Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Past the Halfway Point


No, that's not Ryan Fitzpatrick. That's the largest chunk of turf I've ever seen caught in a facemask, compliments of James Conner.

Alright, you selfish sons of a bitch. Leave me in the trenches taking grenades. This past month has been a whirlwind. I'm buying a house and have been totally swamped with work. I know that the league has been deprived of a blog, so I'm here to alleviate that need.

Finally, after years, TPG and Kirk Cousins are reunited. Your captain. Oh captain. My captain. Here's Kirk dressed up for Halloween.


And here's an image of TPG from just a few Halloweens ago:


It truly is fate. Is TPG this year's team of destiny? Is it going to be a 3-peat for Cousins in the EFFL? That remains to be seen, but the correlation is staggering. I also appreciate Dosh attending the party as a white guy. Perhaps Pete Caroll. I don't know.

There was also a lot of kicking on Sunday. Nick Chubb had a ball fumbled due to his own teammate getting it kicked out. Deshaun Watson got kicked in the face and made one of the most incredible plays you'll ever see.






Meech did, in fact, attend Bills/Eagles. No word on if he officially contracted a disease, but all signs point to yes.

And how about this evisceration of Blake Bortles. Our boy Leonardo did not hold back at all:



Beef of the Week: The Cleveland Browns

It's a miracle they made it this long. Probably because of not blogging for 3 weeks. They're horrible. I am STILL in denial. I can't believe that a team with that much talent on both sides of the ball can be so horrible. But this is the QB:


I've seen him described over and over as a used car salesman. I think it may be true. He looks disheveled! I miss Cam Newton's horrible outfits. We're left with this guy trying to get you a sweet deal on a 1982 Chevy Nova. What the hell happened? Freddie Kitchens could be in over his head. I'm sick of seeing this team. It's week 9 and I still think they're gonna be good. Half the season is over!

I wish they'd go away so I can get over this mental hurdle. It's bad.


Power Rankings

Look, I appreciate everyone taking initiative via email to kick start the blog. Phil with some epic trolling of an absolutely pitiful offer from Pork Chop Express was hilarious. Things are heating up. Only 5 weeks to go in the regular season, so we've gotta think playoffs now.

14. Street Pigeons (1-7) - Last week: 14
This team is bad. One of the worst we've seen in a long time. 3.5 games out with 5 to play. It'll be over soon. Your initiation season has gone as expected.

13. Team BG (1-7) - Last week: 10
This team caught some tough breaks this year. Especially this week against King. You've scored more points than I have, so to be in this spot is unlucky. I think your team is good enough to run the table, but even that may not be enough.

12. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-5) - Last week: 12
Scored more than Pidge, but 100 points behind the next closest team. But you're only 1/2 game out of the playoffs! It's been a roller coaster season, and finally back healthy things could improve. But the WR position has been nothing short of a disaster.

11. Geno 911 (4-4) - Last week: 13
Started two players who were inactive. This will not stand. Pay attention or the league will impose sanctions. Beat Pidge 83-70 in one of the worst games of the season in the EFFL.

10. Bo$$town Cutter (5-3) - Last week: 11
Started 0-3 and has now won 5 in a row. I don't have any idea how that's happened. But this team has been playing much better. I'm not surprised things have gotten better, but I still think there's work to be done to get into the playoffs.

9. Dueling Pylons (4-3-1) - Last week: 8
Finally put together a reasonably respectable showing in Week 8. Injuries and byes have not been friendly, but this team has shown potential early in the season. The WRs have to come through for this team to be successful. Next 3 against Fusco, EEB, and Mike Y is not good.

8. The King's Crusaders (4-4) - Last week: 7
Latavius Murray exploding is something we can't all afford the luxury of. Certainly in contention and has also dealt with a bit of injury. I think this team is going to either just make it or just miss the playoffs.

7. Stanky Monkeys (3-5) - Last week: 9
Just dropped 170 points, so this team is certainly capable. 2nd week over 160 on the season. But has failed to crack 100 3 times. That type of inconsistency hurts. Will be interesting to see if this team keeps its good performances going.

6. BAD NEWS BOSH (6-2) - Last week: 6
Remarkably consistent over the past few weeks. I did not expect the Fitz/ARob combo to be serviceable, but they've been OK. Are you drinking at 10 AM on Sundays now? I think you'd be wise to do that.

5. Pork Chop Express (4-3-1) - Last week: 5
Very inconsistent team at this juncture. Has explosive weeks and then duds right after it. The Jets are also tanking now which does not help matters. But DK is coming on, and if the Seahawks ever decide to throw the ball, that could help.

4. Philly Peppers (3-5) - Last week: 4
The injury bug has bit hard. Mahomes, Adams, Fuller. All these guys going down has your team in a tough spot. But this team should be good. It's just a matter of if it'll be enough at this point to get into the playoffs. A lot of teams competing for a few spots.

3. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (6-2) - Last week: 3
Cooled off a little bit after the 5 game win streak. Tough when Fusco drops 175 on you. But this has been one of the most consistent teams, and at 6-2, I have no doubt you'll be in the playoffs. Last 5 are BG, Pylons, TPG, King, Pidge. You'll be in play for the bye.

2. The Old Ball Sack (5-3) - Last week: 1
A desperate cry for help after the #1 curse got him. Started off 5-0... commish put him at #1 and immediately an L3. Scored over 135 in 2 of those 3 too. But yea, that's tough. I finally obliged and moved you down. Poor TPG is now in the crosshairs.

1. Tweeting in the Trenches (6-2) - Last week: 2
This was specifically requested by Mike Y. So blame him. The 175 point outing was bullshit. Not even going to get into Aaron Jones. DUPY lucked out with your entire team on bye, but I'm sure the Giants will score 700 points and Evan Engram will go off for 8-165-2. I can't believe Lobitz cut Brees. Your QB situation was really bad.


Week 9 Matchups
Dueling Pylons v Tweeting in the Trenches
Street Pigeons v Philly Peppers - Habanero v Habanero
Stanky Monkeys v BAD NEWS BOSH
Geno 911 v Pork Chop Express
The King's Crusaders v Bo$$town Cutter
Ouch! My Hamstringy! v Team BG


Game of the week: The Old Ball Sack v Tequila Party Gnomes
A 2nd revenge game for Mike Y after the hotel room incident. He already dispatched Meech with ease. On an L3 I expect him to do the same.

We'll have 1 more week of power rankings after Week 9. After Week 10 we'll switch to the playoff view. Good luck!
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