Minor comment, but NBC producers missed a tremendous opportunity Sunday night during the Pats-Colts game to drown out Al Michaels and Collinsworth by blasting Weezer's flannel anthem "My Name is Jonas" every single time Jonas Gray touched the ball. He was not on an EFFL roster and had the most points of any player in Week 11 and finished just 1 yard shy of 200. Damn impressive.
From good players to terrible players... Here's a string of numbers: 11, 1, 30, 6, 8, -2, 10, 6. I know what you're thinking... Cro, that's a Fibonacci sequence! It's actually not. I'm sorry. That's a string of Maurice Jones-Drew's rushing yards by game in 2014. He's run for a total of 70 yards on the season. That's sad, man. Should've hung em up before it got this bad.
Week 11 sucked. You know how many teams out of 26 scored more than 20 points: 9. That's terrible. For as terrible a day as it was for fantasy football everywhere, and the Eagles, there was plenty of excitement. I'd be foolish if I wasted any more time not mentioning Emmanuel Sanders taking one of the biggest hits I've ever seen. I don't know if there's a proper adjective to describe it, but here are a few: pulverized, eviscerated, obliterated, and as Arnold Schwarzenegger would describe it: Erased.
Embedding a YouTube video would not do it justice. Here's the link in HD:
This showed up on Wikipedia after the hit:
Dude was 100% erased. To make matters worse, after he's down, the referee just throws his hat on him! Used his hat as a white flag. He's perished. There's nothing more we can do for him. Erased. I've seen it about a dozen times already, and I still can't watch it without yelling OHHHH! out loud. Unreal hit.
This isn't NFL, but this is some classy shit right here! Minnesota assistant coach eats ice cream bar during blizzard hahahaha. Oh man, people are great when you don't have to be around them.
I usually like to be original, but this comment from Barstool was just too damn funny. Here's the video:
Here's the caption: BEAST MODE. That chick on the ground had to be thinking to herself…“I didn’t sign up for this shit. Thought it was gonna be a fun little game and then we’d drink some cosmos after and gossip about boys. Didn’t expect to get my pussy rocked playing free safety.”
Additional comments: "Can she play quarterback? Asking as a Jets fan". "Def does anal." That's some funny shit right there.
More non-NFL related funny. This week out of New York, where "Man smacks the soul out of a girl on the NY subway" The 8-ball never lies. My favorite part is the Steve Madden discussion. Nothing wrong with them, but the bragging like it's high class is hilarious. That's like me, Cro, bragging that I wear Express tees, not because they look good, but because of the quality. You see this tee?!?!? 2 for $30, son! Get off me! Can't touch my shit!
Back to the NFL. I'm still appalled at what happened on Sunday, and I need these things to try and forget. Unfortunately, I must return to complete the blog at some point.
But first, if you missed this, I feel bad for you:
But first, if you missed this, I feel bad for you:
Beef of the Week: NFL RedZone Stats
This is a really a 2-part beef. First of all, why do they insist on sorting fantasy players by some stupid scoring system that nobody uses? 0 PPR with Fractional points. Nobody plays in a league like that, do they? It's very frustrating. When the NFL figures out a way to let you customize the scoring on your set with your fantasy players like DirecTV has, it will be a huge step in the right direction.
The second part of the beef is not with the ticker, but with the stats. Hanson comes in, THIS JUST HAPPENED AT THE MEADOWLANDS. Obviously it's an Eli pick. But then, underneath the score that pops up it shows "Eli Manning 4 INTs". Which is probably right, but then Hanson comes on and INSISTS that he only has 3 picks. Somebody cannot be right. And the numbers seemingly should be coming from the same source. Why can't they just get it sorted out and feed the same info? This should be simple. Instead, it's infuriating.
If you want to see GIFs of all 5 Eli picks, here you go: http://www.brobible.com/sports/article/five-interceptions-eli-maninng-threw-today/
**** LEAGUE NEWS AND NOTES ****
- Keep in mind that anyone who is added to your roster from this point forward is not eligible to be kept in 2015.
- Please be aware that after the regular season ends, teams that are eliminated from the playoffs cannot make transactions. PLEASE DO NOT SCREW UP THE WAIVER PROCESS.
- And lastly, again, players cannot be added to your roster after 1 PM Sunday. League rule 3E, per the EFFL Rulebook, which has been distributed and can be viewed from the top of the blog. I'm sorry Team Toliver. If we want to revisit this rule in 2015, we can vote on it. That's fine. But as it stands, that is the rule. I feel like an ass for having to enforce rules. I'm sorry.
Playoff Standings
*1. DA BEARDS (9-2) - By virtue of the ridiculous Marshawn Monday night effort, you own the tiebreaker over Pork Chop. As a result, you have officially clinched the #1 seed and a first round bye. D-Weeze is currently on cruise control. Now Mike Evans is emerging. Rodgers is playing on another level. He's got 5 straight games with 26+ points. He's got 28 TDs versus 3 INTs. Laughing at Nick Foles' 2013 season. He's already had 7 games with 3+ TDs and 0 picks. I'm a little concerned that your guys will hit the rookie wall, but overall I definitely think your team has stepped it up.
2. Pork Chop Express (7-4) - Despite the loss, on the verge of the playoffs. Can certainly still get in at 7-6, but one win will officially lock it up. Won't get into tiebreak procedures yet, but still looking fine. Andrew Luck v. Jaguars next Sunday is pretty scary. I can't believe you started Cordarrelle, though lol. You deserved to lose, just as I did, for starting Vikings against a Bears defense that allowed over 50 points 2 weeks in a row. Trends mean nothing. You have a huge wild card in Josh Gordon, however. I think you're looking good heading into Week 12.
3. A Lot O'Tatz (6-4-1) - While I said 8 wins is the magic number, 7.5 will do just fine. Just need one more win to punch your playoff ticket, but your team looked awful human in Week 12. To make matters worse, Julius got hurt. I think there are not going to many more weeks where your entire team just does not show up. Good to get these weeks out of the way now. Get Fusco and Mike Y in the final two weeks. I don't know if 6-6-1 will be good enough, so go get that win.
4. Team Bartholomew (6-4-1) - As you indicated to me, your team finally showed up. That's good. The bad news is that Mike Evans bent you over. I think the tide is starting to turn for you, which is a good sign heading into the playoffs. Like EEB, just one win will do it. And since Dosh already has the bye, at this point you're just jockeying for seeding. But AJ is back. Cobb is on fire with Rodgers. And DeMarco is rested up for the stretch run. I still like your team a lot. Don't panic.
5. Stanky Monkeys (6-5) - Got a big win over A Lot O'Tatz. With a number of teams hot on your heels, it was important to get that one in the bag. Could potentially lock up a playoff spot in Week 12 depending on other results. But you control your own destiny. 8 is currently the number, so two wins and you're definitely in. Despite losing to Cutter, he hasn't beaten Fusco, so points scored is the tiebreaker, which you own. My concerns remain, however. Jordy and Forte continue to carry your squad, but there must be contributions from other areas.
6. Bo$$town Cutter (6-5) - Arguably one of the biggest victories in Week 11. Finally your Lacy/Alshon vision came to fruition. But the Sanders injury is concerning. Had you lost in Week 11, the injury might hurt a little more. 2 big matchups with Tatz and Fusco in the final two weeks. You may end up knocking somebody out of the playoffs. Or it could be you. I think Tatz could pose problems, but you have a better team than Chris. If Peterson comes back, you've gotta be considered a favorite.
7. Tweeting in the Trenches (6-5) - Just need to be less terrible than your opponent. That happened in Week 11. With both Julius and Sanders banged up, it could be the Demaryius show for the next couple of weeks. That's exactly what you need, because there's very little production elsewhere. Surely OBJ thinks he's killing it despite the Giants losing. Real team player. EEB and Cutty in the final two weeks is pretty tough, so it was real important to get that win in Week 11. As with the other 6-5 teams, 2 wins and in. 1 and we'll see.
8. The King's Crusaders (5-6) - Since nobody at 5-6 owns head-to-head tiebreakers, we go to points. Clearly with the most points among the 5-6 teams. With the Pylons and Jays in the final two weeks, this team must feel that they have what it takes to make it to the playoffs. The Week 12 matchup in particular is absolutely massive. The loser of King-Pylons will go to 5-7. 6 wins probably won't be enough to get in. Nothing really new to say about your team. Up there in points. Still very dangerous I think. The Steelers bye, however, couldn't come at a worse time.
9. Dueling Pylons (5-6) - The Pylons own the head-to-head tiebreaker over Gambino and Mike Y, so as a result, this team occupies the 9th spot. But the Pylons are fading quickly. 2 critical losses in back-to-back weeks were bad enough. Gronk is the only guy holding this team together. The Pylons can't stop making bad lineup decisions. Last two against King and Pork Chop is pretty scary. Likely needs both of those to get in. More bad news is that the Pylons have not beaten a single team in playoff position, so could be up against it in tiebreakers. All 5 wins are against teams ranked 10-14.
10. Geno 911 (5-6) - Owns tiebreaker over Jay Gruden, so occupies the 10th spot. As usual, I continue to think you have a terrible team and will not make the playoffs. But you got the win you needed. Has TPG and Stanky Monkeys in the final two, so 7-6 is doable. But as is the case with the Pylons, not in a great position from a tiebreak perspective. It's amazing a team can start Jonathan Stewart and Jerricho Cotchery and still win. Amazing.
11. Big Brother's Bitch (5-6) - Also got caught up in Vikings hysteria, but took it on the chin even worse. Started Kyle Rudolph and Greggy Jennings who combined for a total of 1 point. Add to that Pierre Garcon's 1 point, and you had no shot. CJ Anderson does look nice though, which is encouraging. Rough final two weeks, so it's not looking all that great. Also have not beat anyone you'd be likely to end up in a tie with. Most likely needs 2 wins to get in, and the team isn't playing well.
12. The Smokin' Jays (4-7) - Got the win you needed to survive. As I indicated with other teams, I don't think 6-7 will ultimately be enough, but you're still mathematically alive. But something more important happened with your victory over TPG. You officially removed yourself from costume contention. You own tiebreakers over both TPG and Team Toliver. As a result, you mathematically cannot finish behind Toliver. So you've avoided the costume. More to come.
13. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-7) - Man, I didn't see this coming. This team has been absolutely ravaged by RB injuries. Spiller, Gio and Foster looked like an unbelievable trio. Not a single one played in Week 11. But the loss to the Jays carries some significance. At this point, only two teams are costume-eligible. TPG and Toliver. Since he owns the tiebreaker over you, there's only one remaining scenario. If you lose two and he wins two, you're in the costume. Any other result sees Yashar as Brigma. Also still alive for the playoffs, but not looking good.
x - 14. Team Toliver (2-9) - With the 9th loss of the season comes the end of the road. Team Toliver will not be in the EFFL Playoffs this season. Never recovered from ravaging injuries and didn't discover any gems on the waiver wire. That is not a recipe for success. As indicated above, you need two wins and two TPG losses to avoid the costume. That's all that can save you at this point.
Week 12 Matchups
I fully expect a few more teams to lock up a playoff spot and few more to be eliminated in Week 12. Only 1.5 games separate 3rd from 11th. Here's what's on the slate.
#1 DA BEARDS (9-2) v. #12 The Smokin' Jays (4-7)
#2 Pork Chop Express (7-4) v. #14 Team Toliver (2-9)
#3 A Lot O'Tatz (6-4-1) v. #7 Tweeting in the Trenches (6-5)
#4 Team Bartholomew (6-4-1) v. #6 Bo$$town Cutter (6-5)
#5 Stanky Monkeys (6-5) v. #11 Big Brother's Bitch (5-6)
#8 The King's Crusaders (5-6) v. #9 Dueling Pylons (5-6)
#10 Geno 911 (5-6) v. #13 Tequila Party Gnomes (4-7)
Good luck to everyone in Week 12. It's getting awful close to the end.
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