10 Seasons - 1 EFFL

With the 10^th EFFL Draft in the books, it’s time for some reflection. Before we get into who did well and who did not, it is time to take a look at how some of the night’s events went down and who put on the best performance. I’ll shorten the suspense and let you know that the answer is Adam Cutter. We’ll get to why in a few minutes.

I just want to say thank you again to everybody for coming to the draft. Having 14 league members all there is difficult and many of you traveled from far away and spent a good amount of money to attend. The new trophy is just a token of my appreciation. Also, next year the draft will be held in the Philadelphia/Delaware area. Possibly AC if it still exists. Either way, it will be in a larger room with better food.

Each year there are some draft quirks. One of them being “How will Mike Young top his previous performances?” Two years ago it was running a 40 foot extension cord to power has laptop. Last year it was countless mock drafts printed out on legal paper. With technological advances, this year was seemingly tamer with just a tablet. But it wasn’t until after the draft that more details began to emerge. It appears that while the draft was going on, Mr. Young was maintaining a massive google doc with the entire draft board, which turned out to be extremely helpful. I don’t know the most efficient way to draft, but a 10+ sheet document on a tablet can’t be it. Well done. Stepped it up yet again. The highlight for me is the listing of league members in the sheet, one of which was “Chris Cusco”.

Pukers: To my knowledge there were only 2 league members that lost their liquor: Eric Eugene Brooking and Adam Seth Cutter. Cutter is now 3 for 3 at the EFFL Draft. Extremely impressive numbers. But on Sunday morning, reports began to emerge that Cutter went overboard this time. While blowing up a hotel bathroom on Sunday morning, screams of “WHY ME?!?!?” began echoing through the hotel room. This was followed up with further unpleasant sounds. One thing is for certain: Rebecca is a lucky woman.

*** ETA: I also puked ***

The commissioner also was put down with a tranquilizer known as Ommegang Rare Vos. One of these days I’ll realize drinking a pint of beer with high alcohol content is not the same as “having a beer”. There’s more than double the alcohol in a 16 of Rare Vos as there is in a 12 of Bud Light. Subsequently, taking 4 pints to the face in an hour and a half is the equivalent of about 8.25 Bud Lights. But I did not have just 4. I had at least 6 or 7, if not more. And I had been drinking before the draft.

I’ll be honest. I don’t remember making at least my last 3 picks, if not more. Despite needing a kicker, I selected Ronnie Hillman as Mr. Irrelevant. Who knows why this happened? I’m going to just cut Hillman for a kicker tomorrow. Things went downhill quickly. Here’s a picture of me wearing the draft board around my neck. I didn’t even know this was possible.

The next moment I remember is being on the floor of the bathroom stall in the Winslow. The next moment after that I remember is waking up the next morning. Yashar and EEB were first there to mock me. Then they were there to help. They made sure I returned home safely, which was much appreciated. In the process of being guided out of the bar by a very large fellow, I was not allowed to grab anything, including the draft board. Thanks to pictures, google docs, and other texts, I was fully able to recreate the draft. Note to self: at future drafts, go with the lower alcohol content. It’s for the best.

Also, Team Toliver found out on Saturday night that he once made out with a girl who has since converted to a man. Tough sledding out there. Toliver is also 3 for 3 on not paying league fees on draft night.

On to football related matters. I will be posting power rankings throughout much of the regular season, and then probably switch to playoff seedings around Week 10.

First, here is the EFFL Schedule, being released just now. Remember, you will play every other team once. Week 13 will be rivalry week. Week 1 features a matchup of last year’s two champions. It also features the renewed Brooking/Woody rivalry.

EFFL 2014 Schedule

And finally, the long awaited preseason power rankings. We will go from #14 to #1. This opinion is completely subjective, and I take no mercy on any team.

NO CHANCE

#14. Pork Chop Express (Lobitz) – For a second consecutive year, had to remove himself from the draft due to massive alcohol consumption. It’s not certain when the booze started hitting, but it was definitely towards the beginning of the draft. Only has 1 starting RB, and it’s rookie Bishop Sankey. Reserves include suspended Josh Gordon, #3 RB Christine Michael, #2-3 RB Mark Ingram, backup QB Johnny Manziel, #2 RB Andre Williams, for some reason the Giants defense, backup QB Blake Bortles, #4 WR Martavis Bryant, and no kicker. Reached in the 2^nd for Andrew Luck and is banking on Eric Decker on the Jets and Joique Bell repeating his success. Will need heroic performances basically across the board to make the playoffs.

LONG ROAD AHEAD

#13. DA BEARDS (Whye) – Trent Richardson in the 3^rd round?!?!?! By far the worst pick of the draft. The Rodgers/Beast Mode combo is the only reason you’re not in last. Well that and you at least picked up some serviceable backups in Mike Evans and Kelvin Benjamin. You know, guys that are actually going to play. If Chris Johnson has a decent year, that could end up being a steal, but Trent Richardson is just such a bad pick. Cruz and Colston should be a solid 1-2 punch. This team doesn’t scream championship contender, but should be in the playoff mix. Also, it was brought up that you wore the exact outfit in your Facebook picture to the draft. That’s just funny.

#12. Team Toliver – Showed up to the draft completely empty handed and then reached on just about every player. But who am I to question the strategy? Through 2 seasons, Yashar has the best Win % in EFFL History and was the #1 seed in both EFFL seasons. Was mocked relentlessly for selecting Pierre Thomas and Danny Woodhead as his top 2 RBs. Check out who led all RBs in receptions in 2013. #1 was Pierre Thomas. #2 was Danny Woodhead. In a non-PPR this would be suicide, but 70+ catches and over 1,000 total yards is easily doable. Plus has Tron anchoring the squad, which IMO puts this team slightly ahead of the other two.

#11. A Lot O’ Tatz (Brooking) – If you asked me “How bad can I mess up a draft after Peyton Manning?”, this team would be the epitome. You let Tatz work you over in that trade and then named your team after him. Drinking and trading never seems to work out for you. Ben Tate and MJD as a top 2 RB pairing doesn’t scare anyone. How you were able to land Manning is beyond me. Nobody else on your team is good, but Manning should carry you a little bit. The only player who might actually be good is Golden Tate, but there are so many deficiencies it’s laughable. With any other QB you’d be dead last.

WAIT AND SEE

#10. Geno 911 (Gambino) – I’m sure you’ll be disappointed to not be bringing up the rear. After the bottom 4 it’s tough to pick on too many teams, but this draft completely fell apart. You could’ve stopped after like the 6^th round, picked nobody else, and filled your roster with waiver wire players. It wouldn’t have been any worse. This team screams middle of the road to me. Probably a bunch of guys that finish in the top 20 at their position, but nobody that’s a real difference maker other than Jimmy Graham. I don’t understand why you keep drafting Tony Romo.

#9. Team 15 (Cutter) – Is it that hard to join the league? I’ve sent 3 invitations and that’s not enough. Yet another alcohol victim. Was doing OK until about the 5^th round and then totally went downhill. Emmanuel Sanders should pay significant dividends, and Lacy and Alshon are two great picks. Banking on Ray Rice and Frank Gore, however, is a dangerous proposition. At least you got Tommy Brady. He was brutal from a fantasy standpoint last year and he’s not getting any younger. WHY ME?!?!?!? Based on your draft, I think we could’ve seen this one coming.

#8. Tweeting in the Trenches – Quietly one of the drunkest at the draft, this team has the potential to be one of the worst in the league. The players look good on paper, but there are a number of starters with a very low floor. This is a team to me that should be pretty good from the start, but I certainly question the longevity. Perhaps grabbing some rookies likely to do better in the latter half of the season would have been wise should this team not hold up. But alcohol impaired that decision. Finished the draft with Eli and Sam Bradford. Woof. If this team goes 3-Peat I’ll be pretty stunned.

LEGITIMATE CONTENDERS

#7. Big Brother’s Bitch (Young) – Triple B’s. I have no idea what to make of this team name. Tough to argue with Brees/Julio at the top, and Pierre Garcon should end up being a very solid piece. But after that, there are a bunch of guys with big question marks. Wayne coming back from injury, and can Ellington, Gerhart and Ertz live up to expectations? Right in the middle of the pack feels about right for this team, but I could certainly see them being a threat if things fall into place. It’s very possible that this team could also end up drafting in a costume next year.

#6. The Smokin’ Jays – Must be surprised to see me actually praising your team for a change. I’m sure that’ll change soon. Snagging 3 clear #1 RBs in a 14 team league is always a good move. While Cutler, Fitzand Torrey Smith shouldn’t set the world on fire, they’ll be serviceable. I like the Kyle Rudolph pick and got pretty capable backups (see: guys that will play). Barring massive injuries, will probably not be drafting in a costume next year. Also, half of the league didn’t even know you were in attendance in that back corner.

#5. Stanky Monkeys – Yet another team who came through despite my previous dislike of teams. Looks very solid across the board, but Fred Jackson and Edelman certainly seem like guys who can go either way. I don’t know if expecting a 2013 repeat is reasonable, but it is possible. Regardless, it’s hard to see this team not doing well. The bench is the only thing that may be a little bit questionable, but basically everyone’s is at this juncture. Seahawks D was also a nice pick and should definitely help. After 3 consecutive seasons missing the playoffs, I think the Stanky Monkeys are finally back.

THE 4 FAVORITES

#4. The King’s Crusaders – There’s not a whole lot separating the teams at the top. Ultimately, I think waiting forever to take a Quarterback isn’t going to be a killer. But I definitely think it hurts. There are enough strong pieces to stay competitive week in and week out. The real issue with the King is that there are a lot of players with significant injury history. Reed has concussion problems, Maclin is close to shredding his ACL every week, and Crabtree and Harvin never seem to reach their potential. But there’s enough quality up and down to be successful if a couple guys don’t pan out. With a real QB, this team would probably have been my pick to win it all.

#3. Dueling Pylons – The Peterson/Reggie Bush RB combo is probably the best in the league. Gronk is a top 3 TE and Stafford is on the verge of becoming the next stud QB alongside Manning, Rodgers, and Brees. Through the first half of last season he was averaging almost 25 points per game. Add to that all up and coming star WRs Floyd and Patterson, and the sky is the limit for the 2014 Pylons. The thing that could be really concerning is that the top 3 RBs on this team are all over 29. It’s possible that the wheels fall off. If that’s the case, this should be a borderline playoff team as opposed to a contender.

#2. Tequila Party Gnomes – As indicated with The Smokin’ Jays, snagging 3 starting RBs is a wise strategy. When those 3 happen to be Foster, Spiller and Bernard, you’re an immediate favorite. Violating rule #1 of fantasy football was wise in this case. To do it twice? Wow. May have reached a little on Watkins, but the guy can come in and immediately be a 1,000 yard receiver. Plus he can be kept, and will only get better. I’m not as high on Foles this year, but he should be a very good starter. And your boy BMarsh has finally returned. It appears the booze set in in the middle rounds, as the bench leaves something to be desired. But Nicks and Dwayne Bowe are always threats to have huge seasons. We’ll see how that goes.

#1. Team Bartholomew – This is just a great draft. AJ Green and DeMarco Murray is an awesome 1-2 punch. Cam Newton should threaten top 5. Shane Vereen, if healthy, could lead all RBs in catches. Kendall Wright was 7^th in the league in catches. And Randall Cobb also could be a top 10 WR. With no Steve Smith, Greg Olsen should be Cam Newton’s #1 target and could have a career year. Mixed in a bunch of very solid bench players and rookies in Jordan Matthews, Jeremy Hill, and Ladarius Green. This team is going to put up a lot of points over the course of the season. Any wishes to see Tatz drafting as C-3PO are mere fantasy.

Well that’s it. Over 4 pages of single-spaced Word document and almost 2,500 words. The blog is back. The EFFL is back. I can’t wait for Week 1. Still gathering more pictures and more pieces of Saturday night. As always, if you have any incriminating pictures available, please send them my way.