball Sack (3-6) - Not used to seeing Mike Y down this low. In some serious trouble at 3-6. If you can't knock off Cutter, it's looking like 6-7 won't be enough this year. May need to win out to get in.

7. Pork Chop Express (6-3) - Yet another team where the curtain doesn't match the drapes. Hopkins is the man. Rest of the team is just fair. Pulling out a 25 from the Dolphins defense and your opponent scoring 57 points always helps.

6. Team Bartholomew (3-6) - I still think your team is pretty solid. Wins just haven't been there. Evans, Tarik, and Kerryon combined for less than 10 points. #FeelsBadMan. Basically an elimination game with Sweet Lou.

5. The King's Crusaders (5-4) - Classic. Hanging in there. Biding his time. In 4 of 5 wins, the opponent has scored 104, 86, 106, 86. Kareem Hunt has been super hot, but who else gets it done? No way you can rely on Josh Gordon.

4. Team BG (6-3) - Had EEB on the ropes and couldn't finish him off. That's unfortunate. Had a lot of beef with Tevin Coleman and Mark Ingram couldn't clap back. Get to welcome TPG in Week 10.

3. Dueling Pylons (6-3) - Pylons are hot. On a W4. Winners of 5 of 6. Up to 2nd in points. Absolutely zero depth, but the Pylons seem to have found a winning combination. Also has beaten teams #1 and #2 (who only have 3 losses combined). Everything still in play.

2. Surefire Intelligence (7-2) - I miss Tiny Hands. Fallen to 3rd in points. Has only cracked 125 once in the past 5 weeks. I'm not overly concerned, but this team has definitely slowed down over the last couple weeks. Still think #2 is right.

1. Long and Thunderous (8-1) - Nobody is hotter right now. Went over 150 for the 3rd time in 4 weeks with some main players on the bye. The showdown in Week 13 with Phil looms. A lot could be on the line in that matchup.


As I indicated, we'll convert to the playoff view next week with just 3 weeks remaining. Huge games this week. I really don't think a 6-7 team gets in this year. I also think a 7-6 team is going to miss out,, but we'll see. Going to come down to the last week, as always. Enjoy Week 10!
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