Gnomes, Pylons, and The Dennis toward the bottom right

Whoa nellie the big boys came through in a big way. All with impressive victories, the King’s Crusaders, Stanky Monkeys, and Dueling Pylons all locked up playoff spots. What a dramatic turnaround it has been for the King. Since losing 7 straight in the middle of the 2007 season, the King has now gone 11-2 in his last 13 games and finds himself right in the thick of the battle for the top spot. With the Monkeys still facing both of the other 2 teams, it is hard to imagine a team outside of this group of 3 getting a first round bye. A week 13 matchup between the Pylons and Monkeys could prove to be huge. On to the week 9 review.

Dueling Pylons handled My Team is Awful with a 46 point beatdown. The Pylons still probably hold a grudge for the 2005 playoff matchup which David Jackass Akers made a field goal to send a meaningless Eagles-Giants game into overtime. Jeremy Shockey sealed the deal in OT with some garbage points and that was all she wrote for the Pylons. The more pressing matter is the fact that Awful has lost 5 straight games and sits in the cellar at 1-8. This once proud franchise has gone 4-18-1 since their playoff defeat in 2006. Stop drafting the same players. They aren’t getting any better. The good news, as there always is some, is that Awful sits only 2 games out of a playoff spot with 4 to play, including matchups with the 2 teams standing in the way of that elusive playoff berth.

What was billed as Week 9’s game of the week turned out to be one of the worst games of the season. Newly acquired Chris Johnson was the only player for either team to go over 20 points, but the effort was in vain. Offset by Steven Jackson’s 1 point and Nick Fizzolk’s 2, the Golds really did not stand much chance in this game. In a pivotal middle of the pack affair, it was the Eyepatches who took the step forward to almost guarantee a playoff spot. A win this week for the Eyepatches would put that shit on lock. The Golds should be OK, but this is not the juncture of the season which you want to get cold.

At approximately 1:03 PM EST on Sunday the King threw in the towel against the Jackson Five conceding victory like John McCain. Although premature, this game did eventually come down to the 2^nd half of the Monday night game where Clinton Portis put it away. A lack of TDs ultimately hurt the Five in this matchup. Despite having the lowest point total and the most points allowed, the Five still remain right in the thick of things for the playoffs. There are no more games against the 3 7-2 teams, so this team controls its own destiny. I fully expect a rebound and a customized shirt for Sunday games that says “FIVE ALIVE”.

This Stanky Monkeys team does not have me convinced. Every week it seems like some other garbage player is contributing to a team that gets no points scored against. 6 out of his 9 games the opponent has scored 100 or less. It seems like a team that could have a huge week but also be a huge flop. This is not a recipe for playoff success. TPG was in this one all the way, however, with Cooley and Jason Campbell fighting til the end to let the Gnomes play spoiler. Until a last minute Campbell INT, this game was not over. Leaving Chad Johnson on the bench has never served well. At 3-6, the Gnomes have seen more trying times and still remain in the 6^th playoff slot. This is a resilient bunch with a talented roster. I expect this team to make some noise before the season is over.

***Week 10 Preview***

Stanky Monkeys vs. My Team Is Awful

The battle of March 3, 1987 should be a good one. These teams come in heading in opposite directions, but that can all change quickly. The Monkeys are in, so this team may get lax against a desperate Awful team. Brett Favre against the Rams and MJD against the Lions could be tough to compete with, but I look for this one to be a relatively close game with the Monkeys sneaking one out.

The King’s Crusaders vs. Animals With Eyepatches

These teams have traded shots in the past and always produce entertaining games. This is the ultimate matchup of overanalysis vs. let it ride. Both teams head into this game on winning streaks and both look poised to make some noise in the playoffs. Having Barber and TO on a bye could hurt the Eyepatches, but the emergence of Tim Hightower must be exciting. I look for the Eyepatches to get done what they could not only 3 weeks ago and down the King like a delicious Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from the best fast food restaurant ever, Wendy’s.

The Ari Golds vs. Dueling Pylons

In any normal week this would be the game of the week hands down. This is the game that annually produces the most smack talk in the EFFL. These teams simply do not like each other. A Week 3 Pylons win surely still sits on the Golds’ mind when Jerricho Cotchery and Antonio Gates were no match for the invaluable Nate Kaeding.

What better way to make that statement than to throw in Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson. Please come home from WVU and skip class on Monday so we can play Rams drinking game Sunday afternoon. The last time I played Rams drinking game I ended up face down on the living room floor at 8 p.m. while the Gnomes got covered in blue acrylic paint and puked in a plastic keg bucket full of water. I strongly like and dislike so many players on your team this will be rough for me. The Pylons are in first place for a reason, and I look for another huge game to take this team of destiny to 8-2.

***Game of the Week***

The Jackson Five vs. Tequila Party Gnomes

3-6 vs. 2-7. #6 vs. #7. It’s week 10 and the season could be on the line for the Jackson Five. A loss to the Gnomes here and it could be the end of the line. Due to scheduling, this is the first time these teams meet, and it will be the only time these teams meet. The tiebreaker between the two is at stake, and could keep one team on the outside looking in. 4 of the 5 previous meetings between these teams have been decided by 6 points or less. This is the ultimate battle of desperation at just the right time, and despite the records of these teams, this is no doubt the game of the week. I think that the Gnomes have shown me a little more thus far, so I look for them to take this one.

That's all for this week. After next week I'll probably do a playoff preview or something to let you know where everyone stands and how the seeds are shaking up. Remember the deadlines that I posted below. Also, good luck to Lou as he heads out to Arizona to try and make the Arizona Sundogs of the CHL.