Celebs Gather To Cheer On Pylons

Damn son.  It’s only been 3 weeks, and players are dropping like flies.  I tried to avoid confrontation after a Michael Vick cheap shot (eat asshole Trent Dilfer).  By tried I mean yelling things like “these people are still under the impression that Eli is a good quarterback” in a NY sports bar.  Things like, “at least I’m not wearing an Eli Manning jersey”.  No joke to you, after an Owen Schmitt leap over a defender I screamed out “THAT’S HOW THEY DO IT IN MORGANTOWN”.  I was all fired up.  Then, it came crashing down when for some unknown reason the running game failed.  Shocker.  Apparently the Calvin Johnson rule doesn’t apply to Victor Cruz.  Please explain that one to me because I can’t get a grip on it.

When the game had finally ended, I was left chugging out of a tower of Bud Light.  My sorrow was turned to curiosity, however, as after the check was paid, one fine piece of ace strolled by the group’s table.  Who was this piece?  None other than Kim Kardashian.  Again, despite my team being a joke, this is a no joke blog.  I have the picture if you want proof.  Kim and Kris Humphries strolled in and sat at a table nearby, hoping to enjoy the Jets game.  I was floored.  Every female I knew in the vicinity immediately returned in a sprint to the bar, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ms. Ray J.  It was quite the day.

Anyway, on to the Norv of the Week and how the EFFL landscape is shaping up.

Norv of the Week recipient Week 3: Leslie Frazier

I’d venture to guess that many of you were unaware that this man was the coach of the Minnesota Vikings.  No doubt a beneficiary of the Rooney rule, Frazier is so far in over his head, he doesn’t know which his head is and which his ass is.  At least back in the days of Childress, he was so scared of Peterson that he would just cave to whatever demands he wanted.  But Frazier is so full of himself that it’s forced the team into an 0-3 start.  In each of these three losses, the Vikings have blown massive leads.  The Vikings have outscored opponents 54-7.  In the second half and overtime, the Vikings have been outscored 67-6!!!  At some point, Peterson is going to combust.  Leslie Frazier is going to get speared and sent to the hospital.

The formula is simple… If you have a lead, feed your horse.  The more slop the better.  You have the best running back in football and you have a double digit lead in the second half.  I really thought there couldn’t be anybody dumber than Brad Childress but I’ve been proven wrong.  I saw a vintage McNabb pass in which Percy Harvin was wide open down the sideline.  If he leads the receiver Harvin is off to the races.  But where is the ball?  It’s thrown short and at his feet so Harvin has to dive to the ground to catch it and a defender touches him down.  McNabb was benched for Rex Grossman.  Stop being an idiot.  Feed Peterson.  He’s hungry.

After 3 weeks, the Power Rankings have not shifted much.  There is a good and bad to this.  The good part is that I know what I am talking about and that I can evaluate teams objectively.  The bad part is that my team is absolutely terrible.  Here’s where we stand after Week 3.

1. The Stone Masons (3-0) – Last week: 1

Wow, what a week for the Masons.  Left a double digit performance from Derrick Mason on the bench and still delivered in a big way over the #2 team.  Violating rule #1 of fantasy football in a massive way by rostering (and possibly starting this week) 3 Bills.  But maybe the tide is turning in the NFL.  Bills 3-0, Masons 3-0.  Similar to last week, I see no reason to move this team from the top spot.  This team looked good on paper, and delivered on the field.  Already equaling last year’s win total is a big step.  Look for this strong team to keep it up.

2. Tweeting In The Trenches (2-1) – Last week: 3

Despite a loss, I had to move TITTY up.  Some of you may disagree, but I think 2 TITTY is better than 3 TITTY.  Despite the team’s top 2 running backs being subpar thus far, other players are contributing in a major way.  A 50 point effort from Wes Welker makes me cringe, and even moreso since it was all for naught.  I like this team’s potential and I hate every one of his players.  I’m glad I’m done until the postseason.

3. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-1) – Last week: 4

The next 3 teams are very close, but a Petty Poo 11 catch explosion was absolutely uncalled for.  Brady is on pace for 7,000 yards, which would put this team at 5 alone with no other players.  TPG has quietly put up 3 very nice weeks, and if not for a week 2 meltdown at the hands of the Monkeys, would certainly be 3-0.  The cure for a win?  Facing Woody 2 out of the next 3 weeks.  Take up your beef with the schedule maker.

4. Coach Janky Spanky (2-1) – Last week: 5

7:30 AM on Tuesday morning and I’m already getting texts about where this team will be in the power rankings.  #1 in points through 3 weeks, yet I look at your team and I’m not impressed.  Every week I look at the roster and think to myself “Wow, I don’t think this team will do as well next week”.  I will compliment EEB in that he has done very well thus far with lineup decisions.  He has seemed to pick the right guys to use every week, which can certainly make a big difference.  Once the bye weeks hit, I think there could be some issues.

5. Stanky Monkeys (2-1) – Last week: 2

Went to go drink at the Eagles game and did not check lineup before 1 PM.  Peyton Hillis developed strep throat over the weekend and was unable to go against a hapless Dolphins team.  Still would not have won, but this again is a concern that resonates with TPG.  Outside of the big guns, there is not much else.  I think this team may have some struggles in the coming weeks as well, but for the time being is in OK shape.  The lack of focus by the owner certainly hurt this team in the power rankings.

6. Hard Knocks (3-0) – Last week: 6

If I told you that Samuel Woody was 3-0 for the 3^rd straight year, would you believe me?  It is hard to fathom how such an atrocity has been committed.  299, 294, 258…. This is the total amount of points scored against Sam in the first 3 games of each of the last 3 years.  This is a call to action for all league members.  This must stop.  Losing Kenny Britt for the season, and having Miles Austin and Marques Colston out for an extended period of time is going to severely hurt this team, and I fully expect some losses in the coming weeks.

7. The King’s Crusaders (1-2) – Last week: 7

This team has scored over 120 in all 3 weeks yet is 7^th in scoring.  That’s how tough it is this year.  I think there is some undeserved hubris going on here, as beating a retarded kid is not something to hang your hat on.  I don’t know, nothing about this team really stands out and to me the teams ahead on this list all look better.  Could have a rough go of it, as 6 of the next 7 games are against my top 5 teams.  Make or break time will be coming soon.

8. Dueling Pylons (0-3) – Last week: 9

If I had stuck to my gut and started Darren Sproles, would have put up 130 points.  Still would have been a loss, but this team has potential.  Wide Receivers really need to get their act together or this team will be in some serious trouble.  Needs a win desperately, but at this point it appears there is a decent sized gap between the top 7 and the bottom 3.  Not having 3 of your top 5 picks is a huge burden.

9. Animals With Eyepatches (0-3) – Last week: 8

60 points.  Absolutely nothing went right for the Eyepatches in Week 3.  84 points were left on the bench.  Lineup decisions are definitely costing this team right now.  Fighting hard with Gambino for the bottom spot, but stayed out simply due to the fact that this team at some point has been able to break 110 points.  It is very likely that the Eyepatches could be meeting FDS in a real life toilet bowl next week.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-3) – Last week: 10

It’s week 3 and I’m already willing to ask it… Will this team win a game in 2011?  108 points may turn out to be a season high for this team.  It’s not even bad lineup decisions; this just comes down to awful drafting.  If you want to see the importance of having solid keepers look no further than this team.  Lee Evans in the 7^th round was far worse than Burleson in the 4^th.  Probably has a calf tat like Rex Ryan.  Faces top ranked BG and will probably be clowned again in week 4.

The week 4 pivotal matchups are as follows:

The Stone Masons (3-0) v First Down Syndrome (3-0)

Tweeting in the Trenches (2-1) v Animals With Eyepatches (0-3)

Lady Luck (3-0) v Stanky Monkeys (2-1)

The King’s Crusaders (1-2) v Tequila Party Gnomes (2-1)

And the game of the week…

Dueling Pylons (0-3) v Coach Janky Spanky (2-1)

I am not a big believer of the ESPN projections, but they project this to be the highest scoring match of the week.  The Pylons absolutely cannot fall into an 0-4 hole.  No team that has started 0-4 has ever made the EFFL playoffs.  This is a real turning point in the season.  EEB can take a step into becoming a serious contender in 2011, or can fall right into the middle of the pack with a loss.  These teams have only met twice, with the Pylons taking both meetings.  I’m hoping Matt Forte blows out a knee or something.  This is absolutely the turning point in the season for both of these teams, and it may come down to Monday night with Mike “Young Buc” Williams looking to let that boy chef on national TV.  I’m picking Coach Janky Spanky to make my life miserable.

Good luck week 4 everyone.  And don't forget... Let that boy cook.  Let that, let that boy cook.

No Words

 

I tried to think of a creative title to put at the top of this post, but in the end, the title is exactly how I feel.  The time was approximately 1:15 PM.  I was surrounded by TVs in a bar setting and tried to see all 10 games going at once.  I was able to see 9 out of 10, but could not get a view of Lions-Chiefs (which was devastating to begin with).  I alerted TPG to my predicament, and asked for updates on that game.  Not even 5 minutes later I got the text. "Jamaal is down, knee injury.  They're bringing out the cart, looks bad".

Fuck.

The NFL needs to seriously consider why they have a potential injury hazard on the ground.  This piece of plastic could have cost me millions.  Look at that picture.  That dark beast with dreadlocks is reduced to tears because of this stupid piece of plastic they keep at the first down marker.  There are no words to describe the feeling of disgust when your #1 pick gets taken out.  It would never, ever happen to Sam Woody.  I know EEB is a big Jamaal guy, and he has him in another league, so this is just a devastating blow.  You can't look at that picture and not be upset.  I'm tearing up just writing this blog.  The worst words you can hear in the league are "Torn ACL".  Ehhhh, second worst.  #1 would be "Andy's going on a diet"...

Norv of the week recipient week 2: Jack Del Rio

Jack Of The River.  What can be said about you and your decisions to release David Garrard.  Long a BG favorite, Garrard is arguably the best QB in franchise history, depending on your thoughts of Mark Brunell.  I understand that you drafted a QB in the first round.  We all get that when you have an opportunity to draft a QB with the initials BG you jump all over it.  Gabbert to Shorts has a fantastic ring to it.  We even all can understand that you want your rookie QB to learn from a veteran.  But that veteran, in no way, shape or form, can be Luke McCown.  I don't know if he's related to that other McClown, Cade.  I don't care.  I think there was another clown brother along the way.  Josh?  Whatever.

Here are some fun facts on Luke McCown: Actually won a game last week.  9 career TD passes at the ripe age of 30.  WHY DO YOU CUT DAVID GARRARD AND START THIS GUY??????  Do you know what McCown's QB rating was yesterday?  1.8  ... I'm serious.  Clown didn't even know who was on his team and who was on the New York Titans.  6 completed passes to Jaguars.  4 completed passes to Jets.  Oh, he also got tackled for a safety.  It was so painful to watch this guy pretend to be an NFL quarterback.  Of The River was finally forced to insert BG in the 4th quarter.  I guess he thought Luke still had a shot for a comeback down 29-3.  You'll be gone soon Jack.  This type of nonsense is the reason why.  McCown currently is owned in 0.7% of fantasy leagues.  Something is afoot.

Power Rankings after Week 2:

1. The Stone Masons (2-0) - Last week: 1

Another week and another impressive victory for the Masons.  Even the bench got into it this week too.  LeSean McCoy looks unstoppable so far and the receiver combination is arguably the best in the league.  The Lions defense looks dominant and actually is turning out to be a real asset.  Looking real good so far, so no need to change my ranking here.

2. Stanky Monkeys (2-0) - Last week: 2

Wow.  The hits just didn't stop coming all day Sunday, and Tony Gonzalez exploded to give the Monkeys a huge comeback win.  McFadden and AJ did their thing, but the monster weeks from Hillis and Tony G were the difference.  Even a nice showing from Nate Burleson.  Dangerous team.  Even if Vick is hurt for an extended period of time, Cam Newton is a very capable fill in.  Looking strong as well, so again no need for change.

3. Tweeting In The Trenches (2-0) - Last week: 3

A big week could have been even bigger with the use of Jahvid Best.  The Jets defense putting up 20 in back to back weeks is a huge boost when your opponent is having just an average week.  Matt Stafford looks like the real deal.  Decent depth, overloaded at RB, below average at the TE position.  I smell a trade with the Pylons in the near future.

4. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-1) - Last week: 5

Yes TPG lost, and yes TPG got bumped up.  Putting up 147 points in defeat is gut-wrenching, especially when you're done in by Tony Gonzalez.  I know you're demanding he retire.  Perhaps it's time to join Twitter so you can tell him yourself.  Also, just saw your new logo so props on that.  Hernandez is a little banged up, so perhaps you'll be picking up the phone and dialing the Pylons.  My concerns remain, however, in that if Brady or Peterson have a down week, things could go poorly.  Returns from injury will certainly help.

5. Coach Janky Spanky (1-1) - Last week: 7

EEB told me during the week that he had some beef with my #7 ranking from last week.  He also told me that he would be moving up the charts sooner rather than later.  His statements proved to be correct.  A monster game from Jeremy Maclin was the deciding factor.  Also huge performances from AJ Green and Eric Decker on the bench means this team may not be as bad at WR as initially feared.  Then again this is probably the highest point total you'll have all season, but this team's stock is certainly on the rise.

6. Hard Knocks (2-0) - Last week: 8

2-0 is a solid start, but this team definitely looks like the weakest of all the 2-0 teams.  Each Miles Austin touchdown just twisted the knife in the wound inflicted by Jamaal Charles.  His injury could be a big blow to this team that has absolutely zero depth.  Boom or bust team for sure, and two very good weeks so far, but it just doesn't pass the smell test to me.

7. The King's Crusaders (0-2) - Last week: 6

Done in by the Eagles.  That's gotta be an awful feeling.  Making fun of my team's injuries cannot cover the fact that you are 0-2 and staring a shaming in the face with 0-2 Gambino coming to town next week.  Getting 300 points scored on you in two weeks doesn't help matters obviously.  But I think this team is going to start getting near panic mode.  Prepare yourselves for lots of trade offers this week.

8. Animals With Eyepatches (0-2) - Last week: 9

I think Jimish is about even with Chris and Sam right now.  Left 115 points on the bench this week, which certainly could have made a big difference in the outcome of the game, but an entire roster of players with average weeks is more often than not gonna result in a loss.  Nobody exploded, so didn't really have the chance for a big week.  Needs a win badly or this season could turn ugly very quick.

9. Dueling Pylons (0-2) - Last week: 4

Absolutely everything went wrong for the Pylons in Week 2.  Lost Jamaal Charles for the season.  Foster tweaked his hamstring.  Gates and Mike Williams were blanketed with double and triple coverage.  The lone bright spot was another big game from Steege Smiff.  This team still has a ton of talent, but it may be time for some changes.  0-3 would be disastrous.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-2) - Last week: 10

League cupcake.  Still under the impression that Shonn Greene is a good player.  Bench put up a monster 28 points combined.  Your team might have been good in 2007.  Did you see this team name on a Wheel of Fortune Before & After puzzle?  FDS, the team's abbreviation, actually represents the old adage from Animal House... Fat, Drunk and Stupid.  It's no way to go through life son.  I honestly can't see any way this team makes the playoffs.  Perhaps a miracle waiver wire pickup??? I don't know.  None of my feelings from after week 1 have changed.

Week 3 should be interesting as there could really start to be some separation in this league.  All of the 0-2 teams are in danger if they cannot salvage a week 3 victory.  Here are the matchups:

Dueling Pylons (0-2) v Tequila Party Gnomes (1-1) - Lions/Vikings... Enough said.

Tweeting In The Trenches (2-0) v Coach Janky Spanky (1-1) - Excited for this one.  Could be a statement game for Fusco.

Hard Knocks (2-0) v Animals With Eyepatches (0-2) - Jimish really needs to win this.

First Down Syndrome (0-2) v The King's Crusaders (0-2) - Toilet bowl.

and the game of the week...

Stanky Monkeys (2-0) v The Stone Masons (2-0):

I think these are the league's two best teams, so obviously this is gonna be one to watch.  These teams have had vastly different fortunes throughout EFFL history, so this is important to see if the Masons can take the next step to becoming the league's elite.  They are #1 in my power rankings for a reason, and I believe they win it and move to 3-0.  Regardless, the winner of this game will be in a great position at the top of the league.

Looking forward to hearing some feedback, and keep an eye out for those Woody trades.

Shady's Back, Tell a Friend

First of all I wanted to welcome everybody back to the 2011 EFFL season. The trophy is finally back in the hands of the commissioner so it can be properly distributed. Also, I'm glad we were able to get 8 out of 10 together to draft, and I think it turned out better than expected this year. League members... please leave at least one Friday or Saturday around labor day free next year so we can do the draft in AC again. I think it works out best for everyone, especially Lou. I think hosting this year got him a little frazzled when he took Nate Burleson in the first round.

I've also decided that I've been too nice in the blog in the past. This will change. The blog will no longer feature game recaps. The format will be that of power rankings as I see it. This way I can verbally (electronically) assault each of you personally and the bashing will be easier to find. I will still do previews for the next week's games. A new section will commence called "jackass of the week". This will be a weekly ripping of an NFL personality who deserves to switch salaries with me. Most weeks the recipient would likely be Norv Turner... so now that I think about it we're calling it Norv of the week.

Norv of the week recipient week 1: Jason Garrett.

This man is a clown. The Dallas Cowboys are a perennial loser. "America's Team", who nobody actually likes, went 15 years without winning a playoff game. Jason Garrett called the plays for these losers while Wade Phillips was paraded around like a puppet as a fake coach. How do you reward this loser? A promotion! Of course! Jerry Jones has added an additional field to the list of things you can suck at and be promoted. It joins meteorology.

Anyway, the reason Garrett wins Norv of the week is because the Cowboys had the Jets on the ropes... Up 14 points in the 4th quarter and at the Jets 1 yard line, this boner decides to run back to back plays out of the shotgun. Romo fumbles, a punt gets blocked, Romo gets picked, and the rest is history. Just run the ball up the middle, that's it. Or is it you lack confidence and nobody respects you because you took the reins and cut the whole o line. Either way, you earned Norv status. Congratulations asshole. Side note... Don't throw at Revis and try to blame Dez for not coming back to a ball that he had no shot at. Man up Romo... although we know that's not his style. Congratulations Jimish, that's your qb.

Power Rankings after week 1:

1. The Stone Masons (1-0)

I said it leaving the draft.. I thought this was the team to beat. Usually I just blow smoke up bg's ass in hopes that he doesn't threaten to quit, but this time I really mean it. I think the Masons have turned a corner and I fully expect this team to contend all year. Could potentially wind up with the #1 rb and wr this year and will be very tough to beat. Dropping 140 on EEB this week and causing him emotional angst earned you extra points in my book. I can't remember anyone being so fired up at a draft and it turns out the man did his homework in the offseason. While the players were locked out, bg was hungry for knowledge. Congrats on a nice start.

2. Stanky Monkeys (1-0)

Mike Vick is going to have a monster season. I'm a believer 100%. I think between Vick, run Dmc and Andre Johnson, it's going to take a miracle for this team not to be a threat every single week. Based on potential I put this team right there with the Masons. I challenge you all to find something funnier than the range of emotion Lou goes through in assessing his own team. Draft Burleson.. happy. Hear laughter from all 8 other members in the league who have a clue.. sadness. Convinces himself that his team is still nasty after staring at the draft board.. happy. Vital member of the league.

3. Tweeting In The Trenches (1-0)

I was torn on this team. On one hand the owner still signs his high school football number on checks and his self portrait. On the other hand this team is pretty solid top to bottom. If Matt Stafford turns out to be a top 10 qb, this team is a shoe in for the playoffs. Consistency still concerns me a bit, but this team deserves to be in this spot. Frank Gore may be stuck in a fantasy quagmire (giggity) all season. I'm grateful that I don't need to see another text until at least December that says "titttyyyyy". It's nowhere near as good as the real thing. Oh that Eli.

4. Dueling Pylons (0-1)

Yes, that's right... I said it. Think about it. This team put up 120 without a 2nd round pick, a 5th round pick, all while leaving over 80 points on the bench. Faced the top score in week 1, but this team has as much potential as any in the league. Poor lineup decisions and a rash of injuries hurt, but the future is bright. For all you haters.. Steve Smith is back. It's gonna get ugly for teams in coming weeks facing the Pylons. In the great words of Robert Kelly... "haters wanna hate. lovers wanna love. I don't even want none of the above. I want to piss on you".

5. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-0)

Brady and Peterson is a dirty combo. Rest of team looks solid, but not spectacular yet. Either way this team can't be ranked any lower than this at this point. I think UJ was a little nervous as Sunday rolled on, but Monday night proved to be fantastic. I'm not a big fan of this team's depth but a definite contender. Being in a tough division will make them work.

6. The King's Crusaders (0-1)

Had a rough go of it week 1. Perhaps it was just bad luck, but I don't think this team has the potential right now to put up monster weeks that frequently. Mired in trade talks all week, some focus on the task at hand was most likely lost. I'm hoping this is the year the king just crashes and burns. It's unlikely with the teams below though.

7. Coach Janky Spanky (0-1)

The victim of a bg spanking, Janky Spanky has been sent right back to his frequent last place. I'll admit it was a nice week 1, but I think it was more an aberration than reality. A couple nice late round picks could catapult this team. EEB is the winner of best dressed at the draft. If you're gonna draft shitty players you might as well do it in style. Side note, the first 3 jerseys I saw in DC on Sunday were all Sean Taylor jerseys. How pathetic is your team that everyone wears the guy who got shot in the groin and is deceased.

8. Hard Knocks (1-0)

First of all you dropped 2 spots due to your team name. I'd be willing to bet that this is the best Sam does all season. It was a perfect storm in week 1 and that's it. I'm not scared of this team and I'm sure the rest of the league shares that sentiment. Props on making the draft this year, but you still haven't learned that tipping your hand to your brother only gets you screwed in the end. I will have the trophy for you soon.

9. Animals With Eyepatches (0-1)

Jimish gets the nod here because he made his picks in a timely fashion this year.Delicious and D.Bo obviously won't be that bad on a normal basis but I'm not sure this team has game breaking ability at this juncture. More often than not I'd expect somewhere in the 90-110 range, which is no longer very intimidating in this league. Gonna need to see something more in week 2 for me to change my mind. Still the best logo in the league.

10. First Down Syndrome (0-1)

This was the most obvious ranking. Who knew the team name change represented a recently diagnosed condition. This is the worst team in the league. Drank the shonn greene kool aid and saved the rest of the league. Actually started Lee Evans. I could honestly go on for days. It's gonna be a very very long season for these cellar dwellers. Thanks for your $75 donation. Maybe you should have drafted Laveraneus Coles.

As we move into week 2 here are the matchups this weekend:

The Stone Masons (1-0) v Animals With Eyepatches (0-1)
Hard Knocks (1-0) v Dueling Pylons (0-1)
Tequila Party Gnomes (1-0) v Stanky Monkeys (1-0)
TITTY (1-0) v First Down Syndrome (0-1) ... lol

and the game of the week...

Coach Janky Spanky (0-1) v The King's Crusaders (0-1)

This has become one of the biggest rivalries in the EFFL. Each owner spends hours upon hours reading about fantasy and touting the next big thing. Whether it be a 3rd string running back or the length of the grass on the field... all bases are covered. So as we enter week 2 each finds themselves in a precarious position. As EEB knows first hand, a slow start can be too big a hole to dig yourself out of. This is the only winless matchup of week 2 so the loser will be guaranteed to be in last place. There is a ton of pride at stake here, and if these two don't express it to each other directly, I'm always informed of how satisfying it is when one beats the other. I am still a believer in the woody squad and am picking him here, but this is definitely gonna be a close one.

I hope you enjoyed week 1 and the new blog format, but if not I'll listen to the critics. Good luck to everyone this week.

Familiar Semifinals

We are down to only 4 teams in the race for the 6^th EFFL crown. Somehow yet again the King and Stanky Monkeys are both still alive. They could face each other in the final for the third straight season. Nobody wants that. Let’s see how each team got to where it is today.

Stanky Monkeys 144 – Animals With Eyepatches 77:

What an unfortunate turn of events for Jimish. This was the hottest team to start the season. A loss in the final week saw the Eyepatches lose the overall points lead and lose the tie for the best record. To make matters worse, this beatdown ensured the Eyepatches will leave this season with no money. I wouldn’t have believed that would happen just a couple weeks ago. The Monkeys are peaking at the right time. The Vick/McFadden/Wayne combo looks to be… dare I say it…. Nasty. Team is looking very tough at this point and this game was never really close. Stanky Monkeys have now won 7 out of their last 9 and have put up ridiculous points in 6 straight, with an average of 146 points. I think this is the most dangerous team remaining in the playoffs, and at this point have to label them the favorite. Lou has now reached the semifinals in 4 straight years, and honestly I’m tired of paying out this clown.

Dueling Pylons 105 – Tequila Party Gnomes 98:

Heading into the Sunday night the Pylons seemed to be in some trouble, and at about 10:30 PM it seemed the Pylons season was doomed. Then it happened. A quick out route to DeSean Jackson, a quick turn up field and missed tackle, and it was off to the races. Sprinting 91 yards to the house on what he described as a 60% ankle, the hopes and dreams of the Gnomes took a jarring hit. To make matters worse, the Pylons and Gnomes also squared off in another inferior league. I also had DeSean in that league. The true definition of a double nidge. In all my years of fantasy football, I have never witnessed a man so broken over a single play. I can say that with 100% confidence. The Gnomes had a chance to come back Monday night, but Arian Foster was enough to hold off the Gnomes. Over 2 leagues, Matt was 0-5 against me this year. If you’re still reading the blog and see this, I’m sorry. You’re a true competitor. The Pylons technically are the league’s hottest team winning 7 of 8, but this team needs to step it up in the final 2 weeks big time.

And the games to determine the 2 members that will head to the finals are...

#1 Maybe This Time (9-4) v. #5 Stanky Monkeys (8-5-1):

This marks the first time Lou and Sam have met after Week 12. And when these two teams met back in Week 10 Lou won the game by 102 points. Yes that’s the margin of victory. I’m sure Sam will not have forgotten that. Sam has not won a playoff game in 5 years. That’s also not a misprint either. A banged up Peterson could be a problem for Sam. Just looking at this matchup I really don’t think that Sam’s chances are that great. I could be wrong but Lou’s team just looks too strong at this point. Great trades and great waiver pickups have been the key to fix an awful draft. I’m not gonna lie I see the Monkeys in the finals for a third straight year.

#2 The King’s Crusaders (8-5) v. #3 Dueling Pylons (10-4):

The number of the seeds is obviously not representative of the team records in this matchup. These teams have been virtually identical all season and this is sure to be a very close battle. The Pylons entire roster will be playing at 1 PM so there will only be one chance to continue the season. Likewise with the other matchup, these teams have never met after Week 12 so this weekend should be interesting. The Pylons have also never won more than 10 games in a season and will be looking to reach the championship for the first time ever. If it’s King-Stanky for the third year in a row I don’t know what I’ll do. This league needs some accountability. I know picking myself dooms my chances, but I can’t pick a 3-peat finals. Let’s go Pylons.

Good luck to the 4 teams remaining in your quest for a championship.

Round 1 Awaits

The regular season is finally in the books, and what a finish it was. The last playoff spot literally came down to the final minutes of the final Monday night game, and the season ended in despair for Johnson's Farm. Yet another close Monday night game, and in the end his team fell just 2 points short. Nick finished the season as the low scorer in the league and really did not even deserve to be in. The Farm lost their last 4 games to eliminate himself.

Also lost in week 13 was the strong push by TITTY to get into the playoffs that fell short. Finishing as the high scorer in the regular season, Fusco missed the playoffs and must be distraught. This tends to happen every now and then, but this one has to hurt. The game that really made the difference was the Week 5 Brett Favre Monday night disaster against said Farm. With this win, things would have been different in the EFFL. Enough talk about the losers. Let's get on to the teams that have a shot to take home the EFFL crown.

1. Maybe This Time (9-4): With Jimish losing, Sam locked up the bye and the #1 seed in the league due to tiebreaker over the Pylons. It is an outstanding feat to get the top seed and a bye in this league and congratulations are in order. After Chris acquired MJD from the Gnomes, he told me he was going to be trading him to you for Peterson and Rivers. Remember that if you two meet in the final because he apparently thinks you're his farm team. You will play either Matt, Jimish, or Lou in week 15. Good luck.

2. The King's Crusaders (8-5): Perhaps benefiting from playing in a weaker division got the King this spot, but it is a disaster to see 2 Woody's with a bye. I'm sure Chris has something up his sleeve for the playoffs. Will play the Pylons with a Pylons win, or with a Gnomes win will play the winner of Monkeys-Eyepatches. I hope all of your players get injured this week.

There isn't much to be said for the top 2 teams that hasn't already been mentioned in a previous week. On to the matchups in the first round of the EFFL playoffs.

3. Dueling Pylons (9-4) v. 6. Tequila Party Gnomes (6-7):

24 hours ago this matchup was impossible. The Pylons had lost to the Stone Masons by 1 point to lock up the #4 seed and TPG needed a Monday night miracle to even get into the playoffs. Tom Brady unleashed a furious pounding into the butt of TPG, yet Janky Spanky still had a shot to take down the Farm and send the Gnomes through. A BenJarvus Green-Ellis TD with just minutes remaining was exactly what the Gnome had ordered, and just like that the Farm was out and TPG was in facing the Eyepatches yet again in week 14.

We wake up Tuesday morning and there has been a scoring change. Young Buc, AKA Mike "Big Willie Style" Williams, had been credited with 2 more points on an additional catch and gave the Pylons the win by 1! How could this be? The following is an exact truth that has not been fabricated in any way. On the final drive of the first half, the Bucs were in hurry up mode. A 9 yard completion was initially credited to Sammie Stroughter when Williams actually made the catch. Due to the creamsicle color jerseys, the official scorer thought Williams #19 was actually Stroughter #18. This error was rectified this morning by the NFL and was the difference in playoff seeding. I can only imagine if this cost BG a playoff spot how devastating it would be. Nevertheless, the Pylons at 9-4 have the 3 seed and face a Gnomes team that has overcome adversity to lock up the final spot in the playoffs. This most likely will come down to Monday night as Flacco and Boldin will go against Arian Foster. They always say it's tough to beat a team 3 times in one season, and I think this holds true here. Despite the Pylons seeking revenge for a previous playoff beating, I'm picking the Gnomes in an upset.

4. Animals With Eyepatches (8-5) v. 5. Stanky Monkeys (7-5-1):

This was unexpected. Due to the scoring change the Eyepatches and not the Pylons will face the Monkeys. I had already started talking shit Monday night so we'll have to save that for another week. These two teams had a great battle in week 11 that saw Knowshon Moreno win it for Jimish on Monday night. These teams head into the playoffs in opposite directions. Lou put up a league high 145 last week while Jimish put up a league low 80. That's what happens when 2 of your wide receivers combine for 0 catches. I'd be willing to bet that doesn't happen again. Can anyone slow down the Vick-Reggie Wayne combination? Lou literally needs huge games from each of them to win. If they put up 20 each, the Monkeys probably are heading home. ESPN is currently projecting the Stanky Monkeys for a whopping 180 points! Internet hacks! This is going to be a great game to follow and I'm sure it's going to be close. I think Dwayne Bowe gets very angry after last week's game and totally throws down this week. I'm picking the Eyepatches to move on.


Good luck to the 4 teams playing this week. Colts-Titans Thursday night so things will get started early.

Last Chance To Dance

We are down to the final week of the regular season. 5 teams are now in, 2 teams are out, and 3 teams have one chance to battle for one spot. The standings are exactly the same as last week with the top 5 teams all winning and the bottom 5 all losing. I’m going to break this down team by team and also break into sections the possibilities for the final week.

I have also added to the EFFL history sheet playoff records and playoff brackets for the history of the league. The sheet is out of control at this point with almost 50 tabs. There is a ton of information in there. Also I just wanted to remind you again about players. No player added for the rest of the season can be kept for next year. The teams that do not make the playoffs can make no more moves after the end of the regular season and when each team is eliminated they are prohibited from making any moves. The only exception is that the 2 teams that lose in the semifinals and play for the 3^rd place game can make moves in that final week.

THE TOP 4: These are the top 4 seeds. None of these teams can play each other in the first round of the playoffs. Chris has a bye locked up, and most likely Sam or Jimish will have the other bye.

* 1. Maybe This Time (9-3): Sam held off a Monday night surge from EEB to stay in first and take a huge step towards a bye. Would have locked up the bye if the Masons could have taken out Jimish, but they fell 2 points short. At this point are unaffected by the Pylons, and the bye will almost certainly come down to either Sam or Jimish. Sam cannot be the #2 seed as she owns the tiebreaker over Chris, and Sam cannot be the #4 seed as she owns the tiebreaker over the Pylons. A win will lock up the #1 overall seed. A loss and Eyepatches loss also clinches the #1 overall seed. A loss and Eyepatches win will have Sam as the #3 seed unless the Pylons somehow also manage to win and outscore Jimish by 108 points… Not happening.

* 2. The King’s Crusaders (8-4): All of the scenarios from last week are moot. With a win over the Farm, Chris has clinched a playoff spot and locked up a first round bye. Will be the #2 seed if MTT or the Pylons get the bye, or if the Eyepatches get the bye and the King loses. Can only be #1 with a Sam loss, Jimish win, and King win. The Week 13 matchup with Stanky Monkeys is totally irrelevant, and with a bye in week 14, we’ll see you in 3 weeks. It remains to be seen whether the King will rest his starters this week, but hopefully the long layoff doesn’t affect their focus. This is now the King’s 4^th bye in 6 EFFL seasons.

* 3. Animals With Eyepatches (8-4): Jimish can fall anywhere from 1-4 based on the results in the final week. Very much still alive for the bye and has a huge advantage in points due to the explosion of Dwayne Bowe over the past 3 weeks. A win will have Jimish no worse than 3^rd. A win and Sam loss will clinch a bye (again provided the Pylons don’t win and score 108 more than Jimish). Win, Sam loss and King loss will have Jimish at #1. Win, Sam loss and King win will have Jimish at #2. Win and Sam win will have Jimish at #3. Loss and Pylons loss - #3. Loss and Pylons win - #4.

* 4. Dueling Pylons (8-4): Got a win over a TPG team that totally just did not show up while putting up the second lowest score. Adding the Frank Gore season ending injury just made it that much worse after a win was already sealed. This never, ever happens to me so I will take it and just move on. Also locked up a playoff spot in the process and has finally returned back to the land of misery. The Pylons are 1-4 all time in the playoffs, which is the worst in league history. The only way the Pylons could get a bye as stated previously is with a Sam loss, Jimish win and Pylons win while outscoring the Eyepatches by 108 points. Unless the Pylons put up 200 or more this is not going to happen. Will be the 3 seed with a win and Eyepatches loss. Will be the 4 seed and face Lou with any other scenario.

THE 5: Lou is the 5 seed. He will play either the Pylons or Eyepatches in the first round of the playoffs. Prepare accordingly.

* 5. Stanky Monkeys (6-5-1): Got a huge win in Week 12 and locked up a playoff spot with both TPG and the Farm losing. Also no longer eligible for the bye with the King winning. Locked into the 4-5 matchup, and with the Chris already locking up the bye, has a completely meaningless game Week 13. Take the week off to relax and get ready for a week 14 showdown with one of the Evens division’s finest.

THE 3 FOR 1: The Farm, Gnomes and TITTY are battling for the last playoff spot in that order. Each team needs to win and have all of the teams in front of them lose to get in, or in the case of the Farm have all teams lose yet again. The team that makes the playoffs from these 3 will play Sam, Jimish or myself.

6. Johnson’s Farm (5-6-1): I’m just at a loss for words. This team is so bad it is actually turning out good. This team has now scored 110 or less in 9 of the last 11 games. No other team has more than 7, including the league’s 2 cellar dwellers. The Farm is now tied for dead last in points scored. Nick can make this easy on himself with a win in week 13. A win clinches the #6 seed. A loss and a win by either TPG or TITTY will knock out the Farm. A loss by all 3 would have the Farm in the playoffs at 5-7-1, and an absolute embarrassment.

7. Tequila Party Gnomes (5-7): 2^nd in the pecking order of the potential 6 seeds. Due to head to head win over Fusco still holds the number 7 seed, which is extremely large at this point. Also still alive due to the Farm’s ineptitude. Extremely poor showing in Week 12, but still has an opportunity to sneak in. Needs a win AND Farm loss to get in. No other scenario will get TPG in no matter what else happens. Matt has been trash talking EEB all week, but he is now your best friend.

8. Tweeting in the Trenches (5-7): Somehow still alive after yet ANOTHER monstrous game against him. Now has had 140+ scored against him in 7 separate weeks, all losses. Chris can only make the playoffs with one final push. Has points tiebreaker over both the Farm and TPG in case somebody ties in week 13 and it comes into play. Again, without ties across the board, the only way Fusco will be dancing is with a win, Farm loss AND TPG loss. A Farm or TPG win will eliminate TITTY. A playoff spot very well could happen given the way the other two teams have fared recently. I don’t think anybody in the playoffs wants to see this team.

THE BOTTOM 2: These two teams have locked up the #9 and #10 spots in the league. BG has now missed the playoffs for the third straight year.

X - 9. The Stone Masons (3-9): This team has looked pretty good over the past couple weeks but it was just too late to make some damage. With Brandon Lloyd and LeSean McCoy as potential keepers I expect this team to be pretty solid next year. This team had some very strong pieces, but it was the complimentary players that were lacking this season. You know I was pulling for you.

X - 10. Coach Janky Spanky (2-10): One more game until this painful season ends. With a loss in week 12 officially sealed up league’s worst record, so congratulations! Faces a reeling Farm team that has missed one opportunity after the next. Losing a season series to Gambino is just inexcusable. TPG and TITTY will certainly be pulling for you.

Good luck to everyone in the final week. Next week I will have a playoff preview as well as predictions again.

Whose Turkey Will Be Cooked?

Just a quick reminder again: The trade deadline is Wednesday at noon. I will not be adjusting rosters like last year. Also any player added after this week cannot be kept. There are 3 Thursday games so a lot of players are in play. Be aware that you still are allowed to make moves up until 1 PM Sunday.

Here’s the playoff situation so far. 1 team in, 2 teams out, 5 spots up for grabs still. I’m bitter this week. This is all you’re getting:

* 1. Maybe This Time (8-3): Maybe this time Brian St. Pierre shouldn’t get pick 6’ed twice in 11 seconds. Maybe this time Norv Turner should check his depth chart and note the difference between the letters “TE” and “FB”. Maybe this time the Dolphins should move the ball more than 89 yards total before the 2 minute warning in the 4^th quarter. Sam has locked up a playoff spot with the win and is looking to be in great shape for the bye. One win and one Jimish loss seals it.

2. The King’s Crusaders (7-4): A monster week in EEB’s face. Love it. After being pretty poor over the past 3 weeks, Chris got a huge win. This team has only 2 wins against the top 6 in the league in scoring, which is surprising. Looking very strong at this point for a bye week with a weak Odds division, but faces Nick and Lou in the last two weeks so nothing is guaranteed. A win over Nick will lock up a playoff spot and first round bye. A loss and TPG loss also locks up a playoff spot. More than anything else, an Eyepatches win this week really affects the King the most. An Eyepatches win and King loss gives the King potential to be tied with either Pylons, TITTY or TPG, where he may lose all tiebreakers.

3. Animals With Eyepatches (7-4): Magic number also 1 to clinch a playoff spot (win or TPG loss). The Eyepatches got a huge win Monday night with a strong performance from Knowshon Moreno. Split season series with Pylons so currently ahead based on points scored. With the high point total, it would take an absolute debacle for the Eyepatches to miss the playoffs. The bye week is still in play, as most likely will have points tiebreaker over Sam. Needs a win and MTT loss to get into this position.

4. Dueling Pylons (7-4): Can still get the bye but one of two scenarios must unfold (and perhaps both). 2 wins and 2 Sam losses, or 1-2 wins and 3 way tie with Eyepatches and MTT while passing the Eyepatches in points scored. Highly unlikely. At the same time, the Pylons are still in great shape for a playoff berth despite the loss. Play TPG, so will clinch a playoff spot with a win. A loss could put the Pylons in danger.

5. Stanky Monkeys (5-5-1): Here’s where things get interesting. The Monkeys have a golden opportunity here to just about lock up a playoff spot. A win and Farm loss will do that, but basically with a win will be extremely tough to miss the playoffs. Still alive for the bye week. Needs a win and King loss this week, then must beat the King next week. A loss this week could be disastrous, especially if the Farm manage a victory. A lot hanging in the balance on this game this week.

6. Johnson’s Farm (5-5-1): Somehow this team is STILL in playoff position. For the third time this season produced the low score of the week. I will admit I am Farm hater #1. Just a struggling week to week effort of “how many bad players can I put out there?” The disgusting part of this all is that the Farm is still in play for the bye. Plays league clown EEB next week, so a victory this week will almost certainly put the Farm in the playoffs. A loss this week will be very damaging, especially if TITTY can knock off Lou or TPG can down the Pylons.

7. Tequila Party Gnomes (5-6): Due to head to head win over Fusco, currently holds the number 7 seed. With 2 wins, TPG will be in the playoffs guaranteed. Pylons-Eyepatches is no way you want to end a season, but this team has looked pretty strong after an 0-3 start. Battled back in a big way to get into playoff position. A loss here will be absolutely crushing and would need all kinds of help to get in at 6-7. Loss and Farm/Monkeys wins would eliminate the Gnomes.

8. Tweeting in the Trenches (5-6): This team finally is in position to sneak into the playoffs, and I must say at this point it’s well deserved. Now 2^nd in scoring, Fusco has cracked the 160 mark for the 2^nd time in 3 weeks. Losing Nicks at this critical juncture is a huge blow, and Fusco has a lot of faith in the Bills carrying his team. Took out Nick last week, and with a win over Lou this week will be in great position for the playoffs. May need a TPG loss or Pylons or Eyepatches win due to tiebreakers, but this week is the big game. A loss here will probably doom TITTY. A loss and either Gnomes or Farm win will eliminate Fusco.

X - 9. The Stone Masons (3-8): Lost in heartbreaking fashion Monday night as Brandon Lloyd came up two points shy of taking down the Gnomes. Has been officially eliminated and will miss the EFFL playoffs for the 3^rd straight year. I feel bad because I’m one of the biggest Masons supporters out there.

X - 10. Coach Janky Spanky (2-9): EEB can definitely play the role of spoiler down the stretch. Games against 2 contending playoff teams will be big in affecting the pecking order. At 0-4 I was told that CJS would be in the playoffs. Sorry about it. Thanks for being the guy that drank the Ryan Mathews kool-aid.

The Rodeo Roundup

Well, we have 10 weeks in the books and the playoff picture is starting to clear up a little bit. Here’s a quick rundown of the standings and what each team needs. Currently there is a game and a half between 5^th-6^th and 7^th-8^th place, but that does not mean anything as these teams play each other frequently.

I also just wanted to remind you all of a few rules regarding rosters: The trade deadline is next Wednesday, November 24^th at 12 PM. ESPN for whatever reason lets you only pick Wednesdays at 12 PM. I am not extending it this year to add and drop players manually. It’s a hassle that’s unnecessary. If you want to make a trade, they must be accepted by that time next week. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Also, regarding adding/dropping players: No player added after week 12 can be kept. We will have our standard rule where you can add players up until 1 PM Sunday even with the Thanksgiving games. All teams may make drop/add moves up until the end of the regular season. After the start of games in Week 13, teams not in the playoffs cannot make any more moves. Once each team is eliminated from the playoffs they also can make no further moves. This will not put any eliminated team at a disadvantage because these players cannot be kept regardless.

1. Maybe This Time (7-3): By virtue of win over Pylons, currently sit as the #1 seed. 1 win or losses by TPG and TITTY get Sam into the playoffs. Win this week will almost certainly lock up a bye with tiebreaker over Pylons. Looking very good.

2. The King’s Crusaders (6-4): Leading the Odds division has the King in the #2 spot. Two Woodys at the top is just gross. Win AND TPG/TITTY loss locks up a spot for the King. Has some pretty big games down the stretch so this week is an almost must win.

3. Dueling Pylons (7-3): 4 wins in a row and 9 weeks in a row with 100+ points. Likewise has same requirements as Sam and a win this week will put the Pylons in a strong position for a bye with a widening point margin.

4. Animals With Eyepatches (6-4): Looking pretty solid for the playoffs, but will probably be pretty tough to get the bye with MTT and the Pylons squaring off this week and no games remaining against either team. Snapped a 3 game losing streak and looks to be back on track.

5. Stanky Monkeys (5-4-1): Lou currently has the tiebreaker over Nick due to head to head matchups. This team’s last 3 games… 165, 135, 67. Who knows what the future holds but will have to play their way in with all 3 games at the end against surrounding teams.

6. Johnson’s Farm (5-4-1): Pylons-Farm Week 14? Sign me up. The Farm has routinely been one of the lowest scoring teams in the league yet still is a threat for the playoffs. Huge games down the stretch will either make or break the season.

7. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-6): Picked up a huge win behind an entire team explosion. Like the Stanky Monkeys, last 3 games are 176, 100, 74. Totally all over the map. Final 3 games are all against teams that aren’t really on the playoff bubble. Will need help to get in.

8. Tweeting in the Trenches (4-6): Poor guy has had 140+ dropped on him 6 times already including 176 this week and 164 two weeks ago. Sucks. There is good news however. Remaining games are all against current playoff teams and can really play their way in. It may take winning all 3 but at this point I like their chances better than TPG. Winning the next 2 makes this a total crapshoot.

9. The Stone Masons (3-7): Got the win in the toilet bowl to stave off elimination Must win and get help to stay alive. A loss will eliminate the Masons.

X – 10. Coach Janky Spanky (2-8): EEB has officially been eliminated from playoff contention. The team has started to score a little more but with 100 points or less in 6 of the first 8 games, you dug yourself too deep a hole to climb out of. Had a leg up on everybody by getting a top 3 projected pick in the 2^nd round and still couldn’t get the job done. Disappointing season.

**** Week 10 Recap ****

Animals With Eyepatches 154 – Johnson’s Farm 105:

As has become standard, the Farm put up another mediocre week. In 10 weeks, this team has scored more than 110 a total of 3 times. This is tied for lowest in the league. Of all teams, the Farm also has the lowest high score, maxing out only at 140. Jimish meanwhile is all over the map. In the last 9 weeks, 5 games of 142+ and 4 games of 105 or less. When this team clicks, it explodes. All the makings of a playoff team, but could be tough to sustain week in and week out. I’m a fan. Somehow this Farm team has won 5 games this season, but the last 3 games will be no easy feat. Things could turn around quickly.

Tequila Party Gnomes 176 – Tweeting in the Trenches 104:

Same old, same old for Fusco. Opposing team absolutely explodes and has no shot at all. 22 times this season a team has broken 140. 6 of these have been against Fusco. It takes the fun out of fantasy football and I am sorry for your misfortune. To be the 3^rd highest scoring team and be 4-6 is frustrating. All is not lost, however. Important games remain and this team can still play their way into the playoffs. 7-6 should be enough to get in. TPG… damn son. A complete offensive bomb across the board. I don’t know if it can get much better than this, and I hope you haven’t peaked too early. Got the must win and can move forward trying to sneak in the back door… something that UJ is known for.

Dueling Pylons 111 – The King’s Crusaders 95:

A pretty uneventful game in which neither team performed up to expectations. I’m pretty sure that both teams are better than this, but the Pylons pulled out a win and took advantage of a poor week from the King. The Pylons midweek trade for Larry Fitzgerald gained him all of 2 points, so really not much to be said there. I fully expect both of these teams to be around come playoff time and they very well could meet again. Interestingly, in 6 EFFL seasons this was only the 9^th ever meeting between the two. The Pylons now boast the longest winning streak in the EFFL at 4 games and have scored 100+ in 9 straight games, also a current high in the league. Look for big things going forward.

Stanky Monkeys 165 – Maybe This Time 63:

The Michael Vick experience was on full display Monday night as the Monkeys just kept scoring over and over. If your QB and Defense combine for 7 scores, there’s no possible way you’re losing. At the same time, if you only put up 63 points, you have no shot at all of winning. All I know is that after being very consistent all season, with this stinker of a game, I’m sure to feel the wrath next week. Having Rivers and Colston on a bye didn’t help but it wouldn’t have mattered. 52 POINTS FROM A QB. Totally unreal. Lou has now won 6 of the last 7 against Sam. My favorite part of this rivalry is after each time they play the mandatory Facebook post from Sam to Lou groveling and declaring his greatness. Gets me every time.

The Stone Masons 135 – Coach Janky Spanky 126:

You wouldn’t know these were the bottom two teams by this score. In what was a true elimination game, this one went back and forth until Monday night when the Masons proved to be too much. EEB is now officially out of the playoffs, and I must say it is a damn good feeling. Between last year and this year there have been 26 weeks of fantasy football. This was the first time in those 26 weeks (and obviously the first time ever) that either of these two teams beat the other. Great info. The Masons are now in do or die mode until the end of the season. 6-7 may not be enough to get the Masons into the playoffs, but any loss eliminates them. This team’s resiliency is unmatched. The Masons have not been to the EFFL playoffs since 2007 so rest assured I am pulling for this team.

**** Week 11 Preview ****

The King’s Crusaders (6-4) v. Coach Janky Spanky (2-8):

Although this is the most inconsequential of games on the Week 11 slate, this is a Woody-EEB matchup that I am sure both are desperate to win. These two are the kings of looking ahead, but this game could matter more now than ever. If the King does fall in this one, the bye and a potential playoff spot could be in jeopardy. How competitive will Janky Spanky be with his makeshift roster? Meanwhile Chris is dealing and making moves like a madman. This is his traditional late season panic, but I think it is a little too soon to be overlooking a game like this. I like what EEB is brewing this week, and I think I smell an upset in the making. Look for Janky Spanky to take this one and make the playoff race that much tighter.

Dueling Pylons (7-3) v. Maybe This Time (7-3):

While this is the marquee matchup of the week, it is not the game of the week as it is not nearly as important as some other games. The Pylons have made it through the bye weeks and injuries with 4 straight wins, and this team will be at full strength for the first time in over a month. Sam is coming off by far her worst performance of the season, and it seems extremely unlikely that there will be a repeat this week. I’m fully expecting a complete turnaround. The winner of this game will be highly likely to get the Evens division bye so this will go a long way to winning a championship. I think this is going to be a very high scoring game that could come down to Rivers against Gates Monday night. ESPN currently projects a 162-162 tie. While I don’t usually like picking myself, I just think this team is too strong. Go Pylons.

Stanky Monkeys (5-4-1) v. Animals With Eyepatches (6-4):

The winner of this game is going to be looking very strong for a playoff position. The loser will have to do some more work to get in. When these two teams meet it is usually a good battle. The past two games were both won by the Monkeys: 137-135 and 153-139. Both were heartbreaking losses for Jimish. The Eyepatches looked very strong out of the gates starting 5-1, but things have not been easy lately. A big win last week snapped a 3 game losing streak. Vick can only carry a team so far, and I think this week the Eyepatches are just too much for the Monkeys to handle. If Lou loses this game, he could be facing a must win game in week 12 to stay alive.

Tequila Party Gnomes (4-6) v. The Stone Masons (3-7):

As noted above, the Masons must win to stay alive in the playoff hunt. If that happens, both of these teams will be in serious danger of missing the playoffs but will still technically be alive. It’ll be interesting to see how much you hear Matt yelling “He wears 81 in blue! Bottom of your screen! Single Coverage!” Having to face Tron in the biggest game of the season can’t be what TPG was looking for here. Also you can’t be looking to face the BG Broncos on Monday night. Every pass could be a dangerous one. As noted in their first matchup, these teams always play each other close and I expect nothing different here. In 8 career meetings, the margins of victory are: 6, 25, 4, 3, 6, 11, 4, 7. Can’t get much closer than that. If the Masons can get good production from some lesser players I can see an upset, but I’m just too encouraged by TPG’s effort last week. I think they get the win and knock out the Masons.

**** Game of the Week ****

Johnson’s Farm (5-4-1) v. Tweeting in the Trenches (4-6):

This is hands down the game of the week. When these teams met back in Week 5, the Farm pulled out one of the luckiest victories I personally have ever seen. With a minute left in the Vikings-Jets game and the game totally out of reach for the Vikings, Nick needed a miracle pick 6 from the Jets. Thankfully when Brett Favre is on the field anything is possible. After the interception if the Jets player had fallen down the game would have been over and TITTY would have been victorious. But he did not. I remember vividly Nick’s excitement when he texted me that this greediness to score was for no other reason than “bein a nig”. The anti Brian Westbrook. It’s interesting to think about now what the standings would look like had the result of that game been different. Despite his misfortune this season, Fusco has a huge opportunity to play his way into the playoffs. It starts right here. If Nick wins this game, we pretty much have our 6 playoff teams locked up. If not, things are guaranteed to come down to the last week. Nick’s roster is just so, so bad but Fusco is breaking rule #1 of fantasy football this week and is currently starting 3, yes 3, past or present Bills. I simply will pick Johnson’s Farm based on that, but of course this is subject to change. It obviously would make my life easier to have the Farm in the playoffs, but I’m pulling for Fusco here. Poor guy deserves a win.

Good luck to everyone this critical week 11. If you’ve made it this far, go back to the top and read the rules about trading and add/drops so there is no confusion. Looking forward to this week. Also the EFFL history link is updated through all games.