Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Insane Round 1 of the EFFL Playoffs


It is hard to justify with words the thrilling Wild Card round in the EFFL. The 3 games were separated by a mere 16 points combined. 2 of the 3 had lead changes in the final 2 minutes of the Monday night game.

I'll admit it. I chugged a beer with EEB at midnight. It was absolutely ridiculous. There's no point in talking about anything other than the Monday night game. All 3 games were still in play heading into Monday. 3 teams could do nothing but sit and hope their leads held on. For Fusco, he had enough to get it done. BG got within 10 on the final drive, but could not get any closer. It was a valiant effort for a team that just could not get over the hump this season.

The other two matchups were wildly different scenarios. The Pylons were down 34 points to Pork Chop Express with just Lamar Jackson left. A monumental task on Monday night. Ouch! My Hamstringy! was down just 5 points, needing that total from Justin Tucker to eliminate King.

Things started off well for the trailing teams. Lamar rips off a rushing TD in the first quarter. Lamar scores a second rushing TD just before halftime. The Pylons cut a 34 point lead to just 13 at the break. 3 Justin Tucker extra points has EEB down 2. Cheeks are being clenched everywhere (more to come on this shortly).

The second half begins... Lamar breaks loose again for a 44 yard run. Pylons immediately within 8. A 2nd Gus Edwards TD with an extra point pulls EEB to within 1. ESPN win probability now has the Pylons at 69% after being at just 1% going into the game.

The Ravens get the ball back and Lamar misses a wide open Andrews for what would've been a 50 yard TD. Would've given BG life. May have given EEB the win. Baker immediately follows that up with a pick that gets brought all the way down to the 1. Is it Lamar? No. JK Dobbins this time. Thanks TPG. But EEB is on the brink. Just needs the extra point, and it's BLOCKED. Only the 4th missed extra point of his career. Prior to that, he made 99.1% of his extra points. We move on. 4 minutes left in the 3rd quarter.

The Browns then begin to drive. Lisa Salters buzzes Levy in the booth. "We're keeping an eye on this, but Lamar Jackson has not been on the Ravens sideline for this entire Browns drive." Then the video emerges... we've all done this run. It's an unmistakable "get out of my way now!" run. They claim he's cramping. Whatever. Maybe stomach cramps.



The Browns finally score, but when the Ravens take the field... Trace McSorley. Lamar is nowhere to be seen. They're still winning 34-28 and there's still 13 minutes left in the game. OK. Immediate 3 and out following Hollywood Brown's 3rd drop of the game (brown is clearly a theme here).

Browns score another TD. 35-34 Cleveland. Pylons still down 6. EEB down 1. Now only 6 minutes left in the game. Browns kickoff again. And out trots... Trace McSorley. At this point, Lamar has been gone for at least a half hour in real time. Possibly more like 45 minutes. This time the Ravens are at least moving the ball a bit. Run after run.

At this point, I'll be honest... I had to turn it off. I was done with Lamar. Banished from any future fantasy team because he couldn't get off the toilet. I had to change the mojo.

The two minute warning is approaching. The Ravens have 3rd & 2 at the Browns 41. McSorley tries to run and tears his ACL. Just shreds his knee. He's done. The two minute warning hits, the Ravens have 4th & 5 and are too far to kick.

They come back from commercial and here comes Lamar. Finally wiped his ass after almost an hour and he's got one play to keep the Ravens alive. He drops back, rolls, throws and finds Hollywood Brown streaking down the center of the field. Brown's streaking 20-10-5-TOUCHDOWN!!!! Ravens take the lead. Pylons 159 - Pork Chop Express 159. As it stands, the Pylons go through on a tiebreaker. But the game is not over. And EEB is also still down a point, but the Ravens go for 2!!! And they get it.



EEB is now firmly on the hot seat. Less than 2 minutes left. If the Ravens stop the Browns, the game is over and Woody advances. First play, Baker finds Donovan Peoples-Jones (Peoples helping peoples) for 30 yards. Juice for 7. Kareem Hunt for 16. Then Kareem Hunt AGAIN for a 22 yard TD. 4 plays, 75 yards, 47 seconds. EEB needs Cody Parkey to hit after missing 2 kicks already, but he delivers. Ravens 42 - Browns 42.

1:04 left to play. EEB down 1. Pylons-PCE level. The Pylons need Lamar to not turn the ball over at this point and you know he's coming out throwing. Hits Andrews for 14. Hits Andrews again for 14 more. Pylons up 1. Still can't have a turnover. Snead for 6. Andrews for 4 and a ball spike. 7 seconds left. Pylons up 2 (and likely clear at this point). EEB STILL down 1. Been down 1 since the 2nd half started.

It's a 55 yard field goal for Justin Tucker to send King and the Browns packing. The kick is up.. AND IT'S GOOD!!!! Woody made it 59 minutes and 58 seconds through the Monday night game before finally succumbing to Hamstringy! Ravens 45 - Browns 42.

But the fun doesn't end there. The Browns, in a desperate attempt to run a trick play and keep hope alive.. lateral, after lateral, after lateral. The play is going on for 20 seconds. And then it happens.. someone throws a backwards pass WAYYYY too far backwards. The ball goes into the end zone, and Jarvis Landry is tackled holding the ball in the end zone. Safety. Ravens 47 - Browns 42 final. While it had no bearing on the outcome of the game, the line was Ravens -3.5. Guess who had Browns +3.5? Ben Lobitz.

EEB and I FaceTimed. We chugged a beer with each other. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Here we are hugging after the game.



Tweeting in the Trenches 138 - Team BG 128

Dueling Pylons 161 - Pork Chop Express 159

Ouch! My Hamstringy! 110 - The King's Crusaders 106

Pylons-PCE was the 2nd highest scoring game in EFFL Playoffs history. In 2014, Tatz beat Lou in the Wild Card round 195-171. I don't know that score will ever be topped.

And I'm here for all of the Lamar memes. Any and all. I can't get enough. He insists he was cramping. Everyone knows the truth. Came back from bubble guts to deliver the game winning strike. This will forever be known as the Lamar poop game.




Week 15 Preview

This is one of the few years where I feel like nobody has gotten super lucky. The 4 teams still in are 4 of the top 5 teams in scoring from the season. Each team has looked very strong at various points in the season. Whoever wins will be deserving. All 4 teams this week are currently projected between 125 and 132 points. Doesn't get closer than that.


#1. Philly Peppers v. #7 Ouch! My Hamstringy!

Peppers missed out on all the fun in the Wild Card round. He's been peppering the GroupMe with puns trying to stay relevant since locking up the #1 seed after Week 12. The only thing that really mattered was staying healthy, which he managed to do. There may be some rust, but I think Peppers is ready to go. Waller and Herbert should get him out to a lead Thursday. This one could again come down to Monday night with Eric "EEBron" Brooking the last man standing. I think it's a close one here. Peppers has been good all season.

Commish's Pick: Philly Peppers


#4. Tweeting in the Trenches v. #6 Dueling Pylons

Have to worry about the Pylons hangover here, but the Pylons did win when these two teams met earlier in the season. Both teams could be in for another slugfest. DUPY has not forgotten their only appearance in the title game. It was back in 2013, when TITTY won its second title on his way to a 3-Peat (which certainly should've been a 4-Peat). You just don't forget these things. Nothing you can do here. This game is truly a toss up. Both teams have good matchups. It would be a shame to waste that Week 14 Lamar performance. I'll take the QB who has done it multiple times in the EFFL

Commish's Pick: Tweeting in the Trenches


It's going to be tough to top the Wild Card round, but there are two huge games in the semis. I'd certainly be surprised to see either of these games not be close. Good luck to the Final Four!


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