Let's Get To Dancin

With 9 weeks in the books, and only 4 remaining on the schedule, it’s about time for everyone (or at least 6 of us) to start making plans for the postseason. Week 10 marks the first week of Thursday night games which is sure to add some intensity and unnecessary stress. I’d like to remind you all of a few rules with the Thursday games. All Thursday players lock their status at gametime. If you have a guy in your lineup he stays and likewise for the bench. You still may add or drop other players before the Sunday 1 pm Drop/Add deadline, but after 1 pm you must wait until waivers the following week. Also the trade deadline is before the start of games in Week 12, so we are down to about 2 weeks before trades are done until the offseason. Here’s what went down in Week 9.

Kiss Da Baby 101 – The King’s Crusaders 83:

Wow. This game was a total shock to me. This was the King’s lowest regular season effort since Week 10 2007 against Jimish (lost 76-67). Obviously it would be against Sam. She has now played one of the bottom three scoring teams for the week in 6 out of 9 weeks. This disgusts me. TPG’s opponents have scored almost 300 more points against him in 9 weeks. A comparison was done and if TPG had Sam’s schedule he would be 8-1. If Sam had his she would be 2-7. Her team is a middle of the pack squad at best but has been very lucky so far. She plays some angry owners in the last 4 weeks with things to prove. Ironically, Sam is 6-0 against past EFFL owners and 0-3 against the expansion teams. The King meanwhile totally fell off a cliff. His strategy of trading for underachievers (and he has Reg!) actually bit him in the ass in week 9. Fortunes can change quickly in the EFFL and the King is only 2 games ahead of 7th place.

The Jackson Five 134 – Animals With Eyepatches 123:

The Five have been an up and down squad all season. Only once has the team scored between 93 and 126. This was a good week and got the win they desperately needed. Big days from the Five’s big guns contributed to this victory. The Eyepatches are now falling apart at the seams, as injuries to key players have prevented a promising season. This was actually the most points scored by the Five since week 12 2007 so this has to be encouraging. Ummm….. yea.

Johnson’s Farm 145 – Tequila Party Gnomes 110:

Week 9 marked another week where the defense of the Gnomes was nowhere to be found. Every single week this team is challenged by opponents and still boasts an impressive 6-3 record. Come playoff time this will be a battle tested team that knows what it takes to win. The Farm have now won 4 of 5 despite being only the 6th highest scoring team over that span. Again these types of things happen when you never play higher than the 5th highest scoring team for the week over that span. At least Nick finally put up more than 116, a feat not accomplished since Week 2. This team has the potential and could be putting it all together. The next couple weeks will be an indication of where this team stands heading into the playoffs. I will say this though: I feel this could be a very dangerous team, especially if they get the bye. This team is easily capable of putting two big weeks in a row together. But for now, the Farm is an inconsistent lucky team.

Coach Janky Spanky 145 – Tweeting In The Trenches 106:

Yet another mediocre week for Fusco. This week his opponent showed up and naturally this was a loss. TITTY has been in the bottom 3 in points scored basically all year. This team still has won 5 of 7 despite being the 2nd lowest scoring team in the past 7 weeks. I think this team has more problems than answers, and TITTY is definitely in danger of missing the playoffs. Janky Spanky meanwhile got this very important win and now these teams stand level in the standings. EEB looks to have a pretty dangerous squad right about now. The Brady-Welker combo continues to produce and surprise Ray Rice has held this team together. This game was never really in question.

Stanky Monkeys 165 – Dueling Pylons 125:

I will say this. Thankfully I didn’t have to worry about Hines Ward Monday night bending me over as he always does. 1 catch for 3 yards? Nah he’s obviously throwing up 25 against the Pylons. This had to have been the most infuriating Sunday ever. At 4 pm the Pylons trailed 84-0. 10 minutes later DeAngelo Williams had 13 points. 10 minutes later he scored a 2nd time. Despite all of this, the Pylons made a furious comeback and found themselves down only 17 points going into Sunday night. Then Donovan McNabb shit himself. I said at about 1:30 PM that it would take 150 points to win this game. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Lou extended his winning streak over me to 7 games. I haven’t beaten him since Rams drinking game in 06. Again the Pylons faced the high score of the week, and again it was a massacre. Over the past 5 weeks opponents have scored 721 points on the Pylons (144.2 per week). This is the most against any team in any 5 week stretch in EFFL history by a wide margin. Frankly I’m getting my ass handed to me and it is not fun. I’m sure this brings great joy to the rest of the league though.


**** Week 10 Preview ****

The Jackson Five (3-5) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (5-3):

This is a huge game. This is pretty much a must win for the Five to stay in the playoff hunt. Even larger is that the Five won the first matchup between these two so with a win would hold the season tiebreaker over TITTY. Before this past week only 3 points scored separated these teams. I think Fusco has leaned back a little bit on that panic button. Making two trades this past week to me indicates concern heading into the home stretch. Randy Moss and Ben Watson Sunday night may need to save the Five’s season. I think they do it and J5 makes the wild card race a lot more interesting.

Kiss Da Baby (6-3) vs. Stanky Monkeys (4-5):

These teams met just 3 weeks ago, and similar to the rest of the season, Sam’s opponent refused to put up points. This week at 1 pm both teams will be intently watching Bengals-Steelers and Jaguars-Jets. I’d rather watch a blank screen than either of those games. Thankfully Lions-Vikings will be on FOX. Naturally also coming off a 165 point effort Stanky will have a down week and fail to break 120. I’m actually pulling for the Baby here as a Stanky win would really hurt the Pylons miniscule chances. Word on the street is that Ochocinco is sending some mustard to the Steelers defense mocking famed ketchup company Heinz. Sam would be wise to send the same to Lou. Baby puts up 104 and wins this one…

Coach Janky Spanky (5-4) vs. Animals With Eyepatches (2-7):

When they first met back in week 6, Janky Spanky scored a league record 196 points on Jimish. I feel your pain. There’s no defense in fantasy. This time around Jimish is heavily invested in Lions-Vikings and I support this strategy. I think Kevin Smith comes out of nowhere and has a monster game against EEB. I also think that Brandon Marshall blows up against the Redskins in EEB’s face. For some reason I really like the Eyepatches this week. Brees against the Rams. This just sets up nicely for an upset. But EEB simply cannot allow this. Against a 2-7 team in the thick of the playoff hunt, these are games you must win if you want to make a statement. Janky Spanky has been too good recently and I think they win a close one.

Dueling Pylons (2-7) vs. Tequila Party Gnomes (6-3):

The lowest scoring team against the highest scoring team. The worst record against the best record. And yet each team knows that it again will probably take 150 points to win a game. These teams have split their 7 meetings 3-3-1 and from this point forward may play out the season in an equally even manner. But it is what has transpired earlier in the season that makes this game so big. TPG can put an end to the Pylons 2009 season with a victory. For the first time ever, the Pylons are actually facing playoff elimination during the regular season. I’m not sure if the Gnomes are ready for that kind of pressure as weekly trash talk seems to have TPG shook. This one may even come down to Monday night as newly acquired Joe Flacco goes against Derrick Mason. Sad that two Ravens are even in starting lineups. I expect a high scoring game and I’m picking the Pylons to pull the “upset” here.

***** Game of the Week *****

Johnson’s Farm (6-3) vs. The King’s Crusaders (6-3):

The last meeting between these two teams came down to the wire. A missed field goal by Nate Kaeding on Monday night with a minute left sealed the King’s fate and the Farm had a 1 point victory. Chris to this day claims he has no idea what the score was, but Woody not knowing something about fantasy is less likely than me joining the US men’s sprinting team. I think he wants revenge but after scoring 83 points and having the Texans and Giants on a bye, it may be tough this week. 3 of these teams 7 games have been decided by 7 points or less and I fully expect another close game. All of a sudden the King’s squad looks mortal, and a loss to the Farm here could send this team on a downward spiral, making the league ecstatic. I actually like the Farm here to keep rolling and pull out the victory.


That’s all for this week. Look out for the teams fighting for their playoff lives. It’s gonna be a good one.

Playoffs After Week 9

It’s that time of year again. Let’s get into all of the playoff scenarios of who’s in and who’s out. No playoff spots have been locked up yet but teams are on the brink. Despite what ESPN says, our playoff seedings will be based upon the EFFL rulebook, and if necessary I will adjust the matchups on the website accordingly. All ties will be settled within the division first. This is the exact same way that the NFL does it.

1. Kiss Da Baby (6-3): By virtue of week 1 head to head win over Johnson’s Farm currently occupy the #1 slot in the EFFL. This is a total joke, but Sam has performed well out of division and as a result is awarded the top spot. Currently the second lowest scoring team, and in danger of dropping to the bottom, Sam still has a long way to go to lock up the division and the first round bye.

2. Johnson’s Farm (6-3): This position is far from settled, however at the moment the Farm does hold head-to-head tiebreakers over both TPG and the King. If the season ended today Nick sadly would win the division and get the first round bye. What has the league come to that Sam and Nick are the two byes? Even worse, I get text messages straight from the Farm gloating about this scrub team. Please. Please.

3. Tequila Party Gnomes (6-3): Earns the tiebreaker over King due to scoring 5 more points for the season. Matt has had a rough go of it in 2009, but all bets are off once the playoffs begin. After allowing a league high 128 points per game I’m sure TPG would just like to get in and go from there.

4. The King’s Crusaders (6-3): The last of the 6-3 teams, the King’s week 9 debacle really has sunk this team. With 3 of the final 4 against other playoff teams, the time is now for Chris to step up and make a statement. Acquiring the top busts is a common King practice, but deciding between these scrubs could cause problems once the playoffs come around.

5. Coach Janky Spanky (5-4): After beating Fusco in Week 9, EEB has taken over the #5 spot and is looking like a force. The highest scoring team over the past 6 weeks, Janky Spanky has won 5 of 6 and certainly looks more and more like a contender each week. The remaining schedule is one of the weakest and could really even make a push for the Odds division crown. Also an EEB-Woody first round playoff matchup would be superb, seeing as they also square off in Week 13.

6. Tweeting In The Trenches (5-4): Opponent finally scored over 100 and got smoked again. TITTY really has shown nothing all season to assert themselves as a real threat. Every result has been dependent upon the opponent’s score, and that is a recipe for disaster come playoff time. This team is on the edge and really needs a strong showing the last couple weeks to make the playoff push. A Matt-Fusco first round matchup would also be an incredible meeting.

7. Stanky Monkeys (4-5): Has now strung together 2 straight wins and is right back in the thick of the playoff race. If the big weeks come on a more consistent basis, this could be a very dangerous team if they can sneak in the playoffs. I know everyone would be happier with Lou on the outside.

8. The Jackson Five (3-6): Still very much alive for a wild card spot after a crucial week 9 win over the Eyepatches. Just three weeks ago this team looked dead sitting at 1-5, but a resurgence has the Five flying high. Brandon actually has been in the top half of scoring 6 out of 9 weeks, which is tied for the league lead. This team has very important games coming up against its competition so anything can happen.

9. Animals With Eyepatches (2-7): Based on head to head domination (103-79) of the Pylons, is out of the basement for the time being. This team hasn’t been in the top half of league scoring since Week 5 and is staring elimination right in the face. A loss in Week 10 and a TITTY win will eliminate the Eyepatches. This would mark the 2nd time in the last 3 years that the Eyepatches have missed the playoffs.

….and finally

10. Dueling Pylons (2-7): The best way to sum up the Pylons 2009 season is gang raped. The league apparently had had enough of one of the most storied franchises in the EFFL. After starting off 2-2, opponents have scored an average of 144.2 points per game against the Pylons and are directly responsible for the 5 game losing streak. The Pylons have never been the low score in a week, and had the schedule maker been a better prognosticator, this team could easily be 9-0. All kidding aside, if TPG handles the Pylons in Week 10, for the first time ever the Pylons will miss the playoffs.


Things could definitely get very interesting this week as there are huge games on the slate. Let’s see how this thing plays out.

Not Much Movement

Let me just start off by saying the following… Since the league has moved to 10 teams, most likely teams will be officially eliminated from the playoffs earlier than in the past. Please continue to not only set your lineup but be active on the waiver wire. There could definitely be some players that break out that could help your team as a keeper next year.

Monday night was pretty wild. At one point I checked the scores and there were 3 games where the teams were within 3 points of each other, all with players still going. In the end, not one game ended up being within 10 points and there was not much suspense. Pretty much everyone stayed around the same area in the standings, but we now have only 5 weeks to play. Week 9 will really give teams the opportunity to assert themselves as contenders or pretenders. A rundown from the week 8 action:

The King’s Crusaders 152 – Dueling Pylons 135:

Might as well get this shit out of the way. This was the Pylons highest scoring week of the season and they still could not come up with a victory. This marks 4 straight defeats for the Pylons which marks a franchise worst. This game was really decided by the Bears-Browns game. Begin Rant…

For some unknown reason, Eric Mangini is an NFL head coach. The man is a fucking moron. He has a son named after Bill Belichick! He promised Brett Favre he would name his newborn son after him if he signed with the Jets! WHAT?!?!?!? I was recently told by a Jets fan that he was voted as the worst coach in the NFL last year. Rod Marinelli won 0 games last year, and somehow Mangini was worse. I didn’t think it was possible but Norv Turner has been unseated as the #1 most hated NFL coach. How do you take over a miserable team and immediately start trading down in the draft and settle in at #21 and take a center???? Oh and trading away Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow is a genius move as well. In 4 out of 8 games a Browns QB has failed to throw for 100 yards. What a sad sad franchise. End rant….

I was also notified that Chris attempted to remove Greggy Jennings from his lineup in favor of Anquan Boldin right at the 4:15 mark but it was too late. This move would have cost King the victory. Everything that could have gone right for the King did, as it usually does. If I have to hear one more time “I should be 8-0”, I may spaz. I should’ve picked up the Bears D this week. Nobody else has had the luxury of playing a team scoring 67 points. I’ve never heard so many complaints from the league’s leading scorer.

Tweeting In The Trenches 111 – Kiss Da Baby 96:

Well, what else is there to say about TITTY. They have earned the moniker of luckiest team in the EFFL. Opponents’ ranks the last 6 weeks in weekly points scored: 8th, 10th, 2nd, 9th, 8th, 10th. That’s the sole reason this team is 5-3. It’s not about your team, it’s about the opponents. Assuring me that you have the team to make a title run is laughable. If you face TPG or King in the playoffs you’re bound to get smoked. And having the audacity to parade around as fruit of the loom grapes for Halloween is ridiculous. Hakeem Nicks is not good. I hear this every single year about a Giants receiver. Oh yea, Tim Carter just got cut by the Rams… As far as Kiss Da Baby goes, this is no more than a standard Sam Woody team. Be the EFFL’s lowest scoring team over the past 5 weeks and make a trade with your brother. No need for fear from the league here. Such a day and night team, let’s see how the strategy of relying on Bengals and Jaguars and scrubs pays off.

Johnson’s Farm 109 – Animals With Eyepatches 74:

This was the matchup between the 2 teams not at the draft, and predictably nobody really cared that much. This is now 6 straight weeks for the Farm scoring between 106 and 116 points. I’m still not impressed and frankly nobody else is either. You’re 2 last second wins away from being 3-5. Sam scored 90 points against you and you lost. EEB scored 85 against you and now the Eyepatches score 74. The entire league agreed, after Andre and Chris Johnson, your team could be filled with random criminals from the Alcatraz Penitentiary League (APL…you know what I’m talking about UJ) and still produce the same. This is a one and done team at best if they even make the playoffs. The schedule the rest of the way is intense. I thought there couldn’t be anything worse than starting 2 Lions but I was wrong. Starting 2 injured Lions is worse. I know Jimbo that both you and I want to relive the glory days of Kitna to Roy Williams, but those days have passed. And each week it’s looking more and more like this season may have passed you by as well. Since week 5, this team has totally fallen off a cliff. And while it’s not too soon to call this season a loss, a final 3 of Stanky, King, TPG doesn’t bode well.

Tequila Party Gnomes 127 – Coach Janky Spanky 106:

The model of consistency in the EFFL has pulled out another Monday night victory. TPG continues to roll with his power formation and is looking very strong at 6-2. I personally think this game was not won on the football field, but won with an impressive string of performances dressed as Count Chocula over the weekend. Word is he was out on the town spreading lies that Captain Crunch cuts the roof of your mouth! For some unknown reason, Yankme Spankme continues to employ the start Pylons castoffs strategy with unfavorable results. Although this was a semi-victorious week for EEB as the Redskins did not lose. We’ll see how this team responds after the Patriots were on a bye week. I can already envision EEB in the EFFL 20 years down the road… He will draft players past their prime who he refuses to believe are washed up and he will squeak out wins based on rookie success and white people.

I would also like to address the EEB trade policy. In the middle of trade talks I was told “I’m not making a trade unless I’m 100% sure I’m getting the better end of the deal.” This may be #1 among dumbest EFFL quotes in history. A little lesson in trading (not swindling yet that’s TRAD 201 in Smith 100, baby steps EEB). When teams of any level or profession reach a trading agreement, it’s usually because each team feels the return they are getting will better suit their franchise. People value players differently. There is no way you can possibly know 100% that you are getting the better end unless the other owner also knows 100%, in which case they wouldn’t even be making the deal. This league is far too proactive to sit back and try and avoid a risky move. Enjoy your first round exit if you make the playoffs. Also, saying a running back is not good because he’s only running through holes his offensive line creates makes no sense. I guess the good running backs are the ones who run through players to get yardage.

Stanky Monkeys 106 – The Jackson Five 93:

I’m just gonna come right out and say it. If you don’t make that trade with Chris you win this game. Holding Owen Daniels and trading Shockey proved to be an immediate disaster, but no need to panic with the Eyepatches on the horizon. Stanky Monkeys meanwhile again put up another mediocre week, and this time didn’t have any bye weeks to blame it on. Pretty sure this team is the opposite of nasty, whatever that word is. This proved to be an important win for Stanky as they move to within 1 game of a playoff spot. These two teams meet again Week 13, and it very well could be a do or die for at least one of these two. Not much to see in the Week 8 game of the week.

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Here’s what we’re looking at for Week 9. Personally I think this is the most exciting week thus far as there are some great rivalries and hugely significant games.

The King’s Crusaders (6-2) vs. Kiss Da Baby (5-3):

Word on the street is that there is gonna be some battle over the remote this week. While Sam will be whining for Jaguars-Chiefs, Chris will attempt to put his foot down to get Texans-Colts. In these teams last meeting, Chris unleashed 162 points of fury on Sam. Unnecessary considering her team was awful, but I don’t think anyone in the league didn’t enjoy that. In 6 games between these teams played before week 12, Sam is 0-6 and has only put up over 100 points one time. For the good of the league I will put my hatred of the King temporarily aside and pull for a victory here. The baby must be silenced.

Animals With Eyepatches (2-6) vs. The Jackson Five (2-6):

For the most part this is an elimination matchup. The loser of this game will probably have too much to overcome to make the playoffs. These teams have met 11 times and only twice have the Eyepatches broke 120 points. The Five have never done it. It’ll be interesting to see how the Five respond to another tough defeat, but I think this team has enough heart to overcome past losses. The Eyepatches are headed in the complete wrong direction as injuries and bye weeks have begun to take their toll. I think the Five take this one and get on track to make their playoff push.

Coach Janky Spanky (4-4) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (5-3):

This is a painful matchup on paper. Both expansion teams could really make a statement this week with a victory. I also enjoy this matchup because EEB will certainly be torn over whether to root for his boy Roddy White or not. If Fusco really wanted to stick it to him, he’d throw Portis in his lineup. After all that smack talk saying how Portis is good, you would think he’d want to use him this week. Meanwhile CJS continues to employ LT while Tim Hightower sits on the bench and continues to put up superior numbers. Baffles me. I do think, however, that boom or bust EEB has a big week. With some favorable matchups I like Janky Spanky to put a hurtin on the TITTY.

Dueling Pylons (2-6) vs. Stanky Monkeys (3-5):

Now this is a rarity. Usually when these two teams square off it is for a first round bye or some other importance at the top of the standings. This time it’s to try and stay alive in the standings. This is without a doubt the biggest game in the regular season the Pylons have ever faced. Despite a couple of tough losses morale remains high and the team is determined. This matchup also marks the longest win streak amongst EFFL teams after the Pylons-Five streak was snapped earlier this season. I’m truly torn on this matchup. This has the feeling of a Pylons win, but I foresee this being a huge letdown game. And especially with Hines Ward on Monday night, this could be a Pylons heartbreaker. Look for Stanky to pull this one out in a close matchup and send the Pylons back to the draft board with his tail between his legs.

***** Game of the Week *****

Tequila Party Gnomes (6-2) vs. Johnson’s Farm (5-3):

I bring you this excerpt from the 2006 message board after the Gnomes had just lost their 7th straight game at the hands of Nick:

“Matt bought a $5 pizza from Little Caesars, and like its namesake, he was hot and ready for Ryan Longwell. Joy schmoozing with Pats fans quickly turned to dismay as Brad Johnson looked like a handicapped retard throwing arrows at an archery target. Despite the angst and frustration of the evening a Longwell field goal could have saved it. It was 4th and 11, and the kicking team stayed on the sideline. The loudest shriek in fantasy history was let out, and the Gnomes had lost 7 straight.”

It took the Gnomes 6 tries to take down the Philly Moron, but it was bound to happen eventually. In their past 4 meetings, each team has won 2. Each team has scored exactly 425 points. This is a game as much about pride as anything else. I would rank these teams 1 and 2 in no particular order as far as hatred for the King. It’ll be interesting to see if the Gnomes scour the waiver wire and try to find a little Johnson to shove down the throat of Gambino with Peterson on the bye. I believe Bryant of the Lions is available. Anyways this should be a pretty exciting matchup, and I actually like the Farm to take advantage of a weakened TPG squad and pull this one out.

Good luck to everyone this week. Be nice to the Pylons.

EFFL Power Rankings

by Chris Woody

1.) Tequila Party Gnomes (5-2) : Gnomes have the most points scored this season and thus achieve the top spot in the inaugural power rankings. The combination of Manning and Peterson could not get it done this week without the 2 TE lineup, but will prove to be a tough out come playoff time. Can distance themselves from the division with a win this week.

2.) Kiss Da Baby (5-2) : Back to Back 130+ weeks have the Baby flying high. The blockbuster trade this week helps to solidify the WR position which will receive a boost from the return of Anthony Gonzalez. Cedric Benson continues to shine and might go down as one of the best picks in EFFL history. This weeks matchup with Tweety will decide the division in my eyes.

3.) Coach Janky Spanky (4-3) : Talk about a turnaround. After being mocked and almost laughed out of the league through 3 weeks, this team has caught fire. What was thought by many to be a weak backfield has turned into one of the league's best with LT, Rice, and T. Jones leading the way. The schedule appears to be unkind to Spanky this week facing the top team without Brady and Welker. Even if they lose this week, they have to be pleased with a 4-4 mark after an 0-3 start.

4.) The King's Crusaders (5-2) : Even though the only losses this team has were a result of missed FGs, I am not impressed. This team continues to stockpile players that will go down as the biggest busts of the season. Jacobs, Jennings, Forte, Bush, Slaton all were thought to be premier fantasy talents this season and yet they continue to struggle. Despite 7 players from the 2008 team that went to the championship game, this team will be lucky to make the playoffs.

5.) Tweeting in the Trenches (4-3) : Despite trading their first round pick for Mike Bell and Run DMC, this team is somehow above .500 and two games up on the 7th seed. Having more Giants WRs than talented running backs isn't usually a winning strategy but it seems to be working for them. They must have been impressed with the Cardinals DST Sunday night against Eli and Co, as they were added immediately. With Austin Collie getting a start for them this week, watch out.

6.) Johnson's Farm (4-3) : They make this spot by default. They are the only team not ranked thus far with a winning record. For some reason this team still has Evans, Coles, Berrian, LJ, Texans DST, and McGahee (10 pts last 3 week...COMBINED) on their roster. They are only one game out of first and will probably make the playoffs, but I don't know how he does it.

7 though 10.) Everybody else (2-5) : I don't even know where to begin with this group of four. Each one is suffering from underachieving players, injuries, and bad luck. There really is not any difference between any of the four teams grouped at the bottom of the standings. Each owner has to be shaking their head each week and the losses pile up. The biggest surprise in this group has to be the Monkeys who still haven't recovered from passing on Peyton Manning. The reaction of disbelief when he found out he could have drafted Peyton and DeAngelo Williams instead of taking Williams and Matt Ryan is surely a top moment in league history. Meanwhile, the once mighty Pylons have found themselves injury riddled and left with more questions and answers. Each week the league is waiting for them to catch fire and it simply hasn't happened. Two of the three winningest franchises are a combined 4-10. Plenty of time to makeup for it, but the turnaround has to start this week.

Where's The Separation

I’m staring at this blank canvas like Eli Manning, with a dumbfounded and goofy ass look on my face. I’ve had the first line written for over an hour and could not come up with another thing to follow that up. It’s been that kind of season in the EFFL. Despite everything that has unfolded in the first 7 weeks, the highs and lows, the trash talk and the non-talk (JIMISH WHERE ARE YOU?), only 3 games separate first place and last place. With only 6 weeks to go, this thing is totally wide open. I think I’ve seen more luck this season than I ever have in the EFFL. Every team is so balanced that we could see multiple tiebreakers put into effect by the end of the season. Or at least I just keep telling myself this since my team is so brutally awful. Here’s what went down in Week 7:

The Jackson Five 128 – Dueling Pylons 109:

Finally the streak has been broken!! It took over 4 years, but the Five have finally defeated the Pylons and ended their 8 game losing streak in the series. The win could not have come at a bigger time as word broke throughout the week that management of the Five was considering a boycott. After back to back heartbreaking losses, they got the win they needed. Week 7 marked the 4th time that the Five have scored over 125 points this season, a feat which only TPG and the King can also lay claim to. This team has been scoring points and deserves a better fate than 2-5. I really see this as a 2nd half breakout team. As for the Pylons, poor coaching led to their demise in this one. You can’t leave that many points on the bench and expect to still win. Although a 55 point deficit on Monday night could not be overcome, the Pylons do appear to be showing signs of life and also could be a big 2nd half team. This team must stay healthy and make the correct lineup decisions if the playoffs want to remain a possibility.

Tweeting In the Trenches 96 – Animals With Eyepatches 88:

Sometimes this happens. Usually it’s Sam, but it appears Fusco is taking on this role in 2009. Score the 2nd lowest point total for the week and still pull out a victory. At 4-3, I still say this TITTY team is a fraud. This team has allowed 92 points or fewer in 4 of 7 games, all victories. To put this in perspective, listen to the following stat: In games scoring fewer than 100 points (3), Fusco is 2-1. TPG meanwhile has scored fewer than 100 27 times over the 5 EFFL seasons and has only won twice. This just simply does not happen. If there is any team in danger of blowing their 2 game lead to one of the 2-5 teams it’s this one. Jimish meanwhile tried to make a run Monday night with Santana Moss, but the injury to Brian Westbrook coupled with having multiple bye week players sealed the Eyepatches’ defeat this week. Although this team has been somewhat unfortunate, I believe this team does lack the true firepower to make a run at the championship. Also, Chris please charge your phone for Sundays so we can hear from you when your team continues to do terribly.

Coach Janky Spanky 127 – Johnson’s Farm 109:

This is an interesting matchup that I think could have some legs as a serious rivalry in the future. Although these owners have never met, both took it upon themselves to text me during the games Sunday. It wasn’t to bash the other owner, but instead it was to take jabs at me. These are the two worst trash talkers in league history and both of these teams rely on bad players and overvaluing them to succeed. Enough about that; let’s look at the big picture here. Both of these teams stand tall at 4-3. Both are 2 games ahead of the 7th place team for a playoff spot. Johnson’s Farm is a middle of the pack squad at best. Putting up 110 points every week isn’t going to win you anything honestly. Winning 3 of your last 5 while being no better than 4th high score for a week is incredibly fortunate. Coach Janky Spanky is an enigma to me. This is the definition of a boom or bust team. Scores have been all over the board, and it may be difficult to make a championship run and putting together 3 solid weeks in a row. This is definitely a playoff team in my mind, but I would like to see some more consistency.

The King’s Crusaders 146 – Tequila Party Gnomes 130:

This may have been the most ridiculous fantasy football game in the technological era. I really don’t think either team wanted to win this game. The final score in this game was really King 4 – TPG 2, with each team conceding that number of times. It must be frustrating to see a 130 point effort go to waste, but TPG has to love the Manning/Peterson combo. Over these teams’ last 3 regular season meetings, neither team has scored fewer than 129 points. Clearly this is one of the most intense rivalries in the league. Both of these teams should be playoff squads, but it is a little curious to me that after putting up 146 points the King would make 2 trades. This game was up in the air and the Eagles defense came through for the King on Monday night. It could very well be these two teams battling it out for the division come season’s end, and after splitting the season series total points scored would decide it.

Kiss Da Baby 140 – Stanky Monkeys 106:

Like Janky Spanky, Kiss Da Baby has become a hit or miss team. Even without MJD, week 7 was a huge success and a big stepping stone for Baby. Finally defeating Lou for the first time in 3 years has to be a great feeling and a turning of the tide in the EFFL and certainly leaves the Monkeys scratching their heads. Stanky has now lost 5 of 6 and is completely reeling. If not for the week 6 explosion, this team would be in enormous trouble. Having Larry Fitzgerald and DeAngelo Williams is nice, but the supporting cast has to be one of the weakest, if not the weakest, in the league. I really think this team is coming close to breaking. I have never received more commentary from Lou during a week than in Week 7 in my life. This indicates to me a concerned owner. He likened his squad to the Eagles, except the Eagles are actually winning. Baby meanwhile sits at 5-2, and although is 8th in points scored, still looks to be in great shape to be there in the playoffs when all bets are off. Allowing 80 fewer points against than all teams except Janky Spanky is quite fortunate, but Sam has taken advantage of the opportunities her team has had, which is what this game is all about


***** Week 8 Preview *****

Tequila Party Gnomes (5-2) vs. Coach Janky Spanky (4-3):

This is an intriguing matchup. Janky Spanky has really gotten back into the mix relying upon the Brady/Welker combo. With them on a bye this week, this will be a true test of where EEB stands in the EFFL. Can Ray Rice stay productive against the undefeated Broncos? Can Vincent Jackson shine against Nnamdi Asomugha? It’s easy for Janky Spanky to say that this is a tough week matchup wise and with the byes, but in the heat of a playoff race you need to pull out all the stops to win. These are the games that separate the men from the boys. And personally, I think that EEB is just a little boy. TPG’s Colts are going to spleege all over the 49ers on the way to a blowout victory. TPG wants revenge for being the first team to lose to SpankMe. I’m fully on board the TPG train. Let’s do this.

Kiss Da Baby (5-2) vs. Tweeting In the Trenches (4-3):

Combined these teams are 4 games over .500. In the breakdown, these teams combined are 16 games under .500. The luckiest of the lucky square off, and yet again one team will walk away with a victory. I also think this is the best matchup in the EFFL as far as matchups. It’s like a Jay Leno newspaper segment. This is the BABY-TITTY wedding. In their last meeting, TITTY pulled out a thrilling 101-92 victory asserting themselves as a league powerhouse. This is actually a huge game in the evens division. If Sam can win this game, she will be 2 games up on Chris and at least 3 games up on every other team in the division with 5 to play. If Fusco wins, he takes over first place in the division due to a sweep of the season series. Each team faces some significant bye week losses this week, so this is sure to be another low scoring week for both teams. Fusco has taken advantage of low scoring opponents in the past and I think this is no exception. Look for the Trenches to take this one.

Animals With Eyepatches (2-5) vs. Johnson’s Farm (4-3):

One of the Eyepatches two victories came back in week 4 against Johnson’s Farm. These two teams are separated by 8 points scored for the season. In their last 4 meetings only 4 points separates these teams. Both teams are pretty even, and both have been pretty poor the last 2 weeks. This is a must win game for the Eyepatches. They will either move within 1 game with 5 to play or fall 3 behind the Farm with 5 to play. I know that Nick does not wanna lose this game. Having his full complement of players has to be exciting, but how long will this team of scrubs hold up? Having Kevin Smith and Tron back against the Rams has to be exciting and have the Farm shivering. This could come down to Drew Brees Monday night, but I think Jimish will have this one locked up by then. After Jimish, the Johnson’s Farm schedule is TPG, King, Pylons, TPG, TITTY. That is an absolute gauntlet, and this is a game that will really let the EFFL know if Nick is for real. I don’t think he is and I like the Eyepatches in this one.

Dueling Pylons (2-5) vs. The King’s Crusaders (5-2):

The Pylons have their first 3 game losing streak since 2006. This is a team in desperate need of a win. What better way to get the train going than seeing Steven Jackson facing the Lions. The Pylons are also extremely excited about the Eagles-Giants matchup. Donovan McNabb in his career has 20 TDs against 5 INTs against the Giants. Historically the Pylons have also dominated the King culminating in the last two victories where the Pylons put up 150 points in each matchup. The King, however, has scored over 200 more points than the Pylons this season and is looking like the much stronger team. They have scored more points than the Pylons in 6 out of 7 weeks thus far. Chris conceded this game to me last Thursday I believe prior to week 7. I think this game is for real though, and I believe this will be the highest scoring affair of week 8. Newly acquired Jeremy Shockey could come into play Monday night, but I think the Pylons will have built too big a lead by then to overcome.

***** Game of the Week *****

Stanky Monkeys (2-5) vs. The Jackson Five (2-5):

This is a must win for both teams. Losing this game will just make it that much more difficult to sneak back into the playoffs. For some reason Lou continues to start TO. He’s a Buffalo Bill. I guess it doesn’t really matter when your opponent is also starting a Buffalo Bill in Marshawn Lynch. This is a fantasy wasteland. Monday night will be tense for both teams as Matt Ryan and Tony Gonzalez look to outdo Michael Turner. The Five have won 3 of 4 against Stanky, and for the most part the Monkeys have failed to show up against BG. After winning in week 1, each team has lost 5 of 6. These teams will also meet in week 13, but this game is a huge step in reaching the playoffs. The game with the most at stake is the game of the week for a reason. I’m on the J5 bandwagon and I think they come out firing this week. Having Romo and Roy Williams against the Seahawks will be huge. Look for the Five to stay alive.

That’s it for this week. We’re getting close to the playoffs so look for some playoff previews and analysis in the coming weeks. Good luck in week 8.

Welcome Back

No this is not a Mase song. It is the return of the commish to the EFFL blog after taking 2 weeks off. I had planned to write while away, and actually penned the first half of the blog 2 weeks ago on the plane while watching Mario Lopez’ E! True Hollywood Story, but that plan went awry. Of note, and probably a continuing trend, is that when blogging before a week, the Pylons are 2-1. I hope to stay on task for the rest of the season. Although my trip overseas was fantastic, I don’t know if it was worth it to risk the Pylons season. There has been a little separation in the standings, but for the most part the pack is together. Only 2 games separate the #2 seed and the #9 seed. What I find most shocking thus far is that the Odds division owns a 9-3 record against the Evens division, clearly asserting themselves as the stronger of the pack. The 5 teams in that division remain the 5 highest scoring teams and the top 5 teams in the power rankings as well.

Week 7 is also the first of two weeks where 6 teams are on a bye so be careful. On to the games.

Tequila Party Gnomes 132 – The Jackson Five 128:

Another week and another crushing defeat for the Five. After coming into the season boasting Michael Turner, Matt Forte, and DeAngelo Williams, 3 top 10 running backs as keepers, it was the same Turner who failed to come through for the Five. Even a Randy Moss 3 TD effort wasn’t enough to pull out the win in the end. The last 5 games between these two teams have been decided by an unheard of 28 points. Incredibly close matchups which TPG has pulled out 4 of.

The Five are on the verge of veering into unprecedented territory. After winning week 1, this now marks 5 straight defeats. Of note: Only 3 times in EFFL history has a team gone more than 5 weeks in a row without a victory. In 2008, Sam went 1-12, with her only victory coming against the Five. In 2007, Jimish went the first 8 weeks without a victory, finally winning in Week 9 against the Five. And in 2006, TPG beat the Five week 1, lost 8 straight, and then defeated the Five in Week 10. There is a reason Brandon is our favorite fantasy owner ever. Only two games out of a playoff spot, this team is far from done.

Kiss Da Baby 131 – Dueling Pylons 102:

After two subpar weeks, Baby finally broke out and took care of the hapless Pylons. This was only the 2nd time in 6 weeks the Pylons were even able to break the 100 point barrier. Baby meanwhile rode B.Berger, Jones-Drew and Eddie Royal’s 2 return touchdowns to victory. Sitting at 4-2 and in first place in the Evens division, Sam has already matched her win total from the previous 2 seasons combined despite being the 2nd lowest scoring team. I still question whether this team has the ability to make a run deep into the playoffs or has just been lucky so far with opponents. Baby is also 2nd to last in the breakdown. The Pylons meanwhile are in total shambles. I’m sure this makes many of you around the league very happy. Trade offers are currently being taken.

Johnson’s Farm 112 – The King’s Crusaders 111:

Wow Nick. That’s all I have to say. Last week you came through with a game winning Ronnie Brown TD run on Monday night with less than a minute to go. This week a missed FG from Nate Kaeding on Monday night with less than a minute to go did it. I don’t know why you thought I would be hanging out with Chris at 11:30 on a Monday night but I’ll resend the list of cell phone numbers so you can rip him directly. No I don’t want to trade for Willis McGahee. Claiming to have no idea the events that occurred, the King was surprisingly silent on the trash talk front. Making poor lineup decisions and blaming Vegas is unacceptable. If anything, since you were betting on the games, you should have been all over the news. Reading newspapers, checking websites, even getting inside info from some of those guys who flick the cards with strippers on them on the street should have been at the forefront of your research. This game was most certainly payback from the Farm’s 2006 inaugural season when 3 Bears defensive TDs on Monday night won the game for the King. You may have blocked that one out of your mind Nick but we all remember it. Both of these teams now sit at 4-2 and are looking very solid as we hit the midway point.

Stanky Monkeys 164 – Tweeting In The Trenches 100:

Something is severely wrong with Stanky this year. I hear from him after losses and not after big wins like this. Finally putting up a nasty week was what this team needed. A nice confidence booster after a disastrous haircut which I’ve seen on Facebook. I still have no idea how you put up 164 points, but looking at your roster it seems highly unlikely to happen again. This also was a little payback as well for the Week 3 TITTY impressive 90-72 win. Lou has been very hit or miss this year which does make this a dangerous team at any time. At 2-4, right in the thick of the wild card race, and residing in the Evens division also helps. Fusco meanwhile has looked like he is starting to put it together a little more despite having the low score in Week 6. If this team comes together, big things are definitely possible. Although please do not wear green and navy striped briefs around league members. Its nauseating.

Coach Janky Spanky 196 – Animals With Eyepatches 114:

I first would like to congratulate EEB on setting a league record with 196 points. Pulling off this feat in your first EFFL season is a great accomplishment, and your team has definitely picked it up after the 0-3 start. Having said that, Bill Belichick is a fucking asshole. You’re up 45-0 in the 3rd quarter and its still necessary to throw the ball with all of your starters in? EEB if I can offer you some advice, trade Brady now. Moves like this are going to get your boy toy injured and I don’t want to see such a strong performance go to waste come playoff time. Sam will trade for him. Jimish has fallen on some tough luck lately. Despite being 4th in points scored, the Eyepatches are only 2-4 due to some shaky defense. This now marks the 3rd time in 6 weeks that the Eyepatches have faced the high scoring team for the week. Don’t get down on yourself Jimbo, I think your team has potential.


***** Week 7 Preview *****

Tequila Party Gnomes (5-1) vs. The King’s Crusaders (4-2):

The last time these two teams met, each was 2-0 and looking very strong. Although each has suffered setbacks, both are still at the top of the league in points scored. The matchups between these two are always always tough. To my knowledge, the King has not yet conceded this matchup in an unprecedented move. This must be sending the Gnomes confidence sky high. The Gnomes victory in week 3 was the first victory over the King since early in 2007. There will definitely be some intense battles to focus on as Manning/Clark go against Wayne and Driver goes against Jennings. This game could easily go either way but I think the King has looked stronger as of late. I’m taking the Crusaders.

Johnson’s Farm (4-2) vs. Coach Janky Spanky (3-3):

A couple of weeks ago these were looking like two of the weaker teams in the league. After some close wins and a league record, these teams are now right in the Odds division battle. Also their 2nd meeting of the season, Janky Spanky will be looking to build upon their 196 point effort and keep their league high 3 game winning streak rolling. What has been beneficial, however, for Nick and EEB is allowing the 3rd and 2nd fewest points in the league respectively, despite playing in the stronger division. This game to me just has the feeling of a low scoring affair. No Chris Johnson, McGahee, Sims-Walker, Ray Rice, or Houshmanzilly is likely to affect these teams. This game could come down to Kurt Warner Sunday night, and I’m gonna take the Farm in another close game at the end. Also an added bonus will be the Eagles thrashing the Redskins on Monday night.

Animals With Eyepatches (2-4) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (3-3):

Although Fusco is ahead in the standings, it is easily the Eyepatches who have been the more consistent team thus far. The bye week has hit Jimish very hard this week. Tron, KSmith, BMarsh, Mark Clayton and Kyle Orton will all be out of action. This game is also very important for both teams since this is an out of division matchup that could come up big during wild card time. Jimish cannot afford to fall behind a streaking Fusco by 2 games at this juncture. This is a game that most certainly will not be decided until later on in Week 7 as Fusco has 3 players Sunday night. Monday night features Santana Moss and Brian Westbrook against Clinton Portis, which may or may not be meaningful at that point. I think the bye week hurts Jimish too much here and TITTY pulls out another victory.

The Jackson Five (1-5) vs. Dueling Pylons (2-4):

While strongly considered as game of the week for a 2nd time, the sheer fact that both of these teams have been so bad is keeping it out. The Pylons have been struggling week in and week out, and the Five simply cannot get anything going to get out of their funk. The Pylons winning streak over the Five was extended in Week 3 to a league record 8 games, and seeing BG on the schedule at this juncture has the Pylons buzzing, particularly because Akers, McNabb, Maclin and DeSean will all be in play Monday night. As described above and shown in the past, the cure for any extended funk is a date with the Five. What do Sam and BG have in common? I’ll leave that one open to you. Randy Moss blew his load last week, and when the Falcons/Cowboys game is your moneymaker, it spells trouble. I think the Pylons come out and make a statement in Week 7.


*** Game of the Week ***

Kiss Da Baby (4-2) vs. Stanky Monkeys (2-4):

This game intrigues me. The all time worst franchise and the league’s most accomplished franchise find themselves on opposite ends of the spectrum in 2009. Over the past 4 weeks Sam has scored exactly 1 more point than Lou. That is not saying much considering these are the 2nd and 3rd lowest point totals over that span, ahead of only the Pylons. Having Jones-Drew out definitely hurts Sam. This is another game that will most likely come down to the wire with Jacobs, Fitz and Celek all set to make significant contributions. In 4 seasons, these teams have never split a season series which also intrigues me. I think Kiss Da Baby is finally coming crashing back to Earth, and the Stanky Monkeys reassert themselves as a league powerhouse that we’ve all known them to be. P.S. Your team is NOT nasty.



I know this is a little bit shorter than it has been in the past, but getting back into the groove at work this week has been difficult. I hope this appeased the masses. I look forward to now being able to respond to all of your text messages / BBMs. I would like to extend a personal welcome to Matthew Atallian for joining the BlackBerry community and crossing over to elite text messaging territory. Good luck to all in Week 7.

Monday Night Dud

The hype was there Monday afternoon. Only 1 of 5 EFFL matchups had been decided and it was primed for a wild Monday night affair between two potent offenses in the Cowboys and Panthers. What we got was a game that could not have been more boring. All 4 games that were up in the air saw the leading team gather a win. And to make matters worse, TPG went 14-2 in his work pick em and still lost because these offenses could not move the ball.

This past week saw a significant increase in my phone bill, as I received texts from almost the entire league talking trash. JIMISH WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!? I heard from every other league member this weekend about how brutal my team is. Strike that, I have not been receiving responses from EEB after his week 2 embarrassing defeat, enshrining him in the Hall of Shame. A mini tailgate also took place prior to the Chiefs/Eagles game between J5, TPG and the Pylons. Drinking in the rain ended when BG took off in a sprint towards the Linc to empty the tank. He described this relief as heaven. Buzz started to spread throughout the upper level as E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES chants were mixed in with the realization that the Lions were about to defeat the lowly Redskins and snap a 19 game losing streak. This had to have been Pete Kendall’s fault. On to the week 3 recap:

Johnson’s Farm 106 – Coach Janky Spanky 85:

Another week and another defeat for EEB. Janky Spanky is the first EFFL team to not have a win in their first 3 career EFFL games. This is historically bad. It appears the decision to go entirely with backup NFL players has backfired. It’s almost as if you showed up to the draft 3 rounds late and picked up from there. This team is in a world of hurt, and you don’t wanna see the highest scoring offense in the league the following week in their house. Even worse is that Janky Spanky has not been in the top half of team scoring in any week this season and is getting abused in the breakdown. EEB is still talking trash on the Pylons as if scoring 20 more points through 3 weeks is some masterful feat. I also received a text at 10 AM Sunday morning from the King claiming that Janky Spanky’s team was terrible and he was already out of the division race. I believe this is the first time in the 2009 season for any team, but Coach Janky Spanky has officially reached cupcake status. Congratulations. There is more to come later on in the blog about the Janky Spanky – Pylons hatred.

Although the Farm did not come close to matching the 175 point explosion from last week, Nick got enough points from a balanced attack to win convincingly. I’m still up in the air on this team. Using Dolphins, Bills, and Jaguars in your lineup will always have me perplexed. I think this will end up being a playoff squad but this team really has the feel of a hit or miss squad. Get hot at the right time and it could be dangerous. I also do not appreciate the low blows from Johnson’s Farm via text. Frank Gore is a dear friend of mine, and his health and well being as a human comes before my fantasy addiction.

Kiss Da Baby 137 – The Jackson Five 126:

Upon my arrival in the Wachovia Center parking lot Sunday, The Five were already complaining about the lack of involvement of Randy Moss in the Patriots offense. In a 30 second rant, the word Egelman was dropped approximately 8 times incorrectly. The Turner-Forte combo continued to be less than stellar. But this game came down to Monday night. The Romo/Prime nidge couldn’t come through and Kiss Da Baby moved to 3-0. This has to be a demoralizing loss for Brandon. After putting up 60 more points than the previous week and to still come away empty handed is a slap in the face. And from Sam no less. It seems that every year these teams get involved in a tight matchup around this time. Also for the first time this season Sam has spoken out against another team. Finally scoring a respectable amount, Sam took this opportunity to call out the Pylons via indirect text message. I can’t fault her though. Picking on the weak is my specialty. Kiss Da Baby now has opened up a 2 game lead in the evens division. A shocking revelation after this was sure to be a last place team.

Animals With Eyepatches 103 – Dueling Pylons 79:

This was a rough rough game to watch. These teams combined to have 11 of the 18 starters in single digits. Brian Westbrook didn’t even play. Frank Gore got hurt on his first touch. Felix Jones left the game with an injury, and the supposed Saints-Bills shootout turned into a disaster. For some reason I refuse to listen to the advice of one Matthew Atallian. No past or present Bills. It is a recipe for disaster. A note of fact: Coming into the 2009 season, the Pylons had a losing streak against only two teams… Lou and Jimish. Through 3 weeks these are the 2 teams the Pylons have lost to. There are greener pastures abound. The Eyepatches needed this victory to get out of the 0-2 hole they found themselves in. Right back in the thick of things, this must be a good feeling for Jimish. If he can win with 15 combined points from Brees, Westbrook, and Tron, things are looking up.

I would like to address the current situation of the greatest team known to man, the Dueling Pylons. Direct quotes from Coach Janky Spanky: “I’m not writing off the league. I’ve just had bad matchups and injuries so far. Cro’s team is the worst fantasy team I’ve seen and it annoys me he beat me. He will be in last place when all is said and done… guaranteed”. Also, “Cro’s injured lineup is better than his starting lineup from the draft. That team is pathetic.” For some reason I can’t avoid injuries like the plague. And for some reason, Sam Woody’s team always seems to remain completely healthy. Leaving the draft, I said to my competitors: “I think this is the worst team I’ve ever drafted.” I still believe that. But to get trash talked like that by the team alone in last place, a team who has never beaten me in fantasy football in any league, and a man who supports the team that just lost to the Detroit Lions is one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life. I shit myself laughing so hard. I wish we could meet again so I could use an entire lineup of players against your team and still bitch slap you. I’ve never heard a bigger whiner in fantasy sports. You’re a welcome addition to the league. I hope you enjoy the EFFL’s real competition. As for the rest of you, do not sleep on the Pylons as this team is not looking to peak too early. There are some big games ahead.

Tweeting In The Trenches 90 – Stanky Monkeys 72:

Well this is how you do it Fusco. Come out and score 90 points to get your first win. Lou should be embarrassed by this. The backlash in the Monkeys front office was so violent, that Verizon had to send me a text in 2 parts to get across the full disaster that was Stanky’s Sunday. NO PAST OR PRESENT BILLS. Come on Lou. TO put up a huge goose egg. Let’s be honest here for a minute. This is one of the worst games the EFFL has seen in a long time. Only one player on either team scored more than 14 points. Aaron Rodgers scored 30 and won this game single handedly for Fusco. I’ve never seen a team more amped for a Monday night game in which he had no players than Fusco was Monday night. Lou needed 28 points from DeAngelo Williams to win. Not an impossible feat but definitely a difficult one. With the brutal game that was Monday night, DeAngelo didn’t even get close and TITTY had their first win of the season.

The biggest disaster occurred when the Monkeys could not figure out current technology… big surprise coming from a monkey. The Monkeys claim that he attempted to contact Nick Gambino to insert Brent Celek following the new that BWest would not play but that this attempt was in vain and it was too late. He guaranteed there won’t be any more collapses. This sounds like some shady business here. I also believe that Lou has an iPhone and could easily have contacted the commissioner. The Stanky Monkeys had a similar loss last year and turned it around last year so all is not lost.

Tequila Party Gnomes 138 – The King’s Crusaders 134:

Week 3’s game of the week was certainly that. In a matchup of unbeatens this game came down to the wire as the King needed 12 points from Nick Fizzolk to seal the win. After what looked like a sure 3 early in the game, Fizzolk booted a field goal wide right and the King never recovered. In a rare text message explosion, the King let his frustrations known, claiming “Schaub TD called back, missed fg, intentional grounding taking them out of fg range. Classic King luck.” What is truly unlucky is putting up 134 points and losing. This was a great game and definitely one to remember in the 2009 EFFL season. The Gnomes have been glowing all season. And even moreso, what they are most proud of is that they are doing it with Donald Driver and Derrick Mason in the starting lineup. TPG has been an absolute force in 2009, averaging 145 points per week through 3 weeks. The next highest scoring team has 60 points fewer than TPG. It’s almost impossible to imagine wishing for a better start to the season.

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*** Week 4 Preview ***

The commish was 4-1 in his picks last week. It’s a shame I can’t be as accurate in my own fantasy team’s projections.

Johnson’s Farm (2-1) vs. Animals With Eyepatches (1-2):

This is the matchup we’ve all been waiting for. The matchup of the two teams that didn’t show up at the draft. Neither has been overly impressive thus far outside of Johnson’s Week 2 massacre of the Stanky Monkeys. Each got a win last week following a strong defensive effort. The history between these two teams has also produced little in the way of explosiveness. Only once in these teams 7 meetings has either team cracked the 120 point barrier. What a battle this will be Monday night as Visanthe Shiancoe and Vikings Defense try to hold off Vikings kicker Ryan Longwell. It will be interesting to see if the Farm attempts this week to add Calvin Johnson via trade. Nick’s trade offers have been so bad that people have stopped responding. Pimping out bench players is a tactic that only the King and I can pull off. Regardless I don’t see much firepower coming from AEP this week. I’m taking the Farm, but not betting the ranch on it.

Stanky Monkeys (1-2) vs. The King’s Crusaders (2-1):

In a matchup of the two most winning franchises in EFFL history, one may have penciled this in as game of the week. But this year these teams are a combined .500 despite both being in the top 5 in the league in points. These teams have met an astounding 11 times including 3 playoff meetings. Both Stanky championships were won with victories over the King. These two teams always have a good matchup, but both could find themselves right in the middle of the pack with a Monkeys win instead of the usual with these teams at the top. Both teams are also going to be hit very hard with the byes in week 4: Matt Ryan, DeAngelo Williams, Larry Fitzgerald, Tony Gonzalez, Brent Celek, LeSean McCoy, Anquan Boldin, and Eagles defense will all be out of this matchup. But again this is another game that could come down to Monday night with both teams having Fudge Packers in their lineup. I think Stanky has run into some bad luck here as having so many byes against the King is tough to overcome. I’m picking the King in this one.

Kiss Da Baby (3-0) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (1-2):

I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Looking at Fusco’s lineup he has already lost this game. The games themselves are nothing more than a formality as Sam will move to an unprecedented 4-0. In the past two seasons combined Sam has been a pitiful 4-23-1, but has somehow found the magical combo in 2009 with backup receivers and perennial Gnome Philip Rivers. A direct quote from Chris Fusco about this matchup: “3-0 Sam’s almost a 40 point underdog this week. Something tells me that her lucky streak is about to end.” Do you see what happens once you allow any team in the EFFL to get some swagger? I’m sure Fusco was cribwalking and dancing all over his apartment Monday night after the win and demanded a celebratory rubdown from his sleeping fiancée. Honestly I’m hoping for a tie in this game.

Coach Janky Spanky (0-3) vs. Tequila Party Gnomes (3-0):

If Vegas took bets on EFFL games, I’d be throwing down an entire paycheck on TPG here. I know that the Gnomes were desperate to have an expansion team win before he played EEB in week 4 so the pressure would be removed. Well with the Fusco inaugural victory, the Gnomes have smooth sailing ahead. Employing the single back, power formation with 2 TE’s, Matt is looking to embarrass longtime friend and rival EEB. As has been covered extensively in this blog, myself along with other league members believe that Janky Spanky has no business competing in the EFFL. To make matters worse, Janky Spanky is even joining the ranks of TPG Thursday night for some trivia. If EEB cracks 100 points this week I’ll be very surprised. I know that TPG loves a good Monday night beatdown, and with Peterson, Driver and Packers D on Monday night, I’m definitely smelling text message fury, more EEB whining, and cracking of canned Modelo via smash to the forehead following an All Day 80 yard TD rumble. I’ll be wearing the jersey Monday night in full support of the Gnomes. This should be a fun matchup.

***** Game of the Week *****

The Jackson Five (1-2) vs. Dueling Pylons (1-2):

This game has been anointed the game of the week for the simple reason that the loser of this game is going to be in absolute shambles. Both teams have been completely up and down and not once so far this season has either team come within 45 points of the other on a given week. So is another blowout to be expected this week? Is it the Pylons turn to put up 120+ this week? The history between these two teams has been totally lopsided. The Pylons have won 7 straight games and have not lost to the Five since Week 2 of 2005. Over these 7 meetings the Pylons have averaged 130 points to the Five’s 91. But history means nothing in these current economic times. This is a huge divisional matchup that both teams need. The Pylons will have to sit and watch during the 1 o clock games as the Five build their lead, but look for this to be a back and forth affair culminating with former Buckeye and unwanted star Santonio Holmes having an enormous game on national TV Sunday night. I think the Pylons even their record at 2-2 this week.


That concludes an intense week 3 review and week 4 preview. Again I plan to release these sooner, but work schedule dictates the release date. Writing a 5 page essay each week does take some time. I look forward to the trash talk and banter each Sunday. Nick, please stop proposing awful trades.

Blame The Schedulemaker... and the alcohol

Well, here we are after week 2. The Gnomes have looked totally dominant thus far in dismantling two rival teams. And for the first time in any fantasy season I can recall, the lowest scoring team in the league is 2-0. Naturally this would be Sam. Despite being only 5-13 in the breakdown, luck has been on the side of Kiss Da Baby this year after surrendering only 168 points through two weeks. Neither division made any sort of statement in the week 2 interdivisional matchups. Both divisions now have combined records of 5-5 and have both shown tremendous balance throughout.

I have received requests to produce this blog more quickly. While I may do nothing at work, producing a 2,000 word essay every week does take some time. I plan on getting this out sooner and hopefully can settle in on a Tuesday release date. I have also received more requests, specifically from Nick, to have some league trash talk going on the message board. Although it may be difficult to respond to his posts claiming 6 TDs for Laveraneus Coles, the message board is always good to keep league members involved and furious over ridiculous banter and insults. Let’s get it going. On to the Week 2 Recap:

Kiss Da Baby 103 – Animals With Eyepatches 98:

This was a brutal one to watch. Going into Sunday night Baby needed only 15 points from Jason Witten and Brandon Jacobs to take this one. But being as Sam has drafted the same terrible players 4 years in a row, nothing can ever be certain. The combo ended up putting together a 19 point total and Kiss Da Baby somehow moved to 2-0. Another outstanding performance from Drew Brees went to waste, and the Eyepatches missed a golden opportunity to even their record at 1-1. What was important in this game also was that Sam is now 2-0 against out of division opponents, and these wins could pay dividends when the time to decide wild card berths is upon us.

The King’s Crusaders 111 – The Jackson Five 67:

Wow what a reversal of fortune. The point total from J5 was the lowest in the EFFL since the King put up 67 in Week 10 of 2007. Determined to set the league straight, BG turned in a Herculean effort in getting stomped by almost 50 points, showing why this team was picked last in the preseason poll. This team could get nothing going at all and really had no shot. Even a 0 point effort from Greg Jennings couldn’t help as the Titans D responded with a -4 of their own. Playing Sam could be just what this team needs. The King meanwhile has looked steady en route to a 2-0 start, but there are rumblings inside the GM’s office that changes could be in store.

*** Update ***

Early Thursday morning, word was released that the King has shipped Darren McFadden, Antonio Gates, and Mike Bell to TITTY for Steve Slaton and Kellen Winslow. After having a miserable draft, the King has now been able to acquire two of his 3 man crushes in Slaton and Anquan Boldin. The only piece missing is Andre Johnson…

Johnson’s Farm 175 – Stanky Monkeys 130:

If I told you that the Farm had 2 players in the Titans-Texans game and they would combine for 90 points, you would’ve called me a liar. Despite this outstanding performance the Farm still were unable to top Stanky Monkeys league record of 182 points scored against the King back in 2006. Lou still must be feeling confident in his team, however, after this shellacking. He had double digit performances across the board and is #2 in the league in scoring. He also could be shook as back in 06 he had the 2nd highest point total yet missed the playoffs in what will go down as one of the all time greatest moments in EFFL history. The famous nasty squad missing the playoffs. Slated to be one of the poorer games of the week, this one turned out to be quite the thriller and Nick scored 100 more points than I expected. Maybe changing the team name helped. Maybe Gambino just has a special bond with a lot of Johnson. Too early to tell. Well done.

Tequila Party Gnomes 155 – Tweeting In The Trenches 125:

Most of the pundits who have a nose for the EFFL competition knew this would come down to Monday night. All day Sunday I was receiving texts “I should have Fusco beat” and things of the like. A poor late game showing from Derrick Mason and a huge game from recently cut Nate Kaeding had the Gnomes shook. To make matters worse, the Sunday night game saw Fusco’s MB3 and Giants defense combine for 33 points. What was once thought to be a sure victory turned into despair Monday afternoon at Salad Works. Down 24 points with only Peyton Manning and Dallas Clark remaining, Matthew expressed his concerns at failing to go 2-0 in a game that would be a huge turning point in the season. Consequently, Fusco also felt that he had already lost this game. There’s a whole lot of negativity in the EFFL.

What unfolded was unlike anything I have ever witnessed in fantasy football. On the first play from scrimmage Peyton Manning found an uncovered Dallas Clark over the middle. Rumbling past 2nd base in Dolphins stadium, a safety attempted to make a tackle on Clark, but to no avail. Clark broke free into right field and into the end zone for a 23 point play for the Gnomes! From what I could gather after the subsequent screaming phone call, the Atallian household sounded like the following during the play. “Find Dallas, he’s open! Find him! DALLAS!!! Break free!!! He’s loose!!!! HE’S LOOSE!!!!!!! DALLAS!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” The Fusco household sounded a little bit different. I’d imagine something like “No! No Clark! Fuck! FUCK!!!! COME AHHHHHN!!! DAMNIT!!!!” The EFFL is not kind to expansion teams. Matt’s only statement was “I just didn’t wanna be the first one to lose to an expansion team”. A classic game and definitely one that will be remembered amongst the greats in EFFL history.

Dueling Pylons 120 – Coach Janky Spanky 100:

“What if I lose?... What if I lose to Cro?” were the words of concern before this week 2 showdown in the game of the week. Concern turned to tears and nail biting following this: http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-cant-miss-plays/09000d5d812c5415/WK-2-Can-t-Miss-Play-Gore-goes-off . EEB’s worst nightmare became reality when Frank Gore ripped off an 80 yard TD run on the first play of the 2nd half. It was the first time since Barry Sanders in 1997 and the only other time in league history that a Running Back had two 79+ yard TD runs in the same game. After the game, Coach Just Got Spanked was left in shambles and trying to console himself. Frank Gore beat me, he said. But the fact remains; the Pylons put 5 Rams in their starting lineup and still won the game. And the Redskins should have also lost to the Rams. The Pylons are a cocky team, but rarely are guarantees thrown out. I guaranteed victory and that is exactly what happened. Welcome to the EFFL EEB. These owners are relentless and the competition is always at a high level.




Week 3 could be a turning point in the 2009 season for many teams. All 3 0-2 teams face teams that are 1-1. Records can be evened, or teams can fall 2 games behind their opponents. Both expansion teams must be very concerned with how they have been treated upon entering the league. They were drawn 9th and 10th in the EFFL lottery and now both find themselves 0-2. Here is how the 3rd week of 2009 is shaping up.


Kiss Da Baby (2-0) vs. The Jackson Five (1-1):

Incredible matchup here. These are the two lowest scoring teams in the league, yet again one of these teams will win this week. Both teams have had disappointing performances except from their QBs, yet have fared pretty well. I think this week will prove to be better for both teams, but each still has a long way to go. There is not much room for error now with 4 teams missing the playoffs, and these are the games you need to win if you want to have a shot at the end. Both teams will definitely be watching Monday night as Romo and Optimus Prime battle Jason Witten. Sam’s team always seems to have big showings including the 94 point victory during last season’s Brett Favre 6 TD explosion. I thought Brandon was done fantasy football for life after that game. I think Kiss Da Baby improves to 3-0 here. Sam has not won 3 straight since the end of the 2006 season. Unheard of futility in this day and age.

Dueling Pylons (1-1) vs. Animals With Eyepatches (0-2):

Historically the Eyepatches have not fared well against the Pylons, averaging only 86 points per game in their 8 meetings. Finally in week 11 last year, the Eyepatches snapped a 5 game losing streak and got a key victory en route to returning to the playoffs. So far neither team has looked all that strong, but look for that to change this week. The Pylons enter this game on an emotional high and are feeling confident about turning things around. The Eyepatches meanwhile have some question marks outside of Drew Brees and Megatron. The Pylons have both Felix Jones and Steve Smith Monday night, but this is a classic trap game, however, and I think the Eyepatches make a statement this week and pull the upset. Also Jimish your league fees are requested ASAP.

Stanky Monkeys (1-1) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (0-2):

Both of these teams put up 125+ points in Week 2, yet both teams found themselves on the losing end. Naturally neither team should be that concerned with their lineups, but again one of these teams is going to lose this week. Conceivably, Lou could be the highest scoring team in the league after week 3, yet still be 1-2. After just shipping away first round pick Steve Slaton, Fusco is hitting the panic button a little after only 2 weeks. It was believed that TITT had the best starters following the draft, but it was also noted that the team had little depth. Well the starters have faltered and there is not much to fall back on. I think the Stanky Monkeys come out firing in this one and move back towards the top of the league. Nobody wants to be the first to lose to Fusco.

Johnson’s Farm (1-1) vs. Coach Janky Spanky (0-2):

An injured LT has certainly hurt Janky Spanky. Thankfully Fred Jackson has been able to step in and produce but this team has loads of question marks. Jackson returns to a backup role after week 3, Ray Rice is losing TDs to McGahee, LT is injured, and Bradshaw, Hightower and Thomas Jones are all garbage. When I ripped your team at the draft, I was serious. Outside of selecting former Pylon Vincent Jackson in the expansion draft, Brady is looking like the only good pick in the entire draft. Johnson’s Farm meanwhile is white hot. Chris Johnson and Andre Johnson exploded in week 2, and also on the roster are EEB favorites RoBro, Lee Evans, and Chris Cooley. If I know EEB, he’s shitting his pants right now. Nick has been bragging for about a week now to me about how good his team is and frankly I’m sick of it. I don’t foresee him shutting his yap after this week though. This is the ultimate clown matchup, and I think Johnson’s Farm also will not lose to an expansion team.


***** Game of the Week *****

Tequila Party Gnomes (2-0) vs. The King’s Crusaders (2-0):

Look what we have here. It’s week 3 and already there is a huge showdown in the Odds Division. I know that Matt is licking his chops at the thought of this game. He has lost 5 straight games to the King. He has been eliminated the past two seasons from the playoffs by the King. And here we are in week 3 of 2009. TPG leads the league in points scored, and this is a battle for the division lead. Naturally, Chris has already thrown in the white flag as is standard for King-Gnomes matchups. This year it was on Tuesday when the concession came. But since Tuesday, the King has been on the phone nonstop looking to strike a deal. Thursday morning it came to fruition as Steve Slaton was acquired in a 5 player deal with TITTY. Finally the team can match the facebook picture of eating ribs in a WVU hat and Slaton Texans jersey.

Over the King’s 5 game winning streak against the Gnomes, he has averaged a whopping 140 points scored. But many of these games have come later in the season, when the King seems to come to life more. In games before week 7, the Gnomes are 2-1 and outscoring the King on average 121-111. Both teams will be glued to the TV Sunday night as Peyton Manning, Dallas Clark, and Neil Rackers square off against Reggie Wayne and Anquan Boldin. Both teams have Green Bay receivers. Both teams have Saints. This will be a heated battle. I like what I’ve seen from TPG thus far and I’m taking them to win this and move to 3-0. It’s always a feeling of pride to defeat a Woody, a feat no team has accomplished yet this year.


Well that wraps up another week of the EFFL. It’s been fun so far this year and every week is a huge battle. If you have yet to pay your league fees please do so ASAP. One of these Sundays hopefully we can get a good portion of the league together to watch the games. Good luck in week 3.

The 2009 Season Is Underway

The EFFL is back:

Well we finally have one week in the books and the long anticipated start to the 2009 fantasy season is behind us. Both new league members were taken care of by their opponents. This is no clown league… except for The Ari Golds. In one week Sam has matched her entire win total from last season. Sadly you do not play Nick again, and that will be the last time you ever win with 90 points. Both teams that missed the playoffs last year started off on the right foot this season with week 1 wins. Before we get to the week 2 preview, here is a rundown of how things shaped up in week 1.

Tequila Party Gnomes 142 – Animals With Eyepatches 125:

In the biggest EFFL rivalry, this game lived up to expectations. Combining for over 260 points, the Gnomes and Eyepatches traded shots back and forth until the Eyepatches could take no more. Passing up perennial favorite Megatron, Matt was in shambles when the Eyepatches selected Tron at #7 overall despite being absent from the draft. The trash talking began via email prior to the draft so the hype was there for this game. Drew Brees threw for 6 TDs. Adrian Peterson ran for 180 yards and 3 TDs. Jimish even looked smart for keeping Kevin Smith over Roddy White this week. But 125 points just wasn’t enough and the Gnomes moved to 1-0. Ironically the Eyepatches lost to the Gnomes in last year’s playoffs by also putting up 125 points.

Kiss Da Baby 90 – The Ari Golds 70:

Projected to be the worst game of week 1, this game also lived up to expectations. Immediately after the loss, the Ari Golds were found to be in shambles, trying to salvage what is already a lost 2009 season. Trying to pony up scrubs like Ronnie Brown and Bernard Berrian for superstud Steven Jackson is not the way to go about things. Laveraneus Coles is now a Bengal, yet for the 4^th season in a row the Golds believe he will somehow be helpful. Even more amazing in this contest is that every week 1 surprise performance in the NFL was found on Kiss Da Baby’s bench. At least you didn’t use Jake Delhomme’s -7 points Nick. You would’ve finished with a total of 49 points. Taking Kurt Warner in round 3 could prove to be disastrous. Sam meanwhile had a decent week but will need to see more consistency from her players.

Stanky Monkeys 128 – Dueling Pylons 83:

As soon as Santonio Holmes erupted from the Pylons bench and I received text messages from 3 people about a kicker, this game was in the bag. Monkeys were consistent across the board and the Pylons were the exact opposite. For some reason the Pylons just do not bring their A game against Lou. This is now 6 straight wins for Stanky in the series, including a victory in the 08 semifinals. Over these 6 games the Monkeys are averaging 126 points scored. This game snapped a streak of 15 straight 100+ point efforts from the Pylons, the longest in league history. Also lost in the defeat was franchise QB Donovan McNabb, leaving the Pylons with 0 healthy QBs on the roster. In the meantime I think this is still one of the Monkeys worst teams ever and he will no doubt be looking to make a deal for Peyton Manning before long.

The Jackson Five 129 – Tweeting In The Trenches 96:

Despite another year of having no Jacksons on the roster, the Five must be ecstatic after this week 1 performance. No doubt also the Five were hoping instead of Jeff Garcia the Eagles would’ve made a move for Tarvaris Jackson who would’ve immediately been added. Receiving virtually nothing in week 1 from top RBs Forte and Turner, the Five still managed to put together an impressive performance on the shoulders of Randy Moss and Tony Homo. Meanwhile, TITT did not live up to post draft expectations. I was notified by the Gnomes that after the draft the Five were picked to be the worst team and Tweeting was picked to be the top team. The Fantasy Gods have already struck. The consensus about the Fusco squad was also that it was not a deep team and if the starters struggled they could be in trouble. This is exactly what happened in Week 1. The 129 points are BG’s highest point total since 2007, and all of a sudden this is looking like a dangerous team with his Cowboys combo.

The King’s Crusaders 130 – Coach Janky Spanky 118:

A valiant effort in EEB’s EFFL debut, but the King is always a tough squad to overcome. With both teams having multiple players Monday night, I was told by Chris that he was nervous about his 90 point lead. Slowly Janky Spanky began to creep back into the game. I received an IM that said “Take that ‘EEB’”. There is definite bad blood between these two teams and no doubt if they knew each other better the trash talking would be at abnormal levels. I’ve already been notified by the King that his wide receivers will produce this insane amount of points every week so look out league. Janky Spanky’s special teams really let him down and were the major difference in this game.

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I’m really enjoying the 10 team format. I think the games are much more competitive and every game is much more meaningful. Week 2 marks the first of 2 weeks (the other being week 11) in which all 5 games are out of division matchups. I think this can also be classified as a definite rivalry week as well. There are some great games and these can go a long way towards tiebreakers for the wild card spots. Here is how the games will shape up this Sunday:

The Jackson Five (1-0) vs. The King’s Crusaders (1-0):

Both of these teams are coming off monster Week 1 performances. This also marks the first time ever in 5 years of the EFFL that Brandon has not lost in Week 1. It’s gotta be a good feeling to start on the right foot. These teams have played close games with 2 of the last 3 being decided by 12 points or less. This game will not be decided until late with the Cowboys and Colts both involved in late affairs. I think the Jackson Five has put together a nice squad, and I think the Turner-Forte combo shows more life this week and J5 take this one.

Kiss Da Baby (1-0) vs. Animals With Eyepatches (0-1):

Had these two teams played last week, Jimish would’ve started the season with a win and Sam with a loss. These teams do not have much history as yet again they find themselves in different divisions. This will be only the 6^th time in 5 seasons that they face off, and odds are Sam will not be making the playoffs again this year. They are not likely to meet again in 2009. The Eyepatches have an intimidating squad and could really use a W here. Kiss Da Baby has some tough matchups this week so I like the Eyepatches to even their record at 1-1.

Tequila Party Gnomes (1-0) vs. Tweeting In The Trenches (0-1):

You want some bulletin board material? Trenches owner and proprietor Chris Fusco told the press this week: “If Braylon can fucking catch the ball in bounds I promise a W”. Rookie mistake. Not only are you giving the opponent something to get on you about, you are putting your faith in a Cleveland Brown. Oh, I forgot to mention that Adrian Peterson is playing the Lions. I think that Tweeting is way overmatched in this one. Plus a Monday night Manning and Dallas Clark could make things very difficult. I believe that TITT has more consistency across the board, but I think the Peterson-Manning combo will be too much to overcome. I like the Gnomes in this one.

The Ari Golds (0-1) vs. Stanky Monkeys (1-0):

This is probably the most despised matchup amongst outsiders in the EFFL. Nobody wants to see either of these teams win. These clowns have won 3 of the 4 EFFL championships yet still deserve no respect. If this were an NFL game on TV, it would be the one you flip off because it’s that difficult to watch. Matt Ryan v. Kurt Warner. Ronnie Brown v. Ryan Grant. Lee Evans v. Hines Ward!!!!!!!!! This is a total trainwreck and I’m embarrassed I had to put this game on the schedule. Monkeys win I guess? The Ari Golds may top 70 points this week but I can’t be too sure.

***** Game of the Week *****

Dueling Pylons (0-1) vs. Coach Janky Spanky (0-1):

Although this is the only matchup featuring two winless teams, there is a lot of bad blood here. Both teams do not want to fall into an 0-2 hole. This game, however, is game of the week for an entirely different reason. This game marks the long awaited return of Rams Drinking Game. With McNabb and Cassel both injured, the Pylons were desperate for a quarterback option. What better add than Marc Bulger against Janky Spanky’s beloved Redskins. Already with Steven Jackson and Donnie Avery on the roster, Bulger seemed like a natural fit on the Pylons. In addition, the poor performance of Rob Bironas and Patriots defense necessitated a change. Rams defense and Josh Brown were quickly added. A 9.5 point underdog, and a team that is projected to score 13.5 points by Vegas, the Pylons have put 5 starters in their lineup against Janky Spanky and the Skins. And I am guaranteeing victory. If you’ll recall last season the Rams defeated the Redskins in Washington, one of only two victories all season. I am fully confident that the 28-0 beatdown at the hands of the Seahawks last week was a fluke. If Janky Spanky does not win this game, he will be an easy target for the rest of the league all season. I’m not concerned in the least.

Well there’s your week 1 review and week 2 preview. It was a fun start and I’m expecting another interesting week. Hopefully we have some close games that come down to the wire.