Only 4 Remain

Thanks to Adam Tatz for the dick pics. http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/12/nfl-logos-as-dicks.html

Also, Cutty, where is your 69 shirt?

Lots of other exciting football news. DeMarco Murray has a new nickname. He is now forever known as "Spray Tan". But DeMarco isn't alone in banging other dude's girls. Apparently Russell Wilson has stolen Joseph Fauria's girlfriend. Not a good look.

As I watched the 49ers get clowned by the Raiders and Colin Kaepernick ruin his career, I wondered how many fights there would be. It was inevitable. I've found at least 5 on the internet today. At a tailgate, in the stands, I just don't get it. Why are you fighting?

But the funniest thing was Cam Newton doing the Superman celebration and sparking a brawl. Curtis Lofton didn't like it, bumped Newton, and Cam's response was priceless. He looked at him like "Bro, I'm celebrating! What are you doing?!?!?"

And if you haven't seen this Vine, you need to:

I passed on this guy for Reggie Bush. Idiot.


But I take it back. The absolute funniest thing was Jeff Fisher sending out the entire haul the Rams got in the RG3 trade for the coin toss. Grade A trolling. The Redskins suck.


I'll keep this short and sweet.

The King's Crusaders obviously upset the Pork Chop Express. Ben finishes with no money from this season. That Eric Decker snooze proved to cost you at least $100. Le'Veon Bell dropped 47 points and is most likely the fantasy MVP. Going double Steelers has proven to be one of the smartest moves all season. Woody will move on and take on Dosh in the semis.

Meanwhile, Team Bartholomew went ahead and obliterated two time champ Stanky Monkeys. Tatz was sitting on my couch laughing at how good his team was. At 2:45 he was about to crack 130 points. AJ Green and Cam Newton just kept pouring it on. He showed no remorse for the beating. Hopefully the fantasy gods do not punish you in the semifinals. But the good news is that you are in the money. The Stanky Monkeys put up an unprecedented 171 points in defeat. You win that game 49 times out of 50. Tough luck all season.

But the game of the week was clearly between TITTY and Bo$$town Cutter. At one point Sunday afternoon, the game was projected to end 156-155. While that did not pan out, it came close. TITTY put up 122 points, and had a 30 point lead heading into Monday night with just Eddie Lacy remaining for Cutter. Lacy exploded in the first half, immediately putting Fusco on the ropes. Lacy brought Cutty to within 3 points, injured himself, and was unable to continue. The two time champ is still alive.


Semifinals


#1 DA BEARDS v. #7 The King's Crusaders

While Dosh finished the regular season atop the standings, he is no doubt the underdog in this matchup. ESPN, while clueless, has him at almost a 40 point underdog. And who can blame them. Woody has the #1 RB and #1 WR, and that's not even including McCoy or Maclin. But Dosh's Rodgers/Lynch combo has panned out, and it is right up there with the Steelers duo. When these teams met back in Week 8, Woody unloaded to the tune of 187 points. While I don't expect another 89 point victory, I would be very surprised to see a Dosh win. I expect Woody to get back to the title game after a two year absence.

Commish Pick: The King's Crusaders


#5 Team Bartholomew v. #6 Tweeting in the Trenches

This is going to be a good one. A classic ehhhhyoudee battle with Tatz v Fusco. I don't know how Chris did it, but he did. I'm not going to lie, I wrote everything but the game previews prior to Tuesday, including the above lines: "At 2:45 he was about to crack 130 points. AJ Green and Cam Newton just kept pouring it on. He showed no remorse for the beating. Hopefully the fantasy gods do not punish you in the semifinals."

Tuesday morning, Cam Newton's truck overturned 4 times and he had to be stretchered to the hospital. I had no idea how serious you'd be punished. If he can't go, it's a big question at QB. I really can't believe Fusco is still in it starting Ryan Mathews, Boom Herron and LeGarrette Blount. That ain't right. But he does not wanna give up that trophy, and I fear Tatz may have jumped the gun in round 1. I'm predicting a final between teams that have 5 of the 9 EFFL Championships.

Commish Pick: Tweeting in the Trenches


Good luck to the final 4. Remember, if you lose you get $100. If you win, you're playing for the big bucks. $700 to first place. $300 to second. If Woody wins it all, he'll collect $850 between that and the high score prize. Don't let that happen. Also, this is entirely contingent on Yashar paying his league fees. Good luck to all.