Snowball Fight

Man, I'm with Peterson. The Ravens probably have the worst fans in the NFL. Not only do they try to pelt players with snowballs, they can't drive. It's bad for everyone.

I could talk about how great the snow was to watch like every media outlet, but I won't. We're better than that. I just know that I saw pictures of the game in Philly, and while I was concerned, I didn't think it was the end of the world. When I got to the bar at 1:05 and saw the live action, I had a relapse. Coming off a bye in 2007, I used Derek Anderson and Braylon Edwards in a playoff game against TPG. This happened. I lost the game and vowed to never use a player in snow again. I was beside myself, and the result was crushing 4 pitchers of Goose Island and having a massive headache all day Monday. It was worth it.

Now that we have the playoffs to talk about, the Beef of the Week is being abandoned for the season. I really don't have much anyway other than guys insisting that Goodell makes them injure other players. The only way you can take down Gronk is a leaping headshot or blowing out his knee? Please. That's horseshit.

Here's a quick overview of what happened in the EFFL in Week 14:

Playoffs:

Winners: Dueling Pylons, The King's Crusaders, Game on Dick Bag, Super Mario Brothers
Losers: Geno 911, Threeing the Hogs, Jersey Leshoure, EEB Ventura

Relegation Battle:

Winners: Stanky Monkeys, Lady Luck
Losers: Tequila Party Gnomes, RGIII for President.

Yes, League 2 members, we are returning Darryl to you. Also joining you will be draft drunk Matt Atallian. You'll get one more this week.


League 1

Week 14 Recap

#3 The King's Crusaders 161 - #6 Threeing the Hogs 152

If I were Mike Y, I'd be sick. With a wind chill of almost 10 below zero, Josh McCown dropped 42 points in your grill to knock you out of the playoffs on Monday night. That's balls. MCCOWN!! Over the course of years playing fantasy football, everyone develops enemies. You can be certain that an eternal hatred was born on Monday night. But this victory is classic King. Starting some scrub you wouldn't dare have the balls to in the playoffs, and he drops 40 necessary points to give him the win. This marks the 7th year in a row that the King has reached the semifinals, and thankfully TPG stopped his streak of 5 straight championship appearances last year. Just an unbelievable victory.

#5 Dueling Pylons 115 - #4 Geno 911 104

This is exactly why everyone wanted to play Geno 911. I've ripped him all year on the blog, and he went out with a poor performance reminiscent of the rest of the season. A well deserved exit. But the Pylons can't feel all too happy about this one. Only scoring 115 and having arguably your best player go down to injury is not the way you want to move forward. But the Pylons have owned Geno 911 to the tune of a 10-1-1 record over their last 12 played. Remarkably this is only the Pylons 3rd career playoff win, with 2 coming against Gambino.

Week 15 Preview

#1 Team Toliver (10-3) vs. #5 Dueling Pylons (6-6-2)

All I can say about this is I'm glad Manning plays on Thursday night. It's gonna hurt, but let's get it over with and move forward. Until Monday night, it really looked like Yashar was going to face his arch nemesis Mike Y in a rematch of the League 2 title game last year. But it was not to be. MCCOWN!! During the bye week, Yashar put up only 113 points, so that must be somewhat concerning. The last time these teams met, the Pylons went down in a heap following a CJ Spiller no-show. Conveniently, Peterson goes down, and I have a hole that needs to be filled. I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. This is the Pylons' 6th semifinal appearance, and they've never reached the championship game. I think that streak continues.

Prediction: Team Toliver

#2 Tweeting in the Trenches (10-3) vs. #3 The King's Crusaders (9-5)

This is clearly the better matchup of the two semifinals. The last 3 times these teams have met, the games have been separated by a combined 17 points. When you're on a bye, the only thing you can hope for is that none of your players get injured. I guess your best player blowing out his ACL and MCL doesn't qualify. That's a real tough break, and it makes TITTY look an awful lot more beatable. If Andre Johnson scored touchdowns, he'd be a beast. I think whichever team wins this game is the favorite to hoist the trophy, which sucks ass because they've won the last 2 and 3 of the last 4 combined. It's going to be a tough battle, but I'm going to give the King the slight edge. It should be up for grabs on Monday night.

Prediction: The King's Crusaders


Relegation Battle

Week 14 Recap

#7 Stanky Monkeys 174 - #10 RGIII for President 86

Oh shit! When your top scorer is Nick Fizzolk, you're in deep doo doo. This was an absolute beatdown, and it's unfortunate that Lou is gonna be upset knowing he would have done damage in the playoffs. Now winners of 7 of 9, this team is finding its stride at the right time to avoid relegation. The only consolation I can offer you is that had you ended up playing Sam this week instead of next week, you would've suffered an unreal 176-174 loss. That would be enough to send a man off a cliff. It was a well deserved win, and after being completely overmatched in League 1, Darryl is headed back to League 2. Lou is now 3-0 in relegation battles.

#8 Lady Luck 176 - #9 Tequila Party Gnomes 133

As you said, there's really not more TPG could have done here. It was a noble effort, but after a disappointing season, it's a fitting end. TPG will now join the likes of EEB and Tatz. The good news for both you and your brother is that you can't both draft Colston next year, so at least one of you should benefit. If he finally shows up to a draft and out drinks you, it'll be a sight to see. Meanwhile, where did this explosion from Lady Luck come from? She sure picked the right time for a monster week. Maybe you read the blog last week and decided "Oh, I traded for Bell and Fitz, maybe I should use them". Had you used Bell last week, you would've knocked your brother out this week. Sad.

Week 15 Preview

#7 Stanky Monkeys (7-7) vs. #8 Lady Luck (6-8)

Sam snapped a 6 game losing streak in a big way, and this is going to be an interesting matchup. I don't think either team scores nearly as many points in week 15, but that doesn't mean this won't be a good one. Over the years these teams have been very even. Lou has 2 championships and Sam has 1. But 1 must stay, and 1 must go. Believe it or not, by far the worst performer for the Stanky Monkeys in Week 14 was Calvin Johnson. Something tells me he turns it around and explodes on Lady Luck. Despite missing the playoffs 3 years in a row, Lou has proven resilient, and he's played well when it matters. I think the Stanky Monkeys do it again.

Prediction: Stanky Monkeys


League 2

Week 14 Recap

#3 Game on Dick Bag 143 - #6 Jersey Leshoure 117

I liked Ben to take this one, but things happen. Tron and Gronk combining for 12 points is probably going to end your season. There's really nothing that could have been done here, as huge games from McCoy and Forte got the job done. Sam has had an impressive squad all season, and despite leaving over 100 points on the bench, it still wasn't close. Interesting to note that this game featured the 2nd and 3rd highest scoring teams across both leagues this season. Not everyone gets to play EEB. If it makes you feel any better Ben, you won the high score in Week 13 and tied for high score in another, so you'll get back $15. Hooray!

#5 Super Mario Brothers 130 - #4 EEB Ventura 104

Here's a hilarious fact... The only players in EEB's lineup that didn't play in snow conditions were kicker Phil Dawson and AJ Green, who played in below freezing temperatures and light spotting. Didn't follow your mentor Woody and got stuck with Reggie Bush left in your lineup. He won. You lost. It really didn't matter. Your optimal starting lineup scored a whopping 122 points. You'll stay in League 2 next year, which is also well deserved. Meanwhile, Elliott advances and shows you up after you wanted him out. I can't wait to see what you have to say for yourself at next year's draft.

Week 15 Preview

#1 Darkest Norseman (10-3) vs. #5 Super Mario Brothers (6-7-1)

On paper, this looks like the Norseman should continue to cruise en route to a championship appearance. But the Peterson injury definitely hurts Dosh and after BMarsh and Dez, the team doesn't really have a reliable 3rd receiving option. It'll be interesting to see if Case Keenum makes a return appearance to the lineup. I think this is going to be a very close game. Keep in mind that the winner of this matchup punches their ticket to League 1 in 2014. Only 3 teams have beat Dosh this season, and the Brothers are one of them, but I think the Norseman just have too much firepower here.

Prediction: Darkest Norseman

#2 Bo$$town Beasts (9-4) vs. #3 Game on Dick Bag (9-5)

This didn't really work out too well for Cutter, as I'm sure he would've rather faced Elliott than Sam here. And to make matters worse, he also lost a top player to injury in Week 14. This is going to be another close matchup, and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if either team won. Cutter won their only matchup all the way back in Week 3, but that was a long time ago. Of late, it's been the Dick Bag that's had the upper hand. I think the wild card team comes through here and knocks Cutty out, punching a ticket to League 1 en route.

Prediction: Game on Dick Bag


Well that took a very long time to write, and until Monday night, it was very much up in the air who would play who. There are 5 games to keep an eye on this week as we'll have the 2 finalists from each League as well as the winner and loser of the relegation battle. Championship week will matter in both leagues as there will be money and a trip to League 1 at stake. Good luck to everyone in Week 15.