Ah Election Day. One
of my favorite holidays. The day where 2
candidates see their work of trying to convince a regional majority of people
that they will personally help them more than the other candidate come to
fruition. Politics are stupid. Whether it be someone else deciding how we
spend our money or Roger Goodell telling men they’re not allowed to work after
committing a crime, politics are stupid.
What is also stupid: benching Doug Martin in favor of Darren
McFadden. Ben is currently in Mexico,
but when he returns, he surely will be distraught at his decisions. How have players in the league gotten so bad at the basic skill of tackling? I have to assume ESPN is to blame. That should be question #1 at the combine... Can you tackle?
2012 is an outstanding year for the EFFL. Not one team is better than 6-3 and not one
team is worse than 3-6 across both leagues.
It is extremely competitive, and it’s great to see that in the middle of
November, all 16 teams are in the hunt and should be for awhile. The highest scoring team across both leagues
belongs to Adam Tatz. I was shocked at
this development, but his #1 pick of Aaron Rodgers seems to be paying off. He’s the highest scoring player in the
league. For any of you starting a
Jaguars or Colts player this Thursday, you should apologize to your opponent
for forcing them to watch arguably the worst broadcast in the history of football. Nobody should watch that garbage.
Teams continue to ravage me like a cheap whore. The Pylons have allowed 872 points over their
last 6 games… good for more than 145 PPG.
That’s 100 points more than the next closest opponent. With no end to this assault in sight, it
could be a rough end to the season for a promising squad. It also appears that Yashar and Mike Young
are the only two teams that could lock up a playoff spot this week. Things must fall the right way for this to
happen so soon.
The Beef of the Week this week is brought to you by Butcher
Bar in Astoria. This is definitely one
of the best BBQ places around, and nothing gets you going for football like a
gorgeous waitress making meat recommendations.
Naturally, she recommended a sandwich called the 50/50, aka the Half and
Half… Fusco knows what I’m talking about.
I have some serious beef this week to which everyone can
relate. You’re at a bar screaming things
like “Come on Andy! Throw it to Tiger 84
in the slot! Please!!!!” All of the sudden, some mannish, gigantic
woman is screaming at the top of her lungs for every single Colts first
down. There is absolutely no need for
this. We get it. You’re drinking beer. You have tons of testosterone pumping. Don’t try to ruin everyone else’s time by
annoying the shit out of them when T.Y. Hilton catches a 5 yard pass on 3rd
and 2. Usually this is a Steelers fan,
but this past Sunday was just unbearable.
If I owned a business, I’d kick people like this out. You’ve all seen it. You’ve all been annoyed by it. We need to all come together to prevent
things like this from happening again in the future.
Congrats to Adam Tatz on winning the $10 prize in week
9. The one thing we can agree on is that
drunk yelling at Giants fans is an outstanding pastime. On to the power rankings:
EFFL League 1
1. Tweeting in the
Trenches (4-5) – Last week: 2 – After an 0-4 start, this team is finally
coming together. Despite winning 4 of 5,
this week has an absolutely critical matchup with the Stanky Monkeys. A loss could be devastating since this team
is hovering around the bottom of the playoffs.
I think right now this team is playing the best in the league, and I
would not want to face this team down the stretch.
2. Dueling Pylons
(5-4) – Last week: 1 – The Pylons fall out of the top spot after an
uninspiring week 9 performance. As I’ve
said all along, this team will only go as far as the wide receivers take them,
and having 3 receivers combine for 11 points Is never going to get it done. Should certainly have better days ahead but
really cannot afford to have too many more slip ups. Week 10 showdown with TPG will make the
difference for the winner.
3. Tequila Party
Gnomes (5-4) – Last week: 3 – Came through on Monday night for the first
time in a long time. Really need the win
over Lady Luck to snap a 3 game losing streak and right the ship. If TPG can get past the Pylons, this team
must feel confident knowing that its last 2 games are against Sam and
Nick. This team is due to break out, and
what better way than a matchup against the league whipping boy?
4. The King’s
Crusaders (4-5) – Last week: 4 – The fact that this team started 1-5 is a
distant memory. The King has found his
stride and is now looking to assert himself as a league power. A week 10 showdown with EEB is highly
anticipated. I must admit I’ve received
a ton of smack talk about how awful Janky Spanky is. Now it’s time to put your money where your
mouth is. A victory here will go a long
way in getting to the playoffs.
5. Eat My Asomugha
(6-3) – Last week: 6 – This is such a hit or miss squad. They’ve finished #2 or #3 in weekly scoring 4
times and #6, 7 or 8 in scoring 5 times.
I’m not a believer. I think this
team is fortunate to have a 6-3 record, but the wins are in the book. 7-6 should be good enough to get into the
playoffs, and 8-5 certainly will do the trick.
A win in week 10 could get this team over the hump. I can’t believe he’s seriously looking at a
bye. Also, laughing at me for playing
against Doug Martin was not appreciated.
6. Stanky Monkeys
(4-5) – Last week: 5 – A 3 game losing streak is really hurting the Monkeys
chances of getting to the playoffs. In
fact, if the playoffs started today, this team would be out of it. This team has never been better than 3rd
high score of the week, so really cannot complain with the results. That being said, this week’s game against
Fusco is massive. With a win, will be a
full game ahead of him and have the tiebreaker with only 3 to play. Faces EEB twice in the last 3 weeks. This team controls its destiny.
7. Lady Luck (5-4) – Last week: 7 – As I’ve used
before, what can I say about this roster that hasn’t already been said about
Afghanistan? It looks bombed out and
depleted. By FAR, the lowest scoring
team in the league, and I really can’t see things getting much better. This roster has a couple good players, but is
so thin. This team has a very difficult
remaining schedule and is in serious danger of falling quickly.
8. Coach Janky Spanky
(3-6) – Last week: 8 – Seemed alarmed that the power rankings thought this
was the worst team. In reality, this is
the worst team. Denial has doomed this
team in the past, and surely it will again.
Although EEB is finally coming around, I fear it is too late. With a loss this week, it appears that Mr.
Brooking is headed into the relegation battle.
You need to beat Woody this week to save your season. You are 1-7 against him lifetime. Good luck.
EFFL League 2
1. Claiborne
Supremacy (5-4) – Last week: 3 – A nice jump for this team to get to the
top spot. I must admit that I’m
impressed with how this team has done.
Tatz Is rolling out the #1 QB, the #1 defense, the #2 kicker, the #2 WR,
the #3 TE and the #5 RB on a weekly basis.
That’s a recipe for success. This
team is done with byes after this week and is 2 games up on the last playoff
spot. Great position to be in.
2. Threeing the Hogs
(6-3) – Last week: 2 – Really didn’t do anything wrong in week 9, and got a
very narrow victory on Monday night to take over the #1 overall seed. At this point, I think this team has fallen
just below the Tatz squad, but at 6-3, must be feeling good. Getting a bye in the first round of the
playoffs will go a very long way towards promotion.
3. The Heads of State
(5-4) – Last week: 6 – I was a little bit disappointed last week and probably
overreacted. Young Meech is rolling out
the same Foster/Peterson combo that I am, and that must be taken
seriously. Despite the Eagles performing
absolutely pitiful, the depth of this team is really coming to the rescue. I preach depth like this frequently for this
very reason. Having capable backups is
critical. Big game with Yashar this week
could vault this team into first round bye position. Should definitely be in the playoffs.
4. Team Toliver (6-3)
– Last week: 1 – Wow what a disappointing week 9 performance. NEVER BENCH TRON. That’s a critical mistake regardless of game
result. The Sproles injury will
seriously affect this team’s stretch run.
Should still be OK for the playoffs, but this team could really struggle
with injuries in the next couple weeks.
For the time being I’m skeptical, but things will get better with good
health. The early season run is carrying
this team.
5. RGIII for
President (4-5) – Last week: 5 – Took a tough loss to Mike Y and now is
going to be in a battle the rest of the way.
I actually really like this team’s chances, and the rest of the schedule
isn’t too bad. Randall Cobb has proven
to be a huge acquisition. Things will
come together for this team, but hopefully it is not too late when it
happens. Don’t let the teams below you
back into it.
6. BABY TEES (3-6)
– Last week: 8 – The win over Yashar truly was a season saver. Now facing Darryl, Dosh has a chance to get
back into the playoff hunt, but a loss in week 10 would be absolutely
devastating. When you dig such a big
hole, there is virtually no margin for error.
Seeing as your last two games are against the top two teams, this is a
must win. I know if I were in that
situation, I’d want to be using Denarius Moore and Chris Johnson.
7. Jersey Leshoure (3-6)
– Last week: 4 – While your team appears to have good players from the outside
looking in, this team takes the cake for poor management. Doug Martin and Mikel Leshoure combined for 7
rushing TDs in week 9, and all of them were left on the bench. Despite having some solid depth at the RB
position, this team has failed to make any notable moves whatsoever to solidify
other positions. I can’t endorse
that. Tatz is going to bend you over
this week.
8. Bo$$town Beasts
(4-5) – Last week: 7 – This team has hit rock bottom. It is no coincidence that you and EEB are
both floundering due to your reliance on Chiefs. I’d do your research this week, as taking a 5th
straight loss to Mike Y seems very possible.
The good news for Cutter is that he faces the two teams below him in the
standings in the final 4 weeks. My math
tells me that if you win those two games, you should be in the playoffs.
There were some great games in week 9 that came down to the
very end of the Monday night game.
Steelers v Chiefs this Monday night is definitely going to have a big
impact on the league as we have so many people relying on these scrubs. I am glad I was able to return to blogging this
week. Keep in mind that the trading
deadline is Wednesday, November 21st. This is the day before Thanksgiving. EEB… this is a blackout date for you. NO DRINKING!!!! Good luck to everyone in Week 10. The playoffs are approaching.
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