Monday, November 26, 2018

Playoff Bloggy




Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. I was plastered. Just yelling furiously at Amari Pooper reaming me over and over. It wouldn't stop. I'll be honest... I don't remember much of the Drew Brees assault on the Falcons, but 4 TDs to 4 undrafted free agents in a blowout is hilarious.

But I'm tired of Dallas. I hate Dallas. Way more than the Giants. Eli is just annoying. Zeke is legitimately unlikable because of his crop tops and alma mater. Now Amari Cooper is mocking Markelle Fultz' free throw form? Dude has played 2 games in Dallas. 2!! Dallas v Philadelphia isn't even a rivalry in any other sport. You'll get yours, Pooper.

Here's some awesome plays from Sunday.



It's mostly just me on Browns. I love the Browns. I love when a team brings back their 1-31 coach, wastes an entire offseason, then fires him just 6 games into the season. Don't you, buddy boy? I've also been informed I've been "all over Baker's nuts in the blog". That's fine. I have no problem with that. He's fun to watch. And the Browns have no coach!

Hue Jackson was on the other sideline! His ass got canned for being terrible, another team picked him up, and THEY got their ass kicked. His former players were mocking him all day. It was so Bengals.

The Bills were also home, so thankfully we need to check in on #BillsMafia



It was actually a pretty exciting game inside. Leonardo got into a fight over some over-cooked pasta ordered alla dente. Meatballs were thrown. Shaq Lawson ended up with a face full of spaghetti and gravy. He received a suspension.

And boy was it fun for Jalen Ramsey to eat his words. Who could've predicted he'd get clowned by Josh Allen?

Well... the commish. Wednesday night in an alcohol-induced lucid dream (more like a nightmare), TPG made a bold, yet well-advised decision on his QB for the upcoming week against the Pylons. He was benching Drew Brees in favor of Josh Allen. Josh Allen proceeded to drop 48 points on the Pylons in a victory. Well, turns out Josh Allen only had 27 fantasy points, but was the 4th best QB in the league this week. Only 3 off the #1 QB and former Gnome Kirk Cousins.

You've got to wonder what would've happened had TPG decided to re-up his championship QB. Would he have avoided Le'Veon? We'll never know.


And of course, some TD celebrations



The Limbo is definitely my favorite I've seen this season. Absolutely hilarious. Line dances are back!


Beef of the Week: I'm taking the week off

No beef this week. Eagles won. Hue Jackson revenge. Pylons clinch playoffs. Bills win. Won money on drunken Thanksgiving horse racing and Tiger v Phil.

We'll be back next week!


EFFL Playoffs

Going to invert the standings and go top down this week. Here's where things stand.

x - 1. Long and Thunderous (10-2) - The formula is simple. Defeat Phil, and the bye is yours. Lose to him and you'll be the #2 seed. Because you are virtually identical in points, there's the extra $100 for high season point total at stake in this game. Don't think I've ever seen a regular season game with more money on the line.

x - 2. Pork Chop Express (9-3) - The bad news: there's no longer a path to the bye. If you end up in a 3-team tiebreak at 10-3, you're too far behind in points. The good news: you're either the #2 or #3 seed. Can't be anything else.
  • Dosh win = #2
  • Phil win = #3
Your game has no bearing on your seeding whatsoever.

x - 3. Surefire Intelligence (9-3) - As indicated above, it's winner-take-all with Dosh. If you defeat him, you will win the bye either via 2-team head-to-head, or 3 team most points. Can't go wrong. Win and you'll be the #1. Lose, and it'll depend on what happens with the Pylons. Loss and Pylons loss means you're #3. Loss and Pylons win means you're #4. You cannot be the #2 seed.

x - 4. Dueling Pylons (8-4) - Can't climb higher than #3, and can't be worse than #5. Will play either EEB or Cutter in Round 1.
  • Win and Phil loss = #3
  • Win and Phil win = #4
  • Loss and Cutter loss = #4
  • Loss, EEB win and Cutter win = #4
  • Loss, EEB loss and Cutter win = #5

 x - 5. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (7-5) - Gotta feel good to clinch and put Woody on the brink. It's got to. Not much doing here. You'll be either the #5 or #6 seed. You'll play one of Lobitz/Phil/myself in Round 1, but it's setting up for Pylons. I know you haven't forgotten me yelling JUJU in your face at Best Dam. Scenarios are straightforward.
  • Win = #5
  • Loss and Cutter loss = #5
  • Loss and Cutter win = #6

 x - 6. Bo$$town Cutter (7-5) - What a win over Fusco to clinch a playoff berth. Chewed your nails down to the nub! But you're in. Similar to EEB, but you can climb to #4. You will also play one of Lobitz/Phil/myself in Round 1. Your scenarios are a bit more complicated, as you can climb to #4.
  • Loss = #6
  • Win and EEB win = #6
  • Win, EEB loss, and Pylons win = #5
  • Win, EEB loss, and Pylons loss = #4

The Final 3

The 7th and final seed is up for grabs. 3 teams are in play. The bad news (really bad news) for Woody is that BG and Gambino play each other, virtually eliminating you. Here's how it'll go down:

7. Team BG (6-6)
9. Geno 911 (5-7)

Because you play each other, the loser will be eliminated from the playoffs. If BG wins, he will grab the #7 seed. If Gambino wins, we have two scenarios:

1. Woody loses, meaning Gambino wins the 2 team head-to-head tiebreaker
2. Woody wins, creating a 3 team tiebreaker

If there is a 3 team tiebreaker, it'll go to points scored. Woody had a horrible Week 12, and Gambino has grabbed a 54 point lead. Regardless, if Gambino beats BG, BG can at best be 2nd among the 3 teams in points scored, therefore being eliminated.

8. The King's Crusaders (5-7)

The path, while difficult, is known. These 3 things MUST happen to get the #7 seed:
  • Defeat the Pylons
  • Geno 911 win over BG
  • Outscore Geno 911 by more than 54 points in Week 13
It's not impossible. It's improbable, but it's not impossible.

The #7 seed will play either Dosh or Ben in Round 1.


Eliminated
Stanky Monkeys. Mike Y. Fusco. TPG. Tatz. We are sad to see you go. 5 of the 6 past champions are in this group. Looking forward to you rooting on your favorite EFFL franchise in the playoffs.


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