All About My Billz

Two Weezy references this week in the NFL. Sammy Watkins is a weekly Weezy reference. http://i.ytimg.com/vi/2bjawRpa45s/0.jpg. And on a completion to Dwayne Allen, the announcer identified him as "Dwayne Wayne".

I didn't even know where to start the blog this week. This is one of those weeks where reality sets in. It's time to admit your faults, cut your losses, and move on. This is true in both fantasy football and real football. Here are some typical examples.

- Rex Ryan is an idiot. Fire his ass and move on. He sucks so bad and always acts like everyone's against him.

- Derek Carr is not a franchise QB. Cut him and move on.

- Charlie Whitehurst has no business playing football. Cut him and move on.

- Michael Crabtree is a sorry ass receiver. Woody, please keep using him.

- I will no longer be using Reggie Bush.

- Kyle Orton has shaved all facial hair. Cut him and move on.


Most of all, the Browns came crashing back down to reality, getting absolutely embarrassed by the winless Jaguars. Browns fans appear to be the best in football at providing entertainment for the rest of us. I usually don't link to stories, but this one is just so funny and appropriate: http://deadspin.com/heres-an-unconscious-browns-fan-in-the-jacksonville-par-1648239796

Top comments:

- He's got a Frye jersey on and his team just lost to the Jaguars. This is the correct response to that situation.

- That is Charlie Frye.

This is a Browns fan. Now, for Jaguars fans:

This is actually happening in Jacksonville. Great idea or greatest idea ever? The 2015 EFFL Draft will be taking place at the pool in Everbank Field in Jacksonville. See you there.


******* LEAGUE NOTE **********

League members: Be aware that due to the NFL's ridiculous scheduling, the Lions and Falcons will play at 9:30 AM EASTERN SUNDAY . The 1 PM Add/Drop rule holds, but in case you need to make any lineup decisions with players on those teams, they must be made by 9:30. I guarantee many are not aware of this start time.

Who wasn't a fan of Chris Berman's nicknames back in the day before he went to the well one too many times? Natrone Means Business, Jon Kitna Kaboodle, and Eric "Sleeping With" Bienemy were some of his all time classics. If he was still doing this gag, I would hope he would take advantage of the low hanging fruit out there for arguably one of his greatest puns... namely Patriots receiver Brian "Don't Scuff My" Tyms.

And what the fuck is wrong with Joseph Randle? Guy needs to steal some undies and cologne? There's no chance that security camera is going to see you sneaking a tester bottle into your bag. And the funniest part of the whole Randle shoplifting thing is what the officers found in his bag. Ironically, the cologne he stole was Gucci Guilty. Had his plea written right on the bottle. I'm still waiting for a shoplifting crime funnier than crab legs. This was pretty good.

Mini-Beef: Al Michaels... The guy continues to pronounce players' names incorrectly. He can't (refuses to) say the word Manning correctly. He can't say Crabtree either. Look, I get it. You're from New Yawk. BUT YOU'RE INTENTIONALLY PRONOUNCING NAMES WRONG! How does his employer let him get away with it? You know how I know he's saying Manning wrong? Because the guy named Manning doesn't say it that way, Al. You're entitled to add an R to the end of every word. You're even entitled to say things like Bronco Defense and Bear Offense, even though that's clearly inaccurate. But why are you pronouncing players' names wrong? WHY?

I also do not care if I had the exact same beef last November.  He refuses to listen and it just validates the criticism.

I'm also not even going to go in on Sean Payton again because the guy just doesn't get it. 9 targets to Travaris Cadet on 20 snaps is perpetuating domestic violence.


Beef of the Week: The West Virginia Mountaineers

I'm taking my beef outside of the professional game this week. I think many of you know where this is going.

The date was December 1, 2007. TPG and the Pylons had traveled to wonderful, wild, West Virginia to see some shit. Temperatures were well below freezing. The moonshine was flowing and fried bologna was the dish of choice. The #2 Mountaineers at 10-1 were 28.5 point home favorites hosting the unranked Pitt Panthers. A win would send the Mountaineers to the national championship game. Blackouts would be encountered. Couches would be burned. People would be impregnated. It was supposed to be the party of the century.

But the football gods were not with us that day. As 5 EFFL members witnessed collectively in horror, LeSean McCoy rushed 38 times as Pitt defeated West Virginia 13-9, in one of the worst football games in history. The crowd of over 60,000 left the stadium in stunned silence (except for a sly snicker from TPG). The game was voted by ESPN as one of the 15 biggest collapses in college football history and sent shockwaves across the country.

7 years later, the Mountaineers took out #4 Baylor this past Saturday. It was their first win over a Top 5 team since the bowl game following that 2007 loss. Fans celebrated wildly. Tear gas was brought out. Couches were burned. THAT WAS MY FUCKING CELEBRATION!!! Now you can win?!?!? In a meaningless game? That was 7 years of frustration absolutely unleashed on the streets of Morgantown. I'm pissed. You can never go back.

Let's get to the fucking power rankings. Fuck.


14. The Smokin' Jays (0-7) (Last week: 14): I'm going to keep bringing this up until you win a game. 13 straight losses and counting, breaking the EFFL record held by Stanky Monkeys. It's now been a full calendar year since the last victory. That's Lions territory. Get a red hot Tatz in Week 8, so staring 0-8 in the face. The showdown with Yashar might be your only chance. DO NOT TRADE JAMAAL CHARLES TO YOUR BROTHER.

13. Team Toliver (1-6) (Last week: 13): Curiously started an inactive Calvin Johnson. Thought things might be different after a ridiculous game from Nick Fizzolk. Unfortunately the Niners look like doo doo, and as an extension, so does your team. Hope is fading quickly. At least you get Sam in week 9, but losing to Cutter was a huge blow. With the Niners on a bye in Week 8 and Pierre and Tron banged up, it might be tough to even field a team.

12. Tweeting in the Trenches (3-4) (Last week: 12): Should feel lucky to be at 3-4. Demaryius is on one of the more wild heaters we've seen in awhile. 107 fantasy points in the last 3 games is absolutely absurd. You actually made some nice pickups in Davante Adams and OBJ, so that will serve you well. Shows the importance of being active on the wire since Zac Stacy doesn't even play anymore. You've got a shot.

11. Dueling Pylons (3-4) (Last week: 10): Yet another frustrating week for the Pylons. The fucking owner can't get out of his own way. Terrible lineup decisions, as the bench dropped 112 points. With the optimal lineup, the Pylons could have maxed out at 141 points with the right lineup combo and gotten the win. Had arguably the worst start to the draft of any team, but rebounded nicely during the blackout phase of the draft. Will keep in mind for 2015.

10. Pork Chop Express (4-3) (Last week: 9): I still don't see it. Luck and Dez did their usual thing, and the rest of the roster did as well. Scrubs Keenan Allen and Bishop Sankey combined for 16 points. You might want to heed the advice at the top of the blog. This team should be getting some players back from injury at some point (probably when you play me), but right now I think this team needs to be cautious.

9. Geno 911 (4-3) (Last week: 6): Clearly was way too high in the rankings last week. This team of old guys put up a pathetic performance in Week 7, and there could be more where that came from. The real concern is that none of your starters other than broken Jimmy Graham have had their bye week yet. Weeks 10 and 11 are going to be pretty rough, so you might want to pick up the wins now. Thankfully the Pylons come to town in Week 8.

8. Bo$$town Cutter (3-4) (Last week: 11): Nice jump this week for the Billz. The real reason is not because of what happened, but what should happen. The Percy Harvin trade was huge for Doug Baldwin, and it looks like he could have a huge 2nd half. Ronnie Hillman is also looking pretty solid. Everybody has a Broncos combo. Getting Baldwin in for Frank Gore makes this team look more solid than it has in awhile.

7. DA BEARDS (6-1) (Last week: 6): The luck continues for D-Weeze. Nobody on your team really did anything, but still emerged victorious yet again. Having a lot of rookies can be a good thing, but one thing is certain: they're inconsistent. There will be some nice weeks, but on a week-to-week basis, you don't know what to expect. Thankfully for you, Rodgers is on fire right now, but Lynch is not getting it done. I think the King could come in and surprise next week.

6. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-3) (Last week: 7): Your team is better than Dosh's. Used 2 Bengals and they got shut out. That's unfortunate. Also lost CJ Spiller for the season to a broken collarbone. You'll no longer be tempted to start him, so it's a blessing in disguise. Sammy Watkins looks legit, tho. I remain concerned about your depth and lack of action on the waiver wire. But you have good starters. Good enough to contend, I think.

5. The King's Crusaders (2-5) (Last week: 4): Really tough loss for the King, and I think it's time to start recognizing that this team may not be who we thought they were. McCoy and Maclin were on a bye, yes, but that's no excuse. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Every year there's one team that continues to take it on the chin on defense. That was already the 4th time you've allowed over 135 points. I'm sorry. It makes fantasy football not fun.

4. Stanky Monkeys (4-3) (Last week: 3): Really disappointing week from the Monkeys despite another monster Forte performance. As is the case with Pork Chop, your first two picks worked out great, but the other pieces need to step up. The Fred Jackson injury definitely hurts, but I think better days lie ahead. Pretty much your entire team had their worst game of the season. Things will get better.

3. Big Brother's Bitch (4-3) (Last week: 5): Still hovering in the top 5, this team finally put together a nice week. Reggie Wayne's performances have to be a little concerning at this point, but Lamar Miller is playing very well. As is the case with a number of other teams the depth is concerning, and I haven't seen much impact from anybody added via waivers. Julio will play better, and this team will do better. At 4-3, definitely one of the better teams in the league.

2. A Lot O'Tatz (5-2) (Last week: 2): Clearly a premier team in the 2014 EFFL, and certainly in play for the 1st round bye as well as top points. I've said it since after the draft, and have been saying it for 7 weeks. Absolutely no running back. It's holding you back. Definitely right there with Tatz for best team in the league. Golden Tate has been phenomenal as has T.Y. Hilton. Still dropped 120+ on the Pylons with Julius only scoring 6 points. Can't wait for your matchup with Tatz in Week 9.

1. Team Bartholomew (6-1) (Last week: 1): Another day, another dollar. Jeremy Hill and Cecil Shorts did absolutely nothing. Still puts up 120. AJ Green refuses to see his team go in the shitter, so he'll be back soon. It sucks you can't trust Kendall Wright. 26 points, 1 point, 18 points. That's a trainwreck. Another team that hasn't had any byes yet, but the rest of the schedule looks cushy. You've already played #3, 4, and 5 in the power rankings.


Week 8 Matchups

#1 Team Bartholomew (6-1) v. #14 The Smokin' Jays (0-7)
#2 A Lot O'Tatz (5-2) v. #8 Bo$$town Cutter (3-4)
#3 Big Brother's Bitch (4-3) v. #12 Tweeting in the Trenches (3-4)
#4 Stanky Monkeys (4-3) v. #13 Team Toliver (1-6)
#5 The King's Crusaders (2-5) v. #7 DA BEARDS (6-1)
#6 Tequila Party Gnomes (4-3) v. #10 Pork Chop Express (4-3)
#9 Geno 911 (4-3) v. #11 Dueling Pylons (3-4)

The Smokin' Jays and Team Toliver need to get some wins. With the playoff cutoff right now at 4 wins, time is running out to bridge the gap. Even winning out might not be enough at this point. And for fun, I'll add some predictions.

Winners:

I like Team Bartholomew to move to 7-1 while sending the Smokin Jays to 0-8 and the brink of playoff elimination.

I like Bo$$town Cutter to upset A Lot O'Tatz with a surprising Week 8 blowup.

Big Brother's Bitch should handle TITTY well and continue to rise.

Anything less than a victory for the Stanky Monkeys will be a massive shock with San Fran on a bye.

As indicated above, I think the King gets back into contention with a victory over DA BEARDS. Dosh also should change his team name given he's shaved. One of his boys referred to him as "Papi Champagne".

TPG and Pork Chop is my game of the week. Each team with a lot to prove still, but I think TPG takes it.

And the Pylons WILL rebound against Geno 911. One of the most heated rivalries in the EFFL, the Pylons are 10-1-1 against Geno in the last 12 meetings dating back to 2007.


Good luck in Week 8. Looking forward to another exciting week.