Normally, when you see a picture like this, you would expect it to be me photographed. In a totally heterosexual way, you might be wondering "Who is this guy???" Here's a hint... The man photographed in the picture above scored two touchdowns this week, leading Coach Janky Spanky to another monster game. He is none other than University of Minnesota product Eric Decker. As I write this, Mark Teixeira is beaned. LOL. Anyway, this might just be one of the craziest seasons I have ever seen. If I would have sat you down at the draft, told you the secrets to life... that to lead your team to the fantasy promised land you should hang your hat on the trio of Matt Forte, Eric Decker, and Jimmy Graham, what would you have told me? You'd have said I was a crazy person. This shouldn't be the way that things go down, yet I was pillaged and violated for 157 points this week. If you're counting, which any good EFFL owner is, that makes 593 points allowed for the Dueling Pylons this week. 148.25 points against per week. What. The. Fuck.
Something I did has angered the fantasy gods beyond belief. The 593 points are by far the most scored against any team in a 4 game span in EFFL history. It eclipses the previous record also of 574 also held by the Pylons in the 2009 season. I'll admit, my team has not been up to snuff so far, but this is just awful. It makes football not fun. Combined with the fact that the Eagles have been a total trainwreck, the 2011 season has not been kind. If not for a need to travel from NJ back to NY on Sunday, I probably would have had to call out of work for the second time in four weeks. And yes, after week 2 I did call in sick due to alcohol related illnesses. Speaking of the Eagles...
Norv of the Week recipient Week 4: Ronnie Brown
This is the first time that the Norv award has not gone to a head coach. But now that I think a little more, Andy Reid is very much responsible. Since the Wildcat last worked in 1972, every time a running back who is notorious for running the formation has entered the game, he has run it up the middle. You bring Ronnie Brown in the game on 3rd and goal from the 1 and nobody is fooled. He's getting the ball and not throwing it. That was half of the success of the Wildcat was the threat to actually throw the ball. But this strategy has been scrapped and it was blatantly obvious to everyone in the building what was coming. I continue to push the same philosophy. If everybody in the stands knows what's coming, you can be damn sure the opponent does too.
Now to the play... What can possibly be going through your mind that would cause you to throw the ball away on 3rd and goal from the 1... MARTINEZ!!!!!! Eat it Burnett!!!!! So you're being tackled at the goal line. A sure 3 points are in your grasp if you just go down like a normal person. But you don't. You decide to try and throw the ball randomly to a teammate who has never seen a person being tackled at the goal line actually try to throw the ball to another person. This play may have defined the 2011 Eagles season, and if it has you can be damn sure Andy is gone. This is pretty much all Ronnie Brown has done well all season: http://yfrog.com/kj1m8puj Disaster of a day on Sunday. Ronnie just was the man to receive the brunt of the blow.
Power Rankings after Week 4
1. The Stone Masons (4-0) - Last Week: 1
Another week and another victory for the Masons. 4-0 for the first time and feeling pretty good about it. There was a sense of panic at a few points both Sunday and Monday. The reality that the Masons may actually lose to FDS weighed heavily on BG. But thankfully Josh Freeman came through on Monday night and saw the Masons through. Any time you go up against Gambino on a Monday night bad things can happen, but after an awful performance Sunday night, it was inevitable that this team would prevail.
2. Tweeting In The Trenches (3-1) - Last Week: 2
I spoke with a very candid Chris Fusco who told me in an exclusive interview that this was the year of the TITTY. While I cannot argue that this has been a good year for some titty, I am a little hesitant that fantasy football is the forum for this decision. Each week, however, this team is slowly growing on me a little bit more. Interesting to note that Fusco has never made the playoffs in his two year EFFL tenure and that the Masons have missed the playoffs three years running. There is a changing of the guard in this league.
3. Coach Janky Spanky (3-1) - Last Week: 4
When you put up the second high score of the week and the team in front of you gets blown out, you're going to move up. Building on an already #1 points scored total, EEB gave it to me hard on Sunday and didn't stop until there was a hole in the bottom of the Pylon, if you know what I mean. If you don't, I'm insinuating that EEB likes to hump long orange sticks. Maybe this team is for real? I just can't convince myself that these are the players that are going to lead a team to the championship this year. Either way, this top 3 I believe is clearly ahead of the lower competition at this point.
4. The King's Crusaders (2-2) - Last Week: 7
I move the King up a lot this week due to the outstanding week 4 performance. The middle of the pack is very jumbled right now, and to me the King looks the best of all the 2-2 teams. Aaron Rodgers put on a masterful performance and carried this team to victory. If you want to take any solace in the 2 game win streak, know that Chris is rooting for players he cannot stand. The classic Woody line is "oh I just try to get players I like", and the fact that he's gotta do it with Eagles and time share RBs is quite exciting.
5. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) - Last Week: 3
Perhaps I got a little ahead of myself last week in bumping the Gnomes up to 3. The reality is that I continue to push the Brady/Peterson/Wallace combo. This team is so heavily invested in those three players that in a week like this past one, it is almost impossible to win. All three were just average, and the complimentary pieces just did not get the job done. I'm in a wait and see approach with this team, but this is one of those squads that if you can get into the playoffs anything can happen. This can easily be a monster team down the stretch but must win a couple games in this key stretch.
6. Stanky Monkeys (2-2) - Last Week: 5
Not good. The Monkeys have plummeted after starting off very strong, and things could take a turn for the worse with the injury to Andre Johnson. Made a deal with the Pylons to acquire super stud Steve Smith and is now all in on the Panthers. Going into the season, if you told me that you were all in on Panthers I would have laughed and written you off. But that's certainly not the case now. Especially since the 4-0 Masons are all in on Bills and Lions. This team is really hanging in the balance and will certainly make it's mark in the next few weeks, good or bad.
7. Lady Luck (4-0) - Last Week: 7
I don't know how I can possibly move this team up. 60 points from Pierre Garcon and Ravens D??? Seriously?? The only person that is more upset about this than me is your opponent who certainly thought he had a victory locked up. Injuries were bad enough, but now with the bye weeks coming it'll be interesting to see how much Luck this team continues to get. For the record, through 4 weeks this team is allowing 50 points fewer per game than I am. The breakdown shows truly how lucky, again, this team is. I expect that 0 to increase exponentially.
8. Dueling Pylons (0-4) - Last Week: 8
Another week and another crushing defeat for the Pylons. Things looked so promising throughout the 1 o clock games, but the hits just didn't stop coming. A 200 yard game from Matt Forte? Come on man. Sproles tackled at the 1 followed by immediate Brees to Graham TD? Uncalled for. Is 0-4 too big a hole to dig out of? It's gonna get very very ugly if this team cannot win immediately. So much potential will go to waste. A special shout out to TPG for taking it easy on the Pylons by only scoring 138 against me. That's seriously how bad it's been.
9. Animals With Eyepatches (0-4) - Last Week: 9
Nothing really new to report here. The Eyepatches put together another lackluster effort and wound up taking a TITTY to the chin. Faces league scrub this week and without a win, all hope will truly be lost. I'm a fan of the Eyepatches and think the roster can be competitive, but again some of the lineup decisions are questionable at best.
10. First Down Syndrome (0-4) - Last Week: 10
What can be said about this team that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? It looks bombed out and depleted... HATE HATE HATE. Broke 110 points for the first time which is great success!! As it stands cannot even field a team in week 5 without some significant help from the waiver wire. It's truly a waste of my time to even write about how awful this team is. If you lose to this team, you deserve to have your team fold.
Week 5 Matchups
Dueling Pylons (0-4) v The King's Crusaders (2-2)
Coach Janky Spanky (3-1) v Stanky Monkeys (2-2)
Tweeting In The Trenches (3-1) v Hard Knocks (4-0)
Tequila Party Gnomes (2-2) v The Stone Masons (4-0)
Game of the week:
Animals With Eyepatches (0-4) v First Down Syndrome (0-4)
This is truly the toilet bowl of 2011, and it happens already in Week 5. I'm so skeptical of both of these teams that I really believe this is the 9th place game. The loser may not win a game all season. It's pretty sad because I believe that had the World Series of Poker not been on the TV, First Down Syndrome may actually be able to form a team. I'm going with the Eyepatches in this one. I want to see Nick be the first winless team in EFFL history.
That's all for week 4... Another week that I am choosing to hopefully block out of my memory. This season is going way too fast. Good luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment