What Do You Mean?

Johnny Football!! I've been clamoring for him all season and it finally happened.



Pew! Pew! Pew! Let him play! "Here's a guy that's done nothing, and all we do is show him on TV". - Terry Bradshaw. Fuck outta here TB. I want ENTERTAINMENT.

This is the best thing I've ever seen. Like ever. That's how you celebrate! Players should continue this trend until the league realizes how ridiculous of a penalty excessive celebration is. Bring back the balls as props, group celebrations, everything. It makes the game so so so much more exciting.

We're down to the final 4, and I'm sorry guys, it's bad news. We already knew the much maligned Mile Y was a semifinalist, but it has gotten much worse. 3 time defending champ Christian Fusco (pronounced FOOS-co) is still alive. Chris Woody is also still alive. These are the people that are going to be taking your money. But there is some hope. The rest of the league can hitch our wagon to Eric Brooking. He's our only out at this point. One of these four "gentlemen" will take home the EFFL crown, a massive pot of money, and decide the location of the 2016 EFFL draft.

Yes, all the good guys lost in round 1. Phil took home the points crown in the regular season, but his team clearly lost steam as the season wore on. Stanky Monkeys were never able to recover from the Edelman injury. Just didn't have the hits on the waiver wire that other teams did. And Lobitz, whose fantasy season ended in every league he's in, was done in by classic hubris. Nothing foreshadows losing quite like insisting you have an amazing team, yet doing nothing to back it up. After I gave him the old "good job, good effort" pep talk following a 71 point effort, I was told to "eat shit". A scorned man who finished out of the money, plus lost side bets to me. That's a tough one. I've been telling you all year how terrible Davante Adams is. His stats back it up. Yet that wasn't enough to keep you from using him in a playoff game.

Beef of the Week: 

Might be pork. Not exactly sure. But that's a full slab at Oklahoma Joe's in Kansas (don't ask me why). This came from a damn gas station and was one of the best meals I've ever had. Full slab w a side of Z Man and a couple Boulevard Wheats.

Poor Chiefs tailgate. Had absolutely nothing on #BillsMafia and it poured its ass off. The weirdest thing I saw was a custom Chargers jersey: Flacco 3. What?!?!? Was Flacco sent to the Chargers and nobody knew? Who pays money for this shit!?!?

This is usually the point in the season where I've had enough of blogging. It's no different this year. But you're all in luck, as being stuck on a flight has left me with no option.

The Old Ball Sack v A Lot O'Tatz

Grudge match here. Two Redskins fans who I'd bet a million dollars will be texting "YOU LIKE THAT?!?!?!?? YOU LIKE THAT!!!!" after every single thing that happens during the games Sunday. Somehow Dosh will get looped into a group text. I do feel some allegiance to EEB as our 4 trades this year mean basically everyone on his roster was on my team at some point. As he's also the least objectionable remaining member, I'm clearly on board for as much Tatz as possible. You know what happens to an old ball sack when it sits idle for a week? Grows cobwebs. I'm expecting Mike Y to lay an egg and bow out! That's one name we cannot have added to the trophy.

Commish's Pick: A Lot O'Tatz

The King's Crusaders v Tweeting in the Trenches

Just seeing this as a semifinal match must drive even the calmest of men insane. "Gotta be fucking kidding me" is also a proper response. This is a rematch of last year's championship game. It ensures that one of these 3 time champs will again be in the finals. Fusco can't win again. His stupid giggle drives me nuts. And he knows it drives me nuts and it makes him giggle even more. I do think this is going to be a pretty good matchup. Both teams have been playing very well of late, and despite my frustration, it's hard to deny that both teams are deserving of reaching this point. I don't wanna hear that Russell Wilson ain't fuckin. He's been hot as shit, and has carried Fusco to this point. Happened last year w Odell. It's bullshit. This streak has to end, and I think it ends here.

Commish's Pick: The King's Crusaders

I can't believe it, but I'm predicting an EEB-Woody final. That would be a hell of a matchup, as that's one of the league's biggest rivalries. One of these 4 teams will hoist the EFFL trophy. Perhaps one of these fathers will have their child yet again break the trophy. Good luck to everyone in the semis.

Next week will be the last blog of the season. Not only does nobody care after the finals, I will be away enjoying spending Christmas in a tropical climate. Wouldn't wanna ruin your trip Mr. Cheapskate. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?!?!