Well how the hell are ya?!? Blog is back in the saddle after a one week hiatus. Football was good this week. Finally. There was a Nathan Peterman sighting. He immediately threw a pick-6. Brock Osweiler won a football game. Jets/Colts subjected everyone to a combined 76 points. Chiefs/Pats. The Monday night game. Tyreek Hill got beer thrown on him and Drew Rosenhaus wanted to press charges. This week had it all.
It also had the Notorious MMA, who of course is a Cowboys fan.
“How the Fook do you throw this ‘ting?” Yikes Conor McGregor 😬pic.twitter.com/B4b5BRpuHQ— Second Deck Sports (@2nddecksports) October 14, 2018
All the Cowboys were doing the McGregor... except for Cole Beasley, who... I don't know what this is
Thanks @TheNotoriousMMA for bringing the luck last night! ☘️ pic.twitter.com/bTTOIwqMbX— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) October 15, 2018
Best celebration of the week, however, goes to Marquise Goodwin. And not just because he was on Tatz's bench and I won because of it:
Marquise Goodwin with the long jump TD celebration 💯— SB Nation (@SBNation) October 16, 2018
🎥 @thecheckdown pic.twitter.com/ztzZ0kFWIt
Now, this is not necessarily a beef, but more of a question. How does Booger McFarland, on his "Booger Cart" get literally the best seat anyone could ever have at a football game? This doesn't even exist! Nobody wants to be in the first couple rows because you're so low to the action. You want to be at least 10 rows up to get some viewing angle.
Booger is practically on the sideline, elevated 10 feet above sea level, blocking everyone's view. He's got the best of both worlds! You heat up.. the ice!! Look at these views!
I want these seats.
Beef of the Week: The New York FOOTBAW Giants
This may or may not be a long rant. Depends how I feel once I get going.
This is moreso Troy Aikman inspiring this beef. "You feel bad for Pat Shurmur. First year head coach. Team has no discipline on the field. No discipline off the field."
You know who demands accountability and discipline, Troy?!?!? HEAD COACHES! If Odell is a whiny brat fighting a wind tunnel on the sideline and then jogging off with time remaining on the clock, you as a coach must hold him accountable. Sit his ass down and tell him to stop his temper tantrum. If you commit a billion penalties for head-hunting that's completely avoidable, you bench a player. If there are no consequences for your actions, there's no discipline. It starts with the head coach. Your head coach sucks.
Then, we got to the Eli thing about how the fans revolted when Eli was benched. Not because he sucked. Not because he won a Super Bowl over a decade ago. But because the alternative was Geno Smith. "He's earned that respect. You've gotta get signoff from ownership to bench the QB" No you fucking don't! Coach chooses which players play, not ownership. This isn't Any Given Sunday. Cameron Diaz isn't waltzing the sideline demanding you play Willie Beamen (even though benching the old, washed up white guy for the young, black gunslinger was exactly what Cameron wanted). The fans were mad because they thought Eli gave them the best chance to win when the coaching staff, who actually knows football, felt otherwise.
They ran ol Ben McAdoo and his luscious mustache (pronounced moo-stah-kee) out of town. And now what happens? Eli is mercilessly booed, while everyone is enamored with Saquon Barkley's thick thighs. You'll see Saquon jerseys everywhere. They love him. Everyone in the North Jersey area went to Penn State. And you know who the biggest hypocrites are?!? All of these so-called Giants fans. Got bent out of shape over a QB getting benched, then boo him afterwards, then go nuts over a RB, when the Giants had a chance to draft a QB. It's so hypocritical. Do you want a new QB or not?!?!? It won't happen. Eli will just keep losing and losing and losing. BUT YOU CAN'T BENCH HIM. HE'S EARNED THAT!
You know what Eli's record is since 2012? 27-51. That's almost 6 seasons of football with a 34.6% winning percentage. HE'S EARNED THAT RESPECT. I honestly hope they never bench him.
Power Rankings
14. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-5) - Last week: 14. Finally won a game! Hooray! Enjoy the Giants. I see no hope for this team.
13. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (2-4) - Last week: 11. Ladies, please. Make an effort. Using guys like Niles Paul and Ryan Grant is offensive to the league.
12. Stanky Monkeys (2-4) - Last week: 13. Still think this team will come around. 2-4 is no problem with all of the 3-3 teams. Could be moving up in the next couple weeks.
11. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-5) - Last week: 8. Not looking good for TPG. Le'Veon refuses to return. Saints will carry you. I'm still surprised by the record.
10. The Old Ball Sack (3-3) - Last week: 10. Narrowly missed out on winning a game with fewer than 90 points. I still don't see it. I think you'll get pushed down the standings.
9. Bo$$town Cutter (4-2) - Last week: 12. Moving up, and the 4-2 record is nice, but man this team is not intimidating. Of course dropped 140 on me.
8. Geno 911 (2-4) - Last week: 9. This is unheard of. 4th in points scored, but only 2-4. Sounds like the Pylons season. Up 81-0 after Thursday night, you probably felt great. Actually, you probably have no idea what's happening in the EFFL as you climb Mount Fuji. Sick pictures.
7. The King's Crusaders (3-3) - Last week: 6. Still on the fence. You'll probably get in the playoffs, but I think this team is volatile. Putting all your eggs in the Lions basket.
6. Team Bartholomew (2-4) - Last week: 7. Your team also is improving but the record doesn't show it. That's also surprising to me. Too many points on the bench. You'll get it right.
5. Pork Chop Express (5-1) - Last week: 3. Won 2 fantasy games by fewer than 2 points combined. That's impressive. Fewer points than a number of 2-4 teams. Gotta feel a bit lucky for a change.
4. Team BG (4-2) - Last week: 2. Fallen back a bit after a hot start. Did have everyone on a bye though. I still think you're one of the better teams in the league.
3. Dueling Pylons (3-3) - Last week: 5. Always hesitant to move myself up, but DP is hot. Averaging over 150 the past 3 weeks. Seems to have found the right combo. Rodgers/Gurley is absolutely on fire.
2. MC Dosh - Hammer Time (5-1) - Last week: 4. I moved you up, alright? James Conner seemed to be fading, but he's back. You've allowed 95 or fewer points in 4 of 6 weeks. That helps. But your team is looking good with the Bengals and Falcons.
1. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (5-1) - Last week: 1. Clearly the top team in the league at this point. This happened a couple years ago also. Could very well be you and Dosh battling for the bye. You play each other in Week 13.
Thanks for reading the Eli rant, and the entire blog. Only TPG and TITTY aren't within 1 game of a playoff spot, and they're 2 back. Still everything to play for as we reach the halfway point.
They ran ol Ben McAdoo and his luscious mustache (pronounced moo-stah-kee) out of town. And now what happens? Eli is mercilessly booed, while everyone is enamored with Saquon Barkley's thick thighs. You'll see Saquon jerseys everywhere. They love him. Everyone in the North Jersey area went to Penn State. And you know who the biggest hypocrites are?!? All of these so-called Giants fans. Got bent out of shape over a QB getting benched, then boo him afterwards, then go nuts over a RB, when the Giants had a chance to draft a QB. It's so hypocritical. Do you want a new QB or not?!?!? It won't happen. Eli will just keep losing and losing and losing. BUT YOU CAN'T BENCH HIM. HE'S EARNED THAT!
You know what Eli's record is since 2012? 27-51. That's almost 6 seasons of football with a 34.6% winning percentage. HE'S EARNED THAT RESPECT. I honestly hope they never bench him.
Power Rankings
14. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-5) - Last week: 14. Finally won a game! Hooray! Enjoy the Giants. I see no hope for this team.
13. Ouch! My Hamstringy! (2-4) - Last week: 11. Ladies, please. Make an effort. Using guys like Niles Paul and Ryan Grant is offensive to the league.
12. Stanky Monkeys (2-4) - Last week: 13. Still think this team will come around. 2-4 is no problem with all of the 3-3 teams. Could be moving up in the next couple weeks.
11. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-5) - Last week: 8. Not looking good for TPG. Le'Veon refuses to return. Saints will carry you. I'm still surprised by the record.
10. The Old Ball Sack (3-3) - Last week: 10. Narrowly missed out on winning a game with fewer than 90 points. I still don't see it. I think you'll get pushed down the standings.
9. Bo$$town Cutter (4-2) - Last week: 12. Moving up, and the 4-2 record is nice, but man this team is not intimidating. Of course dropped 140 on me.
8. Geno 911 (2-4) - Last week: 9. This is unheard of. 4th in points scored, but only 2-4. Sounds like the Pylons season. Up 81-0 after Thursday night, you probably felt great. Actually, you probably have no idea what's happening in the EFFL as you climb Mount Fuji. Sick pictures.
7. The King's Crusaders (3-3) - Last week: 6. Still on the fence. You'll probably get in the playoffs, but I think this team is volatile. Putting all your eggs in the Lions basket.
6. Team Bartholomew (2-4) - Last week: 7. Your team also is improving but the record doesn't show it. That's also surprising to me. Too many points on the bench. You'll get it right.
5. Pork Chop Express (5-1) - Last week: 3. Won 2 fantasy games by fewer than 2 points combined. That's impressive. Fewer points than a number of 2-4 teams. Gotta feel a bit lucky for a change.
4. Team BG (4-2) - Last week: 2. Fallen back a bit after a hot start. Did have everyone on a bye though. I still think you're one of the better teams in the league.
3. Dueling Pylons (3-3) - Last week: 5. Always hesitant to move myself up, but DP is hot. Averaging over 150 the past 3 weeks. Seems to have found the right combo. Rodgers/Gurley is absolutely on fire.
2. MC Dosh - Hammer Time (5-1) - Last week: 4. I moved you up, alright? James Conner seemed to be fading, but he's back. You've allowed 95 or fewer points in 4 of 6 weeks. That helps. But your team is looking good with the Bengals and Falcons.
1. Tiny Hands Bigly Tweets (5-1) - Last week: 1. Clearly the top team in the league at this point. This happened a couple years ago also. Could very well be you and Dosh battling for the bye. You play each other in Week 13.
Thanks for reading the Eli rant, and the entire blog. Only TPG and TITTY aren't within 1 game of a playoff spot, and they're 2 back. Still everything to play for as we reach the halfway point.
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