Tuesday, October 1, 2019

One Month In



3-0 Bills v 3-0 Patriots. A tale as old as time.



 I don't know what you thought would happen, but it would never be the Bills winning. Here's some classic highlights from the Bills Mafia.



 I hate the Falcons. HATE, the Falcons. Meech is banned from picking them ever again. Can't happen, folks. Also, shout out to all the people that went down in their survivor pool on Colts and Rams. Deuces.

What else happened? The Dolphins are still horrendous. The Vikings still haven't thrown the ball this season (YOU LIKE THAT?!?). Leonardo Fournetti, everyone's a favorite sauce guy, popped off for 225 yards. Bucs/Rams had 95 points.

Club Dub also was lit:



 One of my biggest regrets was not doing the special Jewish DFS lineup on Sunday. It was the Jewish new year, and a lineup featuring Josh Rosen, Julian Edelman, and Tarik Cohen would've won me millions. Don't let me forget next year to get this right.

Dolphins dancers are back.

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by hiim6 🌙 (@baldfuckingbarbie) on


If I do not see Meech on a pole outside Hard Rock Stadium with Dreams and Nightmares blaring in the background, he will be eating a habanero again next season.


Beef of the Week: Headhunters

I've had a chance to cool down a bit. Sunday featured some absolutely vicious helmet to helmet blows. Burfict was suspended for the season. There was obviously outrage because other hits didn't lead to similar punishment. But that's not the point.

"Football is a violent game!" Of course it is. You have massive human beings running full speed into each other. That doesn't feel good. People get hurt all the time.

People also have lives outside of football. Helmet to helmet hits are penalties for a reason. That stuff has no place in the game. You're taught not to use your helmet to hit for a reason.. it can go bad for both parties. If it makes the game safer to not use your helmet, just do it. If you need your head to tackle, you suck at football. I've seen enough. They need the targeting rule like in college. Nobody is going to learn unless it costs them money... a lot of money.


Power Rankings
Every team is within 1 game of a playoff spot. Things remain wide open.

14. Street Pigeons (1-3) - Last week: 14
Alright! Finally in the win column despite a less than stellar performance. Can't complain about allowing 80 points. I appreciate your love for guys with II in their surname.

13. Bo$$town Cutter (1-3) - Last week: 11
Likewise got into the win column. Must feel good. It was a nail biter and Michael Thomas came through for you. I still remain optimistic, but would like to see you put up some points.

12. The King's Crusaders (1-3) - Last week: 7
Not sure what's going on here. Way too much inconsistency. I'm expecting more going forward, but questions must be asked at this point! Is this team going to be OK with Jordan Howard as its best player?

11. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) - Last week: 13
Last Tuesday I wrote "maybe Melvin Gordon will show up to work one of these days". The next day, he arrived. You're welcome. Still hanging in there despite getting a shitty draw yet again. Hopefully Leonardo's hamstringy doesn't feel like a bit of fettuccine. Delivered in the EFFL game of the week. Love to see it.

10. BAD NEWS BOSH (3-1) - Last week: 10
Your team may be better than this ranking, but your complaining knocks you down at least a spot or two, maybe more. We'll never know. I'm blocking your number.

9. Geno 911 (1-3) - Last week: 8
This team is all over the place. I don't know what to make of it. I feel like this team should be better, but the results haven't been there. There's a 70 point Ertz/Kamara week coming. Hopefully it's not when we play.

8. Team BG (1-3) - Last week: 4
It's been a precipitous fall. Things have not gone well over the past two weeks. The Damien Williams injury has been a pretty big blow. Hopkins and Boyd should turn it around, and I still expect you to ultimately get into the playoffs.

7. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (3-1) - Last week: 12
People say I'm terrible to trade with, but look what I did.

6. Stanky Monkeys (1-3) - Last week: 9
This team has performed much, much better. Tough loss this week. Wentz/Dalvin/Evans has been an awesome trio thus far. If some of the bench/secondary guys get going, could definitely be one of the better teams in the league.

5. Pork Chop Express (2-1-1) - Last week: 6
From last week's blog: "I'm sure you'll win this week. Every time I move you down, you win." I just know that's how it works. I wish you used Royce Freeman. That Chubb 88 Yard TD gave you the win. It was the best run I've ever seen.

4. Tweeting in the Trenches (3-1) - Last week: 2
Not a bad showing. Maybe jumped the gun a bit. Melvin Gordon coming back is going to hurt a lot. That's one of the main reasons for the drop. I still think you're OK, but it's going to be harder.

3. Philly Peppers (2-2) - Last week: 5
That Patriots defense has been lethal. Outscoring Mahomes! Think you'll be OK. Especially if Adams is now back. He had a rough first couple of weeks.

2. Dueling Pylons (2-1-1) - Last week: 1
#1 jinx is a real thing. Did it to myself! Good news is that this extreme outlier was on a week when 155 points wouldn't have been enough. Makes it easy to get over this fluke loss. Maybe shouldn't have traded Godwin.

1. The Old Ball Sack (4-0) - Last week: 3
109 points! Stupendous. You're 4-0. I can't justify keeping you down much longer. Let's see how long this run at the top lasts.


Week 5 Matchups

 Dueling Pylons v Bo$$town Cutter - perfect matchup during the High Holidays
Ouch! My Hamstringy! v Geno 911
The King's Crusaders v Stanky Monkeys
Team BG v BAD NEWS BOSH
Tequila Party Gnomes v Pork Chop Express
Philly Peppers v Tweeting in the Trenches

EFFL Game of the Week
Street Pigeons v The Old Ball Sack - This is a revenge game for AC. Mike Y gets a chance to avenge his slap in the face and actually sleep in a bed on Sunday night. I expect his best perfromance.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)