With 10 weeks in the books and only 3 weeks left until the
playoffs, there is precious little time left to make a move towards the
playoffs. It is far more enjoyable to me
to analyze playoff scenarios instead of finding a new way to talk about the
same players you’ve had on your roster since August. Our first team, Yashar Toliver’s “Team
Toliver”, has locked up a playoff spot in League 2. He is looking like a very strong bet at this
point to be one of the teams promoted to League 1. While I like Yashar, our mutual interest in
the Bills is an issue. This is the
highly anticipated blog where we convert from power rankings to playoff
standings. It’s the only way I can
justify keeping EEB in last place, which is necessary humor.
I would like to propose a league get together in Week 15 in
NYC. The date is Sunday, December 16th. A few things will happen that Sunday. The relegation battle will conclude with a
team from League 1 (Janky Spanky) being demoted to League 2. Also, the two winners of the semifinal games
in League 2 will secure promotion for 2013.
We also will determine the two finalists that will fight for the EFFL
trophy. I know it’s difficult for
everyone to get together during the season due to location, but it would be fun
during such a critical week. I am opening
my apartment to any and all guests.
Please let me know if you’re interested ASAP so I can make the
appropriate arrangements.
Before we get into the deserved bashing of many teams, I
would like to include one of the all time great text message rants, brought to
you by future League 2 member Eric Brooking:
“No luck at all. A
loss should not have occurred. Besides
the fact of me scoring 137 and still losing, the refs had no interest in
letting the Chiefs win that game last night.
So many bad calls against the Chiefs.
None bigger than the Bowe TD called back. But what are you going to do. Who would guess that Woody would score a TD
from every chump he put up in the lineup?
Who is Greg Olsen? There is
voodoo in Cro’s league. No other
explanation. You (Matt) always get first
pick, Sam scores 5 points a game and is always above .500. I’m right up with you (Matt), Cro and Fusco
for top scoring for the year and I’m 3-7.
Malcom Floyd too. That guy has
the same bone structure of Sidney Rice.
He should be broken by now.”
Where to even start with this? It’s bad enough that you get ripped on for a
month and a half straight for using multiple Chiefs. When you finally decide to pull the plug, you
use Michael Turner?!?!? It’s not the
referees’ fault. It’s not the “experts’”
fault. It’s not voodoo… It’s you. Bad, bad managing. You’ve committed cardinal sin #1 by trading
with Woody at the trading deadline. You’ve now committed sin #2… making a trade
during the week you play Woody. You
can’t get out of your own way, and now as a result you are on the verge of
being eliminated from the playoffs. I
don’t wanna hear it about how many points you’ve scored. I’m on pace to blow away a league record for
points against. I may finally have a
chance to win something. The only team
thus far that is truly undeserving of their record is Sam Woody. Only once this season has she had higher than
the 10th best scoring week across both leagues (#7), yet is somehow
6-4.
Beef of the week has been abandoned this week due to lack of
beef and abundance of hilarious blog material.
Keep in mind that the trading deadline is next Wednesday, November 21st
at noon. Nothing gets you fired up for
Thanksgiving like a last minute trade. But
let’s get into the playoff scenarios and take a look at how things are shaping
up.
EFFL League 1
1. Tequila Party
Gnomes (6-4) – Heading into Monday night, held the slimmest of margins over
the Pylons. I’m sure an injured Big Ben
on Monday night brought back haunting memories of a semifinal defeat in
2011. Even if it didn’t, I just brought
it up. Think about that. TPG controls their own fate for a bye as they
face the #2 and #3 teams, according to the standings, in the last two weeks of
the season. Looking great for the
playoffs at this point.
2. Lady Luck (6-4)
– How this team is in bye position is unthinkable. Has scored more than 100 points fewer than
the next closest team, yet is in a great position for a playoff spot. The problem here is that in the final three
weeks of the season, Lady Luck faces the three highest scoring teams in the league. 6-4 could easily turn into 6-7 and put this
team right on the edge. In the meantime,
still hanging in. Sam hasn’t missed the
playoffs since 2008.
3. Eat My Asomugha
(6-4) – The best part about the loss to Sam is that I didn’t have to hear
about how great this awful team is. If
the playoffs started today, the wild card round would feature Nnamdi v.
Pylons. You don’t want anything to do
with that seeing as you’re 1-8 against the Pylons in your last 9 matchups. The game against Fusco is big this week as I
know he would love to pass you. This is
your one and only meeting, so the winner will have the tiebreaker.
4. The King’s
Crusaders (5-5) – This is so sad to see after a 1-5 start, but that is
history now. Likewise with Sam, you also
face the three highest scoring teams in the final three weeks, but I doubt
you’ll be fazed by that. This team has
been on a tear as of late and is certainly still in play for a bye. Winning out and getting to 8-5 could
certainly be enough. More impressive
than your run of 4 straight victories is your continual bashing of EEB. It’s well deserved.
5. Tweeting in the
Trenches (5-5) – Another team that has crawled back from the bottom of the
standings. An 0-4 start is also distant
history. Plays both Woody’s and Gambino
to finish out the season, but the real work was done in week 10. The win over Lou was absolutely massive, as a
loss would have almost sunk TITTY. Being
in the middle of the pack is not a bad thing, but needs to keep the foot on the
pedal. I would have advised trading more
white guys to EEB.
6. Dueling Pylons
(5-5) – The Pylons have not fallen below 3rd in the power
rankings this season, so seeing this team in 6th is quite
sobering. It’s even more interesting
considering if the Pylons had pulled out the win Monday night, they would
actually be the #1 seed right now. This
team needs to be careful not to look ahead to the massive matchup in week 12
with Stanky, but this team needs a win desperately at this point.
7. Stanky Monkeys
(4-6) – Took an unfortunate loss in week 10, but has the chance to make up
for it down the stretch. Due to a quirky
schedule, gets to face bottom-feeder EEB twice in the final three weeks. The other matchup is with the #6 Dueling
Pylons, so this team’s season is far from over.
You can knock EEB out with a victory.
I hope you do. Gotta get out of
that 4 game funk.
8. Coach Janky Spanky
(3-7) – Can you hear the music? I
believe that’s “Nearer my God to Thee”… the last song played aboard the Titanic upon it’s plummet into the ocean
floor. Here’s a fun fact. Including last year’s playoff drubbing at the
hands of Woody, this team is 4-13 in its last 17 games. Hardly the sign of a league powerhouse. Although you have the opportunity to pass
Lou, getting ahead of another team will be a very difficult task. This team is truly on the verge of playoff
elimination, and if Janky Spanky does not end up in the relegation battle, it
would be absolutely stunning.
EFFL League 2
* 1. Team Toliver
(7-3) – The only 7-3 team has locked up a playoff spot, and as indicated
above is looking very good for a bye.
After a couple of down weeks, Tron exploded all over Meech. Your use of an inactive Percy Harvin was a
questionable decision, but it paid off for you.
I’m expecting big things from this team in the playoffs, and the way
things are going, you may not need a healthy running back until Week 15.
2. Threeing the Hogs
(6-4) – Is currently in bye position due to head-to-head tiebreaker with
Tatz. Seeing as you play Tatz this week,
a win would go a long way in locking up a bye.
The winner of your game will lock up a playoff spot, and the loser could
even clinch as well if it falls that way.
7 wins is the magic number in this league. That should be a fun game.
3. Claiborne
Supremacy (6-4) – Got enough out of Big Ben before he suffered a “brutal”
injury. There’s a rape joke in here
somewhere. I’ll defer to Nick. It’s always a good feeling when you get
through your best players’ bye weeks with a victory, and this team is far too
good to miss the playoffs at this point.
Really needs a win in week 11 to have a shot at the bye, but this team
should be a serious contender for the title.
4. RGIII for
President (5-5) – Darryl collected his 3rd $10 prize of the
season, which is already almost half of his entry fee. Remarkably, this team has done very little
outside of those 3 monster weeks. This
team is officially a hit or miss team, and my feelings about these squads are
not positive. That being said, has a two
game lead for a playoff spot and owns some tiebreakers. Could see Yashar rest his stars with a bye
locked up, so that may work in your favor.
5. Bo$$town Beasts
(5-5) – Cutter!!! The man who stuck to the plan, went with double Chiefs
Monday night, and came out of it with a win.
It really wouldn’t have mattered which RB you started because you don’t
have Michael Turner. Really needed the
win in week 10 and now has some breathing room.
You play the two teams below you still, so you can either knock them out
or keep them in it. I’d advise doing the
opposite of whatever EEB does.
6. The Heads of State
(5-5) – Didn’t have enough firepower to take down Yashar this week. I keep waiting for this team to break out,
but it seems to always end up back in the middle of the pack. The 49ers defense should have done far better
against the Rams. Doesn’t have the
easiest of schedules ahead, and I think this team could be in the most danger
of falling out of the playoffs. Still,
in great shape.
7. BABY TEES (3-7)
– Couldn’t keep the two game winning streak going in week 10. You really can’t complain, however, as you
were the lowest scoring team. The end of
this team’s season is in sight. If you
can’t take down Cutter this week, that’s it.
On a lifeline for the playoffs, and it would be truly shocking if Dosh
was able to turn it around. If only this
were a 4 TE league, you might be in decent shape.
8. Jersey Leshoure
(3-7) – At least you finally got Doug Martin in your lineup this week. This team only has three players that are top
10 at their position, and when that happens, you’re screwed. When your season is on the line, the last
thing you want to see is the #1 team on your schedule. Hopefully Yashar can just put you out of your
misery. I don’t think it’s a coincidence
that the two people raving about their drafting superiority in AC are the two
at the bottom of the standings.
With only 3 weeks remaining, things are getting very
serious. Multiple teams are on the verge
of clinching a playoff spot, and multiple teams are on the verge of
elimination.
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