Too Fresh, Too Clean

Cam Newton is just killing it. Fashion sense. On the field. There's nothing he can't do. He's certainly the most entertaining player in football right now. Which is great, because football has been rough. I was fully prepared to be blacked out before the turkey even hit the table Thursday. I planned on pulling a Garth with the electric carver and remembering none of it.

But now the Eagles fucking suck (they've always sucked). Back to back Sanchizes at home against the Dolphins and Bucs is one of the most embarrassing things I've seen in awhile. And now I don't even care. It's even more embarrassing than this guy, who put his first name on a jersey.

Also, James Jones wore a hoodie, and noted it's "Cali Swag".

Sad news: The Jaguars finally had a home game. But even worse, it appears that @JagsPoolBooty has gone missing. This was really the only reason for the Jaguars to have a home game. Instead, they came out in puke colored jerseys and made me question my life and why I started 3 Jaguars in fantasy. It was terrible.

And my apologies for delay in getting this blog out. There were no fewer than 5 EFFL games up in the air Monday night. And two games were directly impacted by the awful officiating. It's close to my beef of the week. But it's time to TURN UP. It's holiday season and most of our real life teams suck ASS. Time to refocus.


Beef of the Week: Cowboys-Dolphins game

I'm not sure exactly what was going on. I was simply watching on RedZone. But for some reason, in this day and age, this game had exactly one camera fixed at the 50 yard line. That's it. Cowboys got into the actual Red Zone, and the whole picture was diagonal. Why?!?!? Is it that hard to have a camera at another location than midfield? Does nobody care about the Dolphins? It's entirely possible, but it was absolute brutal viewing. You could see the entire routes the top 2 guys on the field ran and absolutely nothing on the near side. Maybe they just figured nobody was watching the game.


EFFL Playoffs

* 1. The Old Ball Sack (9-2) - Holds head-to-head tiebreak over the Stanky Monkeys. Could lock up a first round bye with a win and Stanky Monkeys and Cecil loss. Also took over the points lead. Mike Y is staring at a big chunk of money right now. Will be no worse than #4.

* 2. Stanky Monkeys (9-2) - Keeps rolling. That's 4 in a row, and certainly in play for the bye. Two winnable matchups in the final 2. Would be something if this team finished 11-2 and didn't get the #1 seed. Can also do no worse than 4th.

* 3. Cecil Had It Coming (8-3) - Uh oh. Not only has Cecil relinquished the #1 seed, but the points lead is gone as well. Scores of 71 and 61 the past two weeks. That's alarming after the start this team had. I think they'll get it turned around. Own tiebreaker over everyone but Stanky Monkeys. Mathematically can finish no worse than 4th.

4. Pork Chop Express (7-4) - Still not officially locked into the playoffs. There is a scenario by which PCE could miss the playoffs. But win and in. Or a loss by BG, EEB, or Tatz and you're in. Looking pretty good at this point.

5. The King's Crusaders (6-5) - In the famous words of Drizzy Drake, "I done hit the stride got my shit goin. In the 6 cookin' with the wrist motion".

Winners of 4 of 5. Looking to be asserting themselves as playoff-level. One win and one Tatz/EEB/BG loss and you're in. Or just beat EEB in Week 13.

6. A Lot O'Tatz (5-5-1) - Won with 88 points. Sometimes shit just has to go your way. A bunch of teams are hot on your heels, but you control your own destiny. Two wins and in. Likely need to win at least 1. 6-6-1 may be good enough. How mad will you be if King knocks you out?

7. Team BG (5-6) - Don't even know what to say man. Losses of 5, 5, and 1. #InadvertentWhistle cost you the win. You're lucky you went to sleep. But you'd be in if it started today. Huge matchup to knock out DP followed by 3-time defending champ TITTY. Win 2 and you're in. Win 1 and it'll be close.

8. Team Bartholomew (5-6) - Knocked off Gambino to knock his ass out. But a REAL tough final two against Mike Y and Lobitz. They're clearly two of the best teams. And given that BG has the tiebreak over you, I'm not so sure that 1 of 2 will be enough. Gonna be tough I think.

9. Tweeting in the Trenches (4-6-1) - Still in it. Got a slumping Phil and BG in the final two weeks. You MUST beat BG to get in or hope EEB loses two and pass him in points. Like Tatz, tough but doable. At the precipice.

10. ROLL THE DICE (4-6-1) - The second beneficiary of #InadvertentWhistle. Didn't deserve a tie, but let's see if that holds up on Thursday. Still in it for now. Also have Lobitz and Phil the final two weeks, so not only need to make up games, need to do it against the league's best and get help. Really far back in points too.

11. Dueling Pylons (4-7) - Out of chances. Must beat BG to even stay alive. Then must take down Gambino to get to 6-7 and get some serious help. With all the ties, only likely to end up in a tie with Tatz and BG. A 3 way tie would send it to points. BG is way ahead. Not looking good.

12. Bo$$town Cutter (3-7-1) - Needed one more point from Tommy Brady. Mathematically still alive, but need to end up in a 3 or 4 way tie with EEB and Fusco. Lots of things need to go your way and a very tough matchup in Week 13 with Stanky Monkeys. Beat EEB. Please.

x - 13. Geno 911 (3-8) - Officially eliminated. Due to Fusco playing BG, one of them must be ahead of you, which means can't get higher than 8th. This was destined to happen. Hasn't won a game since Week 5.

x - 14. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-8) - We'll change the 1 PM rule. I promise.


We could have 7 teams fighting for 2 spots in Week 13 depending upon results. Hope everyone has an enjoyable Thanksgiving and doesn't remember anything after 5 PM.