Unusual Suspects Arrive

With 5 weeks in the books, teams surely are starting to take a little more notice at the playoff picture.  Our last winless team finally got a victory, and in doing so won the weekly $10 prize.  I have to admit that this blog was very difficult to write this week.  It’s been a year since a Pylons squad has scored less than 100 points, and this one hurt.  I spent all day Sunday drinking heavily and it ended with me missing the entire Chargers-Saints game.  Most of this resulted from the Eagles having the ball a total of 4 times in the final 42 minutes of play.  Absolutely pathetic performance.  Yes, I was high fiving a 15 year old kid in a bar wearing a #29 Shady jersey.

One of the most interesting observations of the week is the 1-4 Chris Fusco squad.  The guy owns #1, 2, 3, 4, and 6 in the NFL in receiving yards, yet is only 1-4.  More on him later in the blog.  Also, a heartfelt apology to Mr. Adam Tatz.  He put up 151 points and it still was not enough.  Just an awful beat.  Both EEB and Tatz are #2 in scoring in their respective leagues and each is 2-3.  I definitely anticipate the trash talk heating up as these matchups become even more critical.

Beef of the Week: My beef of the week has to do with the handling of a certain quarterback that has been in this space before.  I have been extremely critical of Blaine Gabbert.  I’ve insisted that he is by far the worst quarterback in the league.  Jaguars head coach Mike Mularkey apparently believes he “has something” in this young fraud.

The Jaguars were tied 3-3 at the half with the Bears on Sunday.  A remarkable feat by any means.  You have an awful, awful quarterback and one of the best running backs in the league in Maurice Jones-Drew.  Somehow, despite the game being tied, the Jaguars 2^nd half stats are as follows:

Maurice Jones-Drew: 1 carry, 27 yards, 1 first down

Blaine Gabbert: 7 for 15, 22 yards, 2 interceptions returned for TD, 2 sacks, 0 first downs.

Despite having a stud running back, Mike Mularkey allowed Gabbert to continue to dig the Jaguars into a bigger and bigger hole.  With 2 minutes left in the game, the score was 41-3.  MJD was mercifully removed, and if you took the Bears -37.5 in the 2^nd half, you sir were a big winner.  How does an NFL head coach have such little understanding of the talent on his roster?  It is just completely baffling to me.  I’d fire his ass on the spot after a showing like that.  The team is now 1-4, with their only win coming on a last minute Cecil Shorts III 80 yard catch and run.  The over/under for season wins was 5.5, and I am absolutely kicking myself for not betting my life savings on the under.

On to the week 5 rankings:

EFFL League 1

1. Tequila Party Gnomes (4-1) – Last week: 1 – TPG looks like the team to beat right now.  After another impressive showing against the King, TPG now has the #1 record, is #1 in points scored, and Is #1 in the breakdown across both leagues.  70 points from Marques Colston the past 2 weeks has carried this team to new heights.  The Gnomes are an extremely impressive 11-3 in their last 14 regular season games.  Well done.

2. Coach Janky Spanky (2-3) – Last week: 3 – Poor EEB got 182 points dropped on him.  There’s nothing you can do about that.  Despite that, he has been in the top half of league scoring every single week.  He is the only team to accomplish this feat.  How about Tony Gonzalez?!?!?  The ageless wonder can’t be stopped, and he is the #1 tight end through 5 weeks.  This team looks like it will turn it around sooner than later, but could definitely use some luck on his side.

3. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-4) – Last week: 7 – It may seem a bit odd to find the team tied for last place in the #3 slot, but as I always say in fantasy football… You can’t play defense.  The Fusco squad has turned around in a major way, and he looks to have a pretty decent crop of receivers.  That being said, I wouldn’t expect this team to reach 180 again.  Everything had to fall into place for that to happen, but going forward I still think this team will be a contender.

4. Dueling Pylons (3-2) – Last week: 2 – The Pylons have fallen on tough times after a second straight defeat.  Still should be OK at 3-2, but the losing streak must end.  As has been the case with this team, will only go as far as the receivers take them.  Having Torrey Smith, Gronk and Jordy Nelson combine for only 17 points is virtually an automatic loss.  Couple that with an injured QB and you have a recipe for disaster.  In contrast to Mr. Fusco, should only go up from the abysmal week 5 performance.

5. Stanky Monkeys (3-2) – Last week: 5 – I hate Victor Cruz.  3 TDs in my face is unnecessary, and as a result of your insensitivity, you are dropped in the power rankings.  It looks like Aaron Rodgers has finally turned the corner, and this team’s running backs may appear to be getting it together after all.  You took a lot of heat for your draft, but I think it worked out for you.  At 3-2, the Stanky Monkeys should be a contender as well.

6. Lady Luck (3-2) – Last week: 8 – As thin as this team is, I actually think that the starting lineup is pretty solid.  Brady, Fitz, Gates, Julio is a pretty solid foursome.  I think this is better than the other two teams have.  Also, if Ahmad Bradshaw is a decent runner, this team may be in pretty good position.  Despite being the lowest scoring team thus far, Sam could be headed for a couple wins in a row.  Bye weeks may be the only downfall.  Or injuries.  But Sam never gets them.

7. Eat My Asomugha (3-2) – Last week: 4 – I don’t know if I was high or shitfaced when I did the rankings last week, but this team should not have been at #4.  Michael Vick is a fraud.  DeSean Jackson is a lazy, lazy POS.  And the best player on the entire roster is the Bears defense.  How are you still starting Chris Johnson and Marshawn Lynch?!?!? This is insanity.  I’m so glad I beat this team and saved face.  The reason you’re at #7 is because Nicks is coming back, VJax and Miles Austin have had their bye, and you’re in playoff position.

8. The King’s Crusaders (1-4) – Last week: 6 – Oh boy.  We’ll see how low his stubbornness can take him.  It seemed pretty impossible that the King could plummet from first to last in the course of 5 weeks, but it is now the case.  This team has Percy Harvin and AJ Green and absolutely nothing else.  The longer this team goes without making a trade, the worse things will get.  While it is a noble goal to go down with ship, it is even nobler for the other ships not to answer the distress call.

EFFL League 2

1. Team Toliver (4-1) – Last week: 2 – Yashar has asserted himself as the dominant force in league 2.  I thoroughly enjoyed you laughing at Tony G destroying the Tatz.  Could have been done in by using double Bills, but can’t really fault you with Tron on a bye.  At 4-1 and the top scoring team in the league, this spot is well deserved.  Peyton Manning is also heating up at the right time.  I have to believe that this team is leading the way to promotion.

2. The Heads of State (2-3) – Last week: 1 – Had a very rough week of matchups, but I’m not yet concerned.  I like this team’s roster far too much to believe that a losing record will stick.  Despite Vick being terrible, Meech has a budding star in Andrew Luck on the bench.  The true sign of a strong team is a deep roster, and this is one of the best.  Definitely needs to lock up some wins soon.

3. Bo$$town Beasts (4-1) – Last week: 4 – Cutty keeps on cruising and bruising.  I’d have to say this is the most surprising of the 4-1 teams.  Plugged in Crabtree on a whim, and he obviously exploded.  Clearly the eye of the Jew is strong in this one.  Although I think this may not be the next best roster, I think the managing is top notch.  Surely will not be a pushover.

4. Claiborne Supremacy (2-3) – Last week: 5 – It was brutal to see you go down despite such a big week.  I also enjoyed the delicious Bareburger which I was semi blacked out for.  Trent Richardson also looks like the real deal.  I’m looking forward to seeing this team healthy and finally off byes.  This team will be higher up in the standings before you know it.  Also looking forward to your outstanding Halloween costume.

5. Threeing the Hogs (3-2) – Last week: 6 – This is exactly the type of week I would have expected from Mike Y.  I think this team can also move up in the rankings very easily.  I’m also a big fan of this roster.  If Antonio Gates or Steve Smith can put any type of respectable game together, I think this team will be a force to be reckoned with.  Miles Austin could be a nice addition as well.

6. Jersey Leshoure (2-3) – Last week: 7 – Ben couldn't have been any more excited that his season was riding on Ryan Mathews.  Thankfully, despite the rest of the team doing absolutely nothing, Reggie Wayne came through in a massive way.  I don’t know what the future holds for this team, but I’m concerned that this success may not hold up.  This team is almost a collection of busts.  At this point I’m not truly convinced that this team is better than the other two.

7. BABY TEES (1-4) – Last week: 8 – Dosh moves up a spot this week despite another tough loss.  Could be the Fusco of League 2 as teams just enjoy unloading on him.  Needs Hakeem Nicks back desperately, but I think the arrow is pointing up.  The Matt Ryan, Reg Bush and Marques Colston combo is looking very nice.  I wouldn’t be too concerned at this point, but could be on tilt very soon.  Please be something other than Dustin Keller for Halloween.

8. RGIII for President (2-3) – Last week: 3 – Uh oh.  This team is in some serious, serious trouble.   Both RG3 and Jimmy Graham went down with injuries in week 5, and with bye weeks looming this is a possible disaster waiting to happen.  Still has Cruz and Demaryius Thomas, but I’m concerned about Darryl.  Especially on a 3 game losing streak, the 2 TE strategy is rearing its ugly head due to injuries.  The jury is still out on this team, but in the meantime, I’ll be skeptical.

Things moved a lot in Week 5.  With nobody undefeated and nobody winless, there’s a lot remaining to be done.  I love when Woody is on the ropes, and I appreciate league efforts last week to prevent the commish from eating his own words.  Good luck to everyone in Week 6.  Can’t believe the regular season is approaching the midway point already.

'72 Dolphins Pop Bottles

Weapon X

It only took 4 weeks, but the last undefeated team has fallen.  The Pylons were taken behind the shed and ravaged by a group of angry Gnomes.  It was rough, but I'll take it.  I made a deal early Sunday morning with the fantasy gods.  I offered a sacrifice in the form of a Gnomes win in return for an Eagles victory Sunday night.  They listened.  TPG-Pylons was the highest scoring game in the 8 year history of the league.  For awhile it looked as if TPG would reach the impossible total of 200 fantasy points.  I've yet to see it.

I know that many of you stayed up into the wee hours of Sunday night, only to watch Lawrence Tynes blow a game winning field goal twice.  It's probably the most excited I've ever been to say about another male "He's Short!!!!"  Heavy drinking immediately commenced, and I had a nasty headache Monday morning.  BG took off Monday in advance of a Sunday night game.  He's a veteran, and he is missed in the league.  I've also come to appreciate GIFs more this season....  Here's some Manning face:

I sent this to some people at work, as much of my conversations revolve around the awful Jets and the awful Giants these days.  The general response was "this is what I looked like after the kick".. HAHA.  The first place Eagles sit at 3-1, and I couldn't be happier.

Random thought of the week: I have unusual dreams.  The most recent was a pentathlon of sorts.  The 5 events included an all out sprint followed by a beer chug.  Then a rousing game of quarters.  Then catching pancakes in your mouth that someone is throwing at you.  Then drawing and properly coloring the new Seattle Seahawks logo.  I came in a distant 4th behind EEB who finished 3rd.  Nobody else I know was involved.

Since pasting the GIF, I've now seen Manning face about 50 times.  To interrupt, here's Brady after scoring a rushing TD.

Yes, he's saying Fuck you, bitches!  I'm sure that'll make Cutter happy.

Beef of the Week, brought to you by Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat.  Leaving an unpleasant taste in your cubemates nostrils since 2006.  I have some severe beef with the New York Jets and Rex Ryan this week.  They couldn't even throw me a bone and score a fucking point.  Defenses have ripped me a new one in 2012, and the 49ers went off for over 30 points.  Mark Sanchez is absolute garbage.  And the worst part is that Tebow is even worse.  This fatass Rex keeps defending this ass clown.  In 4 years, his QB rating is a shade under 73, good for dead last among real QBs.  A decent QB may have done something decent with that squad.  And the worst part is listening CONSTANTLY to the seesaw of NY drama.  One week he's winning the Super Bowl and the next he should be benched.  I recently heard "I like Sanchez"... What?!?!?!? You're retarded and not in a politically correct way.  This team is a disaster, and if you wish to cause me future fantasy pain, start the defense that plays the Jets.

Side beef: Is NBC serious with the salsa music?  They had a clip cued up to play upon Victor Cruz scoring a touchdown.  That's clown status.  I'd like to see them have the A Town Stomp cued up to blare some Lil Jon upon Cam Newton scoring a TD.  That'll be the day.

It's been an interesting season around the league.  I never thought I'd see a day where the Falcons and Texans look like the dominant forces in the NFL.  In the spirit of side bets, I'll take all bets on what week Schaub gets injured.  I'm also excited about both leagues being so close.  Lots of good teams and lots of bad teams, yet somehow everyone is within 2 games of each other through 4 weeks.  We had an unbelievably high scoring week, so let's get to where we stand in the power rankings.  TPG cracked 190! and won the $10 prize this week.  Finally someone has brought some respectability to League 1.  Special shout out to Adam Cutter, who put up 187 points and somehow was not the high score.  Very impressive.

EFFL League 1

1. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-1) - Last week: 2 - Absolute statement game from the Gnomes has removed the Pylons from the top spot.  This was an explosion of epic proportion.  It's the highest scoring game in Matt's history.  All of this was done with Calvin Johnson only scoring 10 points and Mike Wallace on a bye. This team has now taken over as the Vegas odds on favorite to hoist the EFFL trophy for the first time.

2. Dueling Pylons (3-1) - Last week: 1 - Got taken down in a big way by the #1 squad but still put up almost 140 in defeat.  Definitely nothing to be upset at.  The Pylons are still looking very good and can certainly assert themselves in the next couple weeks.  Depth at running back will prove vital as we enter the bye weeks and surely will lose more players to injury.

3. Coach Janky Spanky (2-2) - Last week: 4 - I demanded in the blog last week that EEB get it together.  He responded with a 160 point thrashing of Lady Luck.  How long can you ride the Chiefs bandwagon?  And how consistently can you expect your special teams to put up double digit points?  For the love of God, stop using Danny Amendola.  Just because you're extremely white doesn't mean your team needs to be too.

4. Eat My Asomugha (3-1) - Last week: 6 - I really wish there was a better team in the league so I could put an actual good team in the #4 slot.  League 1 definitely appears to be thinner than league 2.  I don't really believe in the running backs, but if Vick can keep playing reasonably well, this team should be fine to make the playoffs.  Completed a season sweep of Woody due to a scheduling debacle.  Could come in handy down the line.  Also said he was disappointed that this wasn't closer as the Bears D on Monday night with multiple TDs surely brings back bad memories.

5. Stanky Monkeys (2-2) - Last week: 8 - I'm willing to give Lou the benefit of the doubt at this point.  He's been upset being in the basement for awhile and he needed something positive.  Got a game from Rodgers he was expecting with a number 1 pick.  I think this team is turning the corner and has a huge matchup with the Pylons in week 5.  Could really assert themselves as a serious contender for the first time in many years.

6. The King's Crusaders (1-3) - Last week: 3 - The King will sit and tell you about how he's one game out of the playoffs, but despite the majority of teams making the playoffs, this team is in trouble.  He will tell you that it is a marathon, not a sprint.  I think it's a cover.  You can't lose twice to Gambino and expect to be taken seriously.  No consistency at all, and I really question whether this team can put it together.  Faces a red hot TPG in week 5 and must be careful.

7. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-4) - Last week: 5 - Stock is pointing way down.  Now two games behind in the playoff hunt and still looking for the first win of 2012.  Fusco has never made the playoffs, and even shrinking the league to 8 teams may not be enough to get him in.  Needs to get it together immediately or will surely end up in the postseason relegation battle.  There's just not enough firepower on this roster.

8. Lady Luck (2-2) - Last week: 7 - Finally back in a familiar place, Sam's team drops to last after another embarrassing week.  I'm looking at this roster and wondering what happened.  There's nothing of substance. Starting both Law Firm and Michael Bush in this league is not going to get it done.  Not that you could have done anything this week, but it will be interesting to see if this team can hold off the two teams below.

EFFL League 2

1. The Heads of State (2-2) - Last week: 2 - Young Meech is back.  Left both Ravens receivers on the bench, but no problem.  Plugged in Owen Daniels and immediate results.  This team is stacked and for my money is the best in the league.  The only weakness may be the reliance on the Eagles, but should be able to overcome it with the rest of the roster.  I wouldn't be surprised to see this team rip off a couple wins in a row.

2. Team Toliver (3-1) - Last week: 1 - Picked up a nice win against a tough Leshoure squad.  Always seems to make the right lineup decisions as well.  I very much look forward to watching Bills-Chiefs with you at some point.  Also very respectable not taking my advice and adding a team name.  I'm sure you've been busy dreaming up a Halloween costume.

3. RGIII for President (2-2) - Last week: 5 - I'm so torn on what to do with Darryl's squad.  Week to week there isn't much consistency, but perhaps a pic of you Griffining would boost your stock in these rankings.  Ran into a huge week from the Meech squad in week 4, but I think this team rebounds next week.     Lineup decisions must improve, however.

4. Bo$$town Beasts (3-1) - Last week: 8 - Finally got a team name and moved way up in the rankings.  Actually Cutter has put together a far better squad than I expected.  Lit up the scoreboard to the tune of 180+ in week 4, which is extremely impressive.  Even without CJ Spiller, this team asserted itself as legit.  Not yet certified boss, but doing well.  I think this team may stay a contender.  If you put up 185 points, you should win the $10 prize.  Unfortunately it just wasn't enough this week.

5. Claiborne Supremacy (2-2) - Last week: 3 - I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but sacrificed a win due to lineup decisions.  I know you never want to start a defense against guys you start.  And I know you never want to start a defense against your favorite team, but it was very costly here.  I still think Tatz has a solid squad, and it won't take much to move up in the rankings.  Many of these teams are close together.

6. Threeing the Hogs (2-2) - Last week: 6 - Shockingly benched Brandon Marshall in favor of Malcom Floyd.  An odd move for sure but thankfully your opponent made more mistakes than you did.  I really thought this team would be better at this point, but perhaps breaking the losing streak is exactly what you needed.  The NFC South will carry you a long way.

7. Jersey Leshoure (1-3) - Last week: 4 - This team has gone in the tank.  Has virtually the same team as TITTY and as a result has a similar record.  120 is a decent total but thus far has been unable to put it all together.  You said it best yourself... Starting a black QB and a bunch of white WRs is rarely a recipe for fantasy success.  Especially when one of them is Danny Amendola.  I'm also sorry you were fooled into buying a fantasy magazine with Cam Newton on the cover.

8. BABY TEES (1-3) - Last week: 7 - Made some headway last week with a win but went right back in the tank in week 4.  Complained that his opponents always blow up, yet you were the low score of the week.  You wouldn't have beaten anybody.  You fell into your own trap and started Ramses Barden, Kyle Rudolph and Martellus Bennett.  Getting Nicks back will be big, but Dosh could lose a lot of ground until then.  Must be active on the waiver wire.


This was the longest blog of the season, and I feel like I have been writing for hours.  It's a thankless job.  I hope you all enjoyed the massively high scoring week.  Keep an eye out for bye weeks as they will really be picking up going forward.  Good luck to everyone in week 5.

Replacements Can't Stop Pylons

Everyone wants in on the Pylons

By now, you have surely had some complaints about the replacement refs.  Vegas even responded and added an extra half point to the home teams because these scabs couldn’t handle the pressure of a raucous crowd.  If you stayed up and watched the Monday night game, I’m sure you were equally as appalled as the rest of the country.  Apparently over $150 million in bets were reversed by the final play which gave the Seahawks the win.  That’s alarming.

Clearly, after being ecstatic that I didn’t lose a RB to injury in week 2, I was struck by injury in week 3.  Note to all you league owners.  When you make fun of your opponent for losing a player to injury, the fantasy gods do not take kindly to these actions.  Gambino will plummet in the rankings.  Also, the Dueling Pylons are now the only remaining undefeated team in the league.  It will be interesting to see how long this run can go.

There was a lot of internal debate over what my “Beef of the Week” would be, but after looking at all of the facts, this one is personal.

Eric Brooking.  You have been called out on the blog numerous times in the past.  When it comes to dealing with Woody, you always seem to shit the bed.  You are now 1-7 against him historically.  You chose to bench your boy Jamaal Charles, despite the Saints being the absolute worst defense in the league.  They allowed over 30 fantasy points per game to running backs in the first 2 weeks.  Somehow this fact went unnoticed.  A fantasy expert would have made the right call, and your credibility is in serious doubt.  You could have sent Chris to 0-3.  But you panicked.  Reactive vs. Proactive… the key to fantasy success.

Side beef… Bud Light Fantasy Football.  These clowns have a reasonably decent idea.  Drink beer, enter a code, build a fantasy football team for prizes.  After 9 beers Saturday, I entered the codes only to be left with 5 kickers and 4 defenses.  Couldn’t even get a position player.  This makes me want to drink less Bud Light, not more.  If they had this game for good beer, I would be an even bigger drunk than I already am.

This weekend featured a lot of drinking for me.  I have now contracted some form of illness, but it was worth it.  If you are ever in the Morristown, NJ area, check out the Grilled Cheese Factory.  Despite being pretty blacked out, I remember it being amazing.  Also, my new favorite song is Ne-Yo’s “Let Me Love You”.  Unrelated to football, but absolutely is a rager.

The week 3 high score was won by Yashar.  A furious Monday night push from Tatz was not enough to overcome the top score.  League 2 has won the high score prize in all 3 weeks.  Take away from that what you wish.

EFFL League 1

1. Dueling Pylons (3-0) – Last week: 1 – #1 team remains undefeated despite a subpar week.  Decided to throw Nick a bone by starting Brandon LaFell and still came out victorious.  Losing Spiller hurts, but the depth at RB makes this loss easier to overcome.  Huge game from Torrey Smith shows lots of promise for this squad.  Still deserving of the top spot.  A 3-0 team has never missed the playoffs, so at this point the Pylons may already be clear of avoiding relegation.

2. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-1) – Last week: 2 – As expected, TPG downed the Stanky Monkeys without too much resistance.  The one thing that will challenge this team, other than the Pylons, appears to be injury.  This team has a lot of injuries right now, and with bye weeks approaching, things may be a little shaky.  #1 vs. #2 this week will be a great matchup.

3. The King’s Crusaders (1-2) - Last week: 6 – A lot of close competition after the top 2, and at this point it is the King who gets this spot.  Still tons of question marks at RB, but the ceiling on this team is far higher than the others.  Finishes with a tough schedule, so the next couple weeks will be a strong sign of where this team ends up.  I’m surprised at how well AJ Green has done, but he’s definitely a superstar.

4. Coach Janky Spanky (1-2) – Last week: 4 – Nothing special here.  Poor lineup decisions will hamper this team all season.  I swear EEB has the same exact team every year.  He has never won with these guys yet continues to employ them.  Could easily be interchanged with a number of teams, but has a slight edge right now.  A loss to Sam in week 4 would just be an added slap in the face.  Get it together.

5. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-3) – Last week: 5 – Another season for Fusco in which he must dig himself out of a hole.  I was notified that a loss to Lady Luck would result in a team name change, and I’m excited to see what he comes up with.  Left 133 points on the bench, but he should see better days.  I still like this team, and the 8 team format gives this team more time to get back into playoff position.

6. Eat My Asomugha (2-1) – Last week: 3 – High score was a defense by a wide margin.  Extreme overconfidence resulted in serious consequences.  Thank you for posting to Facebook your 2-0 start.  We all know leagues are won in the first 2 weeks.  Here are the facts: you were low score in week 3.  You were 2^nd low score in week 1.  If this were my team, I’d feel lucky to be ranked #6 in these rankings.

7. Lady Luck (2-1) – Last week: 7 – Dead last in scoring, yet sits at 2-1.  What else is new?  This team seems way too thin to make noise, but all bets are off if you make the playoffs.  Could have Forte back soon, which would be a big boost.  Matchup with Janky Spanky this week is certainly going to make me laugh.  I’m expecting another Sam victory and more EEB despair.

8. Stanky Monkeys (1-2) – Last week: 8 – What is up with Aaron Rodgers?  This team had so much potential.  A strong week from MJD is a nice takeaway, but who knows what to expect out of the Stanky Monkeys.  Ryan Mathews fumbling issues are coming to a head, and relying on a Norv Turner player is never a smart idea.  Will be a total embarrassment to lose to a winless Fusco in week 4.

EFFL League 2

1. Team Toliver (2-1) – Last week: 5 – Please get a team name.  Perhaps “Yeevie” for your boy and mine Stevie “Silky” Johnson.  His TD dance was legit.  This is the highest scoring team across both leagues, and despite my harsh rankings previously, is now deserving of the #1 spot.  This team has depth and superstars across the board.  You’ll have to come out for Sunday football soon.

2. The Heads of State (1-2) – Last week: 3 – Another loss, yet another jump in the rankings for Big Meech.  The Vick/DeSean combo screwed you big time, yet still put up over 120.  This team may be even scarier than Yashar’s, but lineup decisions have been difficult.  I loved this team when it was drafted, and I still feel the same way.  I think this team is a serious contender for top spot when all is said and done.

3. Claiborne Supremacy (2-1) – Last week: 7 – I had a really tough time distinguishing between the middle teams.  Tatz had a huge week and that’s without the services of Maclin and Greg Jennings.  I think this team will certainly hang around for awhile.  Are they the third best team?  To be determined.  But as is customary, this team is playing the best of the rest right now.

4. Jersey Leshoure (1-2) – Last week: 4 – No word from Ben this week, but odds are he was found in the fetal position by a bottle of Beefeater.  He is absolutely going to need more than 30 points per week from Cam, Andre, and Jordy.  This team still has potential, but he has to get it together sooner than later.

5. RGIII for President (2-1) – Last week: 1 –A huge drop after a monster week 3.  Followed up a 180+ point effort by scoring less than 80.  The good news is this is probably the low of all lows.  Your bench also consists of Eli Manning and 7 running backs.  You may want to do something to address that.  Still 2-1 and in good shape, but don’t let week 4 become a trend.

6. Threeing the Hogs (1-2) – Last week: 2 – Mike Y is in free fall.  His team of superstars is not coming through.  This really puts into question the laptop theory in which best player available is mathematically calculated.  On paper, good.  In reality, mediocre.  The laptop theory only works when everyone else is also using a laptop.  I think better days are ahead, but I’m definitely not as high on this team as I once was.

7. BABY TEES (1-2) – Last week: 6 – As expected, Dosh finally got on the board with his first win.  I continually look at his roster and wonder how he does it, but every year seems to be the same thing.  Perhaps it’s the activity on the waiver wire, but I believe this team is truly one of the best at making lineup decisions.  Despite being #7, there is room for improvement.  Don’t count this team out.

8. Team Cutter (2-1) – Last week: 8 – What if Jamaal Charles doesn’t drop 40 points?  This team seems like it should be much better, but perhaps the same path is enough.  I think this is your Gambino squad of League 2.  Puts up a decent amount of points but never has a monster week.  Please get a team name.  I don’t care if it’s Gisele’s Boy Toys.  I don’t care if it’s Vaginal Hubris.  Just please.  Congrats on 2-1.

The EFFL history sheet has been updated through Week 3.  It’s been a fun ride thus far, and I fully welcome any smack talk you want to send to the lone undefeated team.  League 1 is going to win the high score one of these weeks.  Good luck in week 4 to everyone.

Chuckin up the Deuces

The Eagles are on pace for 72 turnovers.  That is not an exaggeration.  Yet despite this awful play, the team is somehow 2-0.  The Saints are 0-2.  The Cardinals won at New England.  What is going on?  Perhaps the most stunning development through 2 weeks is Nick Gambino sitting atop the EFFL League 1 standings.  I’m confused, baffled, flummoxed.  This truly proves that despite what you think you may know about football, the fantasy gods know more.

An exciting moment for me this week was Greg Schiano of the Bucs demanding his players assault Eli as he took a knee to end the game.  Tom Coughlin obviously took exception to another team doing something that different from his own ways and started yelling.  It was also nice to not lose a running back to a season ending knee injury in week 2 this year.

A new segment on the blog has come to light.  While I frequently take issue with others’ behavior, there is no particular place to air this grievance.  Well, let me introduce you to a new piece, entitled “Beef of the Week”.

This week’s Beef of the Week centers around the personalized jersey.  You need to never order a jersey which has your own last name on the back.  I’m aware of at least one league member with one of these jerseys.  I was at a Bears bar Thursday night.  I look around and see Urlacher; I see Robbie Gould.  Then I see a #23 jersey.  It’s not Devin Hester, however.  It’s Paganucci #23.  You’re not on the team, Paganucci.  Having the jersey does not make you one of them.  You look foolish and your name stinks.  Give me an Incognito jersey over a Paganucci any day.

Also, a special shout out to Adam Tatz this week.  Prior to the Bears game he and I were confronted by a drunken hobo inside an Irish bar.  We received a lecture on terrorists, and ultimately, Tatz was asked if he was Iranian.  He is not.  Throughout the ordeal, he was a good sport.  I look forward to many more Sundays and Thursdays with embarrassing New Yorkers.

The week 2 high score went to Mr. Darryl Hazelwood.  He scored an incredible 181 points in only the 2^nd week.  Congratulations.  League 2 has now won both weekly high score prizes.

EFFL League 1

1. Dueling Pylons (2-0) – Last week: 2 – For probably the first time since these rankings started, the Pylons sit atop the standings.  Still attempting to perfect the starting lineup, but this team appears to be stacked for the long haul.  RGIII and CJ Spiller are averaging 30 points per game.  Foster and Gronk are also top class.  If the receivers can pull it together, this is the team to beat.

2. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-1) – Last week: 1 – I know the Gnomes got whooped on by Janky Spanky, but there was little that could have been done.  Poor guy had to face Danny Amendola and watch him tie an NFL record with 12 first half catches.  Hernandez was lost to injury.  Maclin was limited.  Going forward, Trent Richardson, Reggie Bush and Brent Celek could be big players.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see this team rebound in a big way next week against the Stanky Monkeys.

3. Eat My Asomugha (2-0) - Last week: 7 – The big mover this week is Gambino, who put up an incredible 161 points.  In 7 seasons, this was Nick’s 2^nd highest point total.  It’s hard to tell if this is the league’s 3^rd best team.  They look good for now, however.  Will face off in week 3 with the Pylons in a matchup of the league’s 2 unbeatens.  Would bet the ranch on this team not sniffing 160 again this season.

4. Coach Janky Spanky (1-1) – Last week: 5 – This has been a sobering blog.  Gambino and EEB in the top half of the rankings seems impossible.  The more I look at it, the more I think this team is not good.  This team got some massive performances in week 2 and should remain towards the middle of the pack.  We will see if this team can sustain some momentum.

5. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-2) – Last week: 6 – This team fell to 0-2, yet still moved up in the power rankings.  I still think there’s much more in the tank than what we saw this week.  McFadden/BMarsh only putting up 9 combined points seems very unlikely to happen again.  I think this team rebounds sooner than later.  Your trash talk still is terrible.

6. The King’s Crusaders (0-2) – Last week: 3 – The preseason #1 has started off with back to back defeats.  Neither was due to a massive opposing week.  This team has just not lived up to the hype.  One thing the rest of the league has going is that he still is a believer in Jermichael Finley.  He is one of the most overrated players in the league.  Perhaps if you had offered something decent for Spiller, you’d be in a better position.  Classic hubris.

7. Lady Luck (1-1) – Last week: 4 – I was too nice.  This team had a really difficult week due to the Cardinals-Patriots fiasco.  Also, lost both starting running backs due to injury.  The low score was not based on poor performance.  I think this team is solid, but the lack of depth could really cause some problems if any of the injuries are serious.  This team could be in danger of a bad run.

8. Stanky Monkeys (1-1) – Last week: 8 – Surely will not be happy with a last place ranking despite putting up 120+.  So many question marks on this team.  I’m wary of the potential of this team.  Will face a TPG team looking to rebound in week 3.  I’ll give you a free piece of advice.  Shonn Greene is terrible.  Stop using him if you want to be taken seriously.

EFFL League 2

1. RGIII for President (2-0) – Last week: 5 – A huge jump to #1 after an absolute monster week 2.  Taking the top 2 tight ends was a risk, but it really seems to be paying off.  The rest of the league is at a disadvantage at the TE position and looks very solid at QB.  I wouldn’t be shocked to see this team steamroll Dosh in week 3.  I’m pleasantly surprised. 

2. Threeing the Hogs (1-1) – Last week: 1 – In the same boat as TPG.  Was #1 in the rankings after week 1 and got absolutely demolished by a team with a huge week.  I still think this is a really good team that should be very competitive going forward.  Just a bit of bad luck here.  Sad to see the two Redskins teams near the top.  Hope you enjoyed Josh Morgan’s spaz.

3. The Heads of State (1-1) – Last week: 4 – This team can easily move up.  Definitely one of the most dangerous out there right now.  I see after falling short against Tatz you wrecked somebody and picked up a yellow in frustration.  Check out Meech on the homepage of Neumann Soccer: http://www.neumannathletics.com/index.aspx?tab=soccer&path=msoc .  Big win on the pitch.  Big win against a frustrated Ben.

4. Jersey Leshoure (1-1) – Last week: 2 – A lot of shake up in the rankings this week, and nobody felt it more than Leshoure.  On paper, this team appears to be an outstanding squad.  In reality, this team may be in a little worse shape than originally thought.  I think better games lie ahead, but it is not going to be as easy as initially thought.  Better get used to it.

5. Team Toliver (1-1) – Last week: 7 – Initially had this team ranked higher, but lack of a team name dropped it a couple spots.  Squeaked out an unlikely win Monday night and forced me to change the blog.  Well done.  If 31 points is the worst the Lions combo does, there will be a lot of wins in Yashar’s future.  Matchup with Meech in week 3 should be a very high scoring affair.

6. BABY TEES (0-2) – Last week: 6 – The next couple teams are all extremely close in talent.  Despite lots of yelling, it somehow appears that Dosh has emerged with a respectable squad and is 2^nd in points.  Unfortunately, his record does not show that.  Wisely benched Chris Johnson after unwisely selecting him, but would have had the win if he stuck with his boy Kyle Rudolph.  Whether this team can remain a contender for the long haul remains to be seen, but I am much higher on this team now than I was a couple weeks ago.  The wins will come.

7. Claiborne Supremacy (1-1) – Last week: 3 – Injuries could really be taking their toll.  Forte, Maclin and Jennings are all banged up.  As stated previously, teams 4-7 right now seem to all be very close to me.  I really think there wouldn’t be much complaint from anyone if they were ranked in a different order.  I’m excited to see what Trent Richardson can do for you.  He looked great this past week.  Also, you were dropped in the rankings due to your wearing of a Joe Flacco jersey.  Unacceptable.

8. Team Cutter (1-1) – Last week: 8 – If I had not seen a personalized jersey, my Beef of the Week award winner would have been Adam Cutter.  Started Jamaal Charles and Steven Jackson over CJ Spiller.  For someone who makes a living in property management, your handling of Spiller was questionable at best.  I think this team is far behind the competition in League 2 and will really need some work to get into the playoffs.  Got a bone thrown his way with a big Monday night from Roddy White.  Those could easily have been Julio’s points.

Through two weeks, I have to admit that I’ve been surprised at some of the results.  I also have finally gotten my act together and updated the EFFL history sheet with all of the new owners.  That link is posted at the top of the blog.  There are a bunch of hidden tabs if you feel the need to see everything going back to 05.  Good luck in week 3. 

EFFL Season 8 Off to Solid Start

I know that the initial power rankings caused a bit of a stir within league circles.  It also caused a flurry of emails which were all hilarious.  On the blog, there is a link at the top for the league message board.  This is just a page where everyone can post their banter throughout the season instead of keeping a large email chain.  Regardless, it is good to be back blogging again.  Despite the significant amount of time it takes to produce the blog, I thoroughly enjoy having a forum to rip on all league members and their bad decisions.  While incoming texts were slightly down in week 1, there were definitely a number of gems.

First, I have a bone to pick with Mr. Eric Brooking.  Although we squared off in week 1, this beef has nothing to do with our meeting.  Let me take you back to the trade deadline in 2011, which has been discussed ad nauseum.  With Woody frantic and on the ropes, you got drunk and traded him MJD, which he eventually turned into his 3^rdchampionship.  You were chastised repeatedly, and it was assumed you learned your lesson…

I received this text message from Woody Saturday afternoon: “Lol just received a call from a shit faced eeb.  He offered Helu for Andre Johnson and complained nobody at the Michigan game accepts credit cards.”  While I laughed for a good 5 minutes straight, what are you thinking?!?!?!  I don’t like where this is going.  Please, please do not do something stupid again this year. 

I had a discussion with Fusco the day of the draft about 8 team leagues.  While the teams do tend to be a little more stacked, lineup decisions become that much more important.  So many points get left on the bench in the first week, and every decision could be the difference between a win and a loss.  It’s really true.

My personal favorite highlight of the week was the Nate Washington touchdown celebration.  He busted out the classic Sharks celebration from Any Given Sunday featuring Jamie Foxx (who has been disappointingly absent on the music scene lately).  I’d check it out if you haven’t seen either.  Also, the Giants lost and we got plenty of Manning face.  Very entertaining.  I am extremely glad that football is back, but it’s enough with the NFL shoving Peyton Manning down your throat.  Sunday night football week 1 and Monday night football week 2?  Nobody cares about the Broncos including me who has a Broncos Tebow jersey hanging in my closet.

A special congratulations goes out to Mike Y who won the first $10 prize as high score.

On to the rankings:

EFFL League 1:

1. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-0) – Last week: 5 – Apparently putting eggs in the Falcons basket could prove to be a very wise move in 2012.  The Gnomes were the last team in the league to draft a QB, and they may have the best one.  Currently -$20 in Buffalo Wild Wings parlays, but given the excitement of the Gnomes squad, will surely take his first beating in stride.

2. Dueling Pylons (1-0) – Last week: 3 – A very strong week 1 from the Pylons has solidified some of this teams question marks.  As RG3 carved up the Saints, I kept receiving texts from EEB asking me to “fill my hole”… apparently my initial blog indicating a hole at QB was the reference here, but I was concerned for a good amount of time.  Peterson looks great and this team has massive potential.  Could this be the year?  “Turn around, let me see your name.  I don’t know you bro”

3. The King’s Crusaders (0-1) – Last week: 1 – Not all that an impressive week, but still put up respectable numbers.  Unfortunately came up on the short end of the stick.  The best receiving corps in the league should be very consistent going forward.  I appreciate your numerous (greater than 5) attempts to trade me Steven Jackson.  I will not bite.  Side note: David Wilson looks good.

4. Lady Luck (1-0) – Last week: 4 – True to form, Lady Luck squeaked out a 1 point victory Monday night.  You should be proud that I’m actually not ripping on your team this year.  Even though Michael Turner is absolute garbage, and the rest of the league thanks you for taking him, Garcon looks like he could be a real player this year.  I think this team should be in contention for a while.

5. Coach Janky Spanky (0-1) – Last week: 7 – Moved up due to awfulness of the rest of the league.  Before the season I stated “Has arguably the #1 QB, TE, RB.  Nothing else.  That's a problem.”  I see no reason to change that statement or my feeling about this team.  I can’t see this team being a serious contender at any point.  I look forward to your trade offers for your boy “Hole”.

6. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-1) – Last week: 2 – Drafted the entire Broncos team and left them on the bench.  Fusco was so giddy to land Tamme, yet he’s on the bench!  Ran into a buzzsaw with TPG in week 1, but I think this team will pull it together.  Hopefully he waits until at least week 3.

7. Eat My Asomugha (1-0) – Last week: 8 – This is the first time Nick has not been ranked dead last in the power rankings since 2010.  Congrats.  Must be gouging his eyes out having to watch the Eagles intently every week.  Again, I can see this team maybe being able to sneak into the playoffs, but unfortunately will not get to play the Stanky Monkeys every week.

8. Stanky Monkeys (0-1) – Last week: 6 – I was too generous last week.  I gave Lou the benefit of the doubt, but nobody on this team showed up except Aaron Rodgers.  I think this team will see better days, but must be careful not to dig too big a hole.

EFFL League 2:

1. Threeing the Hogs (1-0) – Last week: 2 – This looks like the new team to beat.  Winner of the first $10 prize as high score in week 1.  Julio Jones looks like an absolute beast.  Brandon Marshall has finally been reunited with Jay Cutler after much, much whining from Cutler.  Nobody likes a whiner.  Mike also brought some serious trash talk via email, which was impressive.  I like what I’ve seen from this team.

2. Jersey Leshoure (1-0) – Last week: 1 – Decided to give Dosh a chance by starting Justin Blackmon but survived a week 1 scare.  Still, this is a strong team and leads the league with most suspended players.  The Ray Rice – McFadden combo is one of my favorites.  I hope you have some hair left after that Eagles game.

3. Claiborne Supremacy (1-0) – Last week: 5 – Perhaps I underestimated Matt Forte.  If he can keep up his production, this team is definitely going to be a player.  I don’t know how you ended up stuck in the Bronx watching colored dots on an iPad Sunday, but I commend you for your dedication to the Eagles passing game.

4. The Heads of State (0-1) – Last week: 3 – Receivers all put up pedestrian numbers in week 1, but similar to the Pylons may have gotten a steal with Peterson.  Yes, I was the one in Matt’s ear demanding he take Peterson for you.  Brain Trust baby.  It can win in 2 leagues in 2012.  There’s more to be done here.

5. RGIII for President (1-0) – Last week: 7 – Got a cupcake matchup in week 1 which shouldn’t happen again.  RB position looks a little weak, but that should still be OK in most weeks.  Living in DC and being around all the Skins buzz must be exciting.  He looks like a stud.  Also, in this election year I wouldn’t mind casting my vote as a write-in.

6. BABY TEES (0-1) – Last week: 8 – Ugh I can’t believe I’ve moved this team out of the bottom spot, but there is a serious possibility that Matt Ryan could carry this team all year.  Could even get some value out of Randy Moss, which would be an absolute joke.  I still wouldn’t be that scared of this team if I were in the league, but you never know.  Almost fought off Snooki and Leshoure, but didn’t have enough.

7. Team Toliver (0-1) – Last week: 4 – Still needs a team name, but it wasn’t your fault Mike Y ran train on you.  Can’t believe you kept your boy Stevie on the bench, but I think this week was this team’s floor.  Just wait til Welker has has usual 12 catch, 31 yard, 4 td games.  I like this team.

8. Team Cutter (0-1) – Last week: 6 – Maybe I’m being a little too harsh on Cutty, but he is using multiple Kansas City Chiefs.  With 87 points was low man on the 16 team totem pole. Given this fact, I think Team Cutter is far closer to the top/middle teams than the bottom teams in League 1.  Could easily jump in the polls soon.  In the famous words of Adam Cutter, “Sundays are so easy” apparently doesn’t apply to fantasy football.

While it was a fun start to the season, things will certainly get more interesting when teams assert themselves in the standings.  I anticipate a big week for the Pylons in honor of the Jewish Holidays.  I also look forward to more banter via the message board.  See you in week 2.

We're Back Baby!!

The 2012 season is finally here.  Tonight we embark on another journey to EFFL supremacy which will result in not only 1, but now 2 champions being crowned.  This is the 8th season of the premier fantasy football experience.  A season preview was requested, so I will give you a quick rundown of how I see things panning out.  These predictions will be as accurate as ESPN's NFL "experts", but it's better than nothing.  Keep in mind that the high score each week across both leagues wins a $10 bonus, so keep checking the other scores to see if that lucky dog is you.

While we did not take Nick's advice of betting league fees on black in AC, I took it upon myself to bet an equivalent amount at the roulette table.  If my results were any indication, we made the smart move.  For those not familiar with the blog format, each week I give power rankings for the league which do not represent actual standings.  They represent how I see things eventually shaping up.  They will have some game recaps as well as previews built in.

Without further ado:

EFFL League 1:

1. The King's Crusaders - Defending champ seems to have built a strong receiving corps.  While not deep, this team seems to appear the best on the surface.

2. Tweeting in the Trenches - Looks like the standard Fusco team.  Could start strong, but injury concerns may cause this team to fade.  For now, deserve to be here.

3. Dueling Pylons - Deficiencies at QB should be easy to overcome.  Same core as 2011 which was one of the best teams down the stretch.

4. Lady Luck - Not a fan of the RB combo, but a lot of talent on this team.  Also, very thin but since Sam usually avoids injuries, should be ok.

5. Tequila Party Gnomes - Finally has Tron back.  Putting a lot of eggs in the Falcons basket, but looks better than the rest.

6. Stanky Monkeys - Despite drafting every possible player who is out week 1, over the long haul I see this team being competitive.

7. Coach Janky Spanky - Has arguably the #1 QB, TE, RB.  Nothing else.  That's a problem.

8. Eat My Asomugha - New team name.  Same awful team.  Despite going down to 8 teams, the open bar found its victim.  Will be battling relegation all season.

EFFL League 2:

1. Jersey Leshoure - When you do not move away from the draft board the entire night, you end up with the best team.  Ben is the clear favorite.

2. Threeing the Hogs - I assume this is a Redskins reference.  Mike Y did work.  Should be a contender for promotion.

3. The Heads of State - Vick/DeSean combo makes me nervous, but if Vick stays healthy #3 will be too low.

4. Team Toliver - Get a team name.  Otherwise I like it.  You'll enjoy rooting for the Lions every week I assure you.

5. Claiborne Supremacy - A lot of potential with this team, and any time you grab Rodgers you're in good shape.  RB's are a question mark or would be higher.

6. Team Cutter - How far can Brady carry this team?  Also, get a team name.

7. Team Hazelwood - Shame he stopped drafting after the Gronk/Graham combo.  This is what happens when you don't draft a non-TE til the end of the 3rd round.

8. BABY TEES - Caps lock does not help your cause.  This team is terrible.  I just don't see any scenario in which this team gets promoted for 2013.

A new blog will hopefully be posted by Tuesday to recap week 1.  That will be my goal this year.  Good luck to everyone in week 1.

Only 4 Teams Remain

I know this is the blog you all have been waiting for.  We can officially say the Pylons have been eliminated.  I am blogging with tears in my eyes wondering what could have been.  With just one more win, it would have been the Pylons, not the Gnomes, who had the first round bye.  But it was not meant to be.  Instead I am left eating an early dinner of barley and hops, hoping to wash away the sorrows of a 7th season with an empty trophy case.  I usually do not do a finals preview due to the lack of interest around the league, but we will see what kind of mood I am in next Monday.  While this is a tough loss to swallow, losing to a Woody or Gambino would have been far worse.  Here is what transpired in week 1 of the playoffs.


The Stone Masons 129+ - Dueling Pylons 126


I'm sure both of these teams expected a high scoring affair.  The Masons came out on fire, as at 1:05 PM the Lions defense had already scored a Touchdown.  By 2, they had gone in again, as had Shady McCoy.  It looked like the Masons were well on their way to an easy victory.  But the Pylons fought back.  Rob Gronkowski did his best to keep his squad in it.  Ultimately, it was Pylons #1 nemesis Eli Manning who caused the most damage.  Eli was responsible for eliminating the Pylons back in 05, and 6 years later, nothing has changed.  I still do not know how an Eagles fan can root for Eli in any situation, so more power to you.  Only twice in league history has a team scored more in the playoffs and lost.  I know you didn't mean it when you said my team was terrible.  The Pylons are loaded in the keeper category, so expect this team to be a serious factor in 2012.  It's going to be a long off-season.


The King's Crusaders 158+ - Coach Janky Spanky 115


Last Monday night, seeding had still not been determined.  Chris was rooting for Philip Rivers.  I was rooting for Philip Rivers to score exactly 19 points.  There was a general consensus around the league... "I want to play EEB".  This was the exact reason.  Janky Spanky has been on a downward spiral since midseason, and not even Antonio Brown could stop it.  I warned you.  I told you.  Even after Brown scored 26 Thursday night, I told you not to get ahead of yourself and just wait til MJD drops 40 on you.  What did you do??  You got drunk again and called me shitfaced to say "Fuck Woody".  Just because you're intoxicated doesn't mean the fantasy gods are.  They hear everything.  I'm sure after coming up empty in all your serious leagues, you'll take some time to reflect this offseason and think about what you've done.




So only 4 teams remain, and this means again this year I am forced to write a check to a Woody.  This has to stop.  Please.  It's so bad, I seriously contemplated (and at the last minute scratched) a line from my best man speech at Chris' wedding.  It read, "Andrea, I'm happy I can finally write a check to a Woody I like".


Here's where we stand:


#1 Tequila Party Gnomes v #5 The Stone Masons


It's safe to say I am pulling for the winner of this one to win it all.  Early indications are that Adrian Peterson will play, but it will be a big factor if the Gnomes are not at full strength.  Brady against Tebow would have been a great game to watch.  I'm a little skeptical if the Masons can keep up the big week 14 performance as Tron has gone completely missing over the last couple weeks.  The Masons are going to need a big game from him if they want to take down the #1 seed.  With Money Mike Wallace going Monday night, this could well come down  to what some say is the fastest receiver in football.  The Gnomes have been preparing and waiting for this game which seemed like it would never arrive.  I look at the roster top to bottom and I like what I see.  I think TPG comes through and moves on to the championship game.


#2 Lady Luck v #3 The King's Crusaders


Things have fallen pretty nicely for Chris of course.  Got to face EEB in round 1 and now the worst of the 6 playoff teams in round 2.  The good news is one of these teams will be eliminated.  The bad news is quite obvious.  Chris is looking to make his 5th consecutive EFFL final.  I don't know how this happens (right EEB?), but things always seem to fall into place at the right time of year.  Sam's team has actually rebounded a little bit, but I have no idea how you go through a season with Jared Cook at TE and think that's a good idea.  This team is going to put up 130+ or score about 80, and it's totally up in the air which it will be.  This should actually be a fun game to watch as Ray Rice, Ravens D and Cundiff will go against Mathews and Vincent Jackson on Sunday night.  I really don't see Sam winning this game... I would be shocked.  And it will be up to either Matt or BG to prevent another shaming of the league trophy.



I wish I was still playing, but it was just not meant to be.  Praying with Tebow was not enough.  Good luck to you 4 in Week 15.

Bitter Rivals Meet in Round 1

As is usually the case in the EFFL, the 6 seeds were not settled until Monday night.  Due to an explosion from Philip Rivers, I am able to write the blog earlier than planned.  We can talk about the NFL all we want, but at this point everyone is focused on the real league... the EFFL.  Fusco, Lou, Jimish and Nick... unfortunately it wasn't meant to be this year.  It seems injuries and awful drafting doomed you 4.  Fusco is now 0 for 3, and has never made the playoffs since joining the EFFL.  Lou has missed the playoffs for the first time since 2006, which I'm sure is very satisfying for many owners.  It's a shame for the other two that players just did not take off as expected.  Beast Mode did not begin until week 10, which is a severe problem when the regular season is only 13 weeks long.  Although he does love his Skittles.


Here is what the playoffs look like:


1. Tequila Party Gnomes (9-4)


Despite losing their final 2 games, TPG can't be all that concerned.  I was notified that there was a players only vacation in week 13 which would explain the lack of defense.  And with a bye in week 14, the players should be well rested for the semifinals.  Having Peterson back will be a huge boost as well.  One thing which I'm sure TPG will be ecstatic to read is that this team cannot face King until the finals.  Will face EEB if he manages to pull the upset, or the winner of Pylons-Masons with a King victory.  Also personally thanking BG for knocking off Sam and locking up the $30 prize for best record.  Congratulations on your #1 seed and first round bye.  We'll see you in week 15.


2. Lady Luck (8-5)


True to form, Lady Luck has limped into a bye.  This team lost 5 of their last 7 and is just playing awful right now.  But starting 6-0 certainly goes a long way, and this team should have a week to rest up players battling injury.  Returning Ahmad Bradshaw and Miles Austin is going to be big.  Believe it or not this team averaged 140 points per game over the first 6 weeks, and this team could find magic at the right time to make a run.  It certainly wouldn't surprise me.  I also don't know how I feel about an all Woody semifinal.  It would guarantee one is eliminated, but it would also guarantee one in the finals.  Somebody else needs to take this trophy.


...and for the first round matchups:


#3 The King's Crusaders (8-5) v #6 Coach Janky Spanky (7-6)


My how the mighty have fallen.  After 7 weeks Janky Spanky was 6-1.  He was spewing his usual talk of how this league is so easy, his team is so good, and it was only a formality before he hoisted the trophy.  After looking completely mediocre over the final 6 weeks perhaps EEB has reconsidered his stance.  You were named Norv of the week for excellence in coaching ineptitude.  Yet all of this occurred before you committed the most cardinal sin in fantasy football.  You got shitfaced and executed a final hour trade with King.  After claiming all season long how you liked your 3 back approach, you caved and traded the leading rusher in football for Antonio Brown and Cedric Benson.


The fantasy gods did not react well to this deal.  They had blessed you with a chance this year, and you spat in their face.  And wouldn't you know it, week 13 right before the playoffs start, your beloved Matt Forte goes down with a knee injury, you lose to Gambino, and you're stuck facing the man you just traded with in an elimination game.  This was inevitable.  I hope before you prepare for this matchup you take a long hard look in the mirror.  Drinking and trading with Woody is against EFFL law.  I'm predicting a quiet end to the Janky Spanky season and look for King to move on.


#4 Dueling Pylons (8-5) v #5 The Stone Masons (7-6)


This is exactly what I didn't want.  A playoff game against Tron.  The Masons needed to secure a victory to get in the playoffs and came through in a big way.  I believe at one point I received a text that was along the lines of "Take that Manly Luck".  Wrong.  Believe it or not the Pylons have dominated the Masons over the years, with an 11-2 record.  The Masons defeated the Pylons once in 2005 and once in 2009, that's it.  Although history is on the side of the Pylons, it really doesn't mean much when it comes to elimination.  Of those 13 games, none has been in the playoffs and none will be bigger than the matchup this week.  This is the first time the Masons have made the playoffs since 2007.


Honestly I'm shook.  I had this team at either #1 or #2 in my power rankings all season, but that was before Fred Jackson went down with injury.  You can only be a violater of the #1 rule in fantasy football for so long... No past or present Bills.  Roy Helu could prove to be a huge pickup down the stretch.  The Pylons have been riding the Tebow wave, and perhaps it can't continue.  But winning 8 of 9 to enter the playoffs is a pretty incredible streak, and the Pylons have been doing it with big weeks.  I think the Pylons will prove to be too much and advance to face the Gnomes again in week 15.



Good luck to the 4 teams playing this weekend.  Big rivalries should prove to be outstanding games.  This may be the final blog of the season with a happy tone, so I hope you enjoy.