No Words

 

I tried to think of a creative title to put at the top of this post, but in the end, the title is exactly how I feel.  The time was approximately 1:15 PM.  I was surrounded by TVs in a bar setting and tried to see all 10 games going at once.  I was able to see 9 out of 10, but could not get a view of Lions-Chiefs (which was devastating to begin with).  I alerted TPG to my predicament, and asked for updates on that game.  Not even 5 minutes later I got the text. "Jamaal is down, knee injury.  They're bringing out the cart, looks bad".

Fuck.

The NFL needs to seriously consider why they have a potential injury hazard on the ground.  This piece of plastic could have cost me millions.  Look at that picture.  That dark beast with dreadlocks is reduced to tears because of this stupid piece of plastic they keep at the first down marker.  There are no words to describe the feeling of disgust when your #1 pick gets taken out.  It would never, ever happen to Sam Woody.  I know EEB is a big Jamaal guy, and he has him in another league, so this is just a devastating blow.  You can't look at that picture and not be upset.  I'm tearing up just writing this blog.  The worst words you can hear in the league are "Torn ACL".  Ehhhh, second worst.  #1 would be "Andy's going on a diet"...

Norv of the week recipient week 2: Jack Del Rio

Jack Of The River.  What can be said about you and your decisions to release David Garrard.  Long a BG favorite, Garrard is arguably the best QB in franchise history, depending on your thoughts of Mark Brunell.  I understand that you drafted a QB in the first round.  We all get that when you have an opportunity to draft a QB with the initials BG you jump all over it.  Gabbert to Shorts has a fantastic ring to it.  We even all can understand that you want your rookie QB to learn from a veteran.  But that veteran, in no way, shape or form, can be Luke McCown.  I don't know if he's related to that other McClown, Cade.  I don't care.  I think there was another clown brother along the way.  Josh?  Whatever.

Here are some fun facts on Luke McCown: Actually won a game last week.  9 career TD passes at the ripe age of 30.  WHY DO YOU CUT DAVID GARRARD AND START THIS GUY??????  Do you know what McCown's QB rating was yesterday?  1.8  ... I'm serious.  Clown didn't even know who was on his team and who was on the New York Titans.  6 completed passes to Jaguars.  4 completed passes to Jets.  Oh, he also got tackled for a safety.  It was so painful to watch this guy pretend to be an NFL quarterback.  Of The River was finally forced to insert BG in the 4th quarter.  I guess he thought Luke still had a shot for a comeback down 29-3.  You'll be gone soon Jack.  This type of nonsense is the reason why.  McCown currently is owned in 0.7% of fantasy leagues.  Something is afoot.

Power Rankings after Week 2:

1. The Stone Masons (2-0) - Last week: 1

Another week and another impressive victory for the Masons.  Even the bench got into it this week too.  LeSean McCoy looks unstoppable so far and the receiver combination is arguably the best in the league.  The Lions defense looks dominant and actually is turning out to be a real asset.  Looking real good so far, so no need to change my ranking here.

2. Stanky Monkeys (2-0) - Last week: 2

Wow.  The hits just didn't stop coming all day Sunday, and Tony Gonzalez exploded to give the Monkeys a huge comeback win.  McFadden and AJ did their thing, but the monster weeks from Hillis and Tony G were the difference.  Even a nice showing from Nate Burleson.  Dangerous team.  Even if Vick is hurt for an extended period of time, Cam Newton is a very capable fill in.  Looking strong as well, so again no need for change.

3. Tweeting In The Trenches (2-0) - Last week: 3

A big week could have been even bigger with the use of Jahvid Best.  The Jets defense putting up 20 in back to back weeks is a huge boost when your opponent is having just an average week.  Matt Stafford looks like the real deal.  Decent depth, overloaded at RB, below average at the TE position.  I smell a trade with the Pylons in the near future.

4. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-1) - Last week: 5

Yes TPG lost, and yes TPG got bumped up.  Putting up 147 points in defeat is gut-wrenching, especially when you're done in by Tony Gonzalez.  I know you're demanding he retire.  Perhaps it's time to join Twitter so you can tell him yourself.  Also, just saw your new logo so props on that.  Hernandez is a little banged up, so perhaps you'll be picking up the phone and dialing the Pylons.  My concerns remain, however, in that if Brady or Peterson have a down week, things could go poorly.  Returns from injury will certainly help.

5. Coach Janky Spanky (1-1) - Last week: 7

EEB told me during the week that he had some beef with my #7 ranking from last week.  He also told me that he would be moving up the charts sooner rather than later.  His statements proved to be correct.  A monster game from Jeremy Maclin was the deciding factor.  Also huge performances from AJ Green and Eric Decker on the bench means this team may not be as bad at WR as initially feared.  Then again this is probably the highest point total you'll have all season, but this team's stock is certainly on the rise.

6. Hard Knocks (2-0) - Last week: 8

2-0 is a solid start, but this team definitely looks like the weakest of all the 2-0 teams.  Each Miles Austin touchdown just twisted the knife in the wound inflicted by Jamaal Charles.  His injury could be a big blow to this team that has absolutely zero depth.  Boom or bust team for sure, and two very good weeks so far, but it just doesn't pass the smell test to me.

7. The King's Crusaders (0-2) - Last week: 6

Done in by the Eagles.  That's gotta be an awful feeling.  Making fun of my team's injuries cannot cover the fact that you are 0-2 and staring a shaming in the face with 0-2 Gambino coming to town next week.  Getting 300 points scored on you in two weeks doesn't help matters obviously.  But I think this team is going to start getting near panic mode.  Prepare yourselves for lots of trade offers this week.

8. Animals With Eyepatches (0-2) - Last week: 9

I think Jimish is about even with Chris and Sam right now.  Left 115 points on the bench this week, which certainly could have made a big difference in the outcome of the game, but an entire roster of players with average weeks is more often than not gonna result in a loss.  Nobody exploded, so didn't really have the chance for a big week.  Needs a win badly or this season could turn ugly very quick.

9. Dueling Pylons (0-2) - Last week: 4

Absolutely everything went wrong for the Pylons in Week 2.  Lost Jamaal Charles for the season.  Foster tweaked his hamstring.  Gates and Mike Williams were blanketed with double and triple coverage.  The lone bright spot was another big game from Steege Smiff.  This team still has a ton of talent, but it may be time for some changes.  0-3 would be disastrous.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-2) - Last week: 10

League cupcake.  Still under the impression that Shonn Greene is a good player.  Bench put up a monster 28 points combined.  Your team might have been good in 2007.  Did you see this team name on a Wheel of Fortune Before & After puzzle?  FDS, the team's abbreviation, actually represents the old adage from Animal House... Fat, Drunk and Stupid.  It's no way to go through life son.  I honestly can't see any way this team makes the playoffs.  Perhaps a miracle waiver wire pickup??? I don't know.  None of my feelings from after week 1 have changed.

Week 3 should be interesting as there could really start to be some separation in this league.  All of the 0-2 teams are in danger if they cannot salvage a week 3 victory.  Here are the matchups:

Dueling Pylons (0-2) v Tequila Party Gnomes (1-1) - Lions/Vikings... Enough said.

Tweeting In The Trenches (2-0) v Coach Janky Spanky (1-1) - Excited for this one.  Could be a statement game for Fusco.

Hard Knocks (2-0) v Animals With Eyepatches (0-2) - Jimish really needs to win this.

First Down Syndrome (0-2) v The King's Crusaders (0-2) - Toilet bowl.

and the game of the week...

Stanky Monkeys (2-0) v The Stone Masons (2-0):

I think these are the league's two best teams, so obviously this is gonna be one to watch.  These teams have had vastly different fortunes throughout EFFL history, so this is important to see if the Masons can take the next step to becoming the league's elite.  They are #1 in my power rankings for a reason, and I believe they win it and move to 3-0.  Regardless, the winner of this game will be in a great position at the top of the league.

Looking forward to hearing some feedback, and keep an eye out for those Woody trades.