Coming Down The Stretch

As I’m sure you notice, the blog has had sort of an overhaul. It was boring before. Hopefully you like the new look better.

8 weeks are in the books and as of today there is not a single team we can say will certainly be in or out of the playoffs. The 4 teams that have 5 or more wins should seemingly be safe, but last year TITTY was 5-3 at the same point and did not make the playoffs. Every single win is hard to come by. Most likely after this week’s games I’ll start getting into playoff previews and where each team stands. Let’s head to the recap.

The King’s Crusaders 101 – Stanky Monkeys 67:

This is now the 4^th game Chris has won by scoring fewer than 105 points. Still nobody else in the league has won by scoring this low more than once. I’m really not sure what to make of this team. From the outside they look like a contender, yet it is obvious the King is prone to bad weeks. Having healthy receivers may be the key to his success. Also the message board post is one of the most ridiculous I’ve seen, but it was still good for some humor and trash talk. Well done. This was a disappointing effort from Stanky after the team had made much progress in the past couple weeks. I’m just going to attribute this debacle to having half a team on a bye week. I think at full strength Lou can have a respectable team, but with so many teams breathing down his neck for the final playoff spot, I don’t think there is much more room for error. This team has broken 120 only one time all season so there is still a ways to go.

Johnson’s Farm 120 – Tequila Party Gnomes 74:

I’ll be honest I did not see this result coming at all. Coming off a 155 point performance TPG looked prime to make moves in the EFFL. But having Boldin and Flacco on a bye and losing Britt and Zach Miller to injury pretty much sealed the Gnomes fate. Also a Sims-Walker explosion was unstoppable. There was a small explosion on Sims when TPG revealed that every time these teams meet that guy explodes. Digging into the archives confirms that in the past 3 meetings between these two, Sims-Walker has averaged 21 points per game. Rough. I still think the Farm is one of the worst, if not the worst team in the league. At 4-3-1, the team is looking respectable, but I see fortunes changing quickly for both of these teams. I say fluke.

Coach Janky Spanky 88 – Animals With Eyepatches 83:

Although I do appreciate EEB contributing to eventually securing a Pylons first round bye, I do not like the way this was done. The Eyepatches clearly lacked explosiveness without Roddy White and Romo. EEB has now scored more than 100 points twice in 8 weeks. No team in the EFFL has ever been that bad. Ever. Yet after this win, Janky Spanky sits only a game and a half out of a playoff spot and certainly alive in the playoff hunt. This should have been a week where EEB was buried but it was not to be. Jimish meanwhile has been boom or bust. 3 games 105 or under and 5 games 128 or over. Despite the loss this team is still a serious contender with tons of potential. Since he plays me I’m fully expecting an explosion in Week 9.

Maybe This Time 135 – The Stone Masons 109:

When the text came in at 1 PM that 3 Broncos receivers were going to be in the Masons lineup, I immediately shifted my focus to London and rooting for everything Broncos. There was nothing the Masons could even do about this game. Sam’s team has been on fire, and everyone from Peterson to Rivers to Witten exploded for a huge week. This is what happens when somebody else drafts your team. Like Janky Spanky above, the Masons are by no means out of the race at all. With 5 weeks to play, being within a game and a half of the final spot is very close. A 6-7 team could definitely get in. Opportunities are becoming limited, however, and the ship needs to be righted quickly. A week 9 Broncos bye will certainly put this team to the test. Sam’s team has proven again that it is a serious contender and now I am miserable with a Woody in first place in each division.

Dueling Pylons 164 – Tweeting In the Trenches 106:

This is the most points the Pylons have ever scored in a game, the most scored by any team this season, and the 9^th highest scoring game in league history. I’m sorry, I really am. I would have loved for this to be on Chris or Nick. This is already this 5^th time in 8 weeks that somebody has dropped 140+ on Fusco. It makes fantasy football not fun, and the only person I truly enjoy making fantasy football not fun for is EEB. 4 of the past 5 weeks TITTY has played either the high score or 2^nd high score. Interesting stats on Fusco’s EFFL history: when his opponent scores less than 115 he’s 9-0. In all other games he is 0-12. This is the absolute definition of a mediocre team. Fusco has scored between 90 and 120 in all but 5 games historically. If the Pylons can get healthy, this team is going to be extremely tough down the stretch. The Manning, Gore, Foster, Gates combo is a legitimate threat every week to put up 100 points. Despite Fusco’s rough fortunes, he sits only a half game out of a playoff spot at 3-5. I honestly like his roster, and if the pieces fall into place I wouldn’t be surprised to see this team near the top at the end.

**** Week 9 Preview ****

Stanky Monkeys (3-4-1) v. Coach Janky Spanky (2-6):

This is probably the most important game this week in the league, but it avoids game of the week status due to the fact that these teams are both so awful. These are the two lowest scoring teams in the league, and their scores last week combined still wouldn’t have beat the Pylons. This game is pretty much the season for Janky Spanky as a loss here would put him 2.5 games back of a playoff spot with only 4 to play. A win here and the bottom of the playoff bracket is blown wide open, and this thing will be like a dog fight until the end. Ironically, Stanky brings back the man himself this week in Vick. This game is also extremely important for Lou as the last 4 weeks of the season he plays 4 of the current top 5 scoring teams, the toughest schedule in the EFFL. EEB got the better of Lou back in week 5 with his only good week of the season. This also has my favorite named matchup as the Stanky-Janky Spanky matchup. I think Lou is going to step up and take this one with most of his team back. EEB’s team is just so so bad.

The King’s Crusaders (6-2) v. Tweeting In the Trenches (3-5):

Again, I just want to apologize. Get 164 dropped on you and then have to take on the King the next week. These teams have met twice and Woody has averaged 136 points in those games, both wins. A win here would almost certainly lock up a playoff spot for the King, but Fusco cannot afford to lose any ground with so many teams in the race. I think we’re gonna see a very high scoring game here, and Fusco needs to just suck it up and score a ton of points. This is certainly going to come down to the wire with Rodgers going against Jennings Sunday night and then TO going Monday night. TO has been absolutely dominant over the past month, and could certainly put up 30 points. Also very important is the Giants game to see who gets the bulk of the catches, Nicks or Steve Smith. I know each of these teams loves when I pick against them, but I think the King is just going to be too much in the end.

Johnson’s Farm (4-3-1) v. The Stone Masons (2-6):

Likewise with Janky Spanky, the Masons have a tremendous opportunity here despite being 2-6. With a win, the entire playoff picture is shaken up and the Masons will be alive and well. With a loss, it will probably be too large a hole to climb out of to make the playoffs. Thankfully the Masons get to play one of the weakest teams in the league. And even more, no Chris Johnson and no Sims-Walker. The Masons have shown resiliency before. Just last year, they sat at 2-6 and hopes looked very dim. 3 wins and a tie later, they were playing for the playoffs in a do or die game week 13. Having no Broncos will no doubt be tough, but I think Brees, Wells, McCoy and Tron will be having huge games. BG’s 2 highest career scores have both been against Nick, and I fully share in that sentiment of desire to beat him as badly as possible. The Masons will come out ahead in this one.

Tequila Party Gnomes (3-5) v. Maybe This Time (6-2):

This is a key divisional matchup, and this game is just as important for the Gnomes. A loss here will almost certainly put Sam into the playoffs as well and give TPG fewer opportunities to pass teams. Sam has scored 135+ 2 straight weeks, and keeping a streak like that going is very difficult to do. TPG meanwhile over the past 2 weeks has been night and day. A monstrous performance followed by a huge nothing. I’ve said many, many times that this team’s fortunes lie on the shoulders of Joe Flacco and I continue to believe it. I think this week the Dolphins get clowned by a strong team coming off a bye. I like picking the underdog, and I like to see Sam lose. Let’s go TPG and seal up this Pylons playoff bye week.

**** Game of the Week ****

Animals With Eyepatches (5-3) v. Dueling Pylons (5-3):

This game features the league’s two highest scoring teams. This game also features the most combined wins of any week 9 matchup. More than anything, this is a statement game. Both of these teams have looked to be on the verge of breaking out at various times throughout the season but neither has yet to do so. Jimish has now lost 3 of 4 after a fast start with that only win coming against these Pylons when he dropped 158 behind a monster effort across the board. That week the Pylons lost 4 players due to injury, and this time around things should be different. I fully expect this to be a high scoring affair. After losing 5 straight against the Pylons, the Eyepatches have now won 3 straight in this series. I don’t think this matchup could get any more even, and the Pylons will be in agony Monday night. I think the Eyepatches return from a down week to put up 150. It may take that to win this game, but it’s gonna be the Eyepatches moving to 6-3.

There’s your wrapup for this week. Good luck to everyone. Each game means a lot to the end of season results.

Past The Halfway Point

I wrote a review last week but did not get a chance to do a preview or post what I had written. Here it is.

According to NFL statistics, Week 7 of the 2010 NFL season was the highest scoring week in 25 years. Ironically, for the first time in the PPR era, 2 EFFL teams scored below 70 points in the same week. Congratulations EEB and Nick. You guys suck. I will say though that only once this season had a team scored more than 150 and it happened twice this week. 2 other teams scored 140+. They both lost. While many teams were either lucky or unlucky in week 7, it seemed to even things out over the season which is usually unheard of. All teams are within 75 points of each other for points allowed. Let’s get into who wound up in tears in Week 7.

Stanky Monkeys 126 – Johnson’s Farm 68:

It’s embarrassing to me that if the playoffs started today Johnson’s Farm would be in. With the league low score in two of the last 4 weeks, and a bottom 3 score in another, this team should be buried. Leaving over 100 points on your bench isn’t the best way to go about things, but I don’t think this team is going to scare anyone. Chris Johnson has scored 8 or fewer 3 times (0-3) and 21 or more 4 times (3-0-1). When CJ goes, so does this team, aka this team has absolutely nobody else that can do anything. Is there a better feeling than trading for a guy and seeing him explode for 45 points? Stanky looked to be in a world of hurt only a couple weeks ago, but after a couple trades and some nice waiver wire pickups could turn out to be decent yet. While not overly explosive, Lou has quietly turned into a competitive squad. This team has gotten some luck before so I wouldn’t be surprised either way with the Monkeys.

Dueling Pylons 100 – The Stone Masons 93:

This was just a crappy game all around, and the Masons missed a golden opportunity to take advantage of a reeling Pylons team. With almost the entire team injured or on a bye, the Pylons bench had a total of 2 points before the Monday night game. If you told me Josh Freeman would outscore Drew Brees I would have taken it. Also the Masons duo of Broncos certainly left something to be desired. When you allow 59 points to the Raiders, it’s just a bad day all around. Out of 18 players in this matchup, only 5 had their team win the actual game. Any time that happens you’re almost certainly in for a low scoring fantasy day. Luck happened to be on the Pylons side for once, and an injured Antonio Gates toughed it out to seal the victory. If this was the low point of the Pylons season, I certainly can’t complain. The Masons are a better team than this and I suspect you’ll see a much better performance in week 8.

Tweeting In The Trenches 112 – Coach Janky Spanky 69:

In 7 weeks, this is now the 4^th time Janky Spanky has failed to break 100 points. This week wasn’t even close. I’m honestly looking at EEB’s roster and wondering how you can possibly draft a team that bad. I believe we have found subject #2 for the “Who do we keep feeding alcohol at the draft?” poll. Out of their last 11 draft picks (round 7 til the end), only 3 remain on the roster. At 1-6 Coach Janky Spanky is now the league whipping boy, and anyone fortunate enough to play them twice is in luck. EEB’s QB, RBs and WRs put up a combined 32 points in this game. This is probably some sort of league record, but I’m not spending the time looking into it. I’m still not sold on TITTY, but Rodgers, Nicks and TO have been putting up solid weeks. This team has boom or bust potential, but in a muddled EFFL that could be enough.

Maybe This Time 153 – Animals With Eyepatches 142:

The Eyepatches certainly deserved a better fate than a loss in this one. After a monster showing in the 1 o clock games I thought the Eyepatches were on their way to another victory. Even heading into Monday night they looked to be in decent shape. But that all changed when rookie white guy Chris Gronkowski missed a block and got Tony Romo killed. The Eyepatches were still holding onto the lead until late in the Monday night game when Jason Witten was just too much. Great comeback by Sam in this one to get an important win in the division. The Evens division looks extremely tough this year, and this win was huge to keep Jimish from running away with it. Despite the loss I still think the Eyepatches look like the team to beat. This was the 4^th time in 7 weeks they have broken the 140 point mark, and this team will be a serious contender all season long. Losing Romo for awhile could hurt, but Jimish always seems to find a way to right the ship.

Tequila Party Gnomes 155 – The King’s Crusaders 143:

Both 5-1 teams put up 140+ in week 7 and both lost. 8 of the 10 teams are now within 2 games of each other with only 6 weeks to play, and this race could not be any tighter. TPG absolutely exploded in week 7, and I was being cursed out for offering advice to use Patrick Crayton. Thankfully he did enough to get the win. If TPG had used Kenny Britt’s monster game, this could have been a record setting week. With the right lineup combination TPG could have maxed out at 207 points. The King made a valiant effort to come back and try and win this one but it was just not enough. Darren McFadden could have been the difference in this one. I think both of these teams are for real as TPG looks to have very solid depth and balance. Tough loss for the King, but you have already won 3 games when scoring less than 105. Nobody else has won more than 1 scoring that low. Welcome back to the race.

The Dreaded Injury Bug – Super Blog

First I just wanted to apologize for not having a recap last week and for this being so late this week. Been really busy at work lately, but I want you all to know that my commitment to the EFFL and defeating league clowns Fusco and Gambino is 100% there. I am always taking applications for guest bloggers. But to make up for it, this will be a longer than usual blog with lots of excitement. I truly cannot remember a year where there has been such animosity between teams. To quote TPG, my phone is literally smoldering each Sunday with hatred and smack talk. One day we will have the technology to convert these text messages into message board format, but until then trust me it has been outstanding.

Some highlights from week 5 include the first time I’ve ever heard Woody curse in my life. Following a 2^nd Percy Harvin TD to defeat Jimish on Monday night, I received a text saying “that’s how you get shit done”. While disgusted, I could not agree more. Also, classic hubris from Fusco as he indicated to me that he likes when I pick against TITTY because he always wins. Sadly, a meaningless Favre pick and Jets defensive TD with a minute to go on Monday night won the game for Nick. Here’s how things played out in week 6:

Tequila Party Gnomes 111 – Maybe This Time 101:

This has to have been one of the most uneventful fantasy games in recent memory. Although viewing the Sunday games with TPG for the first time in a long time, he seemed distant and disinterested in anything related to fantasy. Focus was simply on gambling and trying to out-boss everyone in the place with his Lions ballcap. I must say this: if you ever get the chance you should go to Delaware Park to watch the gambling degenerate fools. The bigger the hit, the better. Legal, illegal, doesn’t matter. If players are injured, dancing or blazed on the field, this crowd loves it. One player combined on these two teams put up over 18 points. Total snooze fest, but TPG definitely needed the win to get back into contention.

Here is my annual rant on Sam, and this is entirely on the shoulders of the schedule maker. In the past 20 regular season games, opposing teams have scored more than 115 against Sam a total of 3 times. THREE! The Pylons and TITTY have allowed more than 115 4 times each already this season! This luck is unheard of in fantasy football. Or at least I’ve never heard of it. This is not a knock on her team, but damn what did she do to deserve this? She’s played one of the top 4 scoring teams of the week only 4 times. Wow. I’ll let that sink in while Fusco cries about how he’s allowed 140 4 times this season. Poor guy hasn’t even played the Pylons yet.

The King’s Crusaders 139 – Tweeting In The Trenches 105:

Said TITTY took it hard on the chin this week. Any time your opponent has 100 points by 3 PM you know you’re in trouble. This was a week where the Schaub-Andre Johnson combo just wreaked havoc. Also, finally a Greggy Jennings sighting after going missing through the first 5 weeks of the season. The King has been pretty hit or miss this season so far. When Andre Johnson has a big week, so does this team. Also having your opponents score an average of 94 per game the past 3 weeks is the cure for everything. I think Fusco is in some trouble here, now losers in 4 of 5. I’m just staring at his roster and this team doesn’t scare me at all. But I don’t think it’s all his fault. Teams have either put up 140+ on him (0-4) or scored less than 95 (2-0). This is indicates to me that he looks like a middle of the pack team at best and losing Addai and Dallas Clark certainly doesn’t help matters whatsoever. Woody is now 5-0 against the 2 2009 expansion teams. Guys, he’s really not that intimidating.

Animals With Eyepatches 158 – Dueling Pylons 114:

Sure the Pylons are 2^nd in points scored and 2^nd in the breakdown. Sure they have as of today the #1 QB, RB, WR, TE and #3 RB. And sure, Jimish is just the latest to unleash fury on the Pylons with a ridiculous league high this season of 158 points. Dwayne Bowe and Brandon Marshall were absolutely relentless during the 1 o clock games. There is a pending league investigation into Bowe’s illegal use of stick um after a TD celebration went horribly wrong. What was initially intended to be a spike of the ball clearly showed Bowe with the ball stuck to his gloves ala Orlando Jones in The Replacements. Bottom line, if 3 of your players are forced to leave the game due to injury, you’re not going to win regardless. Week 6 was an absolute mess for the Pylons as this team will now be forced to use many reserves for the next couple weeks. Jimish’s team is absolutely on fire, and I know that I’m scared of him. Most points scored and fewest points allowed is the ultimate recipe for success, and the Eyepatches look very good thus far.

Stanky Monkeys 116 – The Stone Masons 100:

PLEASE USE DERRICK MASON. PLEASE. The entire league has been Jonesing for him since August 27^th and we’ve yet to see him make an appearance. Also, starting a kicker on a bye is the ultimate statement, especially when that kicker is Mike Nugent. I know it is difficult to remove him from your lineup, but this cannot be the optimal strategy. These teams have now faced each other a total of 11 times, and one or more teams has scored 100 or less in each of those 11 meetings. I find that absolutely remarkable. Lou is dead last in scoring yet sits at a somewhat respectable 2-3-1. This 116 was his high for the season. Every other team’s high is 134+. That is unbelievably bad. To make matters worse, in between weeks I have to listen to offers of “oh I’ll give you an injured guy and Wes Welker for Manning, and while I’m at it, throw in the #1 RB for Wayne also”. Get out of here. If this team makes the playoffs… just wow. With the Pylons or TITTY’s schedule, the Monkeys would be 1-5 and a bottom feeder in this league. In the Monkeys past 10 games dating back to last year and including the playoffs, they have averaged barely over 96 points per game. If by some off chance I were to be considered a hater, this is the team I would hate on the most.

Johnson’s Farm 100 – Coach Janky Spanky 99:

Obviously for good reason this game was saved until the end. This was about as disgusting as it gets in fantasy football, and I know if I was EEB I would be sick about it. To make matters even worse, Nick won in exactly the same fashion he won the prior week with a meaningless garbage TD at the end of the Monday night game that should have never happened. If not for greed, this team would be near the bottom of the standings as well. The Farm’s past 4 games have been decided by a combined 7 points, which is absolutely absurd. In addition, all 4 of these games came down to the final seconds of the Monday night game. Behind the scenes, Gambino’s favorite people at ESPN were orchestrating something that would crush hearts around the world.

With a little over two minutes remaining in the game, ESPN approached both Jeff Fisher and Jack Del Rio to notify them that they were hoping for some more TV timeouts. While Fisher scoffed at calling unnecessary timeouts, Del Rio jumped at this opportunity to suck at the teet that is the worst sports network in the world. Fisher wanted to take a knee to end the game, but Del Rio was having none of it. So instead of the game ending peacefully the Titans were given more opportunities to run the ball, and wouldn’t you know it on a 4^th down play Chris Johnson rips off a 35 yard TD run and giving the Farm a 1 point victory.

EEB was sent into an absolute frenzy as he started to shake violently and curse out his fiancée. While she reminded him that he was doing better in his 14 other leagues with random internet phenoms, nothing could console him in his EFFL misery. This has to be one of the absolute most painful defeats I have ever seen in my life. To make matters worse, the next day I received a phone call that was nothing but a 10 minute rant on how fantasy football ruins lives and how he will never be the same or as innocent as he was before that sexual abuse. I’m sorry man. I know Nick wishes it was me or Lou that it happened to, but sometimes you just gotta take it and move on. You may get revenge when you guys meet up again in the final week of the season.

**** Week 7 Preview ****

The Stone Masons (2-4) v. Dueling Pylons (3-3):

Although these are my two favorite teams in the league, they do not win the game of the week award simply because there is just not enough beef between them. Heading into their last meeting, the Pylons had owned the Masons and defeated them in an EFFL record 8 straight games. Now these two teams sit at a crossroads. Each sits right in the thick of the wild card realm, yet each is dealing with their own problems. The bye weeks have caused all kinds of problems for each, and now each must show that they can use their reserves to get a win. This is such an important game, and a Masons win would really open things up for the rest of the league. This very well may come down to Felix Jones on Monday night against the Giants, but I think the Broncos passing game goes off this week against a Raiders secondary who was abused two weeks ago by the Pylons receivers. I’m looking for the Masons to take this one and get back into league contention after a slow start.

The King’s Crusaders (5-1) v. Tequila Party Gnomes (2-4):

After an impressive showing last week, the King has moved well ahead in the Odds division. I don’t know how he does it every year. 3 of his 5 wins have come when he scored fewer than 105 points. Any time I score less than 105 I get blown the fuck out. The last 7 times these teams have met, the King has averaged 140 points. Matt must be excited to see Andre Johnson on the bye this week. I really don’t know how I feel about this King squad. I think reputation alone is making a huge impact, but I’m really not all that impressed with the roster. Personally I think trading McFadden was a bad move. After all the love over the years for him, to let him go for a backup QB and Giants Steve Smith seems foolish to me. Nicks clearly is the guy in New York now, and Smith is nothing that special. These teams combined have 5 players going Sunday and Monday night so this will certainly be one to watch towards the end of the week. I think the Flacco-Boldin combo explodes this week and TPG takes this one. Represent the evens division well. After this week the King only has one out of division game left, so this is critical to create some distance if the divisional matchups go poorly.

Animals With Eyepatches (5-1) v. Maybe This Time (4-2):

These teams met 3 weeks ago when each was 3-0 and Jimish came out ahead in a battle that didn’t appear to be of 2 unbeatens. Sam is the only team that has scored 100+ in every single week thus far, so congratulations. I think this again will be a tight game, but the Eyepatches just look so strong right now. This game very well may come down to Monday night with Bradshaw and Witten going against Romo. 4 of the past 5 games between these two have been decided for 5 points or less and I expect nothing different this time around. The Eyepatches could be hurt, however, if the EFFL commissioner does decide to suspend Bowe for his illegal action last week. Maybe Brandon Marshall again this week can get every pass thrown his way and have 25 points before halftime. Maybe all of your players shouldn’t play at 1 o clock torturing the other team mercilessly for hours. Maybe Ryan Torain shouldn’t look like a coked out version of Ricky Williams in his picture. None of these things are going to happen this week, and the Eyepatches are going to continue to mow through this league at a record pace. And by mow I mean scoring 107 points since you’re playing Sam. PS Happy Birthday Jimish.

Stanky Monkeys (2-3-1) v. Johnson’s Farm (3-2-1):

I know this game may have appeared to be the game of the week, but it’s not. Nothing either team has done deserves any sort of special mention whatsoever. Both of these teams suck, and have been given far too many chances thus far. They met 4 weeks ago when a controversial scoring change left the first meeting in a tie. There is a lot of bad blood and this is a matchup where each team wants to win desperately. But, it may only take 90 points to win this one. This is actually a very important game for both teams, because if they end up tied in the standings, the winner of this game will have the tiebreaker over the other. And since the likelihood of there being another tie in the league is pretty small, we really could be talking about the last team in and last team out of the playoffs. Nick once again has a player going Monday night in Miles Austin. If this comes down to the end again I think we may lose an EFFL member due to stress. I’m picking the Monkeys just cause. Why not?

**** Game of the Week ****

Coach Janky Spanky (1-5) v. Tweeting In The Trenches (2-4):

Although this matchup features two teams at the bottom of the standings, this game is here for one reason and one reason only. Both of these teams suffered heartbreaking Monday night defeats at the hands of the Philly Moron. Each team is reeling right now, and neither can afford to slip any further than they already have. If EEB falls to 1-6 he will almost certainly be out of the playoffs. Likewise, Fusco can ill afford to have anyone below him pass him in the standings. Over the past 2 weeks these teams have scored the exact same number of points. Over the past 4 weeks these teams also have scored the exact same number of points. Even worse, a Fusco loss could put him below Sam for worst all time EFFL winning percentage. Other than playing each other, the only win either has gotten was by beating Lou. Precisely why I am a huge hater. I really think this will be the best game of the week and I guarantee the loser ends up in tears. Yet again EEB will have to wait to see what happens Monday night, and I think it’s going to be another week of misery, leaving EEB questioning his purpose in life yet again. I like TITTY to win this one and put some heat on the other playoff contenders.

Well that finally wraps up this massive document. I’ve hit the middle of page 5 in Word and this has set the record for longest blog ever. Hope you enjoyed it. Good luck this week.

Business As Usual

We are roughly a third of the way through the 2010 EFFL season, and the league is totally wide open. An interesting fact: In week 4, teams combined to score 1058 points, or an average of 105.8. This is the lowest total scored in the league since we expanded to 10 teams. 5 teams are currently within a game of each other for the final two spots. Every game is so critical. As indicated in last week’s recap, Week 4 brings about a great opportunity in the league. It’s a virtual “knockdown” week with 1^st place playing 2^nd, 3^rdth, 5^th playing 6^th. playing 4 All this is going to do is jumble the middle of the standings even more. Teams that have started off well are not safe, and teams that have started off poorly aren’t out of it by any means. Let’s get into what down in Week 4 before I go on a rant with wild week 5 predictions. I must say it is not nearly as fun writing these not hungover.

**** Week 4 Recap ****

Tequila Party Gnomes 121 – Coach Janky Spanky 108:

One of these teams finally has their first win, and I am much happier it is TPG than EEB. The Gnomes really caught their stride in the 4 o clock games with huge efforts from MJD and EEB prodigy Zach Miller. The dynamic backfield duo of John Kuhn and Justin Forsett was not enough to get Janky Spanky out of the hole. The running back situation is a total mess, and with Cutler putting up negative points, this team really had no shot to claim the win. FACT: No team that has started 0-4 has ever made the playoffs in the EFFL. It’s an enormous hole to climb out of. Kudos to TPG for stepping on a team when they are down and doing what is necessary to win. Matt is the 2^nd highest scoring team over the last two weeks so this definitely looks to me to be a team on the rise. It appears this team will be on the shoulders of Joe Flacco for the long haul.

The King’s Crusaders 81 – Johnson’s Farm 77:

Barf. The last time a team won in the EFFL with 81 points or fewer was all the way back in the 2007 playoffs when again the King took down Lou in the semifinals 78-75. Far too many teams this season have had strong showings and come up empty for this to happen. If you remove your kicker and defense and you score only 55 points you should be absolutely embarrassed and be part of a public league shaming. Maybe something like this. I knew Nick was a lightweight, but it has become clear who the league needs to keep feeding alcohol at subsequent drafts. It has given everyone a leg up. This team has gone from bad to worse. The King? One impressive week, one terrible week, and two decent weeks. If this team can get healthy, they could be dangerous down the stretch.

Dueling Pylons 120 – Stanky Monkeys 112:

After 4 years of waiting, the Pylons have finally taken down the Stanky Monkeys. This ends the league’s longest winning streak by one team over another. If not for a Vick injury the result may have been different, however DeSean Jackson was mostly ineffective the entire game. For the second straight week, a Manning to Collie 4^th quarter TD was the difference between a win and a loss for the Pylons. The Pylons have been cruising the past 3 weeks, however only one win has come easily. Over the past 2 weeks the Pylons have allowed the 2^nd most points in the league. These teams have had a huge reversal of fortunes. It was just a week ago that Lou had 2 of the top 3 QBs in the league. One trade and one injury later and you’re left starting David Garrard. Tough break. After this game the Monkeys declared that the Pylons are the best team he has ever seen at any point in the EFFL. Shocking to hear, but surely this will inflate the Pylons ego.

The Stone Masons 144 – Tweeting in the Trenches 90:

The Masons still have not scored between 79 and 144 in a game. This team is completely like night and day. It does appear that the Broncos receivers could be here to stay, and it was just 2 seasons ago that Eddie Royal was a vital part of the team’s success. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to see this team rip off a couple wins in a row and get right back into the hunt. TITTY has so many boom or bust players that this team is a constant threat, but at this point they look like a borderline playoff team at best. Fusco is holding onto his players like grim death, and refuses to admit players that are busts. If he had the same team 2-3 years ago his team would be amazing, but this is not the past. Classic moves of an old timer. He may be balding quicker than we all had believed.

Animals With Eyepatches 105 – Maybe This Time 100:

This game did not live up to its billing as game of the week, but after 4 weeks Jimish has the only undefeated team remaining. Likewise, no team that has started 4-0 has ever missed the playoffs. This is a great sign for Jimish who has already matched his entire win total from last season. Sam could be in some trouble despite sitting at 3-1. Losing Steve Smith to injury and having to face the bye weeks may be difficult, but I think this is a talented team that can get some wins when needed. I definitely think this is a better team than last year. The Eyepatches are going to be a threat all season long and should be in for very few down weeks. Congratulations on still being undefeated Jimbo.

**** Week 5 Preview ****

Coach Janky Spanky (0-4) v. Stanky Monkeys (1-2-1):

These are the two lowest scoring teams in the league. Last week each team set season highs for points scored, but neither team has broken 112 points in any week this season. Pathetic. Lou has to have the least intimidating team I’ve seen in awhile. EEB’s is not much better but at least he has some breakout potential. Last year these teams met twice and in both of them neither team broke the 100 point mark. This includes a 95-78 Stanky Monkeys playoff victory. Yes, dating back to last year Janky Spanky has scored 461 points in his last 5 games (92 per game). First to 100 wins? EEB also traded away his highest scoring player this week, so I think that does not bode well for his chances. I’m picking the Monkeys.

Dueling Pylons (3-1) v. Maybe This Time (3-1):

How do you get out of an 0-4 hole? Trade aforementioned highest scoring player to league juggernaut. The Pylons now have the #1 scoring QB, RB, WR, and TE as well as the #2 scoring RB. That means absolutely nothing for this week’s game. Maybe This Time is certainly no slouch either as both of these teams have been in the top 3 in scoring virtually all season. The last time these teams met was quite the battle. After facing weak opponents all season and being ripped in the blog for it, Sam needed a victory in the final week to secure a bye. The playing for nothing Pylons dropped 150 and prevented that from happening and certainly cost Sam some money. I look for her players to exact some revenge this time out, and despite being projected for almost 180 points this week, I think the Pylons come up short in this one. Having to root against Adrian Peterson on a Monday night game is like torture.

Tweeting in the Trenches (2-2) v. Johnson’s Farm (1-2-1):

Ugh. And before we go any further, yes every Johnson’s Farm review must begin with a one word sentence expressing my disdain for this team. And that new poll on the league homepage? I’m the one who voted for you. Yes, I said it. Lifetime the Farm is under .500, yet this team has never missed the playoffs. It absolutely baffles me. TITTY meanwhile sits at 2-2, and this is an absolutely critical game to have early in the season. A loss will have Fusco right in the huge mix of teams in the middle, but a victory here could solidify this team as a legit contender. I just don’t see it happening. I think after a monster week from TO and Nicks last week they fall short, as well as Moss on Revis Island. Nothing about either roster really impresses me or strikes me as dangerous, as these are two of the bottom three scoring teams in the last 3 weeks. I’m picking the Farm. It pains me.

The King’s Crusaders (3-1) v. Animals With Eyepatches (4-0):

This is a game that I’m very interested to see. After looking very strong through 3 weeks, each of these teams fell a little short last week in the points scored column. Luckily it didn’t matter for either team. This week I think things could get a little rough for the Eyepatches. Having Delicious Mendenhall and BMarsh on a bye is definitely going to hurt, as well as a still injured Moreno. All but 4 players combined are playing at 1 o clock on Sunday, so this will most certainly be a tense 3 hours of football. These teams always have high scoring games and despite the handicaps each team is facing, I expect more of the same. I think CJ Spiller absolutely explodes this week and shows why he was a top 10 draft pick. If I know one thing about football, it’s that you must put your faith in the Bills. They never steer you wrong. I couldn’t have possibly imagined Jimish being 5-0 to start the season, but I’m picking him here. I don’t see any of Chris’ players putting up a monster week, and I think that’s what it’s going to take to win this one.

**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****

Tequila Party Gnomes (1-3) v. The Stone Masons (1-3):

Interesting fact. 5 of 10 teams have broken the 120 point mark twice this season. Those 5 teams are all members of the evens division, and that includes these two teams. Over the past two weeks the top 5 scoring teams also are all members of the evens division. This game earns game of the week status because neither of these teams can really afford to fall any further in the standings than they are. Each got a critical win last week to get out of an 0-3 hole, but there is still work to be done. There is not much history between these teams as they have only met a total of 7 times in 5 previous EFFL seasons. These meetings however have been extremely, extremely close. Here are the margins of victory in the history of this series: 6, 25, 4, 3, 6, 11, 4. This game could come down to Monday night, and I’m sure TPG will be on edge for the entire excruciating performance from Jon Gruden. I think the Gnomes running backs will be too much in this game against 2 lousy run defenses.

Well that wraps up another 2,000 word essay. I think after this week we will see a lot of teams grouped together right at the edge of the playoffs. It’s certainly going to be exciting and good luck to everyone.

G Status

Week 3 in the Books

We’ve made it through our third week of the 2010 EFFL season, and I must say the results thus far have been quite interesting. The only two remaining unbeatens are two teams who usually do not make much noise around the league. Hats off to Sam and Jimish for putting together impressive showings thus far. There were a few extremely painful losses this week, and it will be interesting to see how the teams rebound. The good news for the teams near the bottom of the standings is that in the next 2 weeks the teams at the top will most likely beat each other up. These are critical games for teams looking to avoid being in the cellar all season as well as teams looking to really make a statement in the league. Here’s what went down in Week 3.

Tweeting In The Trenches 112 – Coach Janky Spanky 94:

This EEB team is sputtering and I can only attribute it at this point to one thing. Classic hubris. Always ready with his picks at the draft and scoffing at how this or that guy could still be available, things have come full circle on Janky Spanky. This team is just not scoring at all. Last in points scored, last in the breakdown, and last in wins. Oh and just in case nobody was enjoying this enough, EEB is also 0-3 in his other semi-competitive league. Antonio Gates is the lone bright spot on this dismal team. Just wait until the Cutler turnovers. I can’t tell what’s going on with TITTY at this point. I think this team has a lot of potential and could be very dangerous down the line. He has the right kind of players for a hot streak. A 2-1 start certainly doesn’t hurt.

Animals With Eyepatches 150 – The Stone Masons 79:

For teams struggling and frustrated (see TPG below) with other teams scoring I offer the same advice as always. If you score the most points nobody can beat you. It also goes in reverse. If you score the least amount of points you’re not going to beat anybody. 2 of 3 weeks the Masons have been the lowest scoring team and in the other one they deserved to win. Talk about feast or famine, the Masons have not scored between 79 and 144 through 3 weeks. At the same time allowing 150 in back to back weeks makes that pretty irrelevant. The Eyepatches, I must say, have been very very impressive thus far. It has been awhile since it has been said that they were a feared team in the EFFL but that time has returned yet again. This is the first time since 2005 that Jimish has started off 3-0, and this team is clearly a contender and a favorite at this point.

Maybe This Time 146 – The King’s Crusaders 114:

I was very pleased to see this score. The King had not lost since Week 12 of last year and it was nice to see him come up a little short. Currently 3^rd in both points scored and the breakdown, Chris looks to be a pretty solid team thus far. The receiving corps looks a little sketchy but hitting on Matt Forte and McFadden has proved to be huge. If those guys can continue to play well, this will certainly be a playoff team. Each week Sam has gotten better and put up more points. I knew Peterson was going to have a monster day. I’m thinking about giving him an additional 2 points for each death stare he gives Brad Childress during the game. To be 3-0 with virtually no production from her receivers is pretty good.

Johnson’s Farm 106 – Stanky Monkeys 106:

Let’s just start with the obvious. The Stanky Monkeys left 148 points on the bench. That’s right… 148!!! This was quite a controversial game with the Monkeys getting a scoring adjustment to get the tie. This was purely managerial failure at its finest. In both Farm non-losses, the opposing team has left 125+ points on the bench. This team could also very easily be 0-3. The Farm fell again into its standard 106-116 scoring week. A tie certainly will shake up the standings, and there always seems to be 1 every year. I would not be surprised to see both of these teams battling to make the playoffs all season.

Dueling Pylons 143 – Tequila Party Gnomes 134:

While this game was not as close as the one above, this game earns the final review for being one of the biggest comeback victories in EFFL history. After the 1 PM games were completed the score in this game was TPG 91 – Pylons 48. At about 4:30 PM Steven Jackson and Zach Miller had both scored TDs and the Pylons were begging for mercy. I don’t know at exactly what point it happened, or what it was, but somehow the Gnomes angered the fantasy gods in ways I have never seen before. It was a nonstop assault of Vick to Jackson, Manning to Collie, and when the dust had settled the 3 remaining Pylons players had put up a whopping 95 points. No lead is ever safe, especially around white guys. I felt sick over this for a day, but after seeing Jay Cutler almost ruin my lead against the Packers D I’ve gotten over it. It’s fantasy. Shit happens. It’s good to be back.

**** Week 4 Preview ****

Coach Janky Spanky (0-3) v. Tequila Party Gnomes (0-3):

We know that at least one of these teams will still not have an EFFL win through Week 4. We also know that after this week EEB will still be in last place in the odds division. Last year these teams split their two meetings, but the fact that this is the only time they play this year makes this game that much more important. If fighting for a playoff spot at the end of the regular season, it would be very advantageous to have a tiebreaker over the other team. Thus far TPG has shown flashes of being a solid squad and easily could have had a victory last week. EEB meanwhile has shown pretty much nothing through 3 weeks, and looking at the projected starters this week I don’t expect that to change much. I think the Gnomes get their first win and avoid the league cellar.

Tweeting in the Trenches (2-1) v. The Stone Masons (0-3):

The Masons need a win, and they need it bad. These teams have been complete opposites each of the three weeks, but I think this is a game that is gonna come down to the wire. TITTY will most likely have a couple players still going Sunday and Monday night so it will be vital for the Masons to establish a big lead early. BG took both meetings between these two last year, but I think Fusco takes this one. This will definitely be one of the best matchups in the league in Week 4.

Dueling Pylons (2-1) v. Stanky Monkeys (1-1-1):

The Pylons have not beaten the Stanky Monkeys in 7 consecutive tries dating back to 2006. This is the longest such streak between any 2 teams in the league. This disgusts me. The Pylons have also outscored the Monkeys in each of the 3 weeks, and overall have scored almost 100 more points on the season. Before lineup adjustments ESPN also currently projects the Pylons as 61 point favorites. Something is not right here. The Monkeys bench exploded last week, and in the past 6 meetings between the 2, Lou has averaged 135 points. It really may take 150 to win. Having to fend off Welker as he catches 2 yard passes on Monday night may be tough, but I think the Pylons are just too strong and are rolling right now. Look for another monster game and the 7 game streak to end.

Johnson’s Farm (1-1-1) v. The King’s Crusaders (2-1):

This is most certainly one of my favorite all time rivalries in the EFFL. While it tends to fly a little under the radar, there is so much bad blood built up between these two teams. Four years ago it was 3 Bears defensive TDs on Monday night. Last year it was a missed Nate Kaeding field goal with a minute to go on Monday night. These teams have had some great games over the past couple years and I expect nothing less this week. And of course what would this matchup be without a little Monday night flare. I don’t think any team has been involved in as much Monday night drama as the Farm, and this week it will be Tom Brady looking to salvage a victory for Nick. I think Chris Johnson goes off this week and steals this win for the Farm.

**** Game of the Week ****

Animals With Eyepatches (3-0) v. Maybe This Time (3-0):

As much as it pains me to put this game in this section, this is definitely the premier matchup in the EFFL this week. Barring another tie, one of Sam or Jimish will be 4-0 to start the season. I find this incredible. There is not much history between these two as in five seasons they have only met a total of 6 times. Only once has either team broken 120 points. However, in 3 of their last 4 meetings the game has been decided by 5 points or less. Having Peterson on a bye is certainly going to hurt here, and against a team that has been as dominant as the Eyepatches, you need your full roster. I can’t pick against Jimish until there is any indication that his team is going to let up. Brandon Marshall Monday night should just be icing on the cake.

Week 4 is definitely going to set some teams up for a strong run as well as put some teams in a bigger hole. The middle of the standings are gonna get a lot closer, and I’m looking forward to this week. Hopefully there is less drama this week, but let’s make it a good one.