Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The 2015 Turning Point

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Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Ridin' through my old hood, but I'm in my new whip!

What in the fuck was that fake punt run by the Colts?!?!? It was arguably the most embarrassing play to be run in the history of the NFL. Check this out.




It's unbelievable that this actually happened in a game. Against the Patriots. As if Belichick needed help. And let's gooooo. Bills are back, baby!!!



A video posted by Tim Szczesny (@tinytim39) on


So I ask yet again... Anyone wanna go to a Bills game? I need to be part of the #BillsMafia. There's also a picture floating around of a dude in Zubaz peeing with his pants down. Pretty awesome. Didn't wanna put that on the blog in case anyone is reading at work.

I'm in such a good mood right now. It appears I'm going to take down TITTY barring an unbelievable collapse. And the Eagles still have the hope for victory. Time to TURN UP.

Let's get some quick beef in.


Beef of the Week: Aaron Rodgers

I've honestly had enough of this guy. Guy hurries up to the line with 25 seconds left just to yell "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT". "HUT".

SNAP THE FUCKING BALL!!!!! It's absolutely unwatchable. And the guy gets praised for being smarter than everybody else. He's an emotionless robot. I've never seen him smile. I think he's incapable of smiling. Aaron Rodgers may be good at QB Rating and Yards per Attempt, but he's the furthest thing from enjoyable to watch. Put him in the shit QB category for me with Bortles, McCown, and whoever Dallas decides to use.


And I've had enough of the hating on Cro. Guy's got 11 kids or whatever. Yet there they are praising good ol' country boy Philip Rivers. "He and his wife are expecting their 8th child". STOP IT PHIL! You're not the Duggars. Please stop. Can't wait til we have to hear from him how much better a person he is than everyone else.

What's the deal with this Star Wars stuff? Usually Comic-Con or whatever attracts a unique blend of people. Who at Disney thought "Man, I bet a football game is the perfect time for a sci-fi movie preview". Two total different groups of people. Except for Tatz. He's clearly the target audience here.

But how good a game was that Carolina-Seattle game? It's awesome when two good teams play. That might have been the best game I've seen all season. And then to follow that up with Colts-Pats. Bout time we got hooked up. The 1 PM games were brutal, but still. Fun week. Let's get to the power rankings right quick.

And ESPN and NFL Network are spewing all kinds of garbage about this Nolan Carroll pick 6. "This is the first pick 6 in Philadelphia in 19 years". No it's not. I don't have every Pick 6 stored in my memory, but come on. There's visual evidence on Facebook.


Pictured:

- Facebook Ads
- My entire closet emptied following TO's return to Philly in 2006.
- A Reggie Bush jersey
- A racquetball racquet
- Abercrombie bag
- The commissioner buried under this mound somewhere.

Not Pictured:

- TPG puking in a keg bucket.

Woke up the next morning with a fucking coating on the water in the keg bucket. Nastiest shit I've ever seen. You still believe ESPN and NFL Network? Fine. Here's a box score: http://espn.go.com/nfl/game?gameId=261008021

Lito Sheppard 102 yard TD. But you keep telling people that it's been 19 years, NFL Network. I remember that TO game. TPG doesn't. I think that's the most fucked up I've EVER been for a football game. And that's saying something.

Power Rankings

 I don't think anyone has anything to worry about at this point. The playoffs cut line is only 3-3 right now. That means everyone except EEB and Cutter is within 1 game of the playoffs. That's fun.

 14. ROLL THE DICE (2-4 - Last week 14): Another week and another disappointing outing. I fear Dosh may not recover from this disastrous spot. Finally admitted to me that Peyton Manning is cooked, as I've been explaining since Week 1. But picked up some other QBs that others cut bait on. It might help. How could you trade Mike Evans for that packeege?

13. The King's Crusaders (2-4 - Last week 12): Real rough week. HUT! HUT! HUT! Probably sat there screaming at the TV "GIVE ME SOME FUCKING FANTASY POINTS!!! HIKE IT" TEs look good, but a lot of Chiefs. A lot. I don't think this team has enough firepower at this point. Gonna be tough to get out of this hole.

12. Bo$$town Cutter (1-5 - Last week 13): Moved up a bit, but Phil is crushing everyone. Had probably the game of the season, and it sucks to have to lose that. But you've gotta be encouraged. Martavis and Shady are back. Dez should be back kinda soon. It just may be too late. I guarantee nobody is going to want to play your team at full strength.

11. Dueling Pylons (2-4 - Last week 11): Very well may be behind Cutter, but likewise, this team looks to be improving in the second half. Injuries EVERYWHERE have decimated this squad. Gurley and Christine Michael may be the top 2 running backs in the second half of the season. I'll let you laugh. Going to get destroyed by Cecil.

10. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-4 - Last week 8): Lots of teams have gone in the shitter, but all that means is that the playoffs are very close. Beast mode is back, but was truly no match for Nuk Hopkins and BG's squad. I think this team is right on the outside looking in at the moment, but some wise roster moves could get em back into the discussion.

9. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-3-1 - Last week 4): I'm serious. Look how many teams are right around each others' records. EVERYONE is still in the playoff hunt. My concerns all season are finally creeping through. Got a couple big players, but the complementary pieces don't seem to be delivering. You might have to (gasp) trade Bell or Odell. You can't trade a kicker for good players. I also think it's hilarious that Chris Michael Fusco cut Chris Michael.

8. Team Bartholomew (3-3 - Last week 5): Got a huge win against Dosh, but I'm still concerned. Antonio Brown is doing awful without Big Ben. I'm sure you'll have some big weeks and be right around the playoffs, but I don't think it's as certain as it was.

7. Geno 911 (3-3 - Last week 10): Trust me, I don't think you're in the top 7. I just forgot about your team until now. It's that forgettable. Now looking at it, you might be in the bottom 3. Too late to turn back. Whole team screams AVERAGE. And as much as EEB made fun of you, Golden Tate over Brandin Cooks still doesn't look that bad.

6. A Lot O'Tatz (1-4-1 - Last week 9): I still think you have a solid team, but at some point you have to do something. The good news is that you're only a game and a half out of the playoffs. You're right there. Grudge match with Tatz next week and a HUGE opportunity to get right back into it.

5. The Old Nut Sack (4-2 - Last week 6): I don't know how you've managed a 4-2 record, but you've done it. I guess your team isn't all that bad after all. John Brown, Greg Olsen, and BMarsh all brought it. They may continue to bring it. I'm starting to come around. Looking good.

4. Pork Chop Express (4-2 - Last week 7): Stole Mike Evans from Dosh. The fantasy gods were clearly angered by this treason as your top two receivers were struck down with injury. Huge week. I think it's your ceiling, but it's encouraging. Can't believe you gave up football this week for a fondue party.

3. Stanky Monkeys (5-1 - Last week 3): Nothing against your squad. It's on fire. I looked and thought damn 147 points. He's moving up! Then I saw the 2 teams higher than you scored even more. Randall Cobb isn't even producing and it doesn't matter. You should've seen what you did to EEB with that Ben Watson play. Poor guy was questioning his purpose in life.

2. Team BG (4-2 - Last week 2): Team just unloaded on poor TPG. Everything clicked this week, and it could have been worse. Demaryius dropped a bunch of passes. Team looks a little bit precarious heading into the bye weeks, but I see no reason why this team wouldn't be a contender. Unlike EEB, it's amazing what smart lineup decisions do.

1. Cecil Had It Coming (6-0 - Last week 1): Some people may put 0 stock in the power rankings, but I've had your team #1 all season since week 1. It's amazing that I can properly analyze team strengths, yet can't draft the players that make these teams strong. Can you imagine if your first loss is to the lowly Pylons? I only can dream. This team might lock up a playoff spot by week 8 or 9. That's not out of reach.


Crazy that the regular season has just about hit the halfway point. EVERYONE is still in contention. And that's not an exaggeration. All but 2 teams are within 1 game of the playoffs.
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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Let the BIG DOG EAT!!!

I could've sworn I used that post title before, but oh well. LET THE BIG DOG EAT!!!



I got screwed again this week! Nothing like losing on a Gary Barnidge taint TD.

That's actually what happened. EEB should change his team name RIGHT NOW to A Lot O'Taint.



 Mother FUCKER. That's a rough way to go down to anybody, but especially EEB. Also Brandin Cooks caught a TD with :00 on the clock to just twist the knife a little further. EEB got away with one.

Although there are some good jerseys this week, I saw someone wearing a shirt that said "Tom Brady sit on my face". I know what you're thinking, but it was not Cutter.

The NFL was actually kinda good this week. Some late drama. Some winning bets. By the way, the Packers were in my parlay, so obviously Rodgers throws his first home picks since 2012. If you want your opponent to fuck up, send me some cash and I'll bet on their team. Bound to get bit.

Jamaal Charles also blew out his ACL. It was bound to happen. Here's a conversation I had with Gambino during the week.


Two weeks LOL. More like four days. It's amazing. The only good player on his team goes down. I'm no prognosticator, but I don't think that #10 ranking is going to hold up.

The Eagles showed some life. The Cowboys are gonna go a full month without winning a game. And how bad are the Lions. They might go winless for the entire season. They pulled Stafford for Orlovsky. Amazing.

Antonio Gates was "upset" with his suspension. Maybe you shouldn't have taken banned recovery substances then, Antonio. The rule is "don't put this in your body or you're suspended". He did the opposite. And was upset at the consequences. Can't imagine what he thought would happen. "I DIDN'T KNOW I SWEAR".


Beef of the Week: NFL Decision Makers

I actually had some difficulty finding beef this week. I was a relatively happy person on Sunday. Didn't wanna yell at anyone other than Sam Bradford for most of the first half.

That all changed Monday night. From the sideline reporter "As you know, DeAngelo Williams' mother died last year of breast cancer. He asked the NFL if he could wear pink all season to honor her. While he couldn't do that..."

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? The NFL actually turned this guy down from wearing pink all season?!?!? It's gotta be a money thing. Has to be. It might cause some controversy or dissent in the ranks. Well if one guy wears pink, the next you know everyone is going to want to wear a different color.

What fucking assholes. That's a slap in the face. Incredibly disrespectful to a veteran of the league. But what else would you expect. I hope someone gets on the horn and absolutely RIPS the league. They deserve it.


Here's the poll to get together again: http://doodle.com/poll/5yuf658533isrqm6

Do what you wish


Power Rankings

14. ROLL THE DICE (2-3 - Last week 13): No lie. When I was typing "ROLL THE DICE", I guess out of habit I typed "ROLL THE DICK". That's basically what this team is playing like right now.. Rolled Dick. Dosh's logo is now a beer helmet, and I think any public appearances the rest of the season must feature this apparatus. Now has weeks of 68, 70, 83, and 90. Admitted Peyton Manning is terrible. Let's see where this goes. ROLL THAT DICK.

13. Bo$$town Cutter (1-4 - Last week 14): I just want to explain the concept of the 1 PM rule.

Here's a scenario: Monday evening Le'Veon Bell blows out his knee walking into the locker room. DeAngelo Williams is available as a free agent. Anyone who has a player on a bye, or a player playing in the Monday night game can add DeAngelo and drop a player. Anyone who has already had all of their players play that week does not have that ability, as all players on the roster are locked. The 1 PM rule was put in place to level the playing field.

If the league as a whole wants to remove the rule and make it a free for all, I don't care. We can vote on it.

12. The King's Crusaders (2-3 - Last week 11): Still very much concerned about this roster. Andy Reid came back to Earth and stared motionless into space as Jay Cutler dilly-dallied his way to a victory. After that ACL got blown, everything went to shit. It's not good that KC has no other running backs. Defenses are going to put heat on Alex Smith as he dumps off for -2 yards over and over again. In the middle of the pack record wise. Not too late.

11. Dueling Pylons (1-4 - Last week 12): Fucking taint TD. Damnit. And got bit by Staffy. 6 Lions turnovers were a damn killer. This team is certainly looking up, however. Gurley is a monster. Allen Hurns is EEBin it real. Not the best team, but there's enough meat here to have some hope. Plays the bottom 3 in weeks 8-10, so could turn it around.

10. Geno 911 (3-2 - Last week 10): Take Jamaal Charles out of that lineup and things look pretty ugly. Doug Martin won't play the Jaguars every week, and Jay Cutler won't get the worst defense in the league and explode for 17 points every week either. I think this team is going to come crashing down. I look forward to future text messages predicting more injuries.

9. A Lot O'Taint (1-3-1 - Last week 9): I know you needed a win. But damn you didn't have to do me like that. I still think the roster is pretty decent, but that's just on paper. Guys have to deliver. Cooks had the most garbage of garbage time points. Brees looks real bad. Fuck Barnidge.

8. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-3 - Last week 7): Huge win v King. It looked a little hairy at points on Monday night. Probably didn't even realize that fantasy football was going on. Parlay > Eagles > EFFL. Somehow the Eagles aren't last. Looking forward to "spicing it up" on Sunday. If anyone wants in on this, we could have something here.

SPICING IT UP
A new twist. 3 Yes/No prop bets during a game. Should the guesser answer all 3 correct, the question distributor must eat the spiciest pepper available. I have habaneros in the apartment. Things may include:

- Will team X commit a defensive penalty in the 1st quarter?
- Will the first possession end in a punt?
- Will the broadcast have to go to commercial due to injury?


7. Pork Chop Express (3-2 - Last week 3): I can't get a read on this team. All of your RBs get benched for fumbling. Your #1 WR had his QB benched. And the rest of your roster (literally the entire roster) is Chargers and Eagles. It's just odd. I said it last week, and I don't think anything different. The only thing consistent about this team is inconsistency.

6. The Ol' Nut Sack (3-2 - Last week 8): Contacted me in a damn frenzy Sunday morning for Phil's phone number trying to get Jason Witten off him. I NEED A TE. HELP ME. EVERYONE WAS DROPPED AND I CAN'T ADD THEM. I think your team is a little above average. Adding some more players named CJ is the way to go. I swear, every time I see Spiller get the ball I think of Borat watching Baywatch "GO CJ!!!" "She had golden hair. Teeth as white as pearls. And the asshole of a 7 year old".

5. Team Bartholomew (2-3 - Last week 5): Nice pickup on Snead. Fusco missed the boat on that. Could've yelled SNEAD in his Mr. SMEE voice. Jeremy Hill is a terrible. And I recently learned he's a sexual predator. Great. At least Eifert is awesome. And that Broncos D is absolute fire. I can't believe how awesome they are. Little concerned about AB with Vick, but still a pretty solid squad across the board.

4. Tweeting in the Trenches (2-2-1 - Last week 6): No terrible trade offers this week. Step in the right direction. Can't wait to be playing against you and OBJ on Monday night... against the Eagles. Might as well just take fucking Tuesday off now. How awesome is it that TITTY picked up Boobie Dixon. Too funny. Some guy on the train "Who is Bobby Dixon? I thought Anthony Dixon was the RB."

3. Stanky Monkeys (4-1 - Last week 4): No real reason to move around here. Thanks for responding in the poll. Much appreciated. I don't think anyone else can do 11/1, but I appreciate it. Could really use Steve Sr. and DeSean back. Injuries have hit hard, but I definitely like your squad. Cobb/Forte combo is fire and Edelman is about as reliable as it gets. Definitely doesn't get the respect he deserves.

2. Team BG (3-2 - Last week 2): No shame in playing against the high score. It just sucks when it's Gambino and you know his team is playing way above its pay grade. Only injury is going to stop you from having the best receiver combo in the league. I shouldn't say that. Sever jinx.

1. Cecil Had It Coming (5-0 - Last week 1): Relying on multiple Raiders has to be one of the dumbest possible fantasy strategies. It's like trading away a bunch of players to maximize the number of Bills on your roster. Stupid. That Freeman/Dion Lewis/Foster RB combo is just killing everyone. When you can go 5-0 with some of your top picks injured, that's gotta be a great feeling. I'd never know.


ROLL THE DICK!!! Some big matchups next week at the extremes with the top teams playing the bottom teams. If the little guys can't pull an upset, it could be bad news.
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Monday, October 5, 2015

Wild Monday Night Finishes



Believe it or not, the EFFL stole the headlines this week. There were two WILD finishes, and a third that was equally as exciting.

TITTY was holding on for dear life against a hard charging Team Bartholomew. Only up 7, the Saints missed a FG that would have ended it. Tatz had Randle and Dan Bailey going still. But in one fell swoop, CJ Spiller gave it to Tatz by defeating his Cowboys and defeating his fantasy team with an 80 yard sprint to win the ballgame.

There were two simultaneous games going on: Lobitz v BG, and TPG v Dosh. Ben needed 17 from Tron to win. Matt needed 23 from Russell Wilson to win.

The Lions were down all game and clawing their way back. Ben had gotten to within 6 points and the Lions were in the red zone with under 2 minutes remaining. They needed a FG to tie or a TD to take the lead. A Tron TD would seal a victory for PCE. Staffy-Poo drops back and hits Tron over the middle. He's heading for the end zone!!!!! Just click play...


That was it for Lobitz. Undefeated no more. That fucking close. Welcome back Kam Chancellor.

Meanwhile, TPG was down 22 heading into Monday night with just Russell Wilson. Dosh was furiously texting me about how Russell was a "damn fool" and he "can't believe Marshawn would do this to him" and not play. Please note I typed the above at 6:30 PM, and it no doubt happened.

TPG had clawed back to within 7, but it looked like Seattle was just going to run the clock out. Detroit burned their final two timeouts, so with 3rd and 2 from their own 28, Seattle just needed a first down to ice it. In classic Seattle fashion, they refuse to run the ball. Wilson rolls right, does a classic jump pass and finds Jermaine Kearse in the middle of the field and HE. IS. LOOSE. There is NOBODY near Kearse. All he needs to do is fall down to win, but he's having NONE OF IT. He's trying to take this one to the house for TPG.

Detroit has no chance of winning if he's tackled. Their only chance is to let him score and win it for TPG. Kearse is at the 50, the 40, the 30, and he's finally chased down and pushed out of bounds at the 22 after a 50 yard gain. A TD would have given TPG a 1 point victory. Seattle takes a knee and ends it. Dosh escapes yet another Monday night at the death. I don't have a video as of the blog posting, but I'll try to add one. It was wild. Also Seattle was up by 3 and was a 9.5 point favorite.


On to the week in the NFL.

I won't burden you with the classic adages. We've been through it. After being declared BOWSE, Joe Philbin was fired a mere 7 days later. And Bills tailgates are not as fun when they're not playing the Patriots. You had Scott Hansen exclaiming "we had 51 touchdowns today!!" Let's do some math here. There were 2 teams off, 2 teams that played Thursday night, 2 Sunday night and 2 Monday night. That means 24 teams, or 12 games, were played in the afternoon. That means that 4.25 TDs were scored per game. That's nothing! That's a total of about 30 points COMBINED in each game from TDs. Give me a break Hansen.

This guy really grinds my gears. He's not beef of the week material, but he grinds my gears. Rashad Jennings caught a swing pass and took it to the house and he's proclaiming "THERE GOES TIM JENNINGS". The guy who is solo, broadcasting to basically every NFL fan, can't even get the fucking names right. I heard Sheldon Bailey instead of Stedman. And there was another one I can't remember but was really bad! I swear it! Guy works for 6 hours a week and can't do his fucking job right.

This week I'm on to the custom jerseys and funny signs. But only one funny sign. It said "I'm full Chubb". From now on, any time an EFFL member (probably me) drafts Nick Chubb, he will be taunted with obscenities "WAITRESS, WAITRESS. TOSS HIM! HE'S FULL CHUBB"

And who buys this shit?!?!?


And this is just a sampling. They are EVERYWHERE. Grown adults plunk down $100 to get a jersey with random shit on it. WHY?!?! No adults ever should have custom jerseys. I've maintained this stance for a long time and I will not waffle. How bout the Falcons idiots. $200 on that shit. And "AIN'T 1" can't even go anywhere wearing that alone. It doesn't make sense. Is that a Jay-Z reference? We can't be sure. Where's the guy with the "99 PROBLEMZ" jersey?

I do have to give it to the Bengals guy. That was clearly a Palmer jersey, and he ripped that nameplate right off! I wanted to find a GIF of Palmer ripping off the Ocho Cinco nameplate, but I can't find it on the internet. It may not exist. But I guess if you rip off Palmer, what the hell else are you gonna put?


Let's just get right to the damn Beef of the Week:


My goodness is this guy fucking awful. I took Carlos Hyde in my other league. I didn't understand. All I read was "Who's on the offensive line?" "They can't protect!" I didn't buy that. Turns out I wasn't even wrong. I completely underestimated how straight garbage Colin Kaepernick is. He's so bad, he might soon be benched for Blaine Gabbert. Out of 40 QBs drafted in the first round since 2000, only Brady Quinn and JaMarcus Russell have a worse QB rating. This includes guys like Joey Harrington, Matt Leinart, Kyle Boller, Vince Young, and David Carr. He's worse. And Kaepernick is even worse than THAT.

He's thrown for 227 yards in the last two weeks COMBINED. Every fucking zone read play he keeps. Every one! You're supposed to "read" the defense. It's not a fake to the RB and then you sprint straight into a defender. You may not realize how bad he is, but in his 52 career starts, he has 52 TD passes. You can point fingers anywhere you want, but in the famous words of Clay Matthews "YOU AIN'T WILSON BRO". What a disaster that team is. What an idiot for thinking they'd give the ball to the only good player on the team.


Also, only myself, Dosh, and TITTY have voted on the EFFL get together.

http://doodle.com/poll/5yuf658533isrqm6

You can actually vote "No Option Works for Me". JUST VOTE. If you don't wanna get drunk and watch football with your boys, that's on YOU, brotha.


Power Rankings

14. Bo$$town Cutter (1-3 - Last week 9): Tried to tough it out, but it's been 3 defeats in a row. With Dez injured and Martavis Bryant suspended for blowing tree with you, you had one good receiver. You traded him for Brady. And you picked up Tavon Austin who had a career day, and you didn't use him. Even with Martavis back, I'm concerned about the overall quality of this squad. Injuries have really hurt, which sucks.

13. TWINECTOMY (2-2 - Last week 11): I can't endorse this team at this point, even though you squeaked out a win. Despite a solid effort in Week 3, you've scored 83, 68, and 90 in the other 3 weeks. Could have easily used Ted Ginn after he helped you out last week, but chose to bench him while he scored 2 TDs. Peterson is keeping your team afloat, but he's on a bye in Week 5. A LOT of waiver wire players, but at least showing some consistency. Losing Lance Dunbar hurts.

12. Dueling Pylons (1-3 - Last week 14): Out of the doghouse! Finally started to show some improvement after a pitiful start. Still couldn't figure out which players to start, but there's at least some hope. Gurley went off in just his 2nd game. He's a total stud. Also scooped up Eddie Royal at 12:30, used him, and he was in the end zone a half hour later. Must've killed Lou. Hilton and Agholor may be sucking ass, but others are starting to step up, which this team needs big time.

11. The King's Crusaders (2-2 - Last week 12): About on par with the Pylons, but certainly not much better. I'm absolutely shocked that Maclin has done this well. In his past 6 quarters, he has 19 catches for 289 yards and a TD. That's almost 9 points per quarter. Absurd. Your RBs stink, however, and relying on two TEs every week can get a bit hairy. Rawls may prove to be a really big pickup if Beast Mode is out for an extended period of time.

10. Geno 911 (2-2 - Last week 13): This is probably an all-time high for Geno 911 in the power rankings. In any season. Your team is bad. But it's not THAT bad. Jamaal Charles has worked out. I still think the rest of your roster is filled with players that nobody else in the league wants.You could probably cut about 2/3 of your team and they wouldn't be picked up. I hope so, so badly that week 13 is a meaningful game against the Pylons.

9. A Lot O'Tatz (0-3-1 - Last week 5): Can't keep you afloat anymore. The only winless team, You're lucky you're still ahead of Gambino. Andrew Luck has scored 29 fantasy points in the 3 weeks since acquiring him. That'll obviously get better, but don't feel bad. Hilton has been awful also. Looking at your team, it should be better. Congrats for now being up to 4 players drafted by the Pylons. A tremendous accomplishment.

8. The Old Ball Sack (2-2 - Last week 8): Julio can't do it for you every week. You basically picked players from all the teams that are getting reamed by everyone. Lamar Miller, Anquan Boldin, And due to blind homerism, traded a very serviceable Danny Woodhead for a Redskins backup RB. Could certainly be lower. Probably should be lower.

7. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-3 - Last week 7): Injury bug is really starting to creep up on TPG again. Lynch, Joique Bell, Charles Johnson, Austin S. Jenkins all missed this week. You do have the luxury of having Wilson and Rivers, and I'd highly recommend dealing one. AJ and Fitz is arguably the best combo in the league, so you're good there. Rough week, but things will get better.

6. Tweeting in the Trenches (1-2-1 - Last week 10): Moved up! I have nothing to say about your team. I do have SERIOUS beef with your trade offers. I was alerted you attempted to get Demaryius Thomas for Gates, Gore and Andre Johnson. Shockingly, shockingly, that was not your worst offer OF THE WEEK.

Saturday night, I'm watching Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1. Who knows if Peeta and Katniss are going to get back together?!?! All of the sudden my phone buzzes and I see "You've received a trade offer". I'm excited, distracted. Adam Vinatieri for TY Hilton. I immediately lose it. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?" Chris' response? "Hahahah, I'm 8 Coronas deep and just wanted to laugh at your reaction". First of all, that's mean. Second, they still sell Corona in October? That's messed up. You're losing credibility. Get it together.

5. Team Bartholomew (2-2 - Last week 6): Antonio Brown is feeling the Big Ben effect. He's been touched and degraded, and he certainly didn't ask for it. I'd probably cut Kaepernick. He's thrown for a TD in exactly 1 of 4 games. But Jeremy and VJax got it together, which is a good sign. I think you're team is around the middle of the pack right now. Could go up or down still.

4. Stanky Monkeys (3-1 - Last week 2): Just an awful week all around. When 2 players leave the field due to injury, it's not good. And you've gotta be disappointed with just 16 from Matt Ryan when the Falcons scored 48 points. There was nothing you could have done. I think your team has better days ahead though. Edelman is off the bye. DeSean will be back soon. Ryan Mathews has been more effective than Spray Tan. I think you're fine.

3. Pork Chop Express (3-1 - Last week 4): The only thing consistent about this team is inconsistency. Again this team feels like it should be better, but despite the point total, I guess you really can't argue with the results. I just don't know how you make lineup decisions. It's gotta be so difficult every single week. Schedule is gonna start to get tougher after feasting on the league's bottom feeders. Allowed 98, 89, 95, and 106. You need a challenge.

2. Team BG (3-1 - Last week 3): Go figure. The two new guys occupy the two top spots. Thrown for a loop by Drew Brees, which is unfortunate. Despite also falling into the 49ers/Dolphins trap (IT'S A TRAP!), you've got two top-10 receivers and another in probably the top 20. In a 14 team league, that's huge. And your boy LeGarrette is ready to roll. I think this team is trending up.

1. Cecil Had It Coming (4-0 - Last week 1): Nothing new to report at the top. Despite an uncharacteristically low scoring week, had Devonta Freeman severely bail him out. Now have pulled 120 points in 3 weeks from single RBs. Team isn't as fun without Gronk, huh? This team will be fine and is certainly still the team to beat. Of course had the highest waiver priority and grabbed Stafford too. Bastard.


I'm back. I'm ready for more football. I needed something desperately. And this thing is wide open. A couple good records at the top, but lots of teams right around .500. Still everything up for grabs this early in the season. Except for EEB. He's gotta get it going right away.
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Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Big Scores for League's Best



Another week in the books, and damn does football suck this season. Has nothing to do at all with the fact that the Pylons are 0-3. Nothing. I can't even find funny tailgate pictures this week, which is shocking because the Browns hosted the Raiders. What else is there to do other than drink? My favorite TD combo hooked up: McCown-Barnidge. It's like a law firm that only deals with personal injury and has infomercials. Dial 888-SHITBROWNS.

I've seen things saying Browns throw a good tailgate. That's a load of horseshit. Every Browns fan is a fat slob. Oh look at this fat guy passed out with no puke on him! Weak. Look at this guy peeing on a dumpster! Weak. Look at these smoking hot biddies chugging fireball. Sike!!! There are no hot biddies anywhere near Cleveland. That's the last place you should ever go for anything. Especially a tailgate.

 We had a good one this week finally! King v Dosh raged into the night while many slept. It looked like a sure victory for TWINECTOMY with James Jones laying the wood. King was cursing himself yet AGAIN. "Why did I have to get all Chiefs? Why did I trust Reid?" I have no fucking clue. That's stupid. 

 Maclin had a big goose at the half. Woody was down like 40 points. It was over. But somehow, he started to claw his way back. Rodgers was peppering the Chiefs with TD passes. 5 of em. And the Chiefs just kept hammering back and hammering back. Maclin TD. Kelce 2 point conversion. Next thing you know, Woody is only down by about 12. And the Chiefs are throwing nonstop. On a 4th and 17, Maclin catches the ball for 16 yards. He's somehow awarded a first down. Dosh is irate with just 2 minutes to play.

 Chiefs are driving and Maclin is unstoppable. He catches an 8 yard pass on 1st and 10 to cut the Dosh lead to 3! Inexplicably, Andy decides to burn a timeout on 2nd and 2 from the Packers 10 yard line. Just eats those things up like they're fucking sauseeges. Dosh is clutching himself, knowing the Chiefs are knocking on his door. He's thrown a huge bone, as Jamaal Charles scores a TD to preserve the lead. Maclin is stuck on 28 points, all from the 2nd half.

 But the Chiefs get the ball back for one final shot for the King. Instead of getting it with 1:15 left, there are only 30 seconds left because Andy needed a snack and ate that damn timeout. 1st down, Alex Smith fires for Maclin over the middle who falls down. Would have been close to tying the game. Smith is sacked on the final play and Dosh escapes. Woody's 3 players put up 81 points Monday night, and it fell just short. What a wild finish.

And the coolest thing to happen on Sunday was Papelboner fighting Bryce Harper in a dugout like baseball actually matters. RUN OUT THAT POP FLY BRO!!! WHO CARES IF WE'RE ELIMINATED AND IT'S GAME 154 of 162?!?!?! But I'm going to jump right into my beef this week. Because I'm left baffled.


Beef of the Week: Game Length

For years, I've operated under the assumption that a football game took 3 hours. If it was extra close, it could sometime extend another half hour or so. Turns out, that's bullshit. Some jagoff with fireworks (probably JPP) blew up the 4 yard line at the Edward Jones Dome right before kickoff. They brought out a damn shopvac from 1982 to suck up the debris. Game was delayed. Rams linemen were doing exercises to keep their groins loose. This undoubtedly led to the explosion of B.Berger's MCL.

Anyway, this game didn't kick off til after 1:30. I was forced to continue to wait for Gurley's debut. Despite this over half hour delay, this game went into halftime before Eagles-Jets. How in the world does this happen?!?!? With a half hour delay, they barely took over an hour to play the half. I want to see that all the time. We've been sucked into this 3 hour nonsense, when in fact a game really can be played in less than two and a half. Let's have two rounds of games: a 2 and a 430 and be done. Trust me, I'm not drinking less with games only from 2-7. But it's no less exciting. In fact it might even be more exciting without the delays. The NFL is sucking up our time for damn advertisements. It ain't right. BOTW.


We have some interesting developments in the league as teams begin to assert themselves. Phil has taken the league by storm, and his multi-year hiatus appears to have paid dividends. But losing your QB hurts. Who knows if he'll be able to keep up the hot start?

I also wanted to propose a league gathering in NYC to watch football on a Sunday. Click the link below and you can vote for as many weekends as you want. Would love to do a get together and just go buck wild in a bar as I fall to 0-8. Will pick whatever date the most people are in for. Furious clapping in people's faces is a must.



Power Rankings

14. Dueling Pylons (0-3 - Last week 11): The reaction to seeing this roster is exactly what Adam Sandler did in Billy Madison when he sees Ernie's pissed himself.


No depth. No starters. Just a damn mess of a squad. When will this team win its first game? Who fucking knows.

13. Geno 911 (1-2 - Last week 12): As expected, got clobbered by the top team. I think this team may be even worse than mine, but it's tough to tell. At least has Jamaal Charles to salvage something. That's as of this writing. He'll probably be injured on Monday night. It's a helpless feeling with bare bones on the bench. But at least Gambino is at Oktoberfest and probably slamming tons of dudes. He's winning the league on that front. Better doppelganger?



Either way, Gambino looks like an absolutely terrible quarterback. And is possibly black.

12. The King's Crusaders (1-2 - Last week 13): Moved up kinda by default, but make no mistake, part of the bottom 4. Couldn't even take advantage of a matchup against Dosh who was hurling expletives in my ear at Mike Evans all day. I honestly don't know how you make it back with that roster. It may not be too late to go to the well: get EEB drunk and rub him raw. Picked a good year to have a kid lol.

11. TWINECTOMY (1-2 - Last week 14): We're really splitting hairs at the bottom here. The bottom 4 are a clear bottom 4 at this point. Thanks for leaving me as the last team without a win. What I find most alarming about your performance Sunday (other than your Columbia windbreaker which was three sizes too small), is the complete lack of awareness as to players playing. Locked in to the Panthers to yell at Ted Ginn and totally missed Vernon Davis and Martellus Bennett doing absolutely nothing for you, it's that bad. I've been there. I'm sure I'll be there again pretty soon.

10. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-2-1 - Last week 9): It's weird. You look at this roster and you're like what the fuck?!? bELL, odELL, donnELL, lafELL,and emanuELL, and you think to yourself the obvious: Chris has failed miserably at having a team with everyone named Eli. If I'm TITTY, I wouldn't be happy with being felt up by repeated opposition. You have 3 good players and that's it. Will it be enough? Will you find the complementary pieces in time? Might have to get that trophy patched up sooner than later.

9. Mo$$town Cutter (1-2 - Last week 6): Nothing like rolling a blunt at 8 AM on your birthday, opening your fantasy squad, and seeing your receivers are Aaron Dobson and Dexter McCluster. Got an unbelievable game from Chris Johnson and it still didn't matter one bit. You were never going to win this week, but still. Just get all the Patriots. Roster has gotten very thin. Need all those doobie brothers back.

8. The Old Sack Tap (2-1 - Last week 10): Mike Y consistently defies the rankings. Julio is having basically the best season in history, but I really don't think he keeps up the 40 PPG pace. I could be wrong. I'd probably trade him for pieces to a team like the Pylons. I'm sure EEB wishes he never yelled at you "YOU DON'T TRADE JULIO" as he ravaged him again and again. Needs a running back desperately as I've said.

7. Tequila Party Gnomes (1-2 - Last week 7): Fucker. Left my ass like this:



6. Team Bartholomew (2-1 - Last week 2): I went from ecstatic to much concern. Kaepernick looked like Gambino (aka garbage). Big Ben went down which is going to hurt Antonio. Jeremy Hill is a colossal bust. Andy Dalton had a classic redhead moment and forgot that he loves tight end. Guy in my other league was texting me about the "Red Rocket". Dalton's nickname is the "Red Rifle". "Red Rocket" is what dogs get when they're horny. I digress. Only consolation for bad lineup decisions is that you had no shot to win.

5. A Lot O'Tatz (0-2-1 - Last week 3): Alarmingly high for a team without a win. But you're scoring points. I think you have a pretty solid team, and you know you haven't seen the best of Luck yet. Got a nice stretch coming up with Gambino and the Pylons. Definitely make or break time. You can't lose to those scrubs and expect to compete. Can't believe you started two Titans. I don't think anyone's ever done that in EFFL history.

4. Pork Chop Express (3-0 - Last week 8): Threatened to quit the league if he lost to Cutter. Reasonable effort from the squad. Certainly in the mix, but I think there are some better teams out there at this point.

Could this guy be any more Philly? Tailgating with a jersey of a player no longer on the team, wearing a lei despite it being less than 70 degrees, and refusing to put down his Miller Lite can to whack a rubber Tony Romo with breasts. What are those, cargo pants?

Click here for the version with sound Striking fear into the hearts of... basically nobody.



3. Team BG (2-1 - Last week 5): If only every week were that easy. Solid top to bottom. Injury bug has finally bitten, however. Kicker Cody Parkey has been lost for the year. Blew up for over 150 and left 27 from LeGarrette on the bench. Still alarms me that there's a guy named Blount on the Patriots and he's not on Cutter's team. Still carrying Montee Ball, which is hilarious. Because he's not even on a team.

 2. Stanky Monkeys (3-0 - Last week 4): I'm one of those assholes that never takes a defense or kicker early. I think it's stupid. And then I look at my special teams scoring 4 points and look at Stanky Monkeys dropping 35. I'm an idiot as usual. Dropped 170 and the bench put up another 100. That's a good sign. I don't see any reason for this team not to beat the pants off of the Pylons next week.

 1. Cecil Had It Coming (3-0 - Last week 1): I know you're thinking it:

Had DeAngelo drop 40 last week. Plugs in Devonta Freeman and he scores 42. But will you roll with Teddy now that Big Ben has gone down? But outside of Freeman, the team did look mortal. But there's no doubt that the top scoring team without Arian Foster, Alshon Jeffery, and Victor Cruz is scary. Definite opportunity to deal for a QB and strengthen the squad.
And I know you didn't see this coming, but I'm not done with the beef. I got some mo!

 Beef of the Week - Special Edition (a.k.a. BOWSE) : Miami Dolphins

 Joe Philbin is a fucking moron. I don't even have any Dolphins! But they hate Lamar Miller. 7 carries against Buffalo. Did the #2 Damien Williams get more carries? Nope, just 2. Who got the most carries? Jonas Gray, who they signed off the fucking street. Lamar Miller ran for 1,100 yards last year! But they absolutely REFUSE to give him the ball.

 And they have just the absolute worst talent evaluation department in the league. It's not even close. Ryan Tannehill is a straight joke. He's barely in the discussion for top half of QBs in the league. Jarvis Landry "catches everything". Guy couldn't be less athletic. DeVante Parker? Going to be a huge bust. They used a first rounder on Parker, a second rounder on Landry, and Tannehill is out there chucking it up to Rishard Matthews and Jake Stoneburner (future Cutter team member). And there you have Philbin just staring into space like he's the damn white bitch from Men in Black.


They got straight GOONED by the Bills at home, and it was hilarious. I hope it's not too soon to get a Tyrod jersey. Philbin couldn't have less of a clue what he's doing. I have no idea how he's lasted this long. It's embarrassing that a team that has invested that many high picks on offensive players can't get a thing going.

 Although... the Browns last 3 offensive first round picks were Johnny Manziel, Trent Richardson, and Brandon Weeden. That's fucking awful.
Week 4 Schedule

 #1 Cecil Had It Coming v. #8 The Old Ball Sack
#2 Stanky Monkeys v. #14 Dueling Pylons
#3 Team BG v. #4 Pork Chop Express
#5 A Lot O'Tatz v. #13 Geno 911
#6 Team Bartholomew v. #10 Tweeting in the Trenches
#7 Tequila Party Gnomes v. #11 TWINECTOMY
#9 Bo$$town Cutter v. #12 The King's Crusaders

 Don't forget to vote in the poll for a league get together. You can vote for multiple dates, which is no problem for me. Looking forward to getting bent over yet again in Week 4.
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Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Major Concerns in the League



We have our first tie! And of course, again, it's EEB. He picked up some garbage Andrew Luck points on Monday night at the death to equalize. Just remember, all scores are not final until Thursday morning, so if there is a scoring change, the result could be affected.

This was a straight up brutal week of football. It leaves many questioning the state of the game. Has the NFL gone the way of the shit stain? Stinky, and bound to leave a mark. I know there are injuries every year, but this year seems to be almost the worst yet. Romo is out. Cutler is out. Josh McCown perished in last week's blog. Drew Brees may have a shoulder injury. Peyton Manning has a noodle arm. And that's just QBs!

Dez, Jordy, Mike Evans, TY, Alshon, and Kelvin Benjamin are all out or banged up. That's 6 of the 21 1,000 yard receivers from last year. And it's only Week 2! There are so many fucking injuries that the product on the field has become absolute garbage.

Beef of the Week: Stripes with yellow hankies

OMG that Eagles/Cowboys game. There were 26 penalties accepted. There were another 2 declined. That's 28 penalties called in a damn 60 minute game! And assuming not every one of those was only seen by one official, it's fair to estimate that there were 40 penalty flags thrown in the game. That's disgusting. I don't think I've ever remembered turning off a 10 point game in the 4th quarter. It was fucking unwatchable. They need to chill the shit with the flags. I get false start is unavoidable. If a guy's offsides, he's offsides. But the holding and the illegal contact have to go. The game sucks, and I'm actually considering watching RedZone instead for the foreseeable future. But hey, the Bills are back.

http://bustedcoverage.com/2015/09/20/a-season-with-buffalo-bills-fans-burning-brady-jersey-bat-bill-more-puking-week-two/

And they missed some glorious moments:








The Bills are awesome. They suck, but they're awesome. There's truly nothing like that Pats @ Bills game in September every year when the Bills think they're good to go and proceed to get stomped by the Pats. They lost 40-32. Last year they lost 37-22. The year before that 23-21. The year before that 52-28. They actually won the year before that 34-31. The year before that 34-3. It's remarkable. In the last 6 home games against the Pats, they've allowed 217 points, for an average of 36 points per game. Incredible.

I also saw some very interesting stats about Carson Palmer. In his last 16 games, he's 14-2 with 4,500 yards passing and 32 TDs. That's damn impressive. They never play any good teams, but that's beside the point! There are so many bad teams in the league, and as I said, the product has gone way down. Honestly, who's good other than the Pats and Packers? Maybe the Steelers? I don't know if you can even look at more than that and say to yourself, "Man that's a good team!" The only solution is bars and alcohol.

But man, check out THIS catch by Double G's. You might have to click through to peep it.



Let's get to the POWER RANKINGS

14. TWINECTOMY (0-2 - Last week 9): For some reason, I moved Dosh up last week despite him having the fewest amount of points. He responds by starting 3 Wide Receivers who combine for 1 catch. Put up a dismal 68 points and got slapped in the face by The Old Ball Sack. Nobody likes testes to the face, except WWE wrestlers. And dudes who like those things. Scoring just 151 points through 2 weeks is a huge problem. And it's not like it's due to bad lineup decisions either. Might as well go ahead and change the name to Team Boobiak, because nothing makes you happier than picking his players and yelling about what an idiot he is.

13. The King's Crusaders (1-1 - Last week 11): Right back towards the bottom. King texted me in a god damn frenzy, ripping his own team. How could I be so stupid?!?!?!? My team is terrible! Put the King in last in the power rankings. Although you tried hard, we have another team trying harder. Losing to Geno 911 is never a good look. Ever. You know he's gonna put up between 90 and 110 points every single week. That's your target. I traded Luck to get some pieces. Maybe dealing Rodgers or Jimmy Graham isn't the worst thing in the world. At least you have a win under your belt and get Dosh next week.

12. Geno 911 (1-1 - Last week 14): Got a win and moved up, but lost both quarterbacks. Ouch. Actually had a pretty solid week other than that, but my concerns as always are it looks like your team did great, and your point total still wasn't anything to be proud of. I do think there are worse teams out there, and as I said to King, just keep piling up those wins. You unfortunately have it much rougher against the top team in the league. And he could have Foster, Cruz and Jeffery back. Could be in for a rough one.

11. Dueling Pylons (0-2 - Last week 12): Not that this team is really that much better, if at all, than any of the teams below, but can at least see some potential. Scores look a lot different when your kicker and defense combine for 30 points as opposed to 6. And losing a guy to injury during a game is balls. But Gurley is sitting on the bench ready to unleash on unsuspecting defenses. And with some of the young guys getting better, this team looks like it's at least capable of a promising future. But that was always the concern. Would the team be good enough at the beginning of the year? Currently, the answer looks like no.

10. The Old Ball Sack (1-1 - Last week 10): Yet another disappointing performance. Julio can only do so much, and he's done a hell of a lot. He's got 60 of your barely over 200 points in two weeks. But how bout that Matt Jones? I have to imagine... actually, I don't even want to imagine what was going on in the Young household when Jones went off against the Rams supposedly stout run defense. I think there's a pretty big gap between the bottom 4 and this team, but the complementary pieces have to do something. If Julio has a pedestrian game it's going to be a struggle to reach 100.

9. Tweeting in the Trenches (0-1-1 - Last week 13): I swear, man. Every time I knock Fusco down he comes right back up. And this ranking might be a little low. The trio of Brady, Odell and Le'Veon is going to be ridiculous. The bench is pretty bare, but I know Chris couldn't give a shit. He's going to fill his lineup with garbage and watch them go off. I have nothing else to say about this team.

8. Pork Chop Express (2-0 - Last week 2): Turns out, this team isn't what we expected. Largely because the Eagles are so bad. But has the aforementioned Carson Palmer, which is a good sign. Allen Robinson obviously had a career day against me. Keenan Allen, the best receiver in the league, put up 1 point. Abudllah with 1 point. I think this is a good team still, but it's not as dominant as I expected. I want to see consistency, and I haven't seen it yet from this team.

7. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-2 - Last week 6): Ran into a red hot Stanky Monkeys, and that's just balls. Again, similar to PCE, I want to see some consistency. Austin Seferian-Jenkins was a ghost, and Melvin Gordon has started awfully slow. It's a shame that ridiculous Larry Fitz game went to waste. But I think you're in OK shape. The Seahawks are going to just demolish the Bears, so good thing you get the Pylons next week. I'll just go fuck myself.

6. Mo$$town Cutter (1-1 - Last week 8): Missing Dez, Martavis, and Gates is pretty rough. You go into the season all ready to go, and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend. You won't have to start Jerricho Cotchery or Chris Johnson for long. A couple of waiver wire adds, the guys back from suspension, and you'll be fine. Played a team that was scalding hot.

5. Team BG (1-1 - Last week 4): Dropped off a little more than I'd like to see, but you had absolutely no shot this week. It's good to use up those bad weeks instead of dropping 150 and losing. Who would've thought Derek Carr would be clowning Brees? Had a ton of points on the bench, and it's only a matter of time until the lineup decisions sort themselves out. Your receiver trio of Demaryius, Hopkins and Landry is probably the best in the league. I'm not all that concerned.

4. Stanky Monkeys (2-0 - Last week 7): Can't complain with a 2-0 start, and perhaps things ended up better than I initially thought. Edelman may end the season with 200 catches. Huge week, easy win, and very solid team. The lack of big name star power does irk me a little bit, but I think that can be easily overcome. My real concern is the age of the roster. Will they hold up over the length of the season? It also sucks than Ryan Mathews is completely worthless.

3. A Lot O'Tatz (0-1-1 - Last week 5): Pulled off a huge mid-week trade, but it was the other guys that pitched in. Used Doug Baldwin who miraculously scored 22 points. But losing Eddie Lacy hurts a lot, especially when you just dealt some depth. Hopefully for you it's not too long of an injury. You're going to need to start getting some more production before the bye weeks hit. There's also really not much of a gap that I see between here and #8. So I wouldn't feel overly confident with this ranking.

2. Team Bartholomew (2-0 - Last week 3): Got two 0's in the lineup and still put up almost 140. That's unbelievable. I have to say that I'm awful impressed with this roster. I wouldn't be surprised if Gambino isn't eyeing one of those QBs sitting on your bench. Antonio Brown is completely unstoppable. He should've been the #1 pick in the draft. Terrance Williams is now the #1 guy, so he's in a prime spot. Imagine when you get Julius back. Good matchup with BG next week. Definitely one I'm looking forward to.

1. Cecil Had It Coming (2-0 - Last week 1): I haven't played Candy Crush in over 4 months, but damn I might have to get back into it. After dropping 144 last week, put up 178 with a defense getting negative points. And has Foster, Cruz and Alshon sitting on the bench! I was a hater on the Raiders, and I can't believe it worked out. Puts DeAngelo in, gets 30 points. Picks up Dion Lewis, 23 points. Throw in Gronk, Witten and Roethlisberger, and this is your team to beat. Cecil did not have it coming, you monster. And is going to absolutely unload on Geno 911. Might be a 50 points favorite.


Week 3

 The teams that are 0-2 are hilarious. And we already have our first toilet bowl in Week 3 with King v. Dosh. If I'm sitting at 0-2 (I am), there are a bunch of good teams that look relentless. But the bubble is weak! Anybody can sneak in as the at-large.

A couple reminders:

- Top 7 make the playoffs, with only first place getting a bye.
- Players cannot be added after 1 PM Sunday. I'm pretty sure everyone is aware at this point, but always helps to remind.

#1 Cecil Had It Coming v. #12 Geno 911
#2 Team Bartholomew v. #5 Team BG
#3 A Lot O'Tatz v. #10 The Old Ball Sack
#4 Stanky Monkeys v. #9 Tweeting in the Trenches
#6 Mo$$town Cutter v. #8 Pork Chop Express
#7 Tequila Party Gnomes v. #12 Dueling Pylons
#13 The King's Crusaders v. #14 TWINECTOMY
Going to 0-3 would be a disaster, yet it's a mathematical certainty for one of TPG and the Pylons.
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