The Pylons were found late Monday night shirtless and chugging beer. Surely TPG went to bed with his impending defeat, and it's a good thing he did. Drew Brees continued to throw and throw and throw with 3 minutes left in the 4th quarter despite being up 21 points. Mike Wallace couldn't come through, and it was another classic Pylons Monday night 1 point win. It'll be interesting to see if this one sticks or if somehow a Cowboys cheerleader catching the ball was mistaken for a Dez grab.
It's hard to believe we're already into October. 2013 has been a serious struggle by every stretch of the imagination. Fantasy, real life football, it's all been an absolute disaster. I thought a week off from the bar would be good for the soul, but there was truly a piece missing. There is nothing like screaming at TVs and assholes in a public setting. You need to let your anger out on somebody, and who better than drunken strangers?
It seems like running the ball is a thing of the past in this league. Only five RBs have more than 2 rushing TDs thus far, and 2 of them are Joique Bell and Knowshon Moreno. By comparison, 19 players already have more than 2 receiving TDs. This is a strange year, and some of us have yet to adapt. Nick Gambino had the foresight to start Nate Washington, and then asked how amazing a manager he was. On a scale of 1 to Masterful Coaching, I gave him a Sam Woody, who just happened to start Danny Woodhead and have him put up 25 points. Poor Lou. He had white players score over 100 points against him. I can't imagine coming back from that.
Before we get to the beef of the week, I'd like to do my annual plug of the Cro Halloween party in NYC. I'll be hosting the 4th annual costume party on Saturday, October 26th this year. Everyone is invited for food, booze, and shenanigans. Who knows what'll happen? You could see Mr. McGibblets with a cleaver. You could see rap superstar Sisqo shut down a bar and pose for the paparazzi. You could see Buzz Lightyear trying to hide wood in his pajamas. Everyone should be there. I'll keep posting about it every week.
Beef of the Week
I have some serious beef this week, and it's with America's "pastime". The only thing I'll acknowledge about baseball is that it's "past time" for us to give up on this fake sport. Out of shape dudes sit on a wooden bench chewing sunflower seeds and tobacky, grabbing each other's nuts or doing anything to keep themselves busy for half a year. These guys have been chewing sunflower seeds since the beginning of March. It's October! Is your season not long enough? For teams that reach the World Series, including spring training and the regular season, teams will have played over 200 games in one season. That's utterly ridiculous. And they're adding more playoff teams!
I've had beef with baseball, but now they've sent this Sunday's Raiders-Chargers game to an 11:30 PM Eastern Time start! If anybody hates their opponent enough to start someone in that game, you may be fined by the league. Nobody should be forced to watch Raiders-Chargers til almost 3 AM eastern time. It legitimately starts AFTER the Sunday night game. Thanks baseball.
League 1
I think it's certainly time to admit that the teams at the top of the standings deserve to be there. Each team is a clear favorite at this point to make some noise. We can't have our first back-to-back champ, but I guess it would be better than any of the other names on the trophy.
It's hard to believe this is a real human:
1. Team Toliver (4-0) - Last week: 1
The only undefeated team remaining. What a comeback to defeat Fusco, who mercifully has taken over the record for most points in a defeat. It's remarkable that in 9 seasons, the record has now been broken twice in 4 weeks. Heading into Sunday night, Yashar was down 148-75. But his boys got it done. Tony G, Julio, and Sproles carried him back somehow to grab a huge win. This team is absolutely on fire right now, and it's gonna be tough to envision them slowing down.
2. Tweeting in the Trenches (3-1) - Last week: 3
Move up despite the loss. Real tough break for Fusco. Second high score and came up short. Won't get much sympathy from me, however. With Gronk coming back, Chris can finally get scrub Chris Johnson out of his lineup. Remarkable that in both leagues, the team that drafted Gates as their #2 TE also has either Gronk or Jimmy Graham to go with it. I still am not a believer in Antonio Brown. Guy has completed obliterated Cecil "Garbage Time" Shorts III as the King of garbage.
3. RGIII for President (2-2) - Last week: 2
I'm still high on this team. Suffered a tough loss with both Aaron Rodgers and Jordy Nelson on a bye but the rest of the team still looks pretty solid. Good depth. Won't have to start white running backs. But when Stevie, your kicker and defense combine for 1 point, you're pretty much screwed. Things should get better. This team easily could have been 1-3.
4. The King's Crusaders (2-2) - Last week: 4
Continues to start Tavon Austin despite terrible play. Also seen around the league offering terrible trades. In an unusual spot in the middle of the standings, but I think this team is good enough to pull it together. Will be interesting to see if Chris presses the panic button and tries a fire sale on his roster. One thing's for certain... you can be sure he hates his roster.
5. Tavon in 60 Seconds (3-1) - Last week: 6
I certainly see some dropoff in talent after the top 4 teams. This is I guess the best of the rest. How good can this team really expect to be? Vick is fading quickly, Nasty Nate Washington will never perform this well again, and his trade of Frank Gore looks absolutely horrible. Starting white guys from the Bills and Dolphins is never an answer. Mediocrity all the way, but at 3-1, has a leg up on the rest of the garbage in this league.
6. Threeing the Hogs (2-2) - Last week: 9
Surely Mike thought last week's blog was a backhanded attempt at a trade. Not true. This team actually looks like it could be turning the corner. The pickup of Philip Rivers could prove to be huge if he keeps up his ridiculous play. With Ray Rice getting healthy, I think the arrow on this team is pointing up. Too many white guys for my liking has prevented a bigger move upward.
7. Lady Luck (3-1) - Last week: 5
This team's roster makes me want to vomit. How can you put together such a bunch of scrubs and have them put up the high score of the week? Only Sam. I kid you not, this team got 107 points from white players. Cannot confirm but this must be a league record. I'll bet all of my league titles that this is the best this team does all season. Don't be afraid future opponents. Glorified cupcake.
8. Dueling Pylons (1-3) - Last week: 7
This team is down in the power rankings, and they couldn't be happier. This is the 2nd time this season in 4 weeks the Pylons have held off an opponent on Monday night for a 1 point win. I couldn't imagine what would happen if they took this one away. A late Bilal Powell benching almost cost the Pylons, but they're off the schnide and back in business.
9. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-4) - Last week: 8
It can't be a coincidence that the 3 teams chugging whiskey before the draft are a combined 1-11 with 2 pukes to their name. I tried telling you to get away from Tatz Manhattan and Ginger Man, but you were not to be denied. Repeated blaming of alcohol consumption will do nothing but draw you EEB comparisons. The window is closing quickly. I'd strongly advise bailing on all Raiders and Jets before facing Darryl.
10. Stanky Monkeys (0-4) - Last week: 10
Another week and another loss for the Stanky Monkeys. Got an encouraging effort from Frank Gore, but right now if Brees and Tron don't combine for 60+ points, this team is in rough shape. Hakeem Nicks and MJD are complete busts. Will certainly be tough to see this team winning a game any time soon. It may not be too soon to start preparing for a second straight relegation battle. With 4-0 Team Toliver coming to town, things are not looking good.
League 2
There are no more unbeaten teams in League 2 after EEB Ventura found Snowflake and took down Cutter. Only two teams have fewer than 2 wins, so it remains very close. I'd expect this continue, save Tatz.
Congrats to Elliott on winning the $10 high score prize for Week 4.
1. Bo$$town Beasts (3-1) - Last week: 1
You can't play defense in Fantasy Football. Scores were very high in Week 4. Still at the top of the standings and still leading the league in points, so clearly a still deserving #1. This team probably needs a solid running back, but I'm nitpicking at this point. Now with Gates exploding, Cutty is just getting stronger and stronger. Clearly a favorite to move up to League 1.
2. Darkest Norseman (2-2) - Last week: 3
I've never heard anyone complain so much after putting up 166 points. Even the bench put up over 100. Putting your faith in a Mike Shanahan backfield is always a dangerous proposition. A clear favorite at the beginning of the season, and not much has changed since then. We'll need to get together for football soon so you can whine to me in person.
3. EEB Ventura (3-1) - Last week: 5
You know EEB is thinking to himself "I knew I was too good for League 2 all along". Don't get ahead of yourself here. I really think the only thing preventing EEB from making a return to League 1 is himself. Has too many solid options, which will make lineup decisions that much more difficult. I'm hopeful but skeptical. I still expect him to somehow find a way to get drunk at the trading deadline and trade with Woody.
4. Super Mario Brothers (3-1) - Last week: 7
This might be a little bit of a stretch, but Elliott has some potential here. This team has the opposite of EEB's problem. Not very deep at all, but there's not really too many lineup decisions that need to be made. It's just a matter of will the players continue to make plays? The sooner you get Chris Johnson out of your lineup, the better off you'll be.
5. Street Pigeons (2-2) - Last week: 6
Arrow pointing up on Street Pige. With Aaron Rodgers and Randall Cobb both on a bye, did an admirable job of filling out the roster. Torrey Smith looks real good and Andre Johnson is finally getting healthy. I think this team is ready to make some noise. Side note: Meech is tearing up D-3 Soccer at Neumann University. Already 3 game winning goals this season. Do work, son.
6. Jersey Leshoure (2-2) - Last week: 4
Had beef with being ranked 4th in last week's power rankings and immediately puts up the week's lowest score. Waiting for Gronk is really taking its toll on this team. Also pretty thin at WR which could come back to hurt. Bench and starters combined for only 128 points. Perhaps it's time to hit the waiver wire.
7. Game on Dick Bag (1-3) - Last week: 2
What can I say? The high ranking last week was most likely due to the fact that we have a number of the same players. That's not working out so well for me, so I shouldn't have expected much more here. This team looks pretty decent, but I don't know if it has the feel of a championship contender. Right now, I think there are a number of other teams that have a better shot.
8. Team Meat Collage (0-4) - Last week: 8
Oh Tatz. Put up a very respectable 130 this week, but didn't even come close to a victory. Think about this... when the Broncos are on a bye your starting WRs will be Sidney Rice, Mike Wallace and Steve Smith. The upside of this team is severely limited, which will continue to be a problem. I certainly see a couple trades in your future. Only 2 games back with 9 to play is more than enough time to turn it around.
Things are starting to get a little more serious heading into Week 5. There are a few teams that are on the ropes and need to get it together very quickly. We have only 1 undefeated team left in both leagues, so we'll see how long that can continue. Best of luck to everyone in Week 5.
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