Monday, October 24, 2016

Sunday Night Ties



The Cardinals and Seahawks were not the only teams whose matchup ended in a tie. In the EFFL, there was a barn burner between TPG and the Pork Chop Express going on which also ended all square.

I have to say, this was probably one of the worst bad beats in fantasy football I've ever seen in my life. Pork Chop's odds to win had to be in something like the 99.99% range. Here's how it went down.

With just under a minute left in regulation, Bruce Arians decided he was not going to use his timeouts to get the ball back. Instead, he let the clock run out, letting three timeouts go to waste, and played for overtime.

At the start of overtime, TPG was down by 3. Larry Fitzgerald had 8 catches for 51 yards and needed to somehow get 3 points to tie or 4 to win. The Cardinals started with the ball. They drove down for a FG with no Fitz catches, which under new rules keeps the game going. If the Seahawks scored a TD or failed to score, the game would be over. Naturally, the Seahawks drove down and kicked a FG of their own, to keep the game going even longer.

The Cardinals get the ball a second time with just 6 minutes left in OT and TPG somehow still alive. On 3rd and 7, Palmer hits JJ Nelson for 40 yards and as he's about to turn into the end zone and end the game, a defender grabs a shoelace to pull him down and keep the Seahawks in it.


Now with 4 minutes left, the Cardinals have first and goal at the Seahawks 5. Any score will end the game.

First down: David Johnson takes a handoff, cuts outside, dives for the pylon, and is ruled just out of bounds about a foot short of the goal line on a very questionable call.



All replays come from the booth in OT. So what does Arians do? He hurries everyone to the line to try and sneak a play in like he just got away with something. It's a quick plunge from David Johnson, and he's absolutely stuffed at the goal line on 2nd down. Arians then decides he's going to kick it: a 19 yard field goal to win the game.

Naturally, a delay of game on the attempt moves the ball back 5 yards. And what happens? Harambe kicker Chandler Catanzaro doinks the 24 yarder off the upright. Absolutely incredible. The game goes on. Now with just 3 minutes left in OT, TPG needs the Cardinals to get the ball back for a 3rd time in OT and hit Fitz.




The Seahawks drive with time running down. 31 yards to Jermaine Kearse. 27 yards to Dougie Baldwin. The Seahawks are inside the Cardinals 10 with under a minute to play. They move the ball to the middle of the field for a game winning Hauschka attempt with 11 seconds left. With 11 seconds left in OT, Hauschka from 28... and it's NO GOOD. WIDE LEFT!!! THE LACES WERE IN!!! THEY WERE IN!!!! Finkle has blown it!!



(Make sure you listen with the sound on)

There are just 7 seconds left, the Cardinals have their ball at their own 20 yard line, and the game is set to end in a tie. But TPG and PCE is not over just yet. The Cardinals set up into bunch formation right. The Seahawks are nowhere to be found. They're just looking to stop the big play. Palmer drops back, fires, AND IT'S LARRY FITZGERALD WITH THE CATCH. He's running desperately trying to get out of bounds to allow a Hail Mary. He does, with just 2 seconds left on the clock. But how many yards was the catch? TPG needs it to be 19 to tie the game. It's awful close. The official ruling: a 19 yard catch by Larry Fitzgerald. With 2 seconds left in overtime, TPG has tied it up, and that's how things will end: tied 80-80.

Truly one of the most shocking results in EFFL history.


I've gotta say, in a year where the league is taking all kinds of flack (rightfully so) for just making the product unwatchable, the league needs some good guys doing things like this:




Or this gooch handoff:


Or this classic Mularkey:



Football should be fun, which brings me to my beef of the week.

Beef of the Week: Frequency vs. Severity

The league is calling more penalties, that's just a fact. It disrupts game flow. It makes a 60 minute game WITH A CLOCK last 3 and a half hours. If you're going to call more, why not consider changing how many yards the penalties are.

Offensive holding is one that comes directly to mind that I have so much beef with lately. Defensive holding is 5 yards. Why not make offensive holding also 5 yards? Holding penalties make everything terrible. You get a team in 1st and 20 or 2nd and 20, and it's more often than not going to end in a punt, followed by a commercial. Just one holding penalty practically wastes the next 10 minutes of your time. This happens far too often in every game.

Plus, penalties should be consistent. The league changed the face mask penalty so there wasn't a 5 and 15 yard version. Make everything consistent.

Make all pass interference penalties 10 yards. Make all holding penalties 5 yards. I want to see fewer punts and more scoring, and if you're calling more penalties and disrupting the game, at least make them less severe. There's no need to have over 200 yards of called penalties every single game.


Power Rankings

 Things are getting much tighter around the middle. Right now I think there are 3 elite teams, and most of the rest are all within striking distance of each other.

14. The Old Ball Sack (2-5) - Last week: 10. Left Jay Ajayi on the bench AGAIN! He's probably had his 2 best performances on the season already. You decided to corner the market on Camerons for some reason. The Texans and Jets are in the shitter, which is bad news for you. Terrible lineup decisions and players on terrible teams is not a winning combination.

13. Pork Chop Express (2-4-1) - Last week: 13 - Gambino put up a good week. You continued to struggle. Your WR core of ARob (I won't give anything more than him for David Johnson!), Jordan Matthews, and Stefon Diggs has put up a combined 36 points over the last 3 weeks. You're supplementing this trio with Shaun Draughn and TJ Yeldon. Impressive.

12. The King's Crusaders (2-5) - Last week: 12. It is not looking good right now. I had big concerns after the draft, and thus far they have not been alleviated. On an L5 and with one of the toughest remaining schedules, it will be interesting to see how much longer this team can hang around. Good news for you: ESPN somehow has given Ty Montgomery RB eligibility. That's a joke.

11. Geno 911 (2-5) - Last week: 14. There's a clear bottom 4 in my opinion, and you made it. Citing a "career day from Jacquizz Rodgers" is not a feather in your cap. That's laughable. You didn't deserve to lose this week, but things happen. If your fearsome foursome of Mike Wallace, Gary Barnidge, Jacquizz, and Brandon LaFell put up 70 in a game again I'll be absolutely stunned.

10. Team Bartholomew (2-5) - Last week: 11. With Cam and Dez on a bye, your team still held its own. As I've been saying, I see you trending up. Another nice thing is that your 3 best players have already had their byes, so while other teams are struggling, you should be doing OK. Tough break about Arian Foster retiring. Guy's a total wacko.

9. A Lot O'Tatz (3-3-1) - Last week: 6. Benched Brees for some reason in favor of Alex Smith. Used McCoy knowing he was injured. Classic poor EEB lineup decisions are again coming home to roost. You really need McCoy or Theo Riddick to get healthy quick. I don't think you have enough other pieces to support that foundation.

8. ROLL THE DICE (4-3) - Last week: 9. Scored 67 last week and 163 this week, even with Brian Hoyer getting hurt. What am I supposed to do with you? Melvin Gordon has 10 TDs through week 7. I can't believe it. Even Jack Doyle (rules) went off. As I said last week, don't worry about the ranking. I think you're closer to the top teams than the Mike Y's of the world.

7. Bo$$town Cutter (3-4) - Last week: 8. As expected, your team is playing much, much better now. Your big 3 came through again, and Mark Ingram finally scored. John Brown's sickle cell is a tough break. Stick with your starters and you should be pretty competitive.

6. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-4-1) - Last week: 4. Injuries have absolutely ravaged TPG. 3rd round pick Big Dick Decker is out for years. Jamaal Charles can't get on the field. Bobby Woods is banged up. Jordan Reed is concussed again. And still TPG is hanging in there. The Ravens game plan was inexplicable. T. West should be back to normal soon.

5. Stanky Monkeys (5-2) - Last week: 5. After a hot start, the Stanky Monkeys have failed to top 110 points 3 weeks in a row. A.J. Green is still producing, but nobody else really is at all. After leaving Davante Adams' 38 points on the bench, you'll start him, and he'll score 5. Still OK from a record perspective.

4. Harambe Was Set Up (5-2) - Last week: 6. Came out hot with a lot of trash talk. Then decided to go to the Eagles game in purple. You were just asking for it this week. I think your team should be fine. Don't see any reason why you wouldn't be in the playoffs. Probably in the 4-6 range, right outside of the big 3.

3. Tweeting in the Trenches (5-1-1) - Last week: 3. T.Y. and DeMarco have been unstoppable. Most RB depth of any team in the league. Very solid team. QBs leave a bit to be desired. Serious contender at this point.

2. Team BG (4-3) - Last week: 2. Brutal defeat. The winning reception hit Demaryius right in the hands in the 4th quarter and he just didn't want to catch it. Need to hope your boy Jarvis isn't suspended for that complete cheap shot against the Bills. Carr hasn't been that great lately, but there are enough other pieces in place where you should be fine. Finally having healthy RBs will go a long way.

1. Dueling Pylons (6-1) - Last week: 1. Pylons still at the top as the highest scoring team with the best record. Has 123+ points in every game but one. Been getting a lot of "You only have two players", which is fine. Pylons special teams are a huge contributor.

Puppy update: Rachael has agreed that if we acquire a dog due to Pylons title, the puppy will be named Tyrod. I hope this happens.


Only 6 weeks to go in the regular season. Things are super tight at the playoff cut line. Every single team is still in it with 6 teams on 2 wins.

Week 8 Matchups
The most important matchup is clearly Patriots at Bills. #BillsMafia is going to be out of control. I look forward to posting debauchery in this spot next week.

 King v. Pylons
Dosh v. Lou
Tatz v. Phil
Fusco v. Gambino - Aaaaayyy hiyadooooin
Lobitz v. Mike Y
TPG v. Cutty
EEB v. BG
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