You'll have to forgive me for the delay in the blog. No fewer than 3 games came down to the final seconds of the Monday night game. All of them had a huge impact on the standings given all of the tiebreaker scenarios. Poor TPG had his boy drop the game winning pass and he lost by 1. Again. EEB came all the way back to tie it and couldn't break through. Lobitz squeaked out a 1 point victory AGAIN on Monday night.
Sunday was the worst day of football I've seen in a long time. Just absolute garbage. Kinda like country music, aka "stupid music for stupid people." How do I know it was bad? Let's take a look at a few games:
Dolphins-Chargers: 0 combined points in 4th quarter
Chiefs-Jets: 0 combined points in 4th quarter
Rams-49ers: 3 combined points in 4th quarter
Browns-Bucs: 6 combined points in 4th quarter
Broncos-Patriots: 6 combined points in 4th quarter
With 6 teams on a bye, a Thursday night game, a Sunday night game, and a Monday night game, that means there were only 10 games at 1 or 4 on Sunday. Of those 10, 5 had 6 points or fewer in the 4th quarter. As I said... garbage.
There weren't even any good GIFs from this week's slate. The only good thing I've seen is the Gus Malzahn "U Can't Touch This" dance seen here:
In case you were wondering, yes. There exists a video of 5 year old Cro dancing to the same Hammer classic with fake background. It's on VHS. And perhaps that will make an appearance should the Pylons win the 2014 EFFL title.
Here's the ridiculous Gronk catch:
Obviously the play of the day here #loljets
And of course this gem:
I'm so glad someone else saw this and GIF'd it:
There's far more to discuss related to the EFFL, but first:
Beef of the Week: Statistical Analysis
WHOA! HOLD UP! Yes, I may do statistical analysis on a daily basis for money, but TV networks and the internet seem to do nothing more than confuse you nowadays. Everyone has a conflicting opinion. Yes, there are different ways to interpret the data. But I'm sick of these stupid fucking team rankings that make no sense.
"Kansas City is #5 in the NFL against the run". WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!? Are they 5th in total yards allowed? 5th in yards per carry? 5th in yards per game? 5th in rushing TDs allowed? There's no context whatsoever. I'm trying to decide on a running back and every site puts out different information to prove their point. Oh, don't start this guy because he's playing against the #5 run defense. That's horseshit! There's no such thing! You absolutely must have context, and more often than not it just does not happen. Get a true analyst on there (not Nate Silver) and give yourself some damn value.
*** LEAGUE NEWS AND NOTES ***
- The trade deadline is Thursday at noon. November 6th. That's it. Unless an overwhelming majority of you want me to push it back to next week. But no more than that.
- After Sunday, November 16th at 1 PM (week 11), any player added to a roster cannot be kept in 2015.
- Please make sure you are versed in league tiebreakers, which are sure to come into play. Quick rundown: If one team owns head-to-head over all other tied teams, rank that team first. If tie not broken, use points scored. If exactly two teams are tied on points, use head-to-head between those two (if 3 tied on points, rocks-paper-scissors tournament). If still tied, coin flip. Revert to tiebreaker #1.
And finally, the long awaited EFFL Playoff Preview. Remember, only the top seed gets a bye. 7 teams make the playoffs.
1. DA BEARDS (7-2): In sole possession of first place despite being 2nd to last in points scored. Yes, that's right. I said it. Dosh has scored even fewer points than Sam. This team has taken over the title from Nick as luckiest in the league. Still looking great for the playoffs but must get it together quickly. But last two games are against teams 13 and 14, so at this point certainly leaning towards in rather than out.
2. Team Bartholomew (6-2-1): While a tie was not ideal, it certainly makes things easier on the commish when running the scenario generator. Heading into Monday, I honestly didn't expect you to pick up anything, so a tie is something at least. You have to be concerned with the Panthers performance and leaving Vereen on the bench proved costly. Still room for improvement, but 1.5 games up in the playoff race is far better than 1. Only fitting that Tatz would tie A Lot O'Tatz.
3. Pork Chop Express (6-3): If Andrew Luck isn't the NFL MVP, he's certainly the fantasy MVP. Luck hasn't had fewer than 20 points in a game, and has scored 27+ in 6 games already. It's a huge advantage. If Mark Ingram keeps it up, this team may not need secondary contributions. Went all in on Luck and it's paying off. Right now the only 6-3 team in the league, which is exciting. The more wins over the borderline playoff teams the better.
4. A Lot O'Tatz (5-3-1): Same boat as Tatz. Could've ended up empty handed, but a tie is always better than a loss. I had 2 last year, and they helped me get into the playoffs. I still think you don't have much to worry about. Remaining schedule doesn't appear too intimidating, and I think 2-2 should probably be enough. I think 7-5-1 gets in. Nice to see your team finally cool off and hear your Julius Thomas rants.
5. Bo$$town Cutter (5-4): I have to be honest here. I'm surprised you're 5-4. Not because you don't deserve it, just because after an 0-3 start I thought you'd be buried at the bottom. As Brady goes, so does your team. I'm sure you have no problem with that. Between him and your two Broncos, it's been an impressive 6 week stretch. I'm sorry for thinking you'd lose. A slip up next week against the Smokin' Jays would be unfortunate. Beat both other 5-4 teams so the current #5 seed.
6. Stanky Monkeys (5-4): Really nothing could be done. King is the hottest team in the league right now and it shows. A 38 point underdog, even that line wasn't enough. But it was to be expected. No Jordy, Forte, Matt Ryan, Fred Jackson. Things will get better much quickly, and you're still in a pretty good spot. It's going to be so sweet when you eliminate Nick in Week 13. Took out the Pylons so owns the head-to-head tiebreaker.
7. Dueling Pylons (5-4): Picked up a huge win against a competing playoff team in Mike Y despite a less than stellar performance. Finishes off against 4 teams that are also in the thick of the playoff race. If not for some terrible managing in Week 7, this team could be much hotter, but 3 of 4 is a step in the right direction. Right around the middle of the pack in the standings. Right around the middle of the pack statistically. This team needs to show some more consistency to get in.
8. The King's Crusaders (4-5): Probably thinking to yourself that it's about time, and it's hard to disagree. 340 points over the last two weeks is absolutely excessive, AND YOU CUT BIG BEN! He's scored 90 points in the last two weeks, which would have given you an even more ridiculous line. Right in the hunt for the playoffs and certainly now in play for the highest regular season points prize. Trending up in a major way. 5 way tie for 8th goes to highest points. Winner here.
9. Big Brother's Bitch (4-5): Came up short in a very important matchup and now must make up ground. I have no idea what is wrong with Pierre Garcon this year, but he's been a disaster. Through 9 games, only 62 targets is a pace of around 115. Last year he had 182. He even averaged more his last 2 years in Indy. Woody, Cutty, Lou and EEB to finish off the season. Most likely will either play their way in or out. Next week's game with Woody is gigantic. 2nd in points, so #9 it is.
10. Geno 911 (4-5): Are you feeling the heat yet? Talked all kinds of shit all week. "Why is it an upset if I beat Cutter?" "I can't believe that Alex Smith trade actually worked." Why would Cutter start Pats defense?" He still beat you! You're obviously not far out of a playoff spot at this point, but only 2 teams have a worse record in the standings at this point. These races are far too close. Barely ahead of Matt in points right now, so would be #10.
11. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-5): For the 2nd consecutive week, lost by 1 point on Monday night. I hate to even bring up Rivers, but it's unfathomable that the #4 QB can put up -2 points. He needed exactly 0 for TPG to win. Absolutely one of the more excruciating defeats I've seen to date. Losing to Dosh has to hurt twice as much. Plenty of time left, but missed opportunities sting. At least you're ahead of Chris.
12. Tweeting in the Trenches (4-5): Interesting that if TPG had won, you'd be all the way ahead of King, Big Brother and Geno, due to head-to-head, but not in a 5 way. Got over 40 points from the kicker and the defense and still didn't do much. What a finish down the stretch: Tatz, Pylons, EEB, Cutty. All teams that are playing very well. I think it's going to be tough for TITTY to get back into the playoffs with the remaining schedule and the uncertainty surrounding the team. We'll see.
13. The Smokin' Jays (2-7): Unloaded on poor Yashar with a performance you surely were hoping for all season. Of course it doesn't hurt when your QB puts up 40 points. It may still be too late to reach the playoffs, but you never know. Final 4 are all against teams in contention and may need to win all 4 to have a shot at getting in. I still think your team would be near the bottom of the power rankings and it's a long shot, but not dead yet.
14. Team Toliver (1-8): Put up their best performance since week 1 and it still wasn't enough. B.Berger was merciless. The loss all but sealed Team Toliver's playoff fate. I'm not under the impression at all that 5 wins will be enough to get into the playoffs. But at this point it's just a fight to stay out of the costume at the 2015 draft. To make matters worse, Sam now owns the tiebreaker, so will need to win at least 2 games in the last 4 to avoid it. Has Matt, Gambino, Lobitz and D-WEEZE to finish the year, so it's not over yet.
Week 10 Matchups
I say it every week that there are critically important matchups, but it's true. Here's what we have in Week 10.
#1 DA BEARDS (7-2) v. #7 Dueling Pylons (5-4)
#2 Team Bartholomew (6-2-1) v. #12 Tweeting in the Trenches (4-5)
#3 Pork Chop Express (6-3) v. #6 Stanky Monkeys (5-4)
#4 A Lot O'Tatz (5-3-1) v. #10 Geno 911 (4-5)
#5 Bo$$town Cutter (5-4) v. #13 The Smokin' Jays (2-7)
#8 The King's Crusaders (4-5) v. #9 Big Brother's Bitch (4-5)
#11 Tequila Party Gnomes (4-5) v. #14. Team Toliver (1-8)
The commish went 3-3-1 with Week 9 picks. As a result, I'm giving up. I will say though, that I expect at least 3 "lower seeds" to defeat higher seeds. The 4-5 teams could really use a win.
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