Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Week 7 in the Books


Yes, that's Chad Kelly. Yes, he's no longer on a football team following a mysterious arrest. Let's hear it from Rotoworld:

"Now ex-teammate Von Miller had a Halloween party Monday night. Kelly apparently got too intoxicated, had physical altercations with a guest and then security. The 24-year-old somehow then ended up in a stranger's residence, sitting on the couch, mumbling incoherent words. Police arrived and arrested Kelly for first-degree criminal trespassing."

This is ridiculous. It's story time.

Many moons ago, in 2005-2006, Christiana Towers housed 3 league members and an extremely religious alcoholic. One hungover morning, TPG recounts (and keep me honest here) his previous night, where entered an unlocked door, and subsequently slept over... some random dude's apartment.

Apparently, after drinking, Matt returned to Christiana Towers West, but did not enter room 809. He entered a different, unoccupied room on the 8th floor. He disrobed, preparing for sleep. He opened drawers, found bball shorts, and went to sleep in a bunk bed. The next morning, he returned to his roommates in 809 West. Somehow, some way. his presence went undetected. He kept the bball shorts. Cost of doing business for the guy having someone sleep over.

Now, is what Chad Kelly did, THAT bad?!?! He got kicked off the team for getting drunk and slurring words? Come on. The league needs heroes like Chad Kelly. I hope he doesn't go Manziel and ruin his life with sobriety.


This was the best thing from Week 7. This was the best thing to date this season. Who wears a shirt that says "I shaved my balls for this?" Getting to see Showtime Mahomes is exactly why you SHOULD shave your balls.

Beef of the Week: Showtime Mahomes

This is a horrible nickname. Is he a TV channel? How did this nickname catch on. I don't get it. I'm not on board. Not every QB needs a nickname. In fact, I don't even know how many I can name:

Captain Kirk
Big Dick Nick
The Red Rocket

Basically, if it's not a euphemism, it's not that funny. What is "Showtime" Mahomes? I hope that goes away. I really do.

Here's some more funny stuff from Week 7:




When she sees BG walk by (no coincidence the numbers in this picture are 6/6):


This poor lady was murdered by Kenny Stills:


Another angle:


I need Tatz dressed like this all the time:


Power Rankings

Starting to see a bit of separation in the EFFL.

14. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-6) - Last week: 14 - See you in 2019. This season is cooked.

13. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (3-4) - Last week: 13 - Respectable. Won a game. Looks to be trending upwards. Leonardo will be back at some point.

12. Stanky Monkeys (2-5) - Last week: 12 - Still only 2 games back with plenty of time to play. This team hasn't turned it on like I've expected.

11. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-6) - Last week: 11 - Truly snakebitten in 2018. Could go down as the highest player ever drafted in the EFFL to never play a snap. Sucks.

10. Bo$$town Cutter (4-3) - Last week: 9 - Had no problem dropping 140 on me. I'm still leaning towards you being out of the playoffs.

9. The Old Ball Sack (3-4) - Last week: 10 - This team is like a retirement home. Would've been pretty good in 2014. Different story this year. Work to be done.

8. Pork Chop Express (5-2) - Last week: 5 - Fading. Team won a couple games with low point totals. This team could easily be below .500. Typical Lobitz team. On the surface should be good, but overall underperformance.

7. The King's Crusaders (4-3) - Last week: 7 - Unlike many others, headed in the right direction. You've planned weeks in advance which usually helps you down the stretch.

6. Geno 911 (2-5) - Last week: 8 - It does feel a bit weird to have a 2-5 team this high, but you've been pounded by so many dudes, and it's not your fault. Team isn't half bad.

5. Team BG (5-2) - Last week: 4 - After a hot start, has come back down to earth a bit. Your team is still pretty good. Shouldn't have any problems making the playoffs.

4. Team Bartholomew (3-4) - Last week: 6 - Finally got it right. This team could easily be among the elite if not for poor lineup decisions. I think you figure it out going forward. Dangerous team.

3. Dueling Pylons (4-3) - Last week: 3 - Over .500 for the first time this season. DUPY is scorching hot. 140+ points 4 weeks in a row. Sony Michel injury hurts, but he'll be back.

2. Cash Me Out Wide (6-1) - Last week: 2 - I can't keep up with your team name. Just pick one. Julio will score at some point. Maybe not in 2018, but at some point he will score another TD.

1. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (6-1) - Last week: 1 - Big matchup with DUPY this week. Thank you for erroneously texting me that you love me. I accept.


Looking forward to a fun week 8. We will have a guest blogger next week. If you would like to guest blog at any point, just let me know!

Also don't forget the weekly London games at this point. Lot of 9:30 starts.

LASTLY, there will be a Monday night Rams/Chiefs game played this season. It will be at the Azteca in Mexico City. If you'd like to join me on a trip to Mexico for probably the best NFL game this season, let's do it up!
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